Partners strange behaviour

[wouldyoucare]

Once every so often. I don't understand it, it doesn't feel right, his reply to when I challenge it or want to talk about it is 'I am who I am'. Can you please tell me if I'm over reacting
So, here it goes:
-when I drive the car and he is in the front passenger seat he would honk at random people and wave them as if he knew them, he then would moan if they don't wave back and say how boring they are
-he would push me for fun when we are out for a walk, he does it gently but I still think it is just stupid, he stopped when I told him to stop doing it
-he would throw something lightweight (leaf) at people in the park and then pretend it wasn't him.
-there is a few terraced houses along the road and one of them has a bench in the front garden. He would go and sit on that bench claiming the garden isn't fenced therefore he can sit in the bench how long he wants
-we don't live together, he suggested inviting my brother and sister in law for a dinner at his, he helped preparing it but just before they were due to come, he fucked off to the gym, ended up coming back home few hrs later.
We have christening in family in few months time and I'm anxious he is going to do the same thing.

He seems to have his own rules for everything and says he is different to other people. but the thing is I'm never sure wheat to expect of him and I feel anxious because of that. He minimises it and makes me feel I'm making a big deal out of nothing. Am I? Am I sleepwalking into some sort of a disaster?
How can I make him see how wrong is it?
He is 39.

Just your description of him is setting my teeth on edge OP.

Yeah, he's a twat.
Bin.

@Opaljewel Just because you don't act a certain way it doesn't mean others with the same diagnosis are the same as you.

I agree that being ND is not an excuse. You can have ADHD and be autistic and be a complete arsehole, all in the same sentence. I'm not saying it automatically excuses the behaviour at all, but it can explain some of it. And certainly if its undiagnosed and not acknowledged by the person, they may not realise their reasoning is wrong and they think that world around them is wrong- Which is exactly like what my father is like!

I also have ADHD and don't do any of these things!

Sorry I haven’t read all the PPs, so this has likely been suggested before but I’m thinking either frontal lobe damage or if not that then a diagnosable personality disorder.

I completely understand that of course.

It's just I see post after post of people throwing diagnostic terms around that they aren't qualified to make and it hurts me that when sometimes people are just plain arseholes, they then get labeled as neurodiverse and I do find that offensive.

As sometimes, people are just simply arseholes and the narrative that it provides also doesn't reflect in a genuine light and just paints a negative picture.

As you so rightly pointed out that not everyone is the same on the spectrum. But I also feel like we shouldn't just be labelling awful behaviour as neurodiverse so offhandly either.

Thank you for your points and have a nice day. 😊

Look - you are clearly not happy and he's going to have to get it into his thick head that it's a deal breaker - stick to your guns - you don't want this behaviour and you don't have to continue in the relationship - there are plenty of other guys out there - my wife is very sensitive to embarrassing or awkward situations (in part due to things that happened when she was young) - overly IMHO BUT - I accept that and try and be sensitive to her needs as she's important to me. That's what you do in a relationship - it can't always be "me first" - it's a balancing act - a two way street. If you're not happy something has to change. Whether he's worth the effort is your call - in spite of the positives you've mentioned it still doesn't sound that promising to me. 39 ffs - I'm gobsmacked by that. Good luck.