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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dp told dd my most embarrassing private secret

313 replies

Workinghardeveryday · 02/04/2022 19:16

For some fucked up reason - him trying to be funny, told my dd16 whilst joking about a sexual experience I had when I was experimenting and young.

I could have actually died inside. No one knows, only him. I made light of it snd joked it obviously wasn’t true etc - she knew.

I feel so embarrassed and humiliated and deceived.

OP posts:
KylieCharlene · 02/04/2022 21:31

So your 'experience' as an 11year old girl is at the forefront of your DP's mind and he's added to reality with his fantasy of things going further than you say they did- then he relays this to your teen daughter.
He's basically been getting off on thoughts of 11year old you with another young girl.
I'm really sorry but that would make me very uncomfortable with a similar aged child in the house and I'd wonder if he's having similar thoughts wondering and fantasizing about my DD's awakening sexuality.
Completely inappropriate.
I'd not feel comfortable having him around my children.

Nanny0gg · 02/04/2022 21:32

@thinkingaboutLangCleg

*What's the point in posting if you're going to be so vague with details? It's just makes everyone jump to their own (usually bad) conclusion. Everyone is saying it's creepy but how can we possibly say that without knowing the details of what he shared? It could have been something pretty innocuous but as an 11 year old you were really embarrassed and still carry that shame with you. You have my sympathy but I think we need more details.*

I strongly disagree. We don't need the details, and it's deeply insensitive to nag the writer to divulge them. They're irrelevant to her problem.

Quite.

The fact that there was something the OP is embarrassed about is enough. She doesn't need us dissecting it - yes it was bad/no it wasn't etc

The issue is that that her partner shared something very private with her daughter

What did you actually say to him afterwards OP?

EmeraldShamrock1 · 02/04/2022 21:37

It was what dp said, he said something along the lines of me going down on a girl (which I did not in the slightest, nothing like that at all).
Holy shit, I missed this post.
I'm back in the your DP is a creep camp.

Hertsgirl10 · 02/04/2022 21:37

@Workinghardeveryday

I have no problem either of my daughters knowing I had experiences with a girl when I was younger. It was what dp said, he said something along the lines of me going down on a girl (which I did not in the slightest, nothing like that at all).

Thought it was funny. Now dd16 thinks I did that!

@Workinghardeveryday

Yeaaa the blokes a creep sorry, silent treatment? He needs to get the front door treatment.

Hertsgirl10 · 02/04/2022 21:38

@KylieCharlene

So your 'experience' as an 11year old girl is at the forefront of your DP's mind and he's added to reality with his fantasy of things going further than you say they did- then he relays this to your teen daughter. He's basically been getting off on thoughts of 11year old you with another young girl. I'm really sorry but that would make me very uncomfortable with a similar aged child in the house and I'd wonder if he's having similar thoughts wondering and fantasizing about my DD's awakening sexuality. Completely inappropriate. I'd not feel comfortable having him around my children.
@KylieCharlene

Pre teen daughter. 🤮

Original poster
Workinghardeveryday · 02/04/2022 21:38

I said initially that I couldn’t believe he said that! He played it down.
Came downstairs and I have the silent treatment. I said after a while, that I thought what he said was not okay, shouldn’t have said that in front of dd and I felt very let down as he knew it was not something for him to share and especially to dd.

Silent treatment continues

OP posts:
worriedaboutmoney2022 · 02/04/2022 21:39

I'd be getting rid that's the ultimate betrayal it's disrespectful and embarrassing and he clearly has no respect for you

PrincessScarlett · 02/04/2022 21:41

Has DH not apologised to you? Can't believe he's giving you the silent treatment. Still! How pathetic.

Original poster
Workinghardeveryday · 02/04/2022 21:44

Very very half hearted apology.

Probably because he feels bad, instead of ‘making it up to me’, I always get the silent treatment

OP posts:
Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 02/04/2022 21:45

The silent treatment is a recognised sign of abuse.. This is the start ime.
Time to reconsider your relationship op.. Your dd's need to see how your boundaries lie....

pog100 · 02/04/2022 21:53

I think you need to escalate this. Do not let his silence intimidate you into letting go of your anger. I had thought that maybe he had totally misjudged just how fucking inappropriate and shit that whole episode was for you. However, trying to beat you down with silent treatment makes me think that the whole relationship needs rethinking. He sounds like someone who can't be wrong?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 02/04/2022 21:57

Hang on, do on the one hand you want to reassure here that being straight or LGBT is gone, but on the other hand you’ve flown off the handle because your DH talked about one of your own experiences? Why did you talk to her about this? You’re sending her very mixed messages.

EmeraldShamrock1 · 02/04/2022 22:00

The silent treatment from him obviously works on you.
I prefer to call it sulking, it's abusive and childish.
Play him at his game, ignore him.

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 02/04/2022 22:01

He had no right to mention your secret. And to your dd's...
Utterly disgusting..

veronicagoldberg · 02/04/2022 22:03

He sounds like a pervert.

AelinAshriver · 02/04/2022 22:06

Yeah, PP are right. Silent treatment is a form of abuse. Honestly OP, LTB. What a spiteful little 'man'

Original poster
Workinghardeveryday · 02/04/2022 22:10

I just get it.

He understands because I calmly explained how he made me feel, instead of being kind and apologetic I get the silent treatment.

I honestly think he thinks it’s my fault, I am wrong for explaining what I did an ruining his night.

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock1 · 02/04/2022 22:17

He knows the silence will get to you before it bothers him.

Do you usually try make up the peace when he gives you the silent treatment.

I think you're going to know a lot more about your partner before this thread ends.

I would never be with someone who gave me the cold shoulder. An ex did in the past, he was very manipulative and emotionally damaged.

Thankfully it was a rule of mine when I settled down and OH fully respected it.

Bigbonesmeatandgravy · 02/04/2022 22:18

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Hawkins001 · 02/04/2022 22:34

All the best and positivity op

Original poster
Workinghardeveryday · 02/04/2022 22:36

I just told him what I thought, the silent treatment is bang out if order.

He said I was over reacting. What he said wasn’t bad. He is clearly pissed off that I have an issue with it.

OP posts:
NowEvenBetter · 02/04/2022 22:37

Your boyfriend is being dangerously inappropriate with your kids, can you safeguard them? There’s no excuse for him making sexual remarks to kids, surely you see how appalling this is.

Nanny0gg · 02/04/2022 22:37

@Workinghardeveryday

I just get it.

He understands because I calmly explained how he made me feel, instead of being kind and apologetic I get the silent treatment.

I honestly think he thinks it’s my fault, I am wrong for explaining what I did an ruining his night.

He doesn't sound like much of a 'D' P
Nanny0gg · 02/04/2022 22:39

@Workinghardeveryday

I just told him what I thought, the silent treatment is bang out if order.

He said I was over reacting. What he said wasn’t bad. He is clearly pissed off that I have an issue with it.

I'd 'over-react' him out the door
NewBootsAndRanty · 02/04/2022 22:41

@NowEvenBetter

Your boyfriend is being dangerously inappropriate with your kids, can you safeguard them? There’s no excuse for him making sexual remarks to kids, surely you see how appalling this is.
This.