Think I have to face the fact my Mum doesn't love me

[WildRiceOnToast]

Sorry, this all sounds really pathetic and self pitying but it's completely eating me up.

DM lives abroad on her own. DF died 5 years ago. I travel to see her whenever I can, in normal times a couple of times a year staying about a week. She hasn't been to visit me for more than six years. I've invited her to come anytime but she doesn't want to. She hasn't seen by DC since then, they don't want to come over as the last time she visited us she completely blanked them the whole time and they were very hurt. She never rings me, it is always me making contact with her. I've never tested it, but I suspect if I waited for her to call I would simply never hear from her again. She hasn't acknowledged mine or DC's birthdays or Christmas with even a card or a call for about 10 years now.

So here I am four days into a week long visit to her and she's barely spoken to me the whole time. Doesn't want to go out anywhere with me. Just ignores me. The realisation has finally struck that she just doesn't want to know and I'm thinking what am I doing here? She's probably wishing i would take the hint and leave her alone. So I have brought my return flight forward and I am leaving early. Not sure where to go from here. I guess I should ring now and then to check on her, but then again maybe I should just drop contact, it seems to be what she wants.

I feel broken. Who does this to their own daughter? I would be horrified if I had made one of my DC feel like this.

I’m one of six children. My mother was an incredibly interesting woman but she only truly loved one of her children. Two of us accepted this fact many years ago the others didn’t. I didn’t make any dramatic announcements just didn’t see her often. Sometimes you have to protect your own sanity. She left everything to this one child. The others still ran around after her, I’m glad I didn’t.

It sounds like you mum has some form of disorder. She doesn’t appear to actually know or feel what you’re feeling.

Thank you for making this thread. I used to think it was only me who had cold dysfunctional parents until I decided to go NC. I stopped pretending I had parents that was interested and that was when I realised it was more common than you think. It started off with waiting for them to make contact. It was five years before this happened. It was my DF who reached out and apologised for how he had behaved towards me over the years and admitted it was all them. He truly couldn’t explain why apart from my DM had once said she didn’t bond with me as a baby. So initially I was only in contact with my DF and then my brother suddenly passed. This was a total shock and i then decided to visit my DM which was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do. I was so shocked how she had aged. I still have LC with my DM but have a better relationship with my DF.
Sorry to hear you are going through such a painful situation. Take time to heal and enjoy your own family.

My dad died back in 2019, I hadnt heard or seen him since I was around 12ish or so, he left my mum when i was 6 and had broken visits from him infrequencly till i was 12 then he never shown up again. so when i heard 31 years later he had died (never got to see either grandkid, no see me when i almost died 3 times over the years) i cant say i felt too bothered.

i always wanted him to say sorry for being a crap dad but i didnt even that that..