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Original poster

What attracts men to come on mumsnet?

183 replies

BlueStarOnGrey · 21/04/2022 00:07

There seems to be a certain type of man that comes on here, usually sulking because their partner has done something wrong or won't have sex on demand.

Why Mumsnet? It seems a really strange place to post.

OP posts:
Hawkins001 · 21/04/2022 20:24

WeDontShutUpAboutBruno · 21/04/2022 20:05

Thats not the same reasoning at all.

I didn't see that particular thread so I have no idea what happened on there, but conversation on here has always been the same, the thread starts as one thing and ends up as something else entirely. It's been like that for the decade or so I've been on here.

Show quote history

The one I went on, originally to read the ops question as it seemed intriguing as I only view threads that are in active category, so I have no original idea as to which board the post would originally be apart of. Then some posters were contributing and some just wanted to swear, my intention was asking why they felt the need to just swear rather than debate, that was all, my intention was, then a couple of posters did explain about the swearing aspects of mumsnet. Which yes reeducated me on it, but it does seem counter productive to the thread as whole.

WeDontShutUpAboutBruno · 21/04/2022 20:26

The one I went on, originally to read the ops question as it seemed intriguing as I only view threads that are in active category, so I have no original idea as to which board the post would originally be apart of. Then some posters were contributing and some just wanted to swear, my intention was asking why they felt the need to just swear rather than debate, that was all, my intention was, then a couple of posters did explain about the swearing aspects of mumsnet. Which yes reeducated me on it, but it does seem counter productive to the thread as whole.

It seemed counter productive to you because you thought they were due you and education. They aren't.

Hawkins001 · 21/04/2022 20:29

WeDontShutUpAboutBruno · 21/04/2022 20:26

The one I went on, originally to read the ops question as it seemed intriguing as I only view threads that are in active category, so I have no original idea as to which board the post would originally be apart of. Then some posters were contributing and some just wanted to swear, my intention was asking why they felt the need to just swear rather than debate, that was all, my intention was, then a couple of posters did explain about the swearing aspects of mumsnet. Which yes reeducated me on it, but it does seem counter productive to the thread as whole.

It seemed counter productive to you because you thought they were due you and education. They aren't.

Yes I wanted to learn, and I presume other posters do to, so at the time I thought to learn, I'd ask why the swearing if they could not engage with the ops question ? As it just derails the thread and is unproductive

Hawkins001 · 21/04/2022 20:35

So why then is it a bad thing to ask why a poster prefers to not engage with the thread if they are just swearing ?

WeDontShutUpAboutBruno · 21/04/2022 20:38

Hawkins001 · 21/04/2022 20:29

Yes I wanted to learn, and I presume other posters do to, so at the time I thought to learn, I'd ask why the swearing if they could not engage with the ops question ? As it just derails the thread and is unproductive

Show quote history

That is exactly the behaviour some of us on this thread are talking about, women having a discussion, then a man comes along, 'calls them out', and tries to divert their conversation to something that will benefit him, because he wants a free education from the women on that board.

Its so entitled.

YankeeDad · 21/04/2022 20:45

I initially joined the site to look for parenting advice and tips.

I ended up staying on the site, and sometimes posting, for 4 main reasons.

  1. sometimes I think I can give useful responses to requests for advice in areas where I have professional expertise;

  2. I have a teenage daughter and find it useful, although also worrying, to learn about the myriad of ways in which girls and young women can get belittled, harrassed or subjected to violence, and I want to be there both to help her stay safe and also to support her appropriately if, god forbid, someone does something bad to her;

  3. The site helps me to be more generally aware of things men often do that make women uncomfortable, and that awareness helps me, I hope, to behave in ways that make women feel safer.

  4. this site has made me aware of some the more appalling demands of the Trans Privilege Lobby and the ways in which their enactment is threatening women’s safety, privacy and dignity, and is reducing fairness in areas such as sport. So as a direct result of Mumsnet I’ve instigated numerous conversations IRL on the GC side of the debate, and I have made donations to various initiatives in support of sex-based rights and safe spaces.

To those who think Mumsnet itself should be a female -only safe space, I’m sorry to cause offense by being here, and actually I’m pretty sad if that’s the main effect of my presence on others here. But, I’m not planning to go away unless the site moderators ask all males to leave the site.

Hawkins001 · 21/04/2022 20:48

WeDontShutUpAboutBruno · 21/04/2022 20:38

That is exactly the behaviour some of us on this thread are talking about, women having a discussion, then a man comes along, 'calls them out', and tries to divert their conversation to something that will benefit him, because he wants a free education from the women on that board.

Its so entitled.

Show quote history

I respect your perspectives and points it's been a good debate, I'm happy for others to critique my perspectives on why asking certain posters why they swear, I only went on the thread to learn about what the op was asking, did not realise what board the thread originally belonged to, but after seeing many university debates at Oxford, it puzzled me why some posters wanted to just swear on the thread, and yes some posters did reeducate me on the issue and I appreciate that. Mumsnet is a great place to learn about many various topics and perspectives, without everyone , it would not be the mumsnet we know and love.

NippyWoowoo · 21/04/2022 21:12

@AHungryCaterpillar

Why do women without children (by choice) post on here? But we are not suppose to ask that, makes more sense a father posting on a parenting site than someone childfree 🤷‍♀️
Yes, silly childless me using this site, I forgot that not being a mother meant I can't make my way through all of the parking threads...
CorsicaDreaming · 21/04/2022 21:20

@1000yellowdaisies

I automatically stop reading when i see a post starting with 'man here'

I dont like that there are men on here.... its mumsnet, the clue is in the name. There are forums for men so i don't see why they have to mooch on here.
It quite often feels like when men comment and advertise that its a man commenting they are doing so for attention... its irritating

...

I see it differently- that they are being honest about saying upfront they are a man - as it's generally a woman's site - so they aren't being deceptive by just posting hiding behind a user name, and other posters then assuming they are another woman.

CorsicaDreaming · 21/04/2022 21:59

... but if it's an issue such as parking, dogs, politics, Covid, etc. does it really matter what sex people are anyway?

Littlebylittlelittle · 21/04/2022 22:23

@Hawkins001
considering challenging and breaking down the censorship of womens speech and a long history being told to ‘act ladylike ‘ is a huge part of feminist discourse , I would consider you trying to monitor the way a woman epresses herself in a feminist thread as highly inappropriate
if what you say about wanting to learn about feminist viewpoints is true then if assume your have read plenty of books or articles where you just get to listen and take in what women are saying without monitoring their language ?

Hawkins001 · 21/04/2022 22:32

Littlebylittlelittle · 21/04/2022 22:23

@Hawkins001
considering challenging and breaking down the censorship of womens speech and a long history being told to ‘act ladylike ‘ is a huge part of feminist discourse , I would consider you trying to monitor the way a woman epresses herself in a feminist thread as highly inappropriate
if what you say about wanting to learn about feminist viewpoints is true then if assume your have read plenty of books or articles where you just get to listen and take in what women are saying without monitoring their language ?

I'm all for free speech, but when it's the context of op asks the question and people respond with swearing , then why post, ? That's all my original point was, which is why to learn I thought I'd ask some posters why they choose to swear, their was never any intention to censor their views, if anything I was asking them why they wanted to swear rather than engage with the thread. I'm all for expression and everyone has their view but on mumsnet it seemed more like the swearing did not add any thing to the thread with no useful answer to the ops question, hence why I just asked the poster why ?

So to all, why is asking a person why such a bad thing ?

WeDontShutUpAboutBruno · 22/04/2022 09:03

@Hawkins001 women aren't due you an explanation, nor an education.

You never said you asked, you said you called them out.

You have no right to call them out because you feel as though you were entitled to knowledge or opinions from them.

Littlebylittlelittle · 22/04/2022 09:45

Hawkins001 · 21/04/2022 22:32

I'm all for free speech, but when it's the context of op asks the question and people respond with swearing , then why post, ? That's all my original point was, which is why to learn I thought I'd ask some posters why they choose to swear, their was never any intention to censor their views, if anything I was asking them why they wanted to swear rather than engage with the thread. I'm all for expression and everyone has their view but on mumsnet it seemed more like the swearing did not add any thing to the thread with no useful answer to the ops question, hence why I just asked the poster why ?

So to all, why is asking a person why such a bad thing ?

Show quote history

No that’s true you may not have questioned their views , you questioned their right to express their view however they like , swearing included
what gives you the right to tell a friend adult that they shouldn’t swear or question the words they choose to use
They are grown adults who can express their views using whatever language they like . If you can’t cope with swear words perhaps get some counselling or stick to sites that monitor language :)

Littlebylittlelittle · 22/04/2022 09:45

WeDontShutUpAboutBruno · 22/04/2022 09:03

@Hawkins001 women aren't due you an explanation, nor an education.

You never said you asked, you said you called them out.

You have no right to call them out because you feel as though you were entitled to knowledge or opinions from them.

and this x 100

decentchap · 22/04/2022 09:50

I cam on here to accept advice on a couple of topics and give advice on e.g. building work where I had a specialism. Therefore nothing to do with sex or gender or race but it is quite obvious Mumsnet women contributors on the whole dont like men and seem to want to be intimidatory on many topics. If I get fed up, I'll leave. Havent posted for ages previously so not compulsive and have found many women wiling to share their all so dont need to avoid them (generally). I must say the name tags on here are quite inventive whereas mine (I hope) describes who I am to sillygorgonteapot.

vdbfamily · 22/04/2022 09:59

I agree that starting with"man here" is more often to avoid being advised of deception at later point of thread, than trying to draw attention to self. I think it can be useful to read a man's perspective on things. I think men are quite brave to contribute !

decentchap · 22/04/2022 10:04

vdbfamily · 22/04/2022 09:59

I agree that starting with"man here" is more often to avoid being advised of deception at later point of thread, than trying to draw attention to self. I think it can be useful to read a man's perspective on things. I think men are quite brave to contribute !

Just like to say thank you - good to meet someone who fits my 'charm' scan.
I used my name to avoid suggestions of deception but it does attract sillygorgonteapot now and again.

TheOGCCL · 22/04/2022 10:19

I always think Mumsnet is a bit of a odd, outdated, and basic (in a bad way) name, both because parenting doesn’t always involve a mum and because imo about 50% of the content from what colour to paint my kitchen to please give me some advice on caring for my elderly parent are not connected to being a mum. Even the net bit feels retro. It also reinforces the idea women will always be the primary caregiver and take lead responsibility for raising children which is very unhelpful in the modern world. I wasn’t around in the early days but it’s clearly evolved into something much bigger. Not sure what you would call it, but the brand is now well established. Lifenet maybe!

Littlebylittlelittle · 22/04/2022 10:23

decentchap · 22/04/2022 09:50

I cam on here to accept advice on a couple of topics and give advice on e.g. building work where I had a specialism. Therefore nothing to do with sex or gender or race but it is quite obvious Mumsnet women contributors on the whole dont like men and seem to want to be intimidatory on many topics. If I get fed up, I'll leave. Havent posted for ages previously so not compulsive and have found many women wiling to share their all so dont need to avoid them (generally). I must say the name tags on here are quite inventive whereas mine (I hope) describes who I am to sillygorgonteapot.

Interesting point of view
what makes you feel most women here don’t like men and try to be intimidating
do you feel many websites , forums , etc are primarily comprised of men who are extremely mysogynistic and talk about it display women in degrading ways ?
is it at all possible women here are simply fed up of being silenced , spoken over and degraded and just want to be able to speak freely and dont hate men at all ?
im sorry but I don’t understand , if you feel that way you do about mumsnet contributors ‘on the whole’ why you would come here to accept advice from them

CorsicaDreaming · 22/04/2022 10:28

But that's exactly it, it's a well established brand now. Change it at your peril, Mumsnet...

And what to?

Usefulmainlywomenparentingsite-menallowedifnotbehavingtoobadly-bitofFarrowandBallandwehatedogs(nowedont,yeswedo)chatbods

Just doesn't have the same ring about it....

CorsicaDreaming · 22/04/2022 10:30

That was in response to @TheOGCCL

oldwhyno · 22/04/2022 10:46

"by parents for parents" probably quite unreasonably attracts some men that are parents.

it's more weird how many women that aren't mums bother to show up.

Beefcurtains79 · 22/04/2022 10:51

Why change the name? The rest of the internet is geared towards men, one website of our own and apparently the name now needs changing to accommodate men…….

CorsicaDreaming · 22/04/2022 10:56

@oldwhyno

"by parents for parents" probably quite unreasonably attracts some men that are parents.

it's more weird how many women that aren't mums bother to show up.

....

I don't think it's odd at all, I'm a mum with primary aged child but spend far more time posting on the threads that are of universal interest to anyone than those specifically about parenting issues - so those threads are just as much interest if you do / do not have children.