Partner degraded me after sex

[yogibear0]

We've been together a long time and have 2 small children. Dh is always complaining I never make time for him anymore sexually etc and to be honest it's because I'm drained and emotionally exhausted being a sahm with 2 young kids and feel like I've lost myself a bit. I always loved having sex but now a days once bed time comes round I just want to sleep and recharge for the next day.
But ive been trying very hard to give him more sex and spice things up... The thing is he keeps intiating anal and we tried it on a few occasions I found it both uncomfortable and painful and couldn't relax to enjoy it. He on the other hand wants to do it and is getting very angry with me about it.
For instance last night things were going great I was really enjoying what we were getting up to until he tried to put it in there. I tried to go along with it just for the fact that I knew he wanted to but it was so painful so I asked him if we could leave the anal side of things. He immediately got into a strop and said some pretty hurtful things to me. I felt a bit degraded tbh and really embarrassed. I do like to be touched there etc so the comment he said last night threw me a bit. He said "do you think I enjoy being round your asshole I'm only doing it cause I want anal. If I knew I wasn't getting anal do you think I'd bother touching you there. Even though he's told me on numerous times before he loves pleasuring me etc. He basically made some other comments that every woman does it and that there's something wrong that I don't like it. I feel so embarrassed and put down. Then after all he said to me I got up and put my clothes back on. I felt really disgusted. He decided to sleep on the sofa and is now giving me the silent treatment. He also had the cheek to ask me for a hand job after everything he said to me which I declined.
Hes complaining all the time about having to wear a condom as I don't want any more kids just yet. He complains telling me "as long as I'm happy" and that he's not getting any enjoyment wearing a condom. He puts it on me like it's my fault. A few times now he's tried to intitate going at it without a condom and as soon as I say I'm not ready for that yet he just goes off on one.
I feel like I'm a really shitty love maker now. I'm really not prepared for anymore kids yet and he doesn't want me on any contraceptive so I depend on the condoms.
I try my best to explain to him I'm uncomfortable with anal and I'm uncomfortable having unprotected sex and I'm just made to feel like I'm a absolute kill joy. Is this normal, does anyone else experience any of this with their partner?

Shocking attitude and I would warn him politely that he's overstepping the mark. EVERY woman doesn't do anal so how he can say that lord knows, unless he talks about it with mates and they're hardly likely to disagree.
Personally, when I was married, I never wanted nor did my DH ask for that. I never did BJs either and there were no arguments about it in our 41 year marriage.
As for the condom conundrum, you have every right to protect yourself against another pregnancy if the time isn't right to have another child. If he hates condoms and the contraceptive pill, he is taking away your right to protect yourself from an unplanned pregnancy.
If you're exhausted now, what would it be like with a newborn on the scene?
It seems to be all about him and an uninterrupted talk about your sex lives must be the next step. Please don't let him bully you into painful intercourse or make you feel bad about unprotected sex, however it's achieved.
I'm afraid he sounds a bit selfish and a frank talk is the only way to get any resolution. It can't go on.
Stay strong and don't get upset. 💐

@LoisLane66

Shocking attitude and I would warn him politely that he's overstepping the mark. EVERY woman doesn't do anal so how he can say that lord knows, unless he talks about it with mates and they're hardly likely to disagree. Personally, when I was married, I never wanted nor did my DH ask for that. I never did BJs either and there were no arguments about it in our 41 year marriage. As for the condom conundrum, you have every right to protect yourself against another pregnancy if the time isn't right to have another child. If he hates condoms and the contraceptive pill, he is taking away your right to protect yourself from an unplanned pregnancy. If you're exhausted now, what would it be like with a newborn on the scene? It seems to be all about him and an uninterrupted talk about your sex lives must be the next step. Please don't let him bully you into painful intercourse or make you feel bad about unprotected sex, however it's achieved. I'm afraid he sounds a bit selfish and a frank talk is the only way to get any resolution. It can't go on. Stay strong and don't get upset. 💐

Oh my lord, selfish? Chat needed? This is out and out abuse! Though anyone who has been through it will know, it is not easy to deal with it and see it for what it is always. And to come to terms with the fact that they need to get out. But I think OP has had some excellent advice and examples given of what is and isn't acceptable, and advice about what to do to get out of this situation. I hope once she has taken everything on board she gets the help she needs to get away from this disgusting man.

Good god, please leave him ASAP! This is seriously abusive behaviour. Please contact women's aid as other posters have said.

I wouldn't be letting him back into my bed tonight. Hope you're ok op. It is him who is at fault, not you.

Get in the sea. He does not sound very nice and I think you’d be a lot happier without him.

He's clearly watched too much porn and is consequently a terrible lover. You deserve a man who knows how to make love to a real woman. Sort out some birth control before you end up even more connected to this selfish dick for brains.

I think he is a very nasty man who wants to do something to you that is painful and degrading. Playing around the area is not the same as penetrating, there's no comparison and why he would want to go up there, which I know a lot do nowadays (usually porn fuelled), and possibly cause you damage as well as pain, is beyond me.

To say LTB is too simple as you have a home and children but please try and find ways to achieve that. He's too horrible for words. Someone above mentioned women's aid and that could be your first contact.

Good luck and don't fret about this sex pest, you don't need him.

Have my first LTB.
NO EVERY WOMAN does NOT do it!!!!!!!

@LoisLane66
warn him politely ??????

Absolutely none of this is your fault.
Leave the abusive shite ASAP and please make sure you aren’t put in a position to do anything you don’t want to in the interim 💐

@Aquamarine1029

I don't think you fully realise how disgusting and reprehensible your husband is. He is sexually assaulting and abusing you. You post is one of the most horrific I've read in a long time. You need to get away from this man.

I agree too. Also for reference I have never had anal sex, or been asked to do it. DH has never watched porn, maybe that is why . Nobody should be manipulated into sexual activity that they do not want. This pushing of your boundaries is horrible OP.

I would leave. I am a woman who has never had anal sex and never want to. Me and DH talked about acceptable boundaries and he laughed when I said ‘that is one way traffic only’ so he is wrong that all women do it/love it. He also has no right to tell you you cannot go in contraception as it is up to you.

Yes, politely. Not having a slanging match that goes nowhere, not that I think the OP would necessarily go that route. I'm all for keeping things level headed and I doubt the OP is going to give him his marching orders despite the majority on here shouting the odds.
Of course it's unacceptable but shouting doesn't get you a better result than a calm talk. She has two young children to think of, finances to think of and whether he is open to changing his views. It's no good telling her to leave if she has nowhere to go and no way of managing. It's all very well for other MNers to whip up fury but I'm sure the OP needs to think through her options before making such a huge decision. We aren't living her life and what would be right for one person in this situation may not be right for everyone.
Ask the OP to update the thread in 6 months time to let you know what she decided and how the situation was resolved.

@LoisLane66 This is too bad for that. If he were to stop for a bit he'd probably start again eventually.

No woman should choose to put up with him.

Yes it can be hard to leave and so women make a plan, maybe partly with help from Women's Aid.

Absolutely no way is this your fault, normal, acceptable or anything to do with you being bad in bed. What an absolutely disgusting, selfish man. He’s not entitled to do anything at all that you do not want. That includes things you’ve done before but are not currently in the mood to do. Tbh, I don’t think he’s even worthy of being your partner.

He sounds like a total creep.

He's making your life a misery. Dump the selfish bastard. My dp asked me if there was anything I didn't like and when I said anal he said "Yuck. No danger of that". It's not normal ffs. Suggest to him that a bit of pegging might be in order instead - where you're the one who does the penetration!

Wtf am I reading. OP he is completely out of line - it's your body, I would be asking him why he wants you to do something you find painful and unpleasant.

All women certainly do not do/enjoy anal - he's talking shite. If he treats you with so little respect I would be re-evaluating the entire relationship - what a prick.

OMG. This is not respectful, loving or supportive. This is abuse and you will not recover your confidence until you leave this man. Please do not put up with his horrible actions and attitude. Would you like your daughter to live this abuse? Would you like your son to inflict this abuse? Leave now.

So sorry to hear this - it sounds awful. Please at least get yourself on a contraceptive - you have every right to take responsibility for your own body and own fertility arrangements. You can get an injection which lasts ages from your doctors so your partner need never know.

It is not true that all women like anal. Frankly, I'm not sure many do. He is abusing you

Your husband is a porn addict and a truly terrible human being.

@LoisLane66

Yes, politely. Not having a slanging match that goes nowhere, not that I think the OP would necessarily go that route. I'm all for keeping things level headed and I doubt the OP is going to give him his marching orders despite the majority on here shouting the odds. Of course it's unacceptable but shouting doesn't get you a better result than a calm talk. She has two young children to think of, finances to think of and whether he is open to changing his views. It's no good telling her to leave if she has nowhere to go and no way of managing. It's all very well for other MNers to whip up fury but I'm sure the OP needs to think through her options before making such a huge decision. We aren't living her life and what would be right for one person in this situation may not be right for everyone. Ask the OP to update the thread in 6 months time to let you know what she decided and how the situation was resolved.

I agree that keeping things calm is important. A lot of people on here are saying that they would tell the OP's husband where to go in quite a confrontational way. This is all very well, but this man sounds abusive. Women's aid themselves make it clear that it is when an abused woman leaves that she can be in the most danger. See www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/women-leave/ The OP needs to tread carefully. It's not fair to be telling her she should leave immediately and tell this man he is an arse or whatever; without proper planning it could make things worse for her. OP: do what is right for you. There is a lot of pressure being put on you in this thread. Get advice and support from the professionals, and stay safe.

[quote LuckySantangelo35]@PearPickingPorky

I don’t actually like it myself. You’re so full of assumptions not to mention narrow and parochial attitudes towards sex
👍[/quote]
Oh, please, do tell me more about my "narrow and parochial attitudes towards sex", which you've decided based on my posts here, which amount to nothing more than: sex should be mutually pleasurable, not painful, not coercive, and women do not have a prostate, whereas men do.

Abusive. LTB. This is not acceptable.