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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I asked my bf if he is embarrassed by me this is his response . I don’t know what to make of it.

748 replies

Yorkshiregurl1 · 20/03/2022 14:16

So, I asked my bf if he’s embarrassed by me as we never venture out of town for food or on day trips etc . This is his response. No one’s ever said anything like this to me so I don’t know what to make of it ?

Being embarrassed about you.
Well I didn’t want to say this but it is the elephant in the room so it’s being noticed so I suppose I’ll be honest. Imagine every time I came to see you I wore odd mismatching shoes would you sit there quietly? You probably would but you would notice and somewhere deep inside you would think ahh FFS!! In the same way I struggle with your make up application and choices. The amount of times I’ve seen squiggly lines or poor application of make up it’s pretty obvious it’s not your skill. The last time I saw you in my head I was thinking what the hell have you done to your eyes that’s probably the worse make up choice and application I’ve seen. It’s at a point I been searching for make up lessons as a gift! So I don’t need to tell you but now that you asked. It shouldn’t bother me but it’s been getting under my skin to a point where I think you look better without it but no you choose bizarre lipstick colours which don’t match you complexion etc. i can categorically say that some of the artwork you done on your face especially around the eyes is the worst I’ve ever seen. I’m sorry if that’s not what you want to hear but I didn’t want to wake to read this crap aswell.

OP posts:
justasking111 · 20/03/2022 22:23

Your make up is beautiful. Not met his family that's a red flag. He sounds gay to be honest. Does he live/work for his family??

hookiewookie29 · 20/03/2022 22:23

Walk away, now ! Controlling and coercive. Horrible man- I assume he is obviously perfect?!?

TooTiredToSleepRightNow · 20/03/2022 22:25

Omg OP you look amazing, I’m Asian and we all pay a lot of money for make up like that, I was worried it would be drag make up but it really isn’t. I can’t tell if you’re Asian or Middle Eastern (sorry!) but I know a few Asian boys/men who are very opinionated on women’s make up not because they know anything about it but because once they’ve got you they want to hide you away and are actually really insecure. I would see this as red flag behaviour where control is a big part of it all. If he hated your make up then he wouldn’t have been attracted to you. Honestly dump him.

TooTiredToSleepRightNow · 20/03/2022 22:30

Sorry for the racial assumptions ofcourse these type of men are in all races, when I first saw your pic I thought of Laila Rouass how she does her make up and don’t think anyone thinks she wears too much! But she is stunning too.

Wheresthebeach · 20/03/2022 22:36

He’s negging you. Trying to make you feel crap so he can control what you wear and how you look. He’s a nasty piece of work. Run fast

Babochan88 · 20/03/2022 22:36

1, BIN HIM NOW
2, learn - maybe look at some makeup guru on YouTube.
3, Don’t take it to heart. He sounds like poison - and you don’t need that in your life

Apatosaurus20 · 20/03/2022 22:42

Your make up in the photo is lush!

Craftycorvid · 20/03/2022 22:42

I haven’t read the whole thread, but please rid yourself of this controlling arsehole. If you do indeed have a rather ‘out there’ personal style, presumably this is obvious on meeting you? He therefore made a choice to be with you, make-up choices and all. If I noticed a friend’s make-up was a bit ‘off’, I’d say ‘oooh, you’ve just missed a bit there’ or similar. No biggie. This is a way to control you. Run.

spotcheck · 20/03/2022 22:50

Your makeup looks beautiful.

If he looks at you, and only sees negatives, he's not a keeper.

Even if your make up was a bit... creative- you're allowed to express yourself. He's trying to reshape you. Again- not a keeper

foxlover47 · 20/03/2022 22:51

your eyes look absolutely gorgeous and your wing is perfect ...
Get him gone because even if he doesn't like your make up style I'm sure there are things that you don't idolise about him
The elephant in the room is him ... you can't be with someone who isn't proud to be seen with you .... you're too good for that ok

saraclara · 20/03/2022 22:58

Your message was yet another thing that should have been a face to face conversation. If my phone pinged at 4am and I read that as soon as I woke, I'd roll my eyes and be a bit pissed off, too.

Messaging emotional stuff never, ever ends well. I've said that on this board many times. Without facial expression, tone of voice and body language, everything about the message can be misinterpreted by the reader. Not to mention that fact that you've no idea what mood they're in/how busy they are etc. Added to that, sending at 4am indicates irrational and wound up feelings, and them having to answer it when barely conscious themselves is never going to go well either.

I swear that the number of fallings out and relationship upsets are at a far higher rate than they were when people at least called each other, and at best actually spoke while in each others' presence.

If something is that important an issue in your relationship, then for goodness sake talk instead of typing.

MarthaFokker · 20/03/2022 22:59

Anyone else think this is just an elaborate way of OP getting Mumsnet to critique her makeup?

No? Just me then Blush

SucculentChalice · 20/03/2022 23:00

i can categorically say that some of the artwork you done on your face especially around the eyes is the worst I’ve ever seen. I’m sorry if that’s not what you want to hear but I didn’t want to wake to read this crap aswell

"Artwork", eh? I'd bin him for that grammatical mistake "done on your face" alone, but I'm fussy that way.

He sounds like one of these negger guys - they insult you to make you feel grateful for their attention. He's obviously a loser. Get rid.

Where on earth did you find it?

Tooclosetothewind · 20/03/2022 23:01

I would be telling him to piss right off, YOU wear your makeup whichever way YOU want to.

He is an absolute arse.

PersephonePomegranate · 20/03/2022 23:03

He's trying to undermine your confidence. You look gorgeous - nothing bizarre at all. Bin the abusive tosser.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 20/03/2022 23:05

Well having commented earlier you look fine to me. I'm wondering if its some kind of controlling jealousy thing on his part.

mylifestory · 20/03/2022 23:09

I wdnt even reply, next! He shd consider himself dumped and will try to weedle his way back in and u wd let him. it's controlling to say the least. Mention it to yr friends bt not in relation to him, like say if u got this bit right in their opinion blah. you can't live yr life for someone else, be yrself.

KneesAreSore · 20/03/2022 23:12

Get rid!! He sounds unhinged! You deserve far better than this total idiot

Italiangreyhound · 20/03/2022 23:32

Get rid of him.

me4real · 20/03/2022 23:36

i can categorically say that some of the artwork you done on your face especially around the eyes is the worst I’ve ever seen.

@Yorkshiregurl1 Have you signed up to an art class and he's the teacher marking your work OP? I don't think that's what you signed up for.

I’m sorry if that’s not what you want to hear but I didn’t want to wake to read this crap aswell.

This is just nasty, he seems to not even like you. He thinks he can be obnoxious to you. I would dump him before he dumps you. He doesn't deserve you, anyway.

Justilou1 · 20/03/2022 23:50

Good to know that he’s so focused on the important things like personality, depth of character, sense of humor, direction in life, moral fortitude, etc…. Nope - this guy goes straight in to criticize the makeup. My uterus would have clanged shut if I hadn’t binned it years ago

Saracen · 21/03/2022 00:03

@FriedaKleinsCat

The make up is not the issue here. Frankly OP, you may have brilliant make up skills or no skills at all. The point is that his response to you is tactless and cruel. You made yourself vulnerable to him by asking if he was embarrassed by you. He answered with complete frankness but in a manner that would clearly hurt your feelings badly. The issue is not your make up, it’s the way he responded to you and how it makes you feel.
I agree completely. (Haven't RTFT but this says it all!)

How can someone be so cruel? Don't waste time on this guy. Show him the door. That is no way to treat someone you love; in fact it's no way to treat anybody. I'd have to really hate someone to say what he's said to you.

Once you've got rid of this loser, if you feel embarrassed and worried that other people may share his opinion of your makeup choices, maybe ask a good friend or a makeup consultant and decide whether you want to make any changes. But even if they agree with him, that wouldn't justify his cruel bluntness.

Whatwouldnanado · 21/03/2022 00:18

Message back that you never want to see him again.
Move on, you deserve so much better than this.
Charity shop every stitch he has bought for you.

Iamthewalnut · 21/03/2022 00:18

I haven't read the whole thread either but the image I had in my head of your 'squiggly lines and poor application' is completely at odds with the photo you posted.

I couldn't even begin to recreate your makeup as professionally as you do - granted, the accented eyebrows are a bold choice but a look you clearly have down to perfection.

It may not be his taste, but it's certainly not tasteless - what right does he have to tell you to change something that doesn't need changing?

What else will this man want you to change if this relationship continues? Surely you want someone who loves you just the way you are?

musicviking1 · 21/03/2022 00:50

How comes he knows so much about make-up would be my first thought.

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