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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My AirPods are where I thought they were. My husband isn’t!!

999 replies

BadDayForMe · 27/03/2022 02:07

I’ve been reading mumsnet for years but not made an account until now. I can’t talk to anyone in RL and really need some advice please
My DH is on a golfing trip with a work friend in Portugal. I though I would do some housework today and was looking for my AirPods. I couldn’t find them so mentioned to DS that I didn’t want to spend time looking in case I’d left them at work.
He suggested I look on find my iPhone as that would show them. I’ve never used it before but once I reset the Apple ID I got in and saw they were in the house. ( I searched the kitchen and found them behind the pot I drop my keys and stuff in. )
I noticed that this app showed my husbands phone so clicked on it just for a nose
He’s not in Portugal. He’s in Spain!!!!!
Why the fuck would he lie about what country he he’s in unless there is something seriously dodgy going on. I watched him go from a hotel to a
Restaurant, then along the seafront, then back to the same hotel. It can’t be wrong. I can’t sleep. Is he with another woman?
Wtf do I do?????

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
Sunnierdays · 27/03/2022 08:16

Ask him for the confirmation of his flight ticket and hotel booking when he gets back, if he’s got nothing to hide he will probably find it funny. If he’s gets annoyed and starts with the you don’t trust me talk then I would be more concerned !

Libertybear80 · 27/03/2022 08:17

Do you not share a bank account or credit card bills? Why are you just relying on one source? I could easily spot where my DH is from his transactions.

cabansunset · 27/03/2022 08:17

Ask him what hotel he's in, which golf course he's playing on etc. if he's tried the local beer and what it is.

Continue to monitor his location and keep track (screenshots?)

Try to access his bank account / credit card and email to see bookings.

Who has he travelled with to play golf? (Not alone surely) check with them.

If you can stay silent until after he's home, access his phone and check everything.

HopeIsNotAStrategy · 27/03/2022 08:17

[quote Lurking9to5]@HopeIsNotAStrategy well the first thing I thought when I read Benalmádena was ''sex holiday''. This is a potential reason why he might have lied and said Faro. He lied about his location and the OP should know that Benalmádena is not a sleeply little fishing village. It's important.[/quote]
All I can say is that was really not my experience.

Perhaps we have both experienced different parts?

bebarkered · 27/03/2022 08:18

Do not raise his suspicions. When he gets home, the first opportunity you get make sure you look at that passport of his (in case it has been stamped) x

TracyMosby · 27/03/2022 08:19

Those people saying FMiP isnt accurate are not accurate in what they mean. When it isnt accurate it means it is either showing you in the last place you were before location services were turned off / battery died, or using wifi instead of GPS due to lack of coverage so it is jumpy. It DOES NOT MEAN is it randomly tracking nothing from a hotel, through a village, along the sea front and back to a hotel. Hmm

EarringsandLipstick · 27/03/2022 08:19

@jo55ie

Doesn't sound good OP. Hope you get some answers soon
It sounds puzzling.

That's what it sounds like. I cannot understand why anyone in a half-normal relationship wouldn't just ask him. If he lies, surely you will know?

lemongreentea · 27/03/2022 08:19

hope you managed some sleep and can get to the bottom of it. hopefully its all a bg misunderstanding.

BarbaraofSeville · 27/03/2022 08:19

[quote Lurking9to5]@HopeIsNotAStrategy well the first thing I thought when I read Benalmádena was ''sex holiday''. This is a potential reason why he might have lied and said Faro. He lied about his location and the OP should know that Benalmádena is not a sleeply little fishing village. It's important.[/quote]
But people can do that flying to Faro as it's where you go for the Algarve, which will have plenty of clubbing resorts as lively as Benalmadena.

Or people can go on a nice family relaxing holiday in Benalmadena, it's not all sex and clubbing.

But that's irrelevant, although it is strange that he's apparently mislead the OP about where's he's going.

UniversalAunt · 27/03/2022 08:20

This is an important point made by several pps.

‘ You may want to consider that find my iPhone isn't always accurate. You can read up on what can interfere with location through a quick Google search. I've had my phone think I'm in North London when actually I've been over 100 miles away.’

The data is not entirely accurate over a larger area. At home within a few metres as your AirPods, but not always so over a distance. Don’t assume that the information for the area around the Spanish & Portugese borders is pin point accurate.

If you have uncertainty, then screen shot the info displayed & stores the images away. You need more than some generalised data to substantiate raising doubt & accusations with your DH otherwise you risk throwing a bomb in to your marriage. You need a bigger picture (!) to be sure & substantiate your doubts.

This must be very be upsetting for you & hopefully you’ve had some sleep.

Jammybadger · 27/03/2022 08:23

As others have said. Monitor his movements. Find out what hotel he’s staying in, see where he goes during the day. FaceTime him possibly? You could also phone the hotel he’s staying at afterwards pretending that you forgot something in your room and you can’t remember the number. Ask him what flight he’s back on and offer to pick up from airport? Turn up at airport to see who he is with? Or phone the hotel you can see he’s staying at and ask to be put through to his room?

cptartapp · 27/03/2022 08:24

I absolutely wouldn't ask him.
If it's worse case scenario you need to know. Don't give him any opportunity to pull the wool over your eyes here and string you along for the next few years.
As a woman who will usually always be left worse off all round and the LP when a relationship fails, prioritise your own interests here, don't let on and and wait and see.
Hoping it's all innocent.

Laquila · 27/03/2022 08:26

This sounds very stressful OP - good luck and I hope you get things sorted/understood soon.

Buildingthefuture · 27/03/2022 08:28

Well, it’s weird, but it would be such a weird thing to lie about? Most accomplished liars know full well that they have to stick as close to the truth as possible, surely? But then you obviously as a family don’t use find my iPhone so maybe he didn’t know he could be tracked….But there must be bank transactions, booking details, test forms etc. Could he reasonably expect you could see that (joint bank account, access to his emails etc) or is it all separate?

Ratatoo · 27/03/2022 08:29

I'd say that pool looks great, what's the hotel called? I'll see if I can get a good deal for me and you later in the year.

littlefireseverywhere · 27/03/2022 08:31

Ask him for the hotel name? Hope it works out.

LetHimHaveIt · 27/03/2022 08:31

I'm very confused, and I'm not usually that slow.

Quite apart from the 'Find My' business, if he is in Spain - and it sounds like he is - and he's knocking someone off - WHY has he made life so much more complicated for himself when he could have lied to you in the first place that he was going to Spain? Or, alternatively, taken the woman to Portugal? There will be bank statements. Airline/car reservations. Hotel reservations. Any bars/restaurants he goes to won't be in Portugal. Any photos won't be taken in Portugal. What if there's some sort of Act of God/force majeure/industrial action/a deadly virus, and flights are grounded in Spain but not in Portugal. How will he explain that? What we he do when he can't produce any photos of he and his golfing buddy?

I think a golfing holiday 'à deux' is a bit weird. All my male golfing friends go off in at least groups of six, and usually much bigger.

layladomino · 27/03/2022 08:31

Have also been on a relaxing family holiday in Benalmadena, and don't recognise the 'drugs, clubs and sex' description - certainly not the bit we were in. Not the main point I know, but unfair to give the Op a skewed picture of where he is.

Star81 · 27/03/2022 08:31

Your just going to have to stay quiet to him about what you I’ve found out at the moment. Screenshots daily would be a good idea and do you know when he’s back as you can try and work out if the flights make sense.

starfishmummy · 27/03/2022 08:32

@Zonder

Is it kind of odd that he specified that he had arrived at Faro airport? Wouldn't it be normal to just say the airport? Malaga airport is up the road from Benalmadena.

I hope you've managed to sleep and that there's a harmless explanation.

I dont think it would be that odd to say "I've just landed at Faro".
LetHimHaveIt · 27/03/2022 08:33

Sorry - I meant 'lied to you in the first place that he was going to Spain to play golf with a colleague

StooOrangeyForCrows · 27/03/2022 08:34

Could you ask to speak to the fella he's there with?

Honeyroar · 27/03/2022 08:35

Very strange!

bebarkered · 27/03/2022 08:36

Is it possible that IF he has gone away with another woman, he's thinking to himself "I won't get caught because I'm in Spain, but, my wife thinks I'm in Portugal? Sounds a bit mad, but, having an affair is madness. I behaved completely irrationally when I cheated on my husband

LittleSnakes · 27/03/2022 08:38

Does the find my phone location match up with towns and hotels? If it was inaccurate it might just show random places where there isn’t anything. Eg a random road going nowhere particular. Or the middle of the sea or something.

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