Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Partners strange behaviour

181 replies

wouldyoucare · 21/03/2022 10:05

Once every so often. I don't understand it, it doesn't feel right, his reply to when I challenge it or want to talk about it is 'I am who I am'. Can you please tell me if I'm over reacting
So, here it goes:
-when I drive the car and he is in the front passenger seat he would honk at random people and wave them as if he knew them, he then would moan if they don't wave back and say how boring they are
-he would push me for fun when we are out for a walk, he does it gently but I still think it is just stupid, he stopped when I told him to stop doing it
-he would throw something lightweight (leaf) at people in the park and then pretend it wasn't him.
-there is a few terraced houses along the road and one of them has a bench in the front garden. He would go and sit on that bench claiming the garden isn't fenced therefore he can sit in the bench how long he wants
-we don't live together, he suggested inviting my brother and sister in law for a dinner at his, he helped preparing it but just before they were due to come, he fucked off to the gym, ended up coming back home few hrs later.
We have christening in family in few months time and I'm anxious he is going to do the same thing.

He seems to have his own rules for everything and says he is different to other people. but the thing is I'm never sure wheat to expect of him and I feel anxious because of that. He minimises it and makes me feel I'm making a big deal out of nothing. Am I? Am I sleepwalking into some sort of a disaster?
How can I make him see how wrong is it?
He is 39.

OP posts:
poodlepoop · 21/03/2022 11:17

Sounds like Colin Hunt from the fast show (not a good thing!)

Baconandmaplesyrup · 21/03/2022 11:19

Oh god, the “I’m mad me” I don’t know how you’ve not got the ick.

ESGdance · 21/03/2022 11:22

I think your user name is telling @wouldyoucare as well as these words:

I'm never sure wheat to expect of him and I feel anxious because of that. He minimises it and makes me feel I'm making a big deal out of nothing. Am I?

It doesn’t matter what others think. You have clearly identified behaviours that actually keep you anxious 24/7 because you don’t know what he will do. You have also identified that when challenged he is totally unprepared to dialogue, compromise, adapt or cooperate to ease your concerns.

That’s not good enough for a relationship.

It’s actually very controlling - his behaviour is making you confused and insecure and he is refusing to acknowledge, accept or adapt. That’s not kind or respectful which are basics of any relationship.

I suspect he has some authoritarian parent in the background and this is his “acting out” and he does the act to get a reaction from you so that he can resist it (not comply and minimise your point of view) so that he can feel superior.

But who cares what the reasons are for this nonsense - it’s directed at you - it unsettles you - it’s almost passive aggressive - move on!!

moocow1234567 · 21/03/2022 11:24

That is really weird behaviour for someone who is 39.

Has he been like this the whole relationship or is it a more recent thing?

Is he just childish or does he have some sort of neurological issue? The behaviour just sounds so weird and as if he is completely unaware that his actions are odd.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 21/03/2022 11:29

What ESGDance wrote here. You need to take heed of those words.

Ask yourself too what you're getting out of this relationship with him now. What needs of yours is he supposedly meeting here?.

Joystir59 · 21/03/2022 11:30

He sounds like a boring immature wanker

Traumdeuter · 21/03/2022 11:36

He’d have to have a lot of additional good qualities for me to overlook this, and somehow I don’t think that’s the case

Calandor · 21/03/2022 11:38

Leaving after planning a dinner was ridiculously rude. The other things are silly and childish but surmountable. But not that.

RB68 · 21/03/2022 11:38

The only thing you can do is opt out of the relationship. I agree sounds like a prize prat

whysoserious123 · 21/03/2022 11:38

@Justleaveitblankthen

Bollocks to that. He's an annoying man-child. If he thinks it's his own 'normal' and he's just being himself, it would be interesting to see how he reacts if other people did all the same things back to him Hmm
Very true. Just behave like he does back to him he won't feel so unique then will he
Shehasadiamondinthesky · 21/03/2022 11:39

39!!!! If my DS had behaved like this as a child it would be totally unacceptable.
What on earth are you going out with this fool for?
Normal people don't behave like this. For me it would be a massive red flag.
Don't expect him to behave at the christening because he won't.

Jools67 · 21/03/2022 11:42

@Waterfordaston

My vagina just zipped itself closed at some of these antics. Does he make honking noises when he touches your boobs?

Kill him.

😂
Bluetrews25 · 21/03/2022 11:44

Oh he's a wag, isn't he Hmm
Rules and standards of behaviour are not for him, eh.
Still the naughty kid at the back of the classroom being an idiot and not noticing that he's holding himself (and sadly others) back by his 'amusing' behaviour.
Are you called Wendy, OP, as you seem to be in a relationship with Peter Pan?
Watch out, the ick is approaching.

ChinstrapBobblehat · 21/03/2022 12:02

Christ, do you actually have sex with this person?! My fanny would have shut up shop and padlocked itself by now.

His behaviour isn’t ‘wrong’. It is, however, (assuming he has no special needs) petty, childish, attention-seeking and weird. Why are you with him? Does he have any redeeming features at all? Because at 40 he’s unlikely to change.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 21/03/2022 12:03

You won't be happy with him. I wouldn't either.

Tamworth123 · 21/03/2022 12:05

I'd find his behaviour embarrassing, cringe-y, potentially v stressful etc.

The think about the meal was v rude.

He seems extremely immature.

I think it's clear why he's single at 39. Women have clearly not gone put with him or tossed him back.

Imagine dealing with this behaviour at an occasion that'd supposed to ve significant or lovely .. wedding, birth, christening etc.

Original poster
wouldyoucare · 21/03/2022 12:06

We have been together 15 months. And no, at the beginning he didn't behave like this. I would dump him if he was. It started gradually. He behaved like a mature person at the beginning and it is completely different now.
Im embarrassed when he does it but at the same time I feel unreasonable to end. Unreasonable and too demanding. That's what he says, I expect too much and complain too much.

OP posts:
Georgeskitchen · 21/03/2022 12:07

I had a partner years ago who would behave in a similar fashion, at times. In the end I dreaded going out in public for fear of what he would say /do.one of his cringiest habits was that if we were stood near strangers who were having a conversation he would butt in on the conversation and make some unpleasant comment around the subject they were discussing. Awful embarrassing behaviour and it was a relief to get rid of him

HellToTheNope · 21/03/2022 12:13

Sorry, op, but this makes me wonder why your standards are so unbelievably low that you would put up with this shit. He sounds like a 12 year old. Honestly, why are you wasting your time?

HellToTheNope · 21/03/2022 12:14

Im embarrassed when he does it but at the same time I feel unreasonable to end.

Perfect example of your standards and boundaries being nonexistent. Anyone with any sense would end a relationship over these things. He's fucking awful.

MingeofDeath · 21/03/2022 12:15

He sounds like a right knob.

Coffeesnob11 · 21/03/2022 12:22

@wouldyoucare

We have been together 15 months. And no, at the beginning he didn't behave like this. I would dump him if he was. It started gradually. He behaved like a mature person at the beginning and it is completely different now. Im embarrassed when he does it but at the same time I feel unreasonable to end. Unreasonable and too demanding. That's what he says, I expect too much and complain too much.
Why would you feel unreasonable? You have standards and boundaries and he's not meeting them. You can end of a relationship because of any reason. It took me years and several mistakes to realise this.
HollowTalk · 21/03/2022 12:29

I couldn't even put up with the first one on your list, OP.

That's what he says, I expect too much and complain too much.

So basically he's telling you to shut up and he'll do whatever he wants. That's fine, but you have the right to do what you want and get away from this immature man.

Pixiedust1234 · 21/03/2022 12:32

@wouldyoucare

We have been together 15 months. And no, at the beginning he didn't behave like this. I would dump him if he was. It started gradually. He behaved like a mature person at the beginning and it is completely different now. Im embarrassed when he does it but at the same time I feel unreasonable to end. Unreasonable and too demanding. That's what he says, I expect too much and complain too much.
Holy moly, sounds like he is training you. All sweetness and light until you are hooked, now he's gaslighting you into thinking that he is being a normal guy and you are being unreasonable to question him. Get the hell out of there NOW!!!
VivX · 21/03/2022 12:34

He sounds immature and a bit of an idiot. If I come across someone like this, I give then a wide berth.

Presume he has always been like this but just hid it from you at the start, proving that he knows it is twattish and unreasonable behaviour.

He is what he is but you don’t have to put it with it.