What should a 3 month 'relationship' look like?

[Terigoround]

Been with a guy for 3 months, live an hour apart. We see each other one evening a week usually (3 or 4 hours) and one Saturday pm every 2 or 3 weeks. Lots of texts in between.

He has a lot of hobbies and elderly parents, plus 2 DS he lives with (24 and 26, no sign of them moving out as both are unemployed).

He suggests when we meet and I agree - I have no commitments so can easily rearrange plans to see him. If I said I couldn't meet him when he suggested I wouldn't see him. Anything and everything I suggest has been declined due to his commitments.

I'm not sure if I'm being needy, wanting to see him more? I know that at 3 months I'm not a priority but I just get a little lonely and would like more meetings.

Not DTD - mainly as he's never been able to stay over - but discussed exclusivity etc and are on the same page. Been intimate in other ways.

He's great - we have a lot in common - but it just doesn't feel enough contact.

Would appreciate some thoughts - thanks 

@Bananalanacake

Why isn't he encouraging his sons to get jobs, is he happy for them to be lazy, sponging wasters.

You're not saying anything I haven't thought there...

3 months in clothes are getting flung off at every opportunity, shoehorning meetings in-between responsibilities. I live 40 mins away from the man. We both have kids a lot, both pre teen. Made no difference, we saw each other as much as we could.

I don't often say this but the man sounds married. Theres zero reason that 2 adult kids should be an issue. He can leave the house. Staying over should not be an issue. If he has to get back he just gets up an hour earlier? And yet over text hes desperate to get into your pants?

Something is WRONG with this picture.

Yeah I'd not be happy with this either op. Throw him back in the sea, he's not the one!

At the 3-month mark we were desperate to be with each other. Like feeling empty without the other. I can't imagine what you describe. He doesn't sound particularly bothered. Life is short and unpredictable. Toss him back into the sea and find someone who has a burning need for you/your company/your body/your thoughts

I’m not sure why he’s not staying over based on what you’ve said but couldn’t he at least visit yours for the evening?

What do you actually do when you see each other?

He’s making it very clear where you are on his list of priorities- last. Possibly even seeing how much you’ll put up with too.

I dated a guy like this (for longer than I should 🙄 ) and it ground away at my self esteem. It was nice when we were together but sometimes he would even say he just wanted a night in (on his own, in front of the telly) after a long day at work. This made sure we only say each other once a week.

Start saying no. Make plans and don’t be available for him. He may step up or he may let you slip away and you will have your answer.

Fwiw mine stepped up, but by that time I’d been totally turned off as I realised he had been deliberately keeping me dangling til he thought he was going to lose me.

There are many red flags for this man potentially being in a relationship/married.

I think you need to start being alot more unavailable for this guy...pretend your doing things on the dates that he suggests. Even better....I'd get rid! If it was as good as it should be at 3 months...you wouldn't be asking the question

It shouldn't be hard work!

Ditch him

I've read through all of this but can't see an answer as to why his adult sons can't be left alone for a few hours or overnight?

And without sounding harsh a trip to the gym is not a "commitment" set in stone. I absolutely love a work out at the gym but if I have a chance of a date with someone I'm actually interested in, it would definitely take priority

I have only read half of the thread so apologies if I've missed somethig relevent but me and my partner lived an hour away at the start and we saw each other once, sometimes twice a week (mid week) and a full weekend every other week. We both work and he has friends/work/gym....we were too obsessed with each other for the distance and external factors to stop us spending time together. I'd say stop settling and find someone who can't get enough of you!

You've all made such good points, thank you.

I kind of hoped the replies would be along the lines of 'it's a slow burn/it's only been three months etc' but I think I knew deep down it wasn't right.

Thanks everyone x

If no sex why bother ? For once a week shag maybe
But this is just texts and stress
Nah