Partners strange behaviour

[wouldyoucare]

Once every so often. I don't understand it, it doesn't feel right, his reply to when I challenge it or want to talk about it is 'I am who I am'. Can you please tell me if I'm over reacting
So, here it goes:
-when I drive the car and he is in the front passenger seat he would honk at random people and wave them as if he knew them, he then would moan if they don't wave back and say how boring they are
-he would push me for fun when we are out for a walk, he does it gently but I still think it is just stupid, he stopped when I told him to stop doing it
-he would throw something lightweight (leaf) at people in the park and then pretend it wasn't him.
-there is a few terraced houses along the road and one of them has a bench in the front garden. He would go and sit on that bench claiming the garden isn't fenced therefore he can sit in the bench how long he wants
-we don't live together, he suggested inviting my brother and sister in law for a dinner at his, he helped preparing it but just before they were due to come, he fucked off to the gym, ended up coming back home few hrs later.
We have christening in family in few months time and I'm anxious he is going to do the same thing.

He seems to have his own rules for everything and says he is different to other people. but the thing is I'm never sure wheat to expect of him and I feel anxious because of that. He minimises it and makes me feel I'm making a big deal out of nothing. Am I? Am I sleepwalking into some sort of a disaster?
How can I make him see how wrong is it?
He is 39.

He sounds really annoying and childish. I would dump him and tell him you don’t think you’re well suited.

ADHD??
Manic phase??

Sound really hard work but doesn't sound intention. Seems he is losing focus and then forgetting what he is doing or boundaries? I met someone like that once. He would just stand up midway in a meeting and walk out. We'd have to bring him back in and he'd be confused saying he thought the meeting was over.
He ended up being sectioned and returned a year later and wasn't as extreme as that anymore. His medical diagnosis was ADHD. I know it's an extreme example hence my long reply to explain why I connected the two.

He sounds like a nasty bully to me. He is treating you with zero respect and is unlikely to improve.

Hang on. Did any of you minimising this read he fucked off at dinner?

Nah I'd be out.

If this has come in gradually then I think he knows exactly what he is doing and is manipulating you. He doesn’t want you to feel calm and in control- he wants you to be on edge and frazzled. Doing random things so you can never relax. But always under the guise of ‘having a laugh’ so he can make out you’re overreacting to a bit of fun. Be careful op. This will only get worse. He wants control over you. You won’t be able to reason with him, that’s not what he wants. You need to leave as you deserve much better than being treated like this.

He seems to have his own rules for everything and says he is different to other people.

omfg! Dump this twat!

He is a twat. Get rid. Honestly it will get worse. At best its childish cruelty. At worse its controlling and manipulative. But he is not a child is he? Some of the things you describe are annoying and would give me the ick. Some of them - such as the disappearing act - not in any way acceptable. You can't trust him to conduct himself in a reasonable way - can you OP?

He wants to appear fun loving, quirky and interesting but he's just a gobshite really. It seems to me as if he's not happy unless you're anxious and second guessing yourself, I've met bullies like him, who gaslight and manipulate but it's all under the guises of being a happy, funny guy.

God how tedious. If it’s something you would dump for at the start of a relationship why wouldn’t you dump him for it now?

@Juniper68

Hang on. Did any of you minimising this read he fucked off at dinner?

Nah I'd be out.

I don't think there's many posts minimising his behaviour

Fatgalslim enough have. Thankfully most not.

‘There's lots of ways to do life 'right'. Yours isn't the only way, and if someone does life differently to you, it doesn't mean they're wrong.’

His way of ‘doing life’ IS wrong. It’s controlling and abusive. His behaviour will get worse and eventually cause trouble if it hasn’t already.

Why would you want to spend time convincing him that he’s wrong? If you take him to that family event he will definitely embarrass you. Get rid of him before he starts ‘pushing’ you again.

I wouldn't put up with such an embarrassing twat. Tell him to jog on. Let someone else find his quirkiness endearing and amusing.

I wouldn't cope with someone like this... I get he likes to be unpredictable and different but this just sounds so disrespectful to you.

this would happen once. when I drive the car and he is in the front passenger seat he would honk at random people and wave them as if he knew them, he then would moan if they don't wave back and say how boring they are

It is unsafe if you are driving and he is honking the horn. I would make him sit in the back seat if he is going to behave like a child.

You don't need any other reason to end a relationship than no longer wanting to be in a relationship.

He sounds like a twat and seems like he waited until he'd eroded your boundaries sufficiently before revealing himself ...

Dump him. What a twat.

‘I don't think there's many posts minimising his behaviour’

There are plenty which do not understand or fully acknowledge what he is doing.

I remember my kids doing the waving from car at passengers in another car and being disappointed if they didn't wave back, loving it if they did- I'd say they were about 6-7 years old, I remember my dd doing the throwing grass in park at someone usually me and putting hands in pockets then most innocent face , on as if to say it wasn't me giggling that shed tricked me , I'd say she was 5-7 years old, one neighbor on nearby road has a kids goal in their garden when kids were little if there was a ball out they loved to run in and score ..thought they were so brave going in someone else garden, gosh must have been 7-8 years old...see a pattern,? if it was me id be quite blunt, tell him you like x about him but tell him we are not all the same person we were when we were children. and you don't accept he cant chose when to moderate his behavior . You get it he wants to be playful, but he doesn't get it that it makes you uncomfortable, being with this type of behavior in public , and he can of course act exactly as he wants to but , if you cant enjoy your family event because you are on edge about how he will act I'd come straight out and say so. That you will go without him because as he has said he cant change who he is you can only change how you react to his choice to behave in this way in public and before your family.

@wouldyoucare

We have been together 15 months. And no, at the beginning he didn't behave like this. I would dump him if he was. It started gradually. He behaved like a mature person at the beginning and it is completely different now. Im embarrassed when he does it but at the same time I feel unreasonable to end. Unreasonable and too demanding. That's what he says, I expect too much and complain too much.

So why don’t you dump him now? If you weren’t prepared to put up with this behaviour 15 months ago then don’t tolerate it now.

You shouldn’t be dreading a family event because you are worried about how he behaves?! He obviously knows how to “behave” as he did so at the beginning of the relationship. But now his mask has slipped and you are seeing the real him. Not a very nice individual from what you’ve described. I would LTB.

How can I make him see how wrong is it

The only way to do this is to tell him it is over. He does already know by the sound of things and can turn it on/off when he likes.

By the way, you're not sleepwalking in to a disaster as you asked in your post. The reason for this is that you've figured out his strategy enough to post about it on here. You do know that constantly worrying about what he might do next is no way to continue a relationship and isn't working for you. If you feel that you can't part with him just yet, do please at least go to the family event without him. He is not invited - by you!

Try to imagine yourself a few years from now. Would you have children with this man? Imagine going for a scan with this guy being a prat and offending all the medical staff with his behaviour. If you're going to spend the rest of your life cringing, best to get rid now.

He sounds like really hard work. I couldn't put up with being on edge all the time just because he behaves like a prat for attention.

Sounds like he always needs to be the centre of attention. And like to do that by annoying people
and putting them out and doing things to whip the carpet out from under them. He lacks any kind of emotional empathy, which, is scary. And indicates he is capable of much worse.

What is being described is not immaturity, its emotional stunting. And will never change.

Start asking yourself why you think it's your job to try and fix a grown man's life long issues?

He LIKES you worrying and feeling insecure about how he will act. Why would that be partner material? I wouldn't want someone that untrustworthy or scheming anywhere near me.

He sounds like an idiot and it will only get worse and him going off to the gym was probably planned all along. He is pushing your boundaries and seeing how much crap you are willing to take. I would not even take him to the christening just say family only as he will ruin your day. I could not be with him, all ok having a bit of fun etc but he sounds like an idiot who purposely goes out of his way to get a reaction out of you. I would not have forgiven him for the dinner and you are left to make excuses. What did you say to your brother? I would finish it as this will only get worse and if you do keep seeing him do not move in with this man or your life will be hell. You need to read up on boundaries as the dinner would have been the last straw for me and he would be history.

"Oooh, I'm mad me" - So boring and tedious. I was going to say that this is who he is and if you don't like it move on. I'm still going to say that but based on your update I'm going to change my advice from "move on" to "run like hell". He sees you as an authority figure so this is how he gets to act out and "stick it to the man" (in this case, you). RUN RUN RUN.

Maybe he still has a childs mentality, that is something he can't change, and its a locked in mental problem.