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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Needing support for those days after first finding out about husband's infidelity

921 replies

Sazdun · 27/03/2022 18:05

Okay third time lucky. Unfortunately some of you will have followed what happened to me yesterday and finding out my husband of 8 years was unfaithful. There have been super kind people who have reached out and from the bottom of my heart I thank you. I wish j could buy each of you a well deserved wine or chocolates. I still can't find it in me to reach out to my IRL friends or find the words but I am meeting my friend tomorrow and lets hope I can by then. My original thread has been put up so I can get some of the helpful info people posted but no more replies can be made. My follow up thread has since been deleted because it is a thread about a thread. I did not know this is not something you are supposed to do. Anyway I have started this to keep anyone who is helping me stay updated or for anyone going through the horrible or similar same thing to get some helpful advice. Some people have questioned if I am infact real. I am. I am a 38 year old mum of two who has been with her husband since she was 23. I was concerned about his relationship with another woman but while I came on here yesterday thinking I would get feedback on how to approach my feelings and deal with my husband, I got angry and stood up for myself. I never ever thought it would lead to this. So if you doubt me or what to pull every little thing I type please don't, predictive text is a bitch. This is my life, my girls lives and I just need support and help.

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 24/04/2022 09:12

I think it’s totally your decision, but if your decide you’re going down this route and having him back it might be an idea to get counselling for yourself too. You’ve so much to process. The way you are at the moment, being more angry at het, going around to her house, almost shouting at her husband etc, it doesn’t sound like you’re in a solid place to properly decide. Especially with a husband who is still wittering on about her completing him etc. There’s no point taking him back to “show her you’ve won”. It’s got to be so much more than that and there’s a lot more to process and get over. But I really do wish you all the best.

Evilcountspatula · 24/04/2022 09:22

You sound so lovely. Totally understand that you want to give your family the best possible chance of staying together but my goodness what a whining, self absorbed numpty your husband sounds. He really doesn’t deserve you and you deserve so much better.

GoodSoup · 24/04/2022 09:45

Understand that you want to give things a chance OP. However for him no contact with the OW anymore is going to be like a break up. Can you put up with that? Should you? Just be wary of how much of an emotional crutch he’s going to expect you to be after he loses her. Plus, it’s not your job to support him.

He is not going to be putting the effort into you and the children if his emotions are elsewhere.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 24/04/2022 10:09

@Honeyroar Especially with a husband who is still wittering on about her completing him etc

That is ridiculous. It makes me think of Dr Evil saying it to Mini Me in the Austin Powers films. This man really, really is completely ridiculous. Is he made of enough substance to be a husband, father and hold down a job?

I really would not want him, especially a) "for the sake of the children" and b) to prove I'd "won". What does it matter what the other woman or the "friendship group" think? I'd far rather cut it all off and find authenticity with proper friends. This all sounds too Cold Feet for my liking.

kaleidoscope123 · 24/04/2022 12:00

Hopefully you have secured some counselling sessions for hubby and even joint session. The counsellor will be able to clearly explain to him how he can’t have two women in his life like this. He is being incredibly selfish and I do wonder if it is more, it was when she got married that this flipped a switch on his emissions, as if before he was getting both womens attention and OW only had her OH for the physical interaction he could give her because that was the boundary he set with himself after you got married and he started back up the interaction with her. Suddenly when she got married that triggered the fact that what he was doing was wrong and he couldn’t lie/contain his emotions any longer.

Mix56 · 24/04/2022 12:46

IMO "Suddenly when she got married that triggered the fact" that she was no longer single & the dream of them being together was slipping out of his grip

iampotato · 24/04/2022 13:19

@Sazdun I hope you find your happiness again

Moser85 · 24/04/2022 15:14

But what I do disagree with you about is that is love. It's not love, it's over reliance, addiction but it's not love. Because if it was and they both felt it- they would have acted on it. It's an addiction to the feeling each gives the other. An addiction is something hard to break, he might need counselling to overcome that addiction. But in the coming years he will be able to overcome and replace with a healthier persute or person to 'fill that void'.

You could say the same about most emotional affairs then, it's an addiction and not love....and it kind of is because they get the dopamine hit from contact etc. but it's still a choice to continue with it, it's not like a heroin addiction, they can get the dopamine from someone else, he got it from connecting with the OW when instead he could have made the choice to instead connect more with his wife...or to use any other numerous ways to get that dopamine hit that don't involve betraying your wife.

Also when physical affairs are broken down and considered from a neuroscience point of view they can often be seen as addictions too.

So really painting it as an addiction doesn't make it any different than many other affairs.

Also he has said he loves her. His words.

MsDogLady · 25/04/2022 00:46

He actually admitted without prompting it was wrong at the beginning to have been be so honest with me about saying he loved her…

Sazdun, as hard as it is, you have to know the truth. Hearing H’s honesty about the extent of his feelings for OW is crucial if you want to make informed decisions moving forward.

Neither of you should view H’s honesty as a mistake. You asked him weeks ago if he loves OW, and he eventually answered yes. That was progress. Likewise, you asked for more answers yesterday, and learned that he views OW as ‘the missing piece who completes him because he can speak freely and she listens, and he will grieve losing her.’ More progress. You challenged him that he should be speaking to you and solving issues with you instead of outsourcing and bonding with his AP. Even more progress.

This process is crushing and frightening, but there is no longer any room for avoidance, evasion, blame-shifting, lies, and half-truths. Open communication is the only way.

timeisnotaline · 25/04/2022 05:44

It is good that you’ve had honesty about he loves her. One condition of getting back together that you need to make is while if he is committed and really trying you will go to individual counselling to be more open about your emotions, BUT you will not support his emotions and grief about losing here. That’s on him and he has to manage it without putting it on or taking it out on you. It is not your job and you have no support to give him for his lying to you for years and years and having an emotional relationship with someone else.

Ihearticecream · 25/04/2022 07:05

OP well I think bumping into OW’s H was a great thing! Seems like the most honest and progressive conversation you’ve had in a long time. I used to work with a girl who moaned constantly about her OH and I always thought she can do so much better, but of course it turns out I was only hearing the bad bits and he was actually a decent guy and they’ve now been happily married for several years.

The issue is all of the things he was talking to her about he should have been talking to you. But for some reason he has an issue with how he “looks” to everyone else. He has to constantly be the hero, saving everyone and apparently have no flaws and everyone puts him on this pedestal. And everyone is inter-meshed so he has to keep this up all the time.

I think you both need a friend or two outside your group who is just yours and where you can just have a quiet drink once in a while and catch up with someone outside who won’t go talking to everyone else you know.

Also, communication is key as yes you hated the nicknames and such for a long time just say oi I hate the fact you two have nicknames, what the eff is that about?

I notice when I am really rundown that me and DH lose the ‘how was your day?’ And it really does affect us. And once I get round to giving him a hug and saying how are you? I’ve hardly seen you - I can feel we both feel a hundred times better. I mean sure it’s easier to talk to someone who hasn’t left a hundred dishes in the sink when the dishwasher is right there and you’re annoyed but we are “partners” in every sense of the word and we need to be talking to eachother about the big things and the little things. The real thing is far better than anyone on a pedestal.

Best of luck OP I hope therapy will help with everything, including sorting out your own fears of turning into your mother. (I think we all have this fear so please be kind to yourself).

Re the kids, just say she’s very busy with married life and we are very busy doing x,y and z. And repeat often. And use with other people who may ask in front of the kids. It will be a natural progression then, as life moves on, so do we.

Take care xx

Mumof3confused · 25/04/2022 07:48

He seems extremely self absorbed. I think it would be a good idea for you to get a counsellor to really explore your relationship, not just what you’ve found out now but also the last 8 years or so and what it gives you. I can’t help but feel he’s only serving his own interests and he complains that you don’t see him, but does he truly see you?

Ihearticecream · 25/04/2022 13:09

Also OP, he just thinks she isn’t judging him. - She is definitely judging him!
She just doesn’t have to live with him, so can easily walk away and switch off from his issues.

Bjarnum · 25/04/2022 18:33

He got upset at her wedding because it underlined the fact she was not going to be HIS. This is the only explanation of his behaviour. He is confident you will continue to provide the 95% of his needs whilst he yearns after the remaining 5% balance from her. To make him complete. Screw that. How about you finding the man who will make YOU complete? How supportive will he be about that?

sabretoothtigger · 26/04/2022 17:00

Oh, he needs a HUGE shift in perspective, especially if you two choose to try moving forward together. For what it's worth, I think it sounds like you handled the conversation with him incredibly well. He's so impossibly self absorbed still..

Like some of the previous posters, that smacked of falling for your therapist to me as well. There's a good chance he's a self indulgent twit of monumental proportions, and got himself all twisted up and confused. What an idiot!

On the "too honest" front, what a load of rubbish! After almost a decade of his self serving lies, he needs to be totally and brutally honest with you now. It's the only way you'll have any hope of finding some kind of way through this (whatever that is). He might not be saying things you want to hear, and maybe that you can't forgive, but he does need to start being totally honest if you have any hope of building any trust again - whether you stay together or not. Obviously you'll still be raising your daughters together either way. You deserve the full truth, and always did.

And NONE of this is on you @Sazdun whatever he says. You can listen as he talks, but you don't need to take the weight of the blame on your shoulders. There will undoubtedly be things you can both improve for each other in your marriage. That's true of almost all, if not all, relationships. Look up 'active listening' if that's a skill you want to develop.

The point though, is that if he wasn't getting something he needed from you, then when he realised that, he should have raised it with you and given you the opportunity to both grow within your relationship. Not seek it from another woman, especially his secret affair partner.

Given his religiosity, there's a faith based book that would highlight this concept to him very clearly, called Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas. Might help shift his mind set and perspective a bit.

On the issue of friendship and gender, I don't really think that has much to do with it. It's the intimacy and confusion that's the big issue now, isn't it? I think you'd probably feel quite uncomfortable if he confessed he'd been building that kind of emotional intimacy with a male friend, then crying at his wedding, and telling you he loves him but not quite sure how, and this male friend was the missing piece in his life... Obviously it would be easier for you to take if it was anyone he hadn't previously had a sexual encounter with, but the idiotic deep emotional reliance he's cultivated outside your marriage was a big mistake on his part. He needs to realise why.

I agree with others that you both might benefit from a bit of individual counselling. Although given the possible transference on his part, I'd suggest he finds a male therapist. I appreciate that you don't want to spend date nights at counselling, but if that's your best chance to move forward, either together or alone, with peace and clarity, then surely it would be worth it? Date nights without trust, intimacy, honesty, or a solid foundation to your marriage wouldn't be much fun anyway, would they?

As for OW, or anyone else.. They have nothing at all to do with your marriage long term. Your marriage should centre around the love and friendship between you and your H. That's it! Long term, that's nothing to do with anyone except the two of you.

If you're both generally pretty practical, I would perhaps ask your H to offer you a solid plan of how he thinks you can move forward. Then you'll consider whether that might be an option for you. Things like individual counselling, couples counselling, living arrangements whilst that's ongoing, how he plans to manage work interactions with OW, etc.

He broke it, and there's nothing stopping him offering a solid step by step plan to try and fix it.

Rogue1001MNer · 28/04/2022 22:35

Without wanting to hassle you, @Sazdun , thinking of you

Moser85 · 28/04/2022 23:33

Like some of the previous posters, that smacked of falling for your therapist to me as well. There's a good chance he's a self indulgent twit of monumental proportions, and got himself all twisted up and confused. What an idiot!

If people think that it's like falling for their therapist then they must think the same of all emotional affairs or even some physical affairs.

Once it crosses into physical the general lines are that they were flattered, it boosted their ego, they felt unwanted at home...but if those people were able or willing to go into extreme detail about their feelings and fondness for their affair partner then they would probably say much the same as this man is saying...missing piece, good person, could talk to her about x, y and z...blah blah blah

Other affairs get reduced to a few words...flattery, ego boost, selfish as if they had no complex thoughts or feelings towards them....but this man pours it all out. That's the only difference really.

On the issue of friendship and gender, I don't really think that has much to do with it. It's the intimacy and confusion that's the big issue now, isn't it? I think you'd probably feel quite uncomfortable if he confessed he'd been building that kind of emotional intimacy with a male friend, then crying at his wedding, and telling you he loves him but not quite sure how, and this male friend was the missing piece in his life... Obviously it would be easier for you to take if it was anyone he hadn't previously had a sexual encounter with, but the idiotic deep emotional reliance he's cultivated outside your marriage was a big mistake on his part. He needs to realise why

He does realise why. He can't be that stupid. OP said he points out I wouldn't be annoyed if it had been a guy I went to which he is also right about

He was right about that but it would have been completely different if it was a guy who he had kissed and given a blowjob to shortly before his wedding.

MsDogLady · 29/04/2022 05:26

@Sazdun, I too have been thinking about you since your update. You were clear with H about his faithless behavior and its ramifications, as well as what your expectations are. I hope he has made some proactive moves by now.

Just to reiterate: H’s disloyalty has never been your fault. Not 8 years ago or during the years since. You are only responsible for safeguarding your own fidelity….not his. Massively self-serving, he unilaterally changed the parameters of your relationship, and breached his commitment to physical and emotional monogamy.

In my view, this goes beyond transference. H planted the seed of his infidelity during your engagement. After the post-wedding period of distance at OW’s behest, he used deception and sought to get as close to her as possible, building a multi-layered relationship via their reciprocated emotional support and reliance, shared humor/work chat, flirty banter, and her entrenchment in your family and social network. He highly values being her KISA and cherishes her being his confidante.

Another component likely at play here is residual sexual energy. Last month he described his physical attraction to OW as ‘coming and going.’ Although it has been tamped down and is not overtly acted on, that energy has infused their emotional intimacy and banter. You’ve felt it when you’ve been uncomfortable around them and about them.

H sabotaged your relationship when he built an illicit connection with OW and self-justified doing so all the way through your marriage. I hope he is now motivated to delve into his selfishness, weak boundaries, and poor coping skills with an experienced therapist. I hope he is motivated to change his mind-set, close the window to OW, and strengthen the walls of your marriage.

Until the above has transpired, I believe it would be self-harming to subject yourself to his pining for the ‘missing piece’ in his life or to the anxiety of wondering how they are interacting at work.

Sending strength to you, @Sazdun.

Sazdun · 29/04/2022 15:11

Thank you everyone for all the really helpful advice and support. I have told H I need space and explained to him why. I told him he cannot stay in contact with OW outwith work and in work it should be on a purely professional basis. Whether they do will remain to be seen but he is a grown man and there is only so much I can do. I am not spending my life worrying about him and things I cannot control. I still do not know what I want but to completely end it felt too much. H started with counselling this week. He has agreed that while I sort this out we should have weekly check ins with each other to discuss how we feel, the girls etc. to try and build emotional intimacy. It felt very contrived but will keep at it. There was a primary school intro day this week and got talking to two mums who have just moved into the area, one is a recent divorcee and the other had a son same age as DD2 so have been proactive and arranged a coffee with them to try and build external friendship groups. Also saw a job advertised that I fancy so have went after that. Busy week but feel a little but like I am turning things round with or without H.

OP posts:
ValerieCupcake · 29/04/2022 15:54

@MsDogLady What is a KISA? Other than a Russian kitten?

StoneMap · 29/04/2022 16:25

@Sazdun Good to see your update. Take as much as time you like. A decision will come to you when you are ready. When it comes, it will be crystal clear. Whatever the outcome, you won't regret the fact that both of you decided to make efforts to save your marriage. New friends and a prospect of a new job! You are starting to get control back in your life! Good luck.

Rogue1001MNer · 29/04/2022 16:46

What a brilliant update. Really sounds like you are working through this. It all sounds incredibly positive.
Early days, obviously, but amazing. Well done. I feel so pleased for you.
What did DH say to you not wanting him to see OW outside work?
Have you heard from anyone in the friendship group? Or has it all gone deathly quiet?

kaleidoscope123 · 29/04/2022 17:57

Really pleased to hear you are doing so well and making new friends. I think I can say for everyone that we are all really proud of you.

Might also be good to get yourself some Counselling so that you have someone to speak to in person too (don’t get fobbed off with Covid virtual, it’s not the same and in person is where you have form a safe place to talk without anyone overhearing and you can also get a read on your Counsellor and vice versa.

Is hubby still at your mums or has he moved home?

kaleidoscope123 · 29/04/2022 18:14

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This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

chopc · 29/04/2022 18:36

How nice to hear the positive update. How are you sharing access to kids at the mo?

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