Page 17 | Husband has decreed that...

Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 2022-04-01T10:11:33+00:00

... he is far too important to carry a house key any more. This means apparently, that I am now responsible for ensuring he is not locked out the house ever. If I have the audacity to not be in when he requires to be let in, I have to ensure a key is left in a safe location and that he is informed of this. Also, if he leaves for work, often at 5/6 am, the house will remain unlocked until I drag my lazy ass out of bed to either lock the door or get up for the day.... or we get burgled! Honestly, I wish this was an april fool's....

Tamworth123 · 03/04/2022 17:04

Also, if he leaves for work, often at 5/6 am, the house will remain unlocked until I drag my lazy ass out of bed to either lock the door or get up for the day.... or we get burgled!

I know of a couple where the female half was raped in her in bed, because the husband didn't lock the door behnd him when leaving in the morning.

The rapist had a fixation on the woman, but still ...

tkwal · 03/04/2022 20:51

Pull out of the purchase of the BTL house. He gifted you the deposit so use it to buy something you choose yourself. He could tie you up in court for years if you choose to proceed

Kurtanforpm · 03/04/2022 21:30

hasn’t he committed fraud though, applying for a mortgage in OPs name?

You need to get legal advice and fast.

FellowFairyLights · 04/04/2022 06:22

I imagine he’s putting his girlfriend in that other house. Go now or it won’t end well.
All very strange.

NdefH81 · 04/04/2022 07:01

@FellowFairyLights

I imagine he’s putting his girlfriend in that other house. Go now or it won’t end well. All very strange.

It’s in the OP’s name And he legally gifted the OP the full, very sizeable deposit for it to be a BTL mortgage. So if that’s his plan, he has a very funny way of going about it

NdefH81 · 04/04/2022 07:02

@Kurtanforpm

hasn’t he committed fraud though, applying for a mortgage in OPs name?

You need to get legal advice and fast.

He applied for it But then OP signed all papers So unless it is proved that it was done under duress or the OP is lacking full capacity No fraud

Discountclaimed · 04/04/2022 07:34

Just let him get locked out a few times then cheerfully tell him you had your headphones on and didn’t hear him.

SW1amp · 04/04/2022 07:36

Is it a BTL mortgage? If so, you can’t live in it. You’ll be in breach of the mortgage conditions and they can and certainly will, evict you and repossess it for being in breach of the mortgage conditions, and he will tell them, won’t he! At the very least they will force you to change to a residential product and pay all the costs over again, AND the early repayment charges. Also stamp duty will be due on the purchase. Possibly second home stamp duty, which is bloody massive. Do you have funds to pay it? You really need to talk to the solicitor/broker/lender and find out what he’s told them, and also to instruct them to speak only to you, personally. Not whatever email he’s set up in your name (or however he did this). He might have told them it is to be your primary residence, if he has fraudulently applied for a cheaper residential mortgage in your name. In which case you can live happily in the property while sticking two fingers up at him. (although you will still have to fund the stamp duty, but it will be much lower)

Literally none of this is true
None of it
Baffling that someone goes to the trouble of that huge long post when they don’t know the first thing about what they are writing

isthismylifenow · 04/04/2022 09:10

How are you doing OP?

rhowton · 04/04/2022 09:37

Absolutely do this!! But never be there when he needs. It won't take him long before he has a key again.

Workinghardeveryday · 04/04/2022 09:51

So proud of you @Bogiesaremyonlyfriend

Your life is just about to get going, I am excited for you

Wallywobbles · 04/04/2022 10:13

You are awesome. But please see a lawyer.

I was reading some old emails from my ex yesterday with my eldest DD17.

We divorced 14 years ago but they've lost some power. All those insults, all those ridiculous hoops I jumped through.

The kids stopped contact with him 8 years ago. They could see through him as soon as they were given the space to do so.

Can I recommend the out of the fog website for you all.

Peachy66 · 04/04/2022 10:34

Your husband's entitlement reminded me of a joke I heard years ago:

The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, You Can Be the Man of Your House.

He stormed over to his wife in the kitchen and announced, "From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and ....well....you get the point".

"Later, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe..... Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

Without even looking up from her morning paper the wife replied, "The funeral director would be my first guess."

Your husbands demands are laughable, the sooner you and your children are away from this delusional man the sooner you can start living your best life.

Justanotherobserver · 04/04/2022 10:39

I've got an image for that joke. Sorry it's small, though.

Celiamary · 04/04/2022 11:26

leave spare keys in car and slip them into his pocket or bag. Then tell him by txt when he wants one.
You could annoy him by holding onto any other keys he needs, work or car keys for instance, making him ask every time.

Flatbrokefornow · 05/04/2022 22:56

@SW1amp

Is it a BTL mortgage? If so, you can’t live in it. You’ll be in breach of the mortgage conditions and they can and certainly will, evict you and repossess it for being in breach of the mortgage conditions, and he will tell them, won’t he! At the very least they will force you to change to a residential product and pay all the costs over again, AND the early repayment charges. Also stamp duty will be due on the purchase. Possibly second home stamp duty, which is bloody massive. Do you have funds to pay it? You really need to talk to the solicitor/broker/lender and find out what he’s told them, and also to instruct them to speak only to you, personally. Not whatever email he’s set up in your name (or however he did this). He might have told them it is to be your primary residence, if he has fraudulently applied for a cheaper residential mortgage in your name. In which case you can live happily in the property while sticking two fingers up at him. (although you will still have to fund the stamp duty, but it will be much lower)

Literally none of this is true
None of it
Baffling that someone goes to the trouble of that huge long post when they don’t know the first thing about what they are writing

I’d be interested to hear you take. It’s all factual. Do you have a mortgage?

SW1amp · 05/04/2022 23:11

@Flatbrokefornow

they can and certainly will, evict you and repossess it for being in breach of the mortgage conditions

You stand by this?
You sure about that..?

At the very least they will force you to change to a residential product and pay all the costs over again, AND the early repayment charges.
Also not true

He might have told them it is to be your primary residence, if he has fraudulently applied for a cheaper residential mortgage in your name. In which case you can live happily in the property while sticking two fingers up at him. (although you will still have to fund the stamp duty, but it will be much lower)

Also not true that stamp duty will be ‘much lower’ if it’s a residential mortgage with her living there.

While they are married, any other house purchased by her will attract additional stamp duty, regardless of whether they live there or not. A married couple is considered a single unit for this purpose. Even if he owns a house in his name only, any property purchased by her will be considered an additional one

But golf clap to you for thinking that having a mortgage somehow makes you an expert on them

Flatbrokefornow · 06/04/2022 00:05

[quote SW1amp]@Flatbrokefornow

they can and certainly will, evict you and repossess it for being in breach of the mortgage conditions

You stand by this?
You sure about that..?

At the very least they will force you to change to a residential product and pay all the costs over again, AND the early repayment charges.
Also not true

He might have told them it is to be your primary residence, if he has fraudulently applied for a cheaper residential mortgage in your name. In which case you can live happily in the property while sticking two fingers up at him. (although you will still have to fund the stamp duty, but it will be much lower)

Also not true that stamp duty will be ‘much lower’ if it’s a residential mortgage with her living there.

While they are married, any other house purchased by her will attract additional stamp duty, regardless of whether they live there or not. A married couple is considered a single unit for this purpose. Even if he owns a house in his name only, any property purchased by her will be considered an additional one

But golf clap to you for thinking that having a mortgage somehow makes you an expert on them [/quote]
If you live in a buy to let mortgage, you will be in breach of the conditions. It explicitly states you and various relatives cannot live in it. A lender can, and in my actual experience will, try to repossess for breach of conditions. Yes, I stand by it. I think in the circumstances, they might allow an application for a residential mortgage, but they aren’t known for their benevolence and would surely expect you to cover any costs? Which, in this case, would be the early repayment charge and the new mortgage costs. Why ever would they not? You have to pay the court costs when they repossess FFS. What is your opinion of what would actually happen if you breach mortgage terms and conditions by living in a buy to let? Or do you not think it breaches? Or that they won’t find out?! I have at no point said I’m an expert, but I do have relevant experience of both buy to let and residential mortgages, and what can happen if the T and Cs are breached, even unintentionally. Your experience may be much more useful, but as you haven’t shared it, I can’t know.

A first home attracts lower SDLT. A second attracts an additional 3%. At what point does a property bought by one half of a couple with the intention to separate and for it to be her main residence become her main residence? It can’t be on the disposal of her previous main residence, she doesn’t own it and can’t sell it! Does she have to wait for the divorce? Even if she did, you can reclaim overpayment then, if it’s within a certain time frame (I forget how long. Years though)

There’s no need to be so unpleasant. I do have some experience of BTL mortgages, and I’d like to help by bringing it to the OPs attention. I haven’t questioned yours, or been unpleasant. If you wanted to be helpful, you could share some of your expertise, rather than just being rude about my posts.

OP, I’m not an expert. I don’t know if anyone else is. If it were my bolt hole, I’d make damn sure I found out. First.

Mix56 · 06/04/2022 07:56

But in the worst scenario she could rent it & use that income in whichever way she needs.
Once again, once OP finally gets a divorce she should get half the assets/pension/life insurance/savings.
Although clearly he isnt going to let one of his 2 golden balls go easily

Original poster

Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 06/04/2022 21:05

I've seen him for a grand total of 1.5 hours today. He has woken me up snoring and farting, moaned about my pjs "please put those sexy things on, only slightly worse than the joggers you're wearing" ignored the fact I've had my hair done, gone on and on about the amazing from a jar fucking spag bol he had to start making as I was out sorting the kids, I had to finish it the moment I walked in through the door, and clean off. Called me lazy when he has been working all day, even though I've not stopped running the kids around at a dance festival for 4 days. I'm broken. Oh and not told me about the leaving do he is having tomorrow.... but apparently I already knew about it as he has definately mentioned it before....

OP posts:

AcrossthePond55 · 06/04/2022 22:44

Deep breath. Relax those tense muscles. He doesn't know it but he's on borrowed time, so smile inwardly and let him blather on.

If you aren't expected on his arm for this leaving do, count it a blessing that he will be out of the house for a few hours.

Hope all your plans are coming together and you'll be able to start a 'final countdown' soon.

GeorgesMarvelousCalpol · 06/04/2022 23:32

Oh @Bogiesaremyonlyfriend you poor thing, you sound so stressed. Just keep your eyes on the prize! It'll all win be done 🙏

GeorgesMarvelousCalpol · 06/04/2022 23:33

*soon be done

isthismylifenow · 07/04/2022 06:24

God now he's dictating the pajamas you have to wear 🙈

Unfortunately it's a case of having to bide your time OP.

But the party thing, definitely a gaslighting tactic there. Aren't you so silly for not remembering etc etc. I 100% believe he didn't tell you, nor mention it.

RAOK · 07/04/2022 06:58

I hope you’re in counselling.