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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Husband has decreed that...

625 replies

Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 01/04/2022 11:11

... he is far too important to carry a house key any more. This means apparently, that I am now responsible for ensuring he is not locked out the house ever. If I have the audacity to not be in when he requires to be let in, I have to ensure a key is left in a safe location and that he is informed of this. Also, if he leaves for work, often at 5/6 am, the house will remain unlocked until I drag my lazy ass out of bed to either lock the door or get up for the day.... or we get burgled! Honestly, I wish this was an april fool's....

OP posts:
UniversalAunt · 07/04/2022 07:44

‘ He has taken out loans in my name in the past that I haven't known about until I've accidentally found the proof.’

Oh, he’s fraudulently represented himself as you as well. Last time I looked that was a criminal offence.

I suggest that whilst you are under the same roof, you collate & copy as much documentation to take with you as you can. Store these copies securely & off site.

As he has been posing as you for financial gain & to prepare for the financial settlement phase in your divorce, I strongly encourage you to get a credit check report from the credit agencies, e.g. Experien, Equifax & others. Because not all companies report into the agencies but you’d get a good sweep across all of them.

Maybe something like this would get you started Check my file?

The credit check reports will list current & past credit applications, payment histories & your own credit ratings which will give you an idea of what he has been up to in your name.

You are legally liable for all the debts in your name.

There is no such thing as marital debt that is divvied up in the divorce. If it is your name, it is yours. You need to establish clearly which applications & loans you took out, & work towards a position where you can minimise your liabilities.

You mentioned that you will be getting legal advice, it is important that you get advice about how to split the debt from your own applications & those he made fraudulently. You must protect yourself & your assets.

It may be possible in the financial negotiations for the divorce to have his ‘share’ of the debt offset to him in the settlement, but there is no straightforward path to getting that done. This is important why you need to call out what he has done, document your discovery & negotiate from a position of strength backed up by quality information.

The first step I suggest is once you have the credit agency reports is to contact the report provider(s) about applications he has made in your name & inform them that you do not recognise the debt as one you applied for. Be scrupulous in the information you submit & keep detailed records of all correspondence about each application etc that he made.

It may be that you are advised by the credit agencies &/or your legal advisor that you go to the police to report his fraudulent activities.

I assume that you did not let loans he set up in your name, that you found, go ahead.

BTW it is worth knowing how easy it is for someone to apply online for finance in your name. All they need know is a few salient facts about your everyday life to trip through the automated security questions, & then set the bank, contact details & passwords up so that you would never know that it had happened.

Cherriesarethebest · 07/04/2022 07:54

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UniversalAunt · 07/04/2022 07:55

@Bogiesaremyonlyfriend just seen that you have an Experien report. Please try the other credit check agencies to get full coverage.

UniversalAunt · 07/04/2022 07:56

Cat flap Grin

Squeezyhug · 07/04/2022 08:09

Bide your time OP and look forward to the day you can tell him to go fuck himself.

dexterslockedintheshedagain · 07/04/2022 08:18

please put those sexy things on

I'm assuming he has the body of an Adonis?!!
Get him one of those Borat costumes and tell him to 'put that sexy thing on'!

HazelBite · 07/04/2022 08:59

Oh gosh OP its so easy to get overwhelmed with someone like this without really realising what is going on.
I'm glad you have had your lightbulb moment, the day you are shot of him you will feel a weight has lifted from your shoulders and your heart Flowers

Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 07/04/2022 10:20

Haha no definately no Adonis. I'm just not sure how much more I cam take, it is a constant barrage of awfulness. He has literally followed me around this morning while I clean up his scratchy pants, bemoaning how messy the house is, how I'm in my scruffs, told me to fuck off when I asked if I could move the wheelchair that he has left in one of the kids bedrooms for over a week (it is his dads spare he took out of the car but hasnt returned). He tried to eat dds creme egg she got from a party but I took it off him and gave it back to her, to say thank you the sweet little angel left it on my bed for me to find and was so happy when she thought I'd found it and eaten it, but then cried when she found out he had eaten it before I'd seen it. I feel like running away. And of course I'm not invited to his leaving do, that would ruin the illusion that I'm a miserable loser that deserved to be cheated on for being so shit.

OP posts:
Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 07/04/2022 10:21

Oh and he has taken out another loan in my name, for a kit car, that he also used the insurance money I got for my engagement ring when it broke to buy.

OP posts:
Zonder · 07/04/2022 10:44

I'm just not sure how much more I cam take,

So please don't take any more. For your child's sake if not for yours.

And dob him in for fraudulently taking out a loan in your name.

Doidontimmm · 07/04/2022 10:47

I’d report him for fraudulently taking the loan out!

Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 07/04/2022 10:55

Well that's it isnt it, now I've seen the impact on my children I want out asap. Almost just think fuck it kick him out now and deal with the fall out later!!

OP posts:
longtompot · 07/04/2022 11:03

At least with him out of the house you don't have to put up with him following you around, or taking your kids chocolate. I think any fallout won't be as bad as what you are putting up with.
I'd contact the loan company to say you haven't taken out this loan.

Have you seen the Polly & Geller threads on here? Worth a read

girlmom21 · 07/04/2022 11:06

@Bogiesaremyonlyfriend

Oh and he has taken out another loan in my name, for a kit car, that he also used the insurance money I got for my engagement ring when it broke to buy.
Can you report him for fraud?
longtompot · 07/04/2022 11:06

Some useful info here on how to unlink with him financially whilst still married

www.choose.co.uk/guide/debt-accrued-by-spouse-in-your-name/

billy1966 · 07/04/2022 11:09

Your poor daughter.

He should be reported for fraud.

Skybubble · 07/04/2022 11:15

I've only read the beginning of this because it's got to be a wind up.

WhenPushComesToShove · 07/04/2022 11:41

I haven't read the whole thread but wanted to say that 'no fault divorce' was made law on 5th April which means one, either or both can apply online and after 20weeks you can be divorced. There is nothing the other partner can do to keep you in the marriage if that's not what you want. Image taking control, getting out of this situation and mostly, his face when he receives your petition. Free yourself

CaveMum · 07/04/2022 11:51

You need to report him for fraud now. You know he has done it and you need to make it clear that you were not complicit.

dexterslockedintheshedagain · 07/04/2022 11:55

@Bogiesaremyonlyfriend

Oh and he has taken out another loan in my name, for a kit car, that he also used the insurance money I got for my engagement ring when it broke to buy.
Seriously?! He's signed your name? You really should do something about this because when you come to leave, he's the sort that would stop paying, and it's YOU they'll be coming after! Please give serious consideration to reporting him to the police. Please.
Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 07/04/2022 11:59

@Skybubble

I've only read the beginning of this because it's got to be a wind up.
Honestly I wish it was but I can give you a detailed hour by hour report of the shit I have to put up with every single day of my life if youd like. I'm happy that you havent had to experience anything like this and that someone else living like this every fucking day can only be a joke....
OP posts:
AskingforaBaskin · 07/04/2022 12:03

You need to go to the police today. Do not lose your momentum. You don't have a choice. See it as something you can't avoid. You have to breathe, eat, drink and go to the police. You don't have a choice.

Vijia · 07/04/2022 12:05

Why are you cleaning up after him?!

Stop being a doormat. Let him do his own laundry, cooking and cleaning!!

If there's no give and take stop giving!!

Lougle · 07/04/2022 12:11

Do go to the police about the loans. It's not even remotely a 'thing' that couples do.

Briefly · 07/04/2022 12:31

How quickly can you leave?

Your poor little girl.