What attracts men to come on mumsnet?

[BlueStarOnGrey]

There seems to be a certain type of man that comes on here, usually sulking because their partner has done something wrong or won't have sex on demand.

Why Mumsnet? It seems a really strange place to post.

DH comes here for parenting stuff, doubt he’s ever posted I have a BIL who does the same.

Some men who post on here specifically in the relationship bit seem to be looking for a bunch of women to pat him on the hand and go “there there your wife is a cow”.

Tbh though when it’s a sincere post I don’t mind, sometimes you need a different perspective or advice and help. I’ve seen men post about their kids, I don’t think it’s a bad thing for men to come on to ask for advice about their children.

How many male parenting sites are there? How many male sites like Mumsnet?

Right, but then you to ask...well why not? And why don't the men get together and start one. Should it always be that womens spaces should accommodate men because they don't do it themselves?

This!

Usually in the hopes they can rub it in the offending woman's face that loads of other women think she's being unreasonable. It's so transparent and spiteful.

I tend to take it on a poster-by-poster basis.

Being an absolute weapon online isn’t exclusive to men, or indeed determined by genitals.

Mumsnet is a forum aimed at women.
Mainly mothers yes but there are plenty of non parenting talk topics and there is a big difference between childless women wanting to post on a female focused site than a man posting here, even if he is a parent.
As previously mentioned there are parenting sites that cater for men.

It mainly attracts women, but it was originally a parenting website for mothers and fathers - didn't Justine/MNHQ say that they'd considered the name Parentsnet, but thought it sounded less snappy? Either way, it has been confirmed time and again that it was never intended to be a women-only site.

Now, as you say, there are huge numbers (the vast majority) of non-parenting-related topics - most of them of just as much interest to both sexes.

Yes, there is always going to be the 'wrong kind' of man on here for nefarious reasons, but there are also a lot of women who troll and end up getting banned - should their sex give them a free pass? I rarely frequent the Sex topic, but on the odd occasion when I've glanced, the titles suggest a lot of very frank and leading discussions of all kinds - as you'd expect - presumably not all of them just from men?

I think the deeply unpleasant men who find their way here seriously skew people's perceptions into thinking that any male poster on here must be up to no good; somehow assuming that there couldn't possibly be numerous decent, genuine, ordinary men who don't feel the need to state their sex when discussing a parking issue, problem with a sick dog, CF, rising food prices, war in Ukraine, Line of Duty, Eurovision, the best places to visit in Canterbury - even a parenting issue(!) - and just value being part of a community of (mainly) wise, witty, interesting and engaging people - most of whom happen to be female, which tends to set the general tone and maybe attracts some of the more 'thinking' and less testosterone-fuelled men.

I can see parallels with MILs, when it comes to 'why are all these horrid perverted men on here?'. Let's face it: we all know what MILs are like, don't we? Take mine for example.... she's a lovely, kind, considerate lady - as I'm guessing that most are, including a great many posters on MN; but you'd never even guess that there could be such a thing as a treasured, much-loved MIL going on most of the times they're mentioned on here.

I don’t appreciate the men who come on to slag off all the perspectives of women posting as ‘man-hating’.

if you despise women and our perspectives so much, stop hanging around on this state. Honestly, it must put you in a state of constant rage.
so I guess those men are here to constantly reaffirm their view of how shit women are.
and the man who came on to argue at length why he was doing a favor to the prostitute by letting her suck his dick as she needed the money, can fuck off too.

There's no 'male' or 'unisex' equivalent (going with the idea this is a 'female' site - which I don't agree with) - either in flavour or participant size. And maybe they like female opinions/humour/wisdom.

I, personally, don't understand why anyone would have a problem with it unless someone was mansplaining breastfeeding or whatever - which can't be all that common. Then again, as a childless woman, I also shouldn't be here. 😉

Wow, I didn’t expect such hostility when I clicked on this thread. I’m a mum and a granny and I’ve been about over 10 years under various names.

There are posts that ask for a man’s perspective, particularly on the sex board. There are some lovely-sounding men who post regularly and, for example, Piglet John is so helpful. There are some odd women about too (I realise the internet means we can’t know sex or gender for sure).

I wouldn’t expect men to post on the feminist boards but surely we can discuss school places, property values, holidays etc.? Should I be going somewhere else and if so where? There is a thread on Gransnet asking where all the men are!

This is not a women only space and never has been.

My husband ended up on here last night due to Googling what happens to a dishwasher if the kids fill it full of sand. He then read a few other threads.

He's definitely not a 'certain type of man', just a normal dad.

Seeing how most men who post are slated in the way that women hardly ever are, I'm sure they regret it.

MN is a business, founded out of a real perceived need, yet still a business. They know men read it, their advertisers know they read it and & their business model is based on click-bait.

If it was just about parenting, then 90% of the content would be removed and it would be an empty shell, far less interesting and useful.

I found MN when I was looking for discussions on gender critical ideas, I don’t have anyone I can discuss that with irl, and the feminism section is very good here. I’ve also posted in the books and mental health sections, I don’t really look at any of the parenting parts of the forum. I’m a child-less woman.

There is a Dadsnet isn’t there?

As some PP have said, I've always been a bit confused about what would attract someone to a site named Mumsnet if you don't have children, aren't trying for children and don't have any intention to ever have children. There seems to be quite a lot of posters in that category and with such a huge number of social media sites, picking the one that is specifically for parents seems odd.

I know there are lots of non-parenting related issues but I still don't quite understand it. Maybe it's because it's largely a woman-dominated board and there's nowhere else that offers the same female space for non-parents? I know I'm not supposed to think like this but it's still my gut reaction, if I'm being honest.

I think it can skew the responses though. My close friends in real life don't have children, and never will. They're wonderful but have no idea what it's like to try and get shit done with children in the house. So in parenting related subjects in AIBU, for example, I think the results can be less helpful when you've got a load of non-parents weighing in with advice - often with idealistic views that aren't practical (and the kinds of things that I also thought pre-kids).

I love the fact it's primarily a female space. I don't mind the male voices - they don't dominate the board or posts, and the vast majority I have seen seem pretty decent. I don't begrudge a dad getting parenting advice - Dadsnet is shit and very inactive! If men were taking over the conversations or dominating, it would be a different matter but I still feel this is a very woman-centric space.

Also, I quite like the posts that start "man here". I don't read it as arrogance or a precursor to mansplaining. I read it as almost apologetic, sort of warning the female posters that they're a man so there's no misunderstanding, just to make it clear so they can't be accused of being sneaky and stalky!

I am very literal with my interpretations though, so I'm aware I'm not necessarily reading things the right way.

I’m not talking about the women who struggle to conceive, trying to conceive etc But there are lots of women on here who openly say they are child free by choice and do not ever want children, so why is it not weird for them to be on MN? I don’t particularly care who is on MN but to see people moaning about men being on here because it’s MUMSnet is ridiculous when there are plenty of people who aren’t mums on here and don’t ever want to be. I find that more strange than a father being on here.

Yeah, the only thing happening on dadsnet is tumbleweed.

The same thing that attracts non parents to mumsnet. Its not womensnet.

People normally google search something and a mumsnet thread comes up and they then check all of the other posts and appreciate its variety and realise its not just for mums.

I can only speak from my own perspective, I found MN a number of years ago while googling something. I find the forum very informative as it provides perspectives that are very different from my usual circle of influence. Plus it educates me in areas that i generally would not encounter.

For example I occasionally read the feminist section (I don't post) and this has educated me massively. As one example I fully and vocally support woman only spaces and women only sports. Without reading about this issue on MN, I dare say that this is an area that would never really have crossed my mind, because I have "no skin in the game".

joined to get some advice on dating/ relationships ( advice was freely offered and gratefully received),, and that was it really

I’m on few other Internet forums as well for other reasons, hobbies, interests etc, those tend to be more gender balanced and there is certainly a different vibe on those.
as a PP points out if you google almost any subject you will probably get a link to this site, so I think a lot of people just get breadcrumbed here.

I think it can skew the responses though. My close friends in real life don't have children, and never will. They're wonderful but have no idea what it's like to try and get shit done with children in the house. So in parenting related subjects in AIBU, for example, I think the results can be less helpful when you've got a load of non-parents weighing in with advice - often with idealistic views that aren't practical (and the kinds of things that I also thought pre-kids).

Some of the posters who have kids are the worst for advice.

Someone posts they feel as if they will struggle with a 6 hour drive and a baby and numerous others pipe up that op is pathetic because they travelled 19 hours with 5 kids and it was a total breeze. It happens all the time.

People who don't have kids are allowed an opinion just as much as the sanctimonious people who lie about their perfect parenting. In fact I would rather advice from someone without children than some of the parents on here.

I don't read the 'man here' posts as being a bad thing, generally. Like a PP, to me it generally comes across as a way of making sure there's no misunderstanding/why there might be a different perspective. Obviously the mansplainers are different, but I haven't seen that many of them.

There are an awful lot of men that hang out on the sex board, and only the sex board, who offer absolutely no value beyond sharing their, mostly wholly unbelievable, sexual encounters with extremely permissive women in lurid detail, and I raise an eyebrow at them. I'm sure some are helpful, decent people and that, for some, it can be valuable to have a male perspective, as some PPs have said, but there are an awful lot who seem to be there to post their literotica submissions and sniff around any female posters who come across as at all naive and it's really clear that they're opportunists who are there solely for their own gain and not remotely with a mind to engaging with the forum in any meaningful way.

So in parenting related subjects in AIBU, for example, I think the results can be less helpful when you've got a load of non-parents weighing in with advice - often with idealistic views that aren't practical (and the kinds of things that I also thought pre-kids).

It can be very annoying, but to be fair, that's probably the situation that a lot of parents of kids with SEN face, when other parents proclaim what will work or what a child of that age can/should be able to do.

I'm a parent, but as I only have one (NT) child, I'm aware that I would have things far easier than many and couldn't really understand what it's like in their situation (although I try never to wade in and assume). Even somebody else with one NT child won't have the same parenting experiences as me, though.

OP, I expect what attracts men here is the same sort of thing that attracts women here - all the very varied topics.

This, how on earth do you know posters sex, OP.