What attracts men to come on mumsnet?

[BlueStarOnGrey]

There seems to be a certain type of man that comes on here, usually sulking because their partner has done something wrong or won't have sex on demand.

Why Mumsnet? It seems a really strange place to post.

Yes, always roll my eyes at the 'I've just been reading this thread to my hubby and he thinks...'

I picture a Victorian couple by the fireside with Henrietta reading aloud to a harrumphing Henry, saying 'what do you think of that, father? I will relay your wise words to the harridans of Mumsnet'.

I came for the step-parenting advice initially, but that was kind of a bust since apparently whereas us stepdads are generally getting praised left, right and center for it, step mums are routinely demonized for the same.

Then the general parenting advice.

Then the alternative perspectives (and I've mostly stayed for these. )

To be honest I think it's good reading for men who lean on the NAMALT thing, if only to teach that clearly "Enough Men Are Like That For It To Be A Problem So That's Not Very Helpful Is It?"

I've never replied to sex stuff even if I have possible input because I simply can't find a way to phrase stuff without it coming across as creepy. I'm sure the collective women of mumsnet have somehow got by just fine without my insights here...

I think I'm a good partner, but I suspect things I've learned here have helped me be better.

What I can't bear are the male posters who post their issue with faux naivety, telling us all the wonderful stuff they do, but their wife is awful to them and they just want to make things better, but they just can't understand what they're doing wrong and they just want a womanly perspective. I always think, hmm, I'd love to hear the other side of this story.
I often think the same when I hear from the female (wife) prospective. That is the nature of this forum.
I have suggested my (young adult) DS reads some of the threads to understand the current issues around safe spaces for women. I think to alienate men on MN is a mistake.

I'm glad you raised this OP. I've seen a definite increase in men on here since January.

I think most of them come to have a look at what women are talking about and to get a different perspective on relationships. Some might be titellated by the sex threads. Others are here only fleetingly to get advice that's different than what they would get elsewhere online.

Even though some of them start off like this, a number of the can't resist wading into threads, especially dating ones, where they proceed to megaphone at women variations of #NOTALLMEN, or WOMEN DO THIS TOO!! Even when they're not this obvious, they often give themselves away in other ways, sooner or later.

Those types are very resentful that women are getting an undeserved slice of the sympathy pie, and will wade in to tell us why men deserve it more. This is sometimes extremely insensitive given the number of women on here who have been victims of domestic violence and subject to sexual depravity. They seemed genuinely peeved that women have a place to talk that is not yet totally dominated by men, so comment on here TO REMIND YOU THAT THERE IS A MAN ON THIS FORUM KEEPING AN EYE ON ALL YOU DISOBEDIENT WITCHES. Obviously, and thankfully, none of them are this brazen on here, but the objective is to shush women from sharing their experiences, to make sure they know that there is A MAN on here that disagrees with them.

Reddit seems to be quite bad, and despite the death threats and sexual harassment aimed at women on Twitter, you can get banned there as a woman if you say things that are seen as inconvenient, distasteful or offensive by trans activists, even if they're actually true.

EarthSight Reddit seems to be quite bad, and despite the death threats and sexual harassment aimed at women on Twitter, you can get banned there as a woman if you say things that are seen as inconvenient, distasteful or offensive by trans activists, even if they're actually true.

Have you ever had a look at the DM comments sections? Not advocating it more than once (!) but honestly the misogyny is breathtaking. It seems to be moderated only in favour of men. As you describe above, you cannot make even mild comments against men or discuss trans issue, but male posters seem to get away with almost anything.

One of the most disappointing things is that women are generally not allowed to discuss trans issues in womens sport properly, yet we have to put up with death and rape threats, dick pics, abusive and insulting comments and so on. Its very unequal moderation, if there is any.

The thing is, you would only know they are a man if they have said or have an obvious user name (although this isn't a definite sign). Most you simply don't know are men and would probably assume are women if you didn't give it any kind of thought. Lumping them all together and demonising an entire sex is ridiculous and just as bad as the "disobedient witches" scenario you claim to be seeing.

SoupDragon The thing is, you would only know they are a man if they have said or have an obvious user name (although this isn't a definite sign). Most you simply don't know are men and would probably assume are women if you didn't give it any kind of thought. Lumping them all together and demonising an entire sex is ridiculous and just as bad as the "disobedient witches" scenario you claim to be seeing.

Did you read the two examples above that I gave? In both instances, I knew the posters were men and they did in fact confirm so quite quickly. So I was correct. They both posted in a (very) and (fairly) misogynistic way that enabled me to identify them as men. I am however one of those "legals" referred to as well, so I tend to pick up on evidence quite quickly and analyse it adductively. Which is a lot quicker process than it sounds.

I think most of them come to have a look at what women are talking about and to get a different perspective on relationships.

Maybe, especially with the relationships; but as for much of the other stuff, maybe they just come along to look at what people are talking about - unless we subscribe to the idea that the world is sharply divided 50/50 between women's topics and
men's topics and never the twain shall they meet.

Obviously, there are exceptions, such as pregnancy and breastfeeding; although vasectomies do often come up and have no shortage of female posters giving their opinions and experiences (albeit usually from a supportive pov).

Man here ;)

I found Mumsnet through google a good few years ago looking for DIY advice of all things! I'm here for the same reason a lot of people presumably are, to alleviate boredom during work. I generally stick to AIBU and chat, but may venture into other areas if stuff appears in trending.

I don't post an awful lot, I'm more of a lurker. But that's true of other similar sites I'm on like Reddit as well. If I do post, I don't generally mention I'm male unless it's relevant.

If it's a conversation about Boris Johnson being a knobhead, then my sex probably isn't relevant, if someone is asking why their boyfriend can't get it up, then it's worth pointing out that my advice comes from being on the other side of that.

I've learnt a lot by being here, I have a female partner and teenage daughter and I feel I'm more aware of struggles they may face that I'd would go straight over my head otherwise. The Womans Rights boards in particular have been an eye opener, the difficulties in improving trans rights while not eroding womens rights in the process is probably not something that would have crossed my radar had I not seen some of the posts trending on here.

I understand why some women might feel that having men here erodes what should be a safe space for them, and I try to stay away from threads where my perspective or attention is obviously not welcome, but honestly I think I'm a better man for having spent some time in a primarily female focused space, and I'd recommend every man spend some time here.

I was the poster asking about swearing and to offer my perspectives, I was asking the posters why they wanted to swear vs actually helping to answer the ops question,

So yes why is calling out bad behaviour by asking a poster why, a bad thing ?

You don't need to "call out bad behaviour" on the feminist boards. We are allowed to swear on MN. If you don't like a post, report it, don't take it upon yourself to berate women for swearing.

I never brated anyone, I wanted to understand why the posters wanted to just engage in swearing rather than actually constructive help with answering the ops question, all I asked was why swear , the focus on Why,

And after discussions with one poster and the evidence in the form of charts and reasons Why, I then understand better with regards to the swearing at least.

Are you joking?

They usually look like this, which was posted yesterday. Sounded alright until he got to the performative sulking lasting for days -

www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4534354-misatched-libido-is-causing-issues

Can you not see that a man going onto the feminist board to question their language is part of the problem.

Why do you care if they swear? And what gives you the right to 'call out' those on the feminist boards because they talk in a way you dislike?

I think you have encapsulated the type of man some of us dislike on here tbh.

I went on the thread to learn more about the issue the op wanted to discuss and yet some of the responses to the ops question were just swearing or no attempt at actually answering the ops question, and as I wanted to learn more from the ops original question and then hopefully learn form the wisdom of other posters, yet instead I read just swearing, so I asked some of the posters why the swearing, how is it helpful to the ops question etc

I went on the thread to learn more about the issue the op wanted to discuss and yet some of the responses to the ops question were just swearing or no attempt at actually answering the ops question, and as I wanted to learn more from the ops original question and then hopefully learn form the wisdom of other posters, yet instead I read just swearing, so I asked some of the posters why the swearing, how is it helpful to the ops question etc

The women on the thread weren't giving you the appropriate education you wanted, so you decided to call out their swearing instead in the hope they would facilitate a discussion that you wanted to learn from? Can't you see the problem there?

The problem from my perspectives was, op asks the question, and people respond with swearing and curse words, so with that I ask why are people choosing to swear instead of answering the question, otherwise what's the point of having threads ?

Plus in your view then why are people ment to read threads, ? Are people ment to learn from the threads ? Or is it just a free for all, ignore the ops question and party ?

I don't mind men posting at all - I do get annoyed though at several men who only seem to post if it involves sex or porn issues and don't comment on anything else !!- it's almost as if they have an auto alert set up just for those 2 words

There are no equivalent sites for men that offer the same breadth of experience, the same helpfulness of posters (generally) and the same intelligently written, witty and engaging content.

male heavy sites can be a good source of help but they tend to come with a dose of “man up” which isn’t always helpful

im a parent. I came for advice about my kids. I stayed as I like it. I don’t really care if posters are men or women, parents or not.

Threads very often evolve for all sorts of reasons.

You have absolutely no right to go onto the feminist board, of all boards, to 'call out' people because you want to learn from them. That's the height of arrogance. They aren't due you an education.

I'm not wondering why a man doesn't start one then. It baffles me.

Fair point but by the same reasoning why is it ok for posters to go on an ops thread, and just swear and ignore the question the op was asking about ?

Thats not the same reasoning at all.

I didn't see that particular thread so I have no idea what happened on there, but conversation on here has always been the same, the thread starts as one thing and ends up as something else entirely. It's been like that for the decade or so I've been on here.