I asked my bf if he is embarrassed by me this is his response . I don’t know what to make of it.

[Yorkshiregurl1]

So, I asked my bf if he’s embarrassed by me as we never venture out of town for food or on day trips etc . This is his response. No one’s ever said anything like this to me so I don’t know what to make of it ?

Being embarrassed about you.
Well I didn’t want to say this but it is the elephant in the room so it’s being noticed so I suppose I’ll be honest. Imagine every time I came to see you I wore odd mismatching shoes would you sit there quietly? You probably would but you would notice and somewhere deep inside you would think ahh FFS!! In the same way I struggle with your make up application and choices. The amount of times I’ve seen squiggly lines or poor application of make up it’s pretty obvious it’s not your skill. The last time I saw you in my head I was thinking what the hell have you done to your eyes that’s probably the worse make up choice and application I’ve seen. It’s at a point I been searching for make up lessons as a gift! So I don’t need to tell you but now that you asked. It shouldn’t bother me but it’s been getting under my skin to a point where I think you look better without it but no you choose bizarre lipstick colours which don’t match you complexion etc. i can categorically say that some of the artwork you done on your face especially around the eyes is the worst I’ve ever seen. I’m sorry if that’s not what you want to hear but I didn’t want to wake to read this crap aswell.

Unless he's a professional make-up artist, tell him to fuck off.

Actually, even if he is a professional make-up artist, tell him to fuck off. He could have been a lot gentler with his message.

If you’re on iPad, you type the message in the box, scroll down a little and you’ll see ‘choose file’. Click on that, then select your photo. If you are new, you may not be allowed to post pics yet though.

Before you click post message, It is advisable to preview first to ensure you have the correct pic as only mumsnet HQ can delete or amend posts.

He sounds so unkind. I cannot imagine for one minute his description is true.

[quote Yorkshiregurl1]@cantthinkofabetterusername not showing me any paperclip. Im on my laptop?[/quote]
On my laptop it doesn't show a paper-clip. It has 'choose file' buttons underneath where the message is written.

You can't lost pics if you're new. Maybe am external hosting site like tinypic would do it. Then just post the link.

Basically because I have to clue what winged eyeliner is.

So the answer is, yes, he is embarrassed being seen with you in public.

Now you need to decide what you want to do about it.

• Dump him
• Dump the make up
• ignore and carry on not going out.

I'd probably go for the first option.

@TerriblyNaice oh, I'm on mobile maybe that's why

You can't put up with that OP, I'm fuming on your behalf. What an arsehole.

I doubt you have changed the way you do your make up since you starting seeing each other.
He has no issue with it then did he?
But now he feels like he can tell you what to do, what sort of make up etc? Really??

If you are a new user, you may not be able to post pics straight away. But basically it should not matter what your makeup is like. He’s putting you down, he’s the dick. If I went out with rainbow stripes in my hair and my husband hated them he would still love me and be proud of me.

OP you are worth so much more, don' t change yourself just on his opinion, he sounds an utter bore, find someone who adores you exactly as you are, he has a mean and nasty way about him, l would get rid, you can do so much better.

He is an utter and absolute stench and you should dump immediately.

However, with the best will in the world OP, I really don't believe that anyone is looking at you and genuinely thinking you're 20 years younger than you are. Humans generally look their age and whilst there might be a variation in in how youthful or mature a 44 year old woman will look, I can't think of a single one either irl or famous who looks 22.

@Yorkshiregurl1 I had to ask the question as you do see some states 😉 Weird that you've known him 3 years and only now he addresses it... Hmmm... I'd bin him off, hard to say as you've obviously been good friends before dating.

I'm ASD by the way hence liking the blunt response.

Have you argued previously? When he said 'this crap' it sounds like there has been more ructions about something.

Anyway love who you are be who you are ❤️

He doesn’t want to go out in public with you. The make up isa bizarre excuse, unless you’re deluded and it really is terrible.
Dump him.

Also I would not even call him on it. He will just start back peddling and in a month or so find something else to criticise you about.

Does he often make you doubt yourself?

Dump him.

He doesn't fancy you anymore, and has picked a shitty excuse to try to justify his pathetic behaviour.

Please do not put up with it. Someone that can send that message to you, knowing how it will affect your self esteem is a horrible person. A horrible, selfish person.

I am genuinely mistaken for much younger. I'm in my late 50s.
Somebody asked who looked after my children when I worked late. I had to explain that one was a second years student in our local university after a gap year and the other was doing postgraduate work at another university! I have found though that lighter natural make up is so much more flattering as I age. I only use foundation on the bits that really need it. I would never have winged eyeliner. The other thing is that I use a magnifying mirror in a strong light so I'm sure what my make up really looks like.

Regardless of that though if it really worried him, he could have said it more nicely - something along the lines of you're so pretty, I think you'd look even better with a bit less makeup.

What a weird and horrible thing to say. E

Also he might not take you to places he goes with his other friends because he probably has one night stands when he's out and doesn't want people to know he has a girlfriend.

I hope you warm up before you reach like that, you'll pull a muscle.

The OP asked and he's answered, granted in a brutal and unnecessarily detailed way. How that makes him a cheat is absolutely beyond me?

Going against the majority grain here but I don't think honesty in a relationship is a bad thing. If I was still wearing outfits that no longer suit my age/frame I would want my DP to (sensitively) tell me. Of course I CAN wear whatever I like, but I don't want to look ridiculous so would want to know if I did.

If the OP's make-up actually is terrible, should he just not ever mention it because 'her face her choice' and then just look the other way while people laugh behind her back?

Sounds like a guy I used to go out with.

He knew I wore make up when we got together but the longer we were together he used to criticise my make-up. Said he hated my eyeliner, mascara, lipstick choices. He would refuse to kiss me if I had lipstick on. I didn't think much of it at the time but if DH ever spoke to me the web he did I would tell him to sling his hook.

Looking back I think it might have been a control thing as he also used to get annoyed about me having a glass of wine, not eating healthy, not going to the gym etc, which was none of his business.

This is a sign of a controlling person who wants to make you doubt yourself. If you feel good wearing your make-up thats all that matters. Be happy and be you and someone will appreciate you for who you are

This is step 1 of him trying to make you feel insecure and having you change the things about you that make you - you!
Next step will be the clothes you wear, the way you laugh, your hairstyle, your names or some other inconsequential thing, all designed to make you question yourself and change in order to please him.

I'd be dumping his arse for that alone, but not only that but he's taken the opportunity to really put the boot in.
He could have just said 'well, actually, it's a bit awkward but I don't really like the way you do your make up' but no, he sent you insult after insult. It's just a really shitty way to do things so is another reason to dump him.

Also, FWIW, I wouldn't really matter if you worse orange glitter eyeliner and green lipsticks - they are your choices and nothing to do with him!

@RedPinkRose

‘I didn’t want to wake up and read this crap’ would be enough for me to end that relationship. You deserve better, someone who gets excited to see a message from you when they wake up. I’d end the relationship on that basis alone.'

^ this x100

@gamerchick

You can't lost pics if you're new. Maybe am external hosting site like tinypic would do it. Then just post the link.

Basically because I have to clue what winged eyeliner is.

Winged eyeliner is when you do a little flick at the outer corner of your eyes, extending your eyeliner beyond your eye shape.

Well you did ask.

Please don’t post a photo to prove he’s wrong.

Post one if he’s hammered your self esteem so badly that you need our kindness.

But don’t do it because of him.

Fuck him.

Perhaps he could take the make up lesson money and spend it on grammar lessons for himself?

Get him dumped. You poor thing. It’s nothing to do with your make up and everything to do with wanting to abuse you. Just as a woman with a black eye was not the cause of the punch, your make up skills are not the cause of his venomous abuse.