DP and I (both divorced, with DC, me 38, him 55) went on a mini break in Europe over the last few days away from DC. We have been together for 4 years.
Over dinner last night, DP raised a glass to us being together for four years this April and he said "who would have known?" I said "what do you mean?" He said "well it just felt like a fling/nothing special at the beginning, and who would've known we'd fall in love and be together now?"
I was a bit surprised as our early relationship had been very romantic, not fling-like at all. In those early months there had been lots of big talks and outlining what we both wanted - even before we had slept together, we had made it clear we were both on the same page (that we wanted a serious relationship.)
I didn't want to ruin the evening but DP kept banging on about how surprising and shocking it was that it went from "nothing" to "something." I questioned him about it, said I did not recall things in the same way, and he reminded me of a time (about 3 weeks into our relationship) where he had felt I was a bit full on and it was a bit "too much." But he said we "shouldn't dwell on it now.") I said what do you mean? He said "you were constantly in touch and I just felt it was all too much."
This was never my impression of the relationship. If anything, DP had been the initiator of everything for a long time, constantly in touch, literally narrating every fucking movement.
His version of the relationship, as he told the story back to me, was very different of my own. "Do you remember when you were in France and you missed me so much that you flew back?" Literally a lie. I did not do that - HE did that.
I have just got home and looked at the texts between us in those first three weeks where I was apparently "too full on." (I kept them.) I wasn't at all, it was mostly him.
He then went on to say that it seemed like I had "planned everything". That I was the main initiator. He then did the gesturing as if he was a fish and I had a fishing rod and I had reeled him in (gesture of finger in side of mouth) That he basically had no choice except to get "caught in my web." The whole story was told as if he was an innocent who had no choice in the matter. THis is completely untrue. He pursued me, I eventually reciprocated and then we were together. I am quite confused.
WHy is he making me feel like this? Why is he re-writing the narrative to make me seem like the instigator of everything when I wasn't?
Last night when i protested he kept saying "don't ruin things" and we were out at a nice meal, so I wasn;t going to argue over who said what when, or who was more the instigator, but now I am back and see it in front of me (I have records of all texts and emails from that time), it seems unfair and untrue and like he wants to put me on the backfoot
Am I making a mountain out of a molehill?