Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Should I be concerned with his response? What would you expect your partner to say to this?

150 replies

Yellowgolden · 03/04/2022 23:28

I have found out (unintentionally and was not snooping) that my partner and his ex (they have no children nor mutual friends together) have been exchanging messages initiated always by her but he responds pleasantly.

The last message however was her saying she is always ready for him (in a sexual tone) with him responding "no you're not but you should be".

How would you feel about this? We have been together for a year (we have no children and are not married). Should I take this as just tongue and cheek on his behalf or should I be concerned?

Part of me feels it was a playful brush off, I mean what else could he have said?

I have mind fog at the moment. Please help me see this from an outside perspective.

OP posts:
Vapeyvapevape · 03/04/2022 23:30

I think it's inappropriate.

JaniceBattersby · 03/04/2022 23:32

A brush off would be ‘I’m sorry I’m in a relationship with someone else. This is inappropriate’ and then he would have blocked her number.

If he’s doing this after only a year, what’s he going to be like when you’ve got two kids and are a bit bogged down by life?

Ditch.

HellToTheNope · 03/04/2022 23:37

I would be out the door and down the hall already. Don't waste your life on a cheater.

Opentooffers · 03/04/2022 23:39

He's egging her on to get ready for his sexual advances is basically what he's said - so no loyalty to you in that. He's up for it when she's ready -ew, just consider that. Then bin the moron.

Babadook76 · 03/04/2022 23:41

Yeah. You’re definitely over reacting. Your oh still in contact with his ex, replying to every message and telling her she should be ready for him to fix her at a moments notice is totally fine 👍

Opaljewel · 03/04/2022 23:45

I would get rid at just a year together. You'll always be looking over your shoulder. It isn't worth it.

PickAChew · 03/04/2022 23:49

He's not over her. I would leave them to it.

Peachtoiletpaper · 03/04/2022 23:56

Not appropriate. I'd personally find it hard to forget this and would be tempted to cut my losses. It's just the fact that he's engaged in that sort of talk with someone else rather than focussed on me.

JacquelineCarlyle · 03/04/2022 23:57

@Opaljewel

I would get rid at just a year together. You'll always be looking over your shoulder. It isn't worth it.
This!
PixelatedLunchbox · 03/04/2022 23:58

A surprising number of people shag their exes behind their partner's back. I'd be on my bike.

MamaTam · 04/04/2022 00:00

Run out the door and don’t look back.

AtrociousCircumstance · 04/04/2022 00:01

Leave.

Come on, have some self respect. What a sleaze.

Sonaftersonafterson · 04/04/2022 00:07

Oh wow. Massively inappropriate. Wouldn't have that for a minute.

RoundGlass · 04/04/2022 00:17

That really wasn't a brush off. It was a come on !!

Fuck him off

Glitteringduck · 04/04/2022 00:33

Inevitably their communication will only get more and more sexually advanced. Until he eventually gets what she is "always ready for" now apparently.

Tell him this displeases you

Natty13 · 04/04/2022 00:39

To me this is disrespectful to you for him to do this, no matter how "innocent" it is. I guarantee you if you had messaged an ex this he wouldn't be happy about it. Disrespect is an absolute deal breaker for me so I would be done.

Monty27 · 04/04/2022 00:48

LTB and I'm not even joking

Jossse · 04/04/2022 00:48

Time to leave... he's flirting with her and not you

theschitt · 04/04/2022 00:57

I guess you're still texting your recent ex's like this?

No?
Why not?

OnaBegonia · 04/04/2022 01:08

➡️🗑

Lweji · 04/04/2022 01:09

It's a no brainer

MsDogLady · 04/04/2022 01:19

YellowGolden, there’s been an escalation and they’re now flirting on a sexual level. He has crossed way over the line.

This would be a dealbreaker for me.

ozymandiusking · 04/04/2022 01:27

He didn't even say "but you should have been". It certainly seems that they still have a thing for each other.

SunshineAndFizz · 04/04/2022 02:10

Nah this isn't appropriate.

NiceTwin · 04/04/2022 02:35

Nope, I wouldn't be having that.
Ditch him and do it quick.