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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband has decreed that...

625 replies

Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 01/04/2022 11:11

... he is far too important to carry a house key any more. This means apparently, that I am now responsible for ensuring he is not locked out the house ever. If I have the audacity to not be in when he requires to be let in, I have to ensure a key is left in a safe location and that he is informed of this. Also, if he leaves for work, often at 5/6 am, the house will remain unlocked until I drag my lazy ass out of bed to either lock the door or get up for the day.... or we get burgled! Honestly, I wish this was an april fool's....

OP posts:
Herejustforthisone · 07/04/2022 12:38

You have to report him for the fraudulent loans. Please. For Christ’s sake…

beastlyslumber · 07/04/2022 12:41

Report him to the police. Tell him you're splitting up and he will need to find somewhere else to go. Talk to a solicitor.

Do it all today, OP! You don't need to spend another minute with this abusive man.

AcrossthePond55 · 07/04/2022 12:51

@Bogiesaremyonlyfriend

Oh and he has taken out another loan in my name, for a kit car, that he also used the insurance money I got for my engagement ring when it broke to buy.
I'd say the out and out fraud is enough to go to the police. Tell them you want to press charges and are afraid of his reaction and that he is a danger to you.

Can you call the lender and tell them he has committed fraud or is it too late to stop the process?

Sorry to sound dense, but how is he getting these loans? I'm in the US and even though the loan process is 'electronic', for a bank loan we still have to go in and sign papers. If it is a fully electronic process, is he creating profiles using your identity or does he have your log in details?

I really do think it's time to do something. Even the house purchase that's 'in the works' is not worth ruining your credit and/or forcing you to assume debt that is not yours. And you could be stuck with a shit tonne of debt by the sounds of it. If you wait too long it may be assumed by lenders that you 'acquiesced' to the loans even if you did not do the actual paperwork. You need to see a solicitor ASAP, like yesterday.

picklemewalnuts · 07/04/2022 13:06

Go to the police and to women's aid. Please. For the sake of your lovely DD, if not for yourself.

UniversalAunt · 07/04/2022 13:41

From own experience, encouraged strongly by the high street bank who unravelled the fraudulent online loan application, I walked round to the local police station & made a report.

I got a Crime Report Number (CRN?) which I quoted in future conversations & correspondence with creditors.

Protect yourself.
Take legal advice.
Get informed.
Document everything.

UniversalAunt · 07/04/2022 13:47

@AcrossthePond55 ‘ If it is a fully electronic process, is he creating profiles using your identity or does he have your log in details? ’

In brief, yes to both.

It is possible if you know the person well enough to know the confidential data required to complete an online loan application, to have the money paid into an account that matches the correct data & manage the online account without the person knowing. The double whammy is to set the password & security questions for that account so that the victim will never know or even even guess the security questions.

It is surprisingly easy if someone plans to deceive…

UniversalAunt · 07/04/2022 13:48

…which is why you never ever share your password, PINs or leave your laptop/phone without a login password etc.

UniversalAunt · 07/04/2022 13:55

‘ You really should do something about this because when you come to leave, he's the sort that would stop paying, and it's YOU they'll be coming after! ’ This with knobs on.

Also, as you plan to play it cool, please be very very guarded in what you do. Do not estimate how far & how vicious he may be to scupper your new life. He is already breaking the law taking out fraudulent loans in your name. He’ll not hesitate to load you up with debt, cease payments & point all the creditors to your new address to spite you, your new home & better life.

Agree with contacting the police & Womens Aid.

Take legal advice & action at every turn.
Protect yourself.

picklemewalnuts · 07/04/2022 14:05

I think as well, not only could you find yourself with the repayments if you don't report it, effectively you are collaborating with him in failing to report it.

Please protect yourself.

HeDidWhattt · 07/04/2022 14:12

There wouldn’t be enough love nor money in the world to make me pander to this. I’d would of left him out in the cold all day and not gone back until I finished work. Play silly games, win silly prizes.

SortingItOut · 07/04/2022 14:32

You can have a marker added to your credit report so when a search is done for an application for credit extra checks are done including requesting a password from you (which you have set).

Can you contact the 3 credit reference agencies?

katseyes7 · 07/04/2022 14:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mummapenguin20 · 07/04/2022 14:48

Please report him. Call womens aid for support

Cherriesarethebest · 07/04/2022 15:53

.

Fortyseven007 · 07/04/2022 16:33

My DH is similar.
When we go out somewhere, it has to be me who has to lock up, he wouldn’t do it.
When we go on holidays, he wouldn’t use his keys to be the last one from the door, it’s me who locks up and then he keeps asking me if I locked up properly.
Another situation is - we go out in the car, I go into the car first, put seatbelt on, waiting for him as he laces up his trainers.
He closes the front door with keys in the lock outside but he won’t lock up.
I have to unbuckle my seat belt, get out of the car and lock up.
He is fucking twat!

NeverDropYourMooncup · 07/04/2022 16:48

Financial coercive control. That's what the mortgage and the loan is.

I suspect that you would be better served by reporting these crimes than accepting them.

PunishmentSnart · 07/04/2022 16:56

@Bogiesaremyonlyfriend Why are you lettinh him get away with getting all these loans in your name? It's madness!

Tenbob · 07/04/2022 19:03

Sorry @Flatbrokefornow but you really are wrong on all that

There isn’t a judge in the land that would grant a repossession order because an owner moved into a flat that had a buy to let mortgage which was up to date and paid. I’m calling bullshit that ‘in your experience’ it has ever happened
It just wouldn’t, let alone when occupation occurred as a result of the owner leaving am abusive relationship
I’m not even sure you understand the process that leads to repossession…

As for the rest of it, you show the gaps in your knowledge. The OP would be liable for the additional stamp duty rate until the divorce was granted

Probably best you back away from this now - you are giving bad advice and getting it even more wrong when you try and argue with the pp

Moodlesofnoodles · 07/04/2022 19:51

@Fortyseven007

My DH is similar. When we go out somewhere, it has to be me who has to lock up, he wouldn’t do it. When we go on holidays, he wouldn’t use his keys to be the last one from the door, it’s me who locks up and then he keeps asking me if I locked up properly. Another situation is - we go out in the car, I go into the car first, put seatbelt on, waiting for him as he laces up his trainers. He closes the front door with keys in the lock outside but he won’t lock up. I have to unbuckle my seat belt, get out of the car and lock up. He is fucking twat!
Why do you put up with it?
Crankley · 07/04/2022 22:12

I'm confused.

In February this year you posted that he left you and you were happy to be able to do things you couldn't when with him. Then you got back together.

Last October you posted about discovering he had cheated and said:

"We've come to the conclusion we need to separate but how do we do that when we both love each other so much. We get on so well and he is just my favourite person, we hardly ever disagree or argue, we have so much fun and are into the same things. I know I'll never find anyone as perfect for me as he is, he is the one."

So which is it? Is he the love of your life or a controlling monster?

HirplesWithHaggis · 07/04/2022 22:57

OP explained earlier she had had a lightbulb moment, and once her eyes opened she couldn't not see any more. Not unusual for women in abusive relationships.

Raindancer411 · 08/04/2022 08:01

Can you report the loan as fraudulently? If you are going to leave, it won't help you so best to flag it up the instant you are aware? (I know they may not be easy to do)

Basil121185 · 08/04/2022 08:55

I can't believe that you are even entertaining this idiot. I know more mature 12 year olds.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 08/04/2022 12:14

@Bogiesaremyonlyfriend

Oh and he has taken out another loan in my name, for a kit car, that he also used the insurance money I got for my engagement ring when it broke to buy.

@Bogiesaremyonlyfriend please contact the finance company and tell them this. If you want to escape him you don't want to be saddled with his debt.

riverpebbles · 15/04/2022 12:17

How are things, OP? I was just reading a thread in AIBU about a husband who decided his wife should manage his (totally delusional) Instagram 'brand' Hmm and thought to myself, 'That reminds me of the keys lady'. Wanted to check how you are doing.