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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My AirPods are where I thought they were. My husband isn’t!!

999 replies

BadDayForMe · 27/03/2022 02:07

I’ve been reading mumsnet for years but not made an account until now. I can’t talk to anyone in RL and really need some advice please
My DH is on a golfing trip with a work friend in Portugal. I though I would do some housework today and was looking for my AirPods. I couldn’t find them so mentioned to DS that I didn’t want to spend time looking in case I’d left them at work.
He suggested I look on find my iPhone as that would show them. I’ve never used it before but once I reset the Apple ID I got in and saw they were in the house. ( I searched the kitchen and found them behind the pot I drop my keys and stuff in. )
I noticed that this app showed my husbands phone so clicked on it just for a nose
He’s not in Portugal. He’s in Spain!!!!!
Why the fuck would he lie about what country he he’s in unless there is something seriously dodgy going on. I watched him go from a hotel to a
Restaurant, then along the seafront, then back to the same hotel. It can’t be wrong. I can’t sleep. Is he with another woman?
Wtf do I do?????

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
TidyDancer · 27/03/2022 12:22

He's probably forgotten that find my iPhone is turned on. People don't always remember this stuff. Wasn't it Gavin Rossdale who got caught cheating on Gwen Stefani because he'd forgotten about iPhones and iPads syncing photos?

Sorry OP, it really doesn't sound great. I think do the best you can to sit on this and use the time now to get as much evidence as possible. Ask him for photos, to FaceTime you, get him to talk about Portugal and keep checking the gps and screenshot where he is. I would also be searching the house top to bottom for any hidden evidence.

Mellowyellow222 · 27/03/2022 12:22

@Easterbunnyiswindowshopping

Why not message the friends dw with a casual 'lucky you getting breakfast in bed even when the dh's are away..' .
Don’t publically out your marital Problems - whatever way this plays out you don’t want personal dramas played out over Facebook.

It’s not an episode of footballers wives.

Yes call him out but maintain your dignity and privacy.

clpsmum · 27/03/2022 12:22

Don't listen to the people saying that it could be a problem with the tablet, it's not. He's lying to you

PAFMO · 27/03/2022 12:22

@HowIsItMarchAlready

Please remember that there may be an innocent explanation so try not to get too wound up. It may be bad but it may not.
For example?

I think the scariest thing about this thread is how many "what a silly little sausage he is, thinking he was in a completely different country! Ha ha, how we'll laugh about this when we're old. He'd lose himself in a teacosy that one".

clpsmum · 27/03/2022 12:22

How scary people are defending him

Nateismine · 27/03/2022 12:23
Wink
Foody8410 · 27/03/2022 12:23

I would message the other guys wife and ask her a simple question about hoping the boys are enjoying their trip

TidyDancer · 27/03/2022 12:23

@FuckPutin

Apologies if this has been said before now...I've not read the full thread Confused but if he has sent you photographs while he is away, on an iPhone, there will be a time, location and date stamp attached if you swipe up. The location information can be disabled however it's unlikely he's disabled it considering he's active on find my phone.

Is this the case if the photo is sent through WhatsApp? I thought you couldn't access that detail on the photo if it's sent that way.

CharityShopChic · 27/03/2022 12:24

@clpsmum

How scary people are defending him
Defending? Or just pointing out that the OP has very little information, has only one side of the story, and is adding 2 plus 2 to get 26.
twinkletwixkle · 27/03/2022 12:24

Happy Mother's Day op
So sorry but it doesn't sound great does it, I'd ring the hotel and ask to be connected to "your husbands name room) then just say busted
Soon spill his beans

CornishGem1975 · 27/03/2022 12:24

@FuckPutin

Apologies if this has been said before now...I've not read the full thread Confused but if he has sent you photographs while he is away, on an iPhone, there will be a time, location and date stamp attached if you swipe up. The location information can be disabled however it's unlikely he's disabled it considering he's active on find my phone.
Mine doesn't location stamp as I have that turned off - but assuming he doesn't if she can see where he is, so that's a good point. You can also adjust the time/date yourself but I imagine most people aren't that forward-thinking.
Sunnydays78 · 27/03/2022 12:25

Also now you know you can locate him perhaps sit on it. If he is having an affair you will be able to see where and when they meet

CornishGem1975 · 27/03/2022 12:25

@TidyDancer I just tried it on an image I received from Whatsapp - I saved it to my camera roll and swiped it up. Still has time and date but no camera information and no location (but again that might be because they have it turned off?)

whynotwhatknot · 27/03/2022 12:25

I dont understand why you cant ask him the hotel say someone wants to to go the area for a holiday or something then ring it and ask to be put through-either be listed there or not

Giraffapuses · 27/03/2022 12:27

Watching.

RandomThought96 · 27/03/2022 12:28

Has someone stolen his phone?

NativityDreaming · 27/03/2022 12:32

If you know what hotel he is in then call and leave a message for him from his friend’s wife, the one he is supposedly with. That should cause him some panic.

But I would prefer a direct approach and I would confront him.

Benes · 27/03/2022 12:34

@TheSandgroper

I haven't read the full thread, just the OP.

Just to say that it has been raining in the area. Due to the Sahara dust storm, I have fb photos from family of the mud that has been raining down. Thick mud is coating everything.

When he says "no chance of sunburn", he likely means it. I don't know what a golf course would be like with a mud bath raining on it so perhaps the group have found alternative occupation.

But would he have told her this?

If a freak weather episode meant it was raining mud and this completely changed your plans and meant you travelled to completely different country wouldn't you tell your partner this?

clpsmum · 27/03/2022 12:34

@CharityShopChic I'd say defending tbh. There isn't a reasonable explanation for him saying he's in one country when he is in fact in another. At the very very least he's a liar.

Febrier · 27/03/2022 12:35

Watching

Like a soap opera or something @Giraffapuses Hmm

clpsmum · 27/03/2022 12:36

I would be tempted to go and meet him at the airport

AreWeThereYetMummy · 27/03/2022 12:36

I would be so tempted to go to the airport op

HaggisBurger · 27/03/2022 12:36

[quote SW1amp]@beenaroundtheblox

It might show a previous location and not refresh to the current one straight away

But it will never just randomly show a location where the phone hasn’t been, it’s not technologically possible

And OP saw the phone moving around the town and back to the hotel
Again, not possible for this to be wrong[/quote]
Exactly! That is where he is. Of course he is. And he’s lying through his teeth.

RonaldMcDonald · 27/03/2022 12:37

Okay - he is on holiday with someone

He can come clean and tell you
He will either be sad and apologetic ( then you need to decide what you want to do)
or leave to live with the new woman/man

Or more likely lie and tell you find my iPhone doesn’t work.
He will throw in a can’t believe you have invaded my privacy
He will try to inhabit the high ground - maybe pantomime moving out - see above
This will let you spend ages feeling mad and maybe apologetic and guilty

He will still have cheated and lied about it

I’m sorry this was how you found out

LondonWolf · 27/03/2022 12:37

@mjf981

Is he geographically challenged? Has his friend arranged the trip and for some reason he doesn't actually realize he's now in Spain, as they did fly in to Faro? Unlikely I guess, but I work with the general public, and I reckon some of them are that thick!
Honestly this. I know someone who holidayed in Madeira but firmly believed they'd been in the Med. They genuinely didn't realise they'd flown in the opposite direction across The Atlantic.