My AirPods are where I thought they were. My husband isn’t!!

[BadDayForMe]

I’ve been reading mumsnet for years but not made an account until now. I can’t talk to anyone in RL and really need some advice please
My DH is on a golfing trip with a work friend in Portugal. I though I would do some housework today and was looking for my AirPods. I couldn’t find them so mentioned to DS that I didn’t want to spend time looking in case I’d left them at work.
He suggested I look on find my iPhone as that would show them. I’ve never used it before but once I reset the Apple ID I got in and saw they were in the house. ( I searched the kitchen and found them behind the pot I drop my keys and stuff in. )
I noticed that this app showed my husbands phone so clicked on it just for a nose
He’s not in Portugal. He’s in Spain!!!!!
Why the fuck would he lie about what country he he’s in unless there is something seriously dodgy going on. I watched him go from a hotel to a
Restaurant, then along the seafront, then back to the same hotel. It can’t be wrong. I can’t sleep. Is he with another woman?
Wtf do I do?????

Are you sure he didn’t say “I’m going to Portugal with Dave and Bill”

And then a week or so later said “Bills booked Spain instead” and you just didn’t click? Or hear?

It’s exactly the sort of thing I’ve done. “Sorry, I meant Spain.”

@EarringsandLipstick

By the way, FindMyIphone absolutely can be wrong. I just checked Apple Support for examples, and there are many questions. Explanations have varied from lack of network connection to cell tower triangulation.

But you know, that's not as interesting as OMG, OP, he's definitely lying, get your ducks in a row, hire a PI, take his phone when he walks in 🙄

In which case DH’s location would randomly jump around or stay in the same place for days. It would not track him to a hotel, down the seafront to a bar, and then back to a hotel. I have no idea if he is cheating but the location sounds highly accurate.

@Libertybear80

Do you not share a bank account or credit card bills? Why are you just relying on one source? I could easily spot where my DH is from his transactions.

All we can conclude ftom that this is that you probably aren't the OP

Not everyone has shared finances you know

@ I hope you get some answers soon op xx

Could his friends actually be in Portugal and he is using their golfing holiday as a cover for his Jollies in Spain?.....

If you’ve never used the FindMy app, how can you see him on it? You’d would have had to sent him a request from the app, which he would’ve needed to accept. Did you ever do that?

@bebarkered

Is it possible that IF he has gone away with another woman, he's thinking to himself "I won't get caught because I'm in Spain, but, my wife thinks I'm in Portugal? Sounds a bit mad, but, having an affair is madness. I behaved completely irrationally when I cheated on my husband

I would like to think that if DH were to cheat on me he’d have the nous to disable location services and family sharing on his phone but people can be very stupid.

As you can see what hotel he is in I would be googling and then calling that hotel. Asking to be put through to Mr Xyz room and seeing if he answers. If he does I would hang up, then think of next steps. If a woman answered I would put on my best receptionist voice asking to speak to Mr Xyz and once he was on the line I would hang up, then think of next steps.

Sorry op. It's not looking good.
I had similar when my ex told me he was going to NYC but actually went to vegas. The joke is, I wouldn't have cared either way but the deception was something I couldn't get over (for two days he refused to admit he was in vegas) so we split in the end, over that. And other shady behaviour.

@ZoyaTheDestroyer

Yes, sorry, I missed that bit in her OP about tracking to beach / hotel.

I still just can't understand why she just first ask him.

Yes, he could be engaged in massive deception, in another country, with an OW. If that's the case, surely he is going to be somewhat surprised she knows his location. She is going to get some clue as to what's happening.

This sounds really weird. Is he particularly well travelled? Is it possible that he could be mixed up about where he is? Is he that type of person?

Or is he having an affair and thinks he's cleverly thrown you off the scent by saying he's in Portugal?

Hope for the best but prepare for the worst OP, good luck!

Howling at the thought of hiring a PI! I really think some people need to get a grip!

@Sharrowgirl

If you’ve never used the FindMy app, how can you see him on it? You’d would have had to sent him a request from the app, which he would’ve needed to accept. Did you ever do that?

She obviously did. That's why his device shows up there.

It couldn't have otherwise. It's just not something she recalled doing or uses regularly.

It seems weird to me also to lie about the location. Why bother?

But also seems weird to me to go golfing with one male colleague. But then, I find it weird when men are at restaurants together (and not a couple) because they so rarely do that kind of thing

does the photo contain metadata? can you see where it was taken?

@EarringsandLipstick because if she gives away that she knows he's in Spain he can cover his tracks. If he is lying you want to catch him in the lie. E.g 'what's hotel like? Which hotel?' If he lies about that there's something wrong

I had to send requests to the dds phones for find my iPhone and they had to consent

Don’t tell him anything, just monitor him for the rest of the holiday and see if it fits in, especially where he goes to fly home. Is there a gold course at the hotel where it is showing he is?

It sounds a bit odd to lie about which country, perhaps he just likes you not knowing where he’s gone, a freedom thing rather than cheating but still not nice to lie. What time does he land and which airport, you could check flights and see if there is a flight from Faro at that time.

If you are really suspicious by tge end of the holiday you could go to the airport and wait for him, see who he walks through arrivals with.

Don’t ask him anything, if he’s lying he will just lie more. My ex lied to me and would convince me I was the crazy one for thinking he lied.

Hi op, I lived in the Algarve for a number of years, the boarder from faro isn't actually that far, I used to pop over the boarder sometimes and go to the theme parks or even a weekend away, it might just be that?

Take screenshots!

Perhaps the find my phone is wrong?!

We own a property near the Spanish Portuguese border, about 2 miles into Spain
Sometimes my phone thinks I’m in Spain and sometimes it thinks I’m in Portugal

Hello everyone, thanks for your messages and ideas. Just to answer a few points - he has been to Portugal for golfing holidays before. It’s the only time he goes away with us so if he is lying then a trip to Portugal would be a good excuse.
I’ve never used find my iPhone before but he set up our phones when we got them so assume that was part of it. I reset the password. Maybe he has been notified I’ve looked at him. If so then I guess he will be making up an excuse. I WhatsApped him this morning but he’s not replied yet
I didn’t know passports got stamped so if he carries on saying he’s in Portugal then I’ll know.
I don’t know what to think. Just that he is definitely not meant to be in Spain.
I can’t see his bank account or emails. But I will
Check the flight times. He’s back tomorrow
Thanks

That was meant to say the only time he goes away without us

[quote supercali77]@EarringsandLipstick because if she gives away that she knows he's in Spain he can cover his tracks. If he is lying you want to catch him in the lie. E.g 'what's hotel like? Which hotel?' If he lies about that there's something wrong[/quote]
I couldn't live like that.

She asks him. He provides a satisfactory answer that she believes OR he doesn't, and she doesn't.

You either trust or don't.

I could live a life of suspicion & setting traps. I recognise that's not the MN norm.

My dh has just said he could easily see someone on a golfing holiday saying theres a great course 3 hours away, and them going. When he goes on snowboarding holidays he would obviously end up in different countries some days. But when I asked if they would end the golfing day with a walk along the beach, he was, let’s say, less convinced by that bit.