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Original poster

My bf wants nothing to do with unborn baby/pregnancy

172 replies

Sofi1990 · 31/03/2022 17:51

Hi guys, I will try to keep this short. I found out I’m pregnant (unplanned and shocked). My bf and I have not wanted children, at least for the next 2/3 years, maybe? So, this was a complete surprise.

I myself am not sure about what I want to do, and I have considered keeping and not keeping. I booked appointments to talk to a few people etc

My bf has said he is not ready and supported my decision when I was booking appointments for a termination. He seemed supportive and kept encouraging me that it was the right thing for both of us.

As I’m not hundred percent sure and I will never do anything if I have doubts, I did speak to him about keeping it and how he would feel.

He told me he didn’t want the baby and if I did keep it, he doesn’t want anything to do with the pregnancy or have anything to do with the child when it is born- emotionally and financially. He said he only wants me, wants to be with me for the rest of his life and is in love with me but he doesn’t want me and a baby.

Even though I am still thinking of an termination too, this has completely thrown me about me and just completely broken my faith in what type of man he is.

It scares me to think he is type of man. He claims to want to be with me the rest of his life and loves me but said he wants nothing to do with his baby if I keep it.

I’m just not sure that I will keep the baby for my reasons - that I can still be with a man like this.

My mind is already so so confused and now this too. I don’t know if I even want to be with him anymore, baby or no baby.

Anyone been in a similar situation?

OP posts:
TinLeaf · 31/03/2022 18:54

Btw, you can still claim child maintenance even if he isn’t on the birth certificate.

Kuachui · 31/03/2022 19:05

i couldnt be with a man that would do that to a child he helped create.

Creameggs223 · 31/03/2022 19:10

Same situation as me and my ex my dd is 6 now and has never met her father. I wanted to keep he made it clear he didn't so u walked away and never looked back best thing I done.

Unsure33 · 31/03/2022 19:10

He has put extreme pressure on you . He is saying he only loves you , ON HIS TERMS.

Get rid of him and then decide what you want to do .

Whatever00 · 31/03/2022 19:11

He is manipulating you to get what he wants. He loves and supports you as long as you are doing what he wants. That is not love. I'm sorry he doesn't want kids. He needs to take responsibility for his sperms and get the snip or use condoms every time. In this case, as you are pregnant, he no longer gets a choice. It's your body and your choice. You will face the consequences of your decision. Both having and not having the baby will impact on your wellbeing. It comes down to what you can live with.

Creameggs223 · 31/03/2022 19:11

so I not u

SunflowerTed · 31/03/2022 19:15

I’m with your boyfriend. He’s not ready to be a parent and this shouldn’t be forced on him

NeverDropYourMooncup · 31/03/2022 19:18

You do what YOU want.

And then dump his arse for being a callous, manipulative, coercive prick.

HellToTheNope · 31/03/2022 19:19

@SunflowerTed

I’m with your boyfriend. He’s not ready to be a parent and this shouldn’t be forced on him
🙄

Perhaps he shouldn't have had sex then.

viques · 31/03/2022 19:21

@SunflowerTed

I’m with your boyfriend. He’s not ready to be a parent and this shouldn’t be forced on him
Yes indeedy. . If only she hadn’t forced his condomless penis into her vagina, all would be well.
England101 · 31/03/2022 19:22

He sounds like an arsehole!! Please make up your own mind. Don’t be pressured by him.

Finance wise - the non resident patent appears to be able to run circles around CMS! at times. So despite your child being entitled to the money, you might not get it unfortunately.

Sillyotter · 31/03/2022 19:30

On the plus - he’s been very clear which allows you to make an informed decision now. Either way it sounds like your relationship is dead in the water now anyway, I don’t think I could stay with my partner if he turned around and basically said he only wanted to be with me as long as I didn’t have a baby.

Out of interest - does he even want kids ever? His reaction seems extreme and if you’re wanting kids in the future it sounds like he’s certainly not one to do it with

SunflowerTed · 31/03/2022 19:31

He’s not happy to be trapped into parenthood

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 31/03/2022 19:34

@SunflowerTed

He’s not happy to be trapped into parenthood
Assuming he consented to the sex that generated a pregnancy he's not been trapped into anything
SunflowerTed · 31/03/2022 19:35

Forced? Wow!!!!!

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 31/03/2022 19:35

@SunflowerTed

Forced? Wow!!!!!
You used the word first...Hmm
NowEvenBetter · 31/03/2022 19:37

Your posts all mention what he says. He’s a dick. His words are worthless, like him. Disregard him. Do you want this kid? Do you want to be a single mother?

He chose to ejaculate in you and didn’t take any responsibility for contraception, so these are natural consequences, he will be made to pay for his kid, and cry about his choices in his own time.
I’m childfree and make damn sure that I do not conceive. Your boyfriend didn’t bother with that.

Snoopfroggyfrogg · 31/03/2022 19:38

He is putting huge pressure on, booking holidays and trying to confirm future plans in the assumption you will a) be together and b) you will decide not to keep the baby.

Is there a reason that 2/3 years would make such an enormous difference now that you've found yourselves in this situation and have been together 2 years already, long enough to decide you want kids? Even if so, say, he is in the midst of training or something then it is extremely harsh to say he would want nothing to do with the baby and would cut you and it off, rather than just to clearly state that the timing is not right for him yet.

I would take all the time you need to make the decision, but I would make it in light of the knowledge that he has been so extreme in expressing his point and how that suggests he would be about any future planned pregnancies, as in, is it ever going to be the right time for him? I would be considering whether you are prepared to have a baby alone as any man saying he would cut off a baby he created with you is a really strong statement.

MostlyOk · 31/03/2022 19:40

I would be very worried about being with a man who issued this kind of ultimatum. True love says, 'we're in this unexpected situation together...how do we best work our way through it?' Love doesn't force you to make a decision that might not be in your best interests.

I have a friend who was in the exact same position and she chose to keep the baby. Her partner left and she was understandably devastated but she did have the support of her family. Her wee boy is now 11 years old but when he was 18 months old, the ex partner realised he'd made a mistake and tried to get back with her.

She wasn't having any of it as he left her at the point she needed him most, but she was keen for her son to have a relationship with his bio father. He's now very involved and has regular access but she has moved on and is with someone else.

Follow your heart, not the man who is trying to coerce you into making a choice between him and your baby.

1forAll74 · 31/03/2022 19:45

He isn't the type of man that I would wan't to stay with.,, with these nasty comments about a possible baby in life..He surely knows that having sex with you, could result in you getting pregnant.

If you decided to have your baby, and he bunked off elsewhere, you will always be reminded of his selfish ways towards you. But of course you can choose what you wish to do about your pregnancy..

AstridTheSmiley · 31/03/2022 19:45

Good advice on this thread. I would spend some time with family/friends and away from him while you work out what you want to do- no need to tell him anything until you are ready to. But like you I couldn't be a man who would attempt to entirely disown his child like this (I say "attempt" because of course he has no option about financial support).

Good luck whatever you decide, OP.

MrsBertBibby · 31/03/2022 19:51

He loves me with conditions I guess.

He doesn't love you, at all. He loves having you, sure. He doesn't love you in the slightest.

He is a controlling, cruel, self-centred piece of shit. Run, and thank your stars you escaped.

WonderfulYou · 31/03/2022 19:54

How old are you both?

You need to decide what’s more important to you - him or having children.

He’s not going to stay with you if you have a baby and If you think he’s more important will you actually be able to forgive him for acting this way?

You’ve only been together 2 years so he may change his mind in the future but he may never want children at all.

I actually think it’s a good thing he has been so honest. I’d rather know ahead of time that he won’t be involved rather than pretending they will and then leaving just before the baby’s born or just after like many men.

Mamamamamia · 31/03/2022 19:55

Well he IS putting pressure on you OP, hes saying him or the baby.

Of course, it's reasonable that hes in shock or being honest that he doesn't want kids ( or in future) but the way hes going about it, is not cool

Its all very well for men to want it "dealt" with , but they dont have to go in and swallow that pill ...

Going by your user name, your in your 30s? If you DO want kids - dont waste any more time on this man.

If you keep the baby, youll be by yourself unless you can bear to look past his recent actions? He may come round?
I had a termination when i was younger and now im married to the same guy, and we have kids.

But if you do terminate: it will be over for you two , anyways.

Sorry OP, this is a sad situation and going to be a terrible break up ro recover from Sad
Biggest hugs X

G5000 · 31/03/2022 20:03

unless you're both 16, 2 years makes no difference. If he really thought you were the one he wants to have family with, he would not force you to terminate only to start trying in 2 years. Yes, of course he is putting pressure on you if he says he will walk away if you keep the baby.