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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What attracts men to come on mumsnet?

183 replies

BlueStarOnGrey · 21/04/2022 00:07

There seems to be a certain type of man that comes on here, usually sulking because their partner has done something wrong or won't have sex on demand.

Why Mumsnet? It seems a really strange place to post.

OP posts:
Marineboy67 · 21/04/2022 11:17

I stumbled on Mumsnet after getting a 28 ban on facebook....there's always usually always something to read that one can associate with. I think it's a helpful and generally useful forum for people that are having problems. People can speak from and share their experiences in a bid to help others. As with many forums some attitudes are vile and controversial at times but you get that anywhere. I find it interesting to read about how others deal with issues that perhaps I have experienced. That's my take on it...

CharSiu · 21/04/2022 11:21

I always a remember a very prolific poster, this is about 15 years ago who just posted in a very regular way. At some point it was revealed the poster was a guy. They were totally fine and here for the right reasons just a parent wanting advice. Haven’t seen them for about 3 years.

There has been many a dodgy thread over the years though. Even something quite innocuous means actual engagement, especially when people ask a question that means the person replying will be giving some sort of description especially of their body.I remember a thread asking about bra fitting for their teen DD loads of people replied we went to x place and I got her a nice bra with flowers on or some such stuff. Maybe not dodgy but certainly could have been.

MephistophelesApprentice · 21/04/2022 11:32

I wanted to understand the realities of parenting before I committed to it.

Got the snip as a result, but still come here to see things from women's perspective.

thebeespyjamas · 21/04/2022 11:38

Want female perspective and full of women.

Simple.

DorothyZbornakIsAQueen · 21/04/2022 11:58

I don't mind men posting as long as they are mansplaining or 'man here' type.

What I can't bear are the male posters who post their issue with faux naivety, telling us all the wonderful stuff they do, but their wife is awful to them and they just want to make things better, but they just can't understand what they're doing wrong and they just want a womanly perspective. I always think, hmm, I'd love to hear the other side of this story.

DorothyZbornakIsAQueen · 21/04/2022 11:58

*aren't obvs

SnowingInApril · 21/04/2022 12:11

Even worse when someone posts “just asked my DH and he thinks…”
Stand down everyone. A man has spoken.

Agree with you OP.

SoupDragon · 21/04/2022 12:18

SnowingInApril · 21/04/2022 12:11

Even worse when someone posts “just asked my DH and he thinks…”
Stand down everyone. A man has spoken.

Agree with you OP.

Would you feel the same if they'd asked their wife? All they've done is asked someone else for their opinion.

Incapacitated · 21/04/2022 12:18

Lonely men.

Baffled men.

Huffy men who are planning to show the thread to their wife.

Manipulative men who want insight into how women work.

Hrpuffnstuff1 · 21/04/2022 12:26

Mumsnet was used at uni in a module, 'Economics of the family unit'. Discussing unpaid labor etc. I wrote an essay against the idea of unpaid labor etc.

BOOTS52 · 21/04/2022 12:54

I really do not understand why men come on here at all as some are ok but then there are the ones who just come on here to disagree and to cause issues and as some have said to offer their manly wisdom whatever the hell that is.

Shunter350 · 21/04/2022 12:57

Right.. "man here".. to impart some "worldly wisdom".. I find that attitude appalling btw.
I stumbled on MN when I realised I needed to separate from my wife. My MH was crumbling. The support I received was fantastic.
Moving on .. I have many male friends but I like the company and chat of women too, and not in a weird pervy way. It's refreshing to get a different viewpoint.
I think it's made me a better person.
Oh and I always start by stating my gender. I don't want anyone to believe I'm anything but a bloke.

AnnesBrokenSlate · 21/04/2022 13:08

donquixotedelamancha · 21/04/2022 09:43

In Relationships. There is at least one per month. Their OP isn't 'I'm sulky and not getting sex' but they end up there with a side of 'let me tell my wife/partner that other women agree with me and that she is womanning wrong' and a soupcon of 'I'm up for sex if any of you submissive women are up for it too' topped off with a 'I'm so sensitive and feminist I even value women's opinions hence why I'm here'.

Oh my god, once a month. Well that settles it- I can't imagine a man posts here more often than that so they must all be the same.

Just like all women love makeup and shopping.

Perhaps you missed the handy NAMALT at the start of the thread or that my response was in answer to a particular - not the only - type of thread? Well, either you missed it or you're being deliberately disingenuous. I wonder which it could be. Hmm

WeDontShutUpAboutBruno · 21/04/2022 13:26

Oh and I always start by stating my gender. I don't want anyone to believe I'm anything but a bloke.

Do you state your sex on every thread you post on?

I get doing it when it's relevant to the discussion, but why do it when just giving advice to someone.

I don't think I'm alone in assuming that when a man states "Man here" or whatever, he's doing so because he thinks we should all defer to whatever he thinks because he's so important.

Imo it's like me stating that I'm not white before I say anything, totally irrelevant most of the time, but sometimes my particular perspective it is relevant.

TobyHouseMan · 21/04/2022 13:29

I come on here because the chat is good, the topics interesting, and not geared towards just stereotypical male interests. Yes, some of us men like to discuss dogs, property, relationships and Finance etc. rather than fast cars or big boats.

I like the relationships forum particularly as it gives me an insight into what women have to put up with with their partners. It's a real eye-opener!

I'm not interested in 'wank fodder', mansplaining (although I enjoy answering property/DIY questions and the thanks I get), or using the site for nefarious purposes.

Some of the vitriol/man-hatred plastered on this thread makes me sad for their view of men. There are some bitter people here.

Mumsnet has never been a female-only site no matter how much some people wish it were.

SucculentChalice · 21/04/2022 13:45

I think some of them definitely post in some attempt to sway public opinion towards their way of thinking, which obviously benefits men. i.e. they don't like the idea of women being too "militant", thinking for themselves or discussing things with other women, so some of them pop on here and try to use their imaginary Great Influence on the way women think, believing that it will work.

I've not been here all that long, but I've experienced two try that in the last week. One got very irate on a thread where I pointed out that a lot of young women now were considering that being single was a perfectly good option if a man couldn't add something to their lives. Apparently, according to that male poster, this meant that I was going to struggle to attract men on internet dating and he did make some vile abusive comments about me which I must admit I didn't bother to fully read and reported to mumsnet. The comments might have been deleted as a result - I didn't check.

Then there is current thread where there is a man posting quite persistently. I thought his views sounded as though it was a poster who had never actually dated a man, and when I said this he stated that he was indeed a man (therefore assuming he is heterosexual, I was correct). But he kept repeating his odd views, over and over again, of how women should be happy to host men for sex once a week or fortnight and go on free dates. Apparently, according to him, dates were not measured on their cost. Clearly they were measured on their lack of cost, but anyway I did point out to him that he was utterly delusional and advocating casual sexual relationships that would appeal to very few actual, real women unless they were specifically looking for FWB.

tbh I find these sort of posters very entertaining, and they are nearly always very predictable and can always be relied upon to in a certain way if you make a certain type of response to their posts! Most of this type tend not to be that bright, assume everyone is easily taken in, and obviously they struggle to attract women or women of the type or in the numbers they would ideally like. In real life, obviously most of us wouldn't give these types the time of day but it is an interesting insight sometimes into how much some men struggle to attract women and how few options they would ideally like women to have in order to attract them.

WeOnlyTalkAboutBruno · 21/04/2022 13:48

I mean what do you suggest? That we are required to upload a copy of our birth certificate on registration?

i have no issue with “man here” if it is relevant, same as I don’t have any issue with “teacher here” or “lawyer here” - again, where it’s relevant.

MyOwnMotherDearest · 21/04/2022 14:02

My exhusband posted here once about a serious issue with my mother.

He was quite clear from the outset he was a man and was genuinely looking for advice, which he got, and it was fantastic.

I joined with a username that made it clear I was his wife and that thread helped us navigate a dreadful situation. There simply wasn't a specifically male alterative that he could have gone to.

I don't think many women would really mind a man posting in good faith.

Vidax · 21/04/2022 14:05

WeDontShutUpAboutBruno · 21/04/2022 00:13

There's a certain type of man who you notice on here. They usually start their post with "Man here" so we all stop and listen to his manly wisdom.

There are also men on here who just chat and post the same as everyone else, and they generally go unnoticed.

Do they start as man here to make sure they are not being possibly mistaken and thought a woman?

MyOwnMotherDearest · 21/04/2022 14:06

I don't think I'm alone in assuming that when a man states "Man here" or whatever, he's doing so because he thinks we should all defer to whatever he thinks because he's so important

I don't read it like that. I assume they are making it clear that they are male.so as not to 'hoodwink' anyone; so that the women who respond know they are talking to a man.

Obviously, we do get mansplainers and arseholes here but I think they reveal themselves pretty quickly and most women just ignore them.

gamerchick · 21/04/2022 14:09

Ah the spring why are men on here thread. Grin

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 21/04/2022 14:15

I like mumsnet for the salty humour & foul language tbh.

For some reason, that really made me snort - the second part particularly! I have images of you scrolling furiously through other chat sites, tutting and sighing as you have no choice but to reject each one in turn for being too polite and using 'nice' language Grin

I really do not understand why men come on here at all as some are ok but then there are the ones who just come on here to disagree and to cause issues and as some have said to offer their manly wisdom whatever the hell that is.

Aside from the fact that you don't know what sex any posters are unless they specifically say (assuming they aren't lying) - and even then there have been lesbian posters talking about a problem with their DW in the OP who have been instantly launched at and criticised, assumed to be one of those horrible men-people, only to see a load of hasty backtracking and apologies once others realise it's a same-sex relationship; you really can't have been around here very long if you haven't yet experienced any unequivocally female users who just come on here to disagree and to cause issues, offering their 'supreme' wisdom in whatever capacity.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 21/04/2022 14:20

i have no issue with “man here” if it is relevant, same as I don’t have any issue with “teacher here” or “lawyer here” - again, where it’s relevant.

Exactly. It's useful to know if it's material to the subject being discussed, but nobody could care less if you're asking about changes to Tesco Clubcard T&Cs, discussing petrol prices or wanting recommendations for a good kettle to buy.

brianixon · 21/04/2022 14:38

I found this site when I was laid up at the beginning of 1st Lockdown. Saved me from being bored.
It is nice to share experiences to help others. We see Legals, Teachers GP Receptionists. I shared health topics and will and probate experience and been thanked for my help.
ps not keen on new layout.

Drinkingallthewine · 21/04/2022 14:44

I think that some who start a thread from their POV just so that they can go back to their partner and tell them that all these women on the internet agree with him that she is being unreasonable.

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