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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband walked out tonight

687 replies

Username2101 · 21/03/2022 23:23

In the past few weeks my steady reliable husband has changed drastically. He went on a works party and basically came back a different person, he's become extremely focused about his weight. He's going out every weekend with "friends" he's never mentioned before, he's coming home later and later from work and making excuses to get out of the house.

I confronted him tonight and asked him very bluntly wtf is going on, I mean all this basically screams other woman. He started going on about him wanting to spend time with his friends and that he's the ONLY person in the whole wide world who has to ask for permission. (He doesn't)

I told him if he wanted his freedom so badly he can pack his bags, piss off and have it permanently. He walked out and went to stay with his friend, the friend who has regular parties with all the local 18 year old girls who think that a 45 year old man with a big house and a swimming pool is exciting.

Now I'm panicking, what on earth do I tell the children in the morning about where their daddy has gone, I have 2 months left of my degree and I'm at bloody placement until May. How am I meant to advise people about their lives when mine is a disaster.

OP posts:
Original poster
Username2101 · 20/04/2022 18:44

It's strange because I should feel happy about it.

Instead I'm just sad that he threw his family away for a child that was as disposable as we were.

I'll be honest I considered what taking him back would look like and I know it would never be that same as it was and I could never trust him again.

OP posts:
Original poster
Username2101 · 20/04/2022 18:44

It's strange because I should feel happy about it.

Instead I'm just sad that he threw his family away for a child that was as disposable as we were.

I'll be honest I considered what taking him back would look like and I know it would never be that same as it was and I could never trust him again.

OP posts:
cantbelieveheletmedown · 20/04/2022 18:53

What an idiot! You are doing so well. Karma had well and truly played its card! What is wrong with these men to shat on a perfectly good relationship! I reckon he’ll be wanting you back!

Spudlet · 20/04/2022 18:55

You know what though, feeling happy about this would be pretty vengeful and while
you have every right to feel that way -
especially now, when it’s all so raw - ultimately that would hurt you. Better to try and rise above his shit as much as you can.

You are a strong woman, that much is clear. You’ll get through this.

needmorethanthis · 20/04/2022 19:07

I hope you’re doing ok. You deserve better than this arsehole. You’ll get it to. You have a whole new life to look forward to. Is he still living with his friend? How long is the friend going to put up with him crashing at his place?

AllOfUsAreDead · 20/04/2022 19:39

What a dickhead he is. I actually hope he loses his job, then he's lost everything. His family, his kids, his home and his job. Everything that meant something to him for some cheap woman at work that shags anything. What a scummy twat he is. He deserves nothing less.

You'll get through this. You'll continue on with your new job, you'll improve your life with that dick in it. And his life will get worse and worse, no one will love him, everyone will be laughing at him, he'll end up a lonely tosser who no one loves, not even his kids.

I'd be telling him all of that, so he knows this is all on him. All of his future is on him and he deserves every shitty piece of it.

iRun2eatCake · 20/04/2022 20:09

Username2101 · 20/04/2022 18:44

It's strange because I should feel happy about it.

Instead I'm just sad that he threw his family away for a child that was as disposable as we were.

I'll be honest I considered what taking him back would look like and I know it would never be that same as it was and I could never trust him again.

It's highly likely he'll try and come crawling back.

Have you decided how you'll handle it if he does?

Mix56 · 20/04/2022 20:14

I imagine partying with the young set will soon be embarrassing & they may not be as keen on the "Seedy Joker" as before.
He is going to be homeless. So where do you think he will turn ?🙄

CliffsofMohair · 20/04/2022 20:35

Username2101 · 20/04/2022 18:44

It's strange because I should feel happy about it.

Instead I'm just sad that he threw his family away for a child that was as disposable as we were.

I'll be honest I considered what taking him back would look like and I know it would never be that same as it was and I could never trust him again.

It would be strange if you weren’t feeling the full spectrum of emotions right now. Anger, grief, alongside the love for the person you used to be with.

Uberstar · 20/04/2022 21:03

Don’t feel sad, you got away. You’ve saved yourself years of worry and heartbreak over a man who is willing to discard you and your children at the drop of someone’s knickers.
he is a twat.
love yourself and your children, finish your degree, you will look back in a few years at this moment and it won’t hurt so much. I promise xx

ThatThingYouCantRemember · 21/04/2022 06:36

iRun2eatCake · 20/04/2022 20:09

It's highly likely he'll try and come crawling back.

Have you decided how you'll handle it if he does?

Show quote history

This.

He seems to be epically screwed.

He is no longer useful to her now and let’s be real…. No woman in her 20s would mess around with him unless an advantage was gained. These men feel like they still perform like a man in his 20s! Hilarious! Women in their 20s definitely see the difference!

Hat in hand he will try to get you to accept his mistreatment of you and that you’ll be glad for his affections.

He will likely come knocking and blaming the midlife crisis…. One which is most afforded to men. If you did what he did? your judgment would be harsher and swifter.

When he knocks I hope you can resist answering. He has shown himself and if you take him back he will twist it in his mind that you’ll continue to take it.

no matter what you do going forward, you’ve been very strong.

saltnvinegarlover · 21/04/2022 06:55

I would also be looking at it from the point of view that if his work were accepting of the so called relationship would he have ended it and regretted his decision to leave?

Wildflowerbeauty · 21/04/2022 08:11

Your doing an amazing job with your girls holding your family together. They will never forget this and you are showing them your strength in this difficult time . You will see this man crumble and beg you back . He so doesn’t deserve you and doesn’t deserve spending any time with you and girls together as a family . Hope you are ok .

mothertrucking · 21/04/2022 08:50

I've just read the whole thread and all the time I was reading I was thinking there's an OW. Your situation echoed with me as my ex did pretty much the same with a much younger OW. I caught him out before he left though and he still denied it.

Honestly though him leaving was the best thing that could have happened to me and my child. Our relationship wasn't the best to start with anyway. Give it a few months and you will wonder what you were so heartbroken over. A whole new world will open up to you.

comfortablyfrumpy · 21/04/2022 09:25

Kudos to you for staying strong, OP.

Karma really is biting him big time, and he deserves it.

You and your children deserve better. Here's to a new life.

Original poster
Username2101 · 26/04/2022 11:25

Hey everyone,

I hope you don't mind me using this as a diary.
I have been reading through my thread again, so much shot has happened it's hard to believe it's even me.

We had a chat about everything last week, full truths, nothing off the table.

He had basically been sitting next to this child at work, he fancied her straight away and they apparently had a lot in common.
Spent a lot of time confiding in each other.

The month before he left we're basically spent sneaking around with her, cinema trips, playing basketball, coming home late "with the lads" was just her.

He swears he didn't sleep with her until he left because he felt he was "allowed" to then lol

He really is a shitty liar because I knew something was going on all along. He started making noises about trying again with me. But I can't forgive the lies.

I feel much better now in a way because I know it wasn't just me making scenarios in my head.

So I'm moving forward now, I'm almost at the end of my placement, my final assignment has been submitted and I am making plans with my girls. I still have bad days and cry, but these are becoming less.

I think that I will be single for a very long time before I get over it, but I have hope things will be better.

OP posts:
Original poster
Username2101 · 26/04/2022 11:26

Hey everyone,

I hope you don't mind me using this as a diary.
I have been reading through my thread again, so much shot has happened it's hard to believe it's even me.

We had a chat about everything last week, full truths, nothing off the table.

He had basically been sitting next to this child at work, he fancied her straight away and they apparently had a lot in common.
Spent a lot of time confiding in each other.

The month before he left we're basically spent sneaking around with her, cinema trips, playing basketball, coming home late "with the lads" was just her.

He swears he didn't sleep with her until he left because he felt he was "allowed" to then lol

He really is a shitty liar because I knew something was going on all along. He started making noises about trying again with me. But I can't forgive the lies.

I feel much better now in a way because I know it wasn't just me making scenarios in my head.

So I'm moving forward now, I'm almost at the end of my placement, my final assignment has been submitted and I am making plans with my girls. I still have bad days and cry, but these are becoming less.

I think that I will be single for a very long time before I get over it, but I have hope things will be better.

OP posts:
HazelBite · 26/04/2022 11:38

Op thanks for the update, I have been thinking about you, and wondering if he would try the crawling back scenario, well done you for keeping to your resolve!

TheThreadisMildlyAmusing · 26/04/2022 11:50

I've been following your thread and you sound much more upbeat in your update, It's great to see and hear the positivity and that you are making plans with your girls and moving forward with your career plan.

I totally get that having the chat has made you feel better because it does prove your feelings were spot on all along and were definitely not just imagined. Now you know that you can trust your own judgement in future and not be swayed by people trying to fool you into thinking it's all in your head. Way to go Op.

Original poster
Username2101 · 26/04/2022 12:42

TheThreadisMildlyAmusing · 26/04/2022 11:50

I've been following your thread and you sound much more upbeat in your update, It's great to see and hear the positivity and that you are making plans with your girls and moving forward with your career plan.

I totally get that having the chat has made you feel better because it does prove your feelings were spot on all along and were definitely not just imagined. Now you know that you can trust your own judgement in future and not be swayed by people trying to fool you into thinking it's all in your head. Way to go Op.

I was kind of in awe of the lengths he went to. The night he went to "play basketball" he took a change of clothes and did a whole omg I'm in so much pain routine when he came home.
He was apparently walking around a park with her instead.

He made me pay for the cinema, again not with the lads, just him and her. Lol

It would be funny if it wasn't so sad.

OP posts:
Original poster
Username2101 · 26/04/2022 12:42

TheThreadisMildlyAmusing · 26/04/2022 11:50

I've been following your thread and you sound much more upbeat in your update, It's great to see and hear the positivity and that you are making plans with your girls and moving forward with your career plan.

I totally get that having the chat has made you feel better because it does prove your feelings were spot on all along and were definitely not just imagined. Now you know that you can trust your own judgement in future and not be swayed by people trying to fool you into thinking it's all in your head. Way to go Op.

I was kind of in awe of the lengths he went to. The night he went to "play basketball" he took a change of clothes and did a whole omg I'm in so much pain routine when he came home.
He was apparently walking around a park with her instead.

He made me pay for the cinema, again not with the lads, just him and her. Lol

It would be funny if it wasn't so sad.

OP posts:
Herejustforthisone · 26/04/2022 14:04

It’s sort of hilarious that the stupid cunt seemed to think trying again with you would be his choice to make.

FloraPostePosts · 26/04/2022 15:16

He was apparently walking around a park with her instead.

First time I’ve heard it called that.

Honestly, OP, you’re magnificent. Keep up the good work. The arrogance to think that you’d even consider taking him back! Unbelievable.

ZekeZeke · 26/04/2022 17:35

You are an inspiration OP.
The dignified way you have handled everything is breathtaking.

YRGAM · 26/04/2022 17:40

😂 I'm sorry to be laughing indirectly at your situation but the image of him hobbling around the house pretending to have a basketball injury is hilarious