I asked my bf if he is embarrassed by me this is his response . I don’t know what to make of it.

[Yorkshiregurl1]

So, I asked my bf if he’s embarrassed by me as we never venture out of town for food or on day trips etc . This is his response. No one’s ever said anything like this to me so I don’t know what to make of it ?

Being embarrassed about you.
Well I didn’t want to say this but it is the elephant in the room so it’s being noticed so I suppose I’ll be honest. Imagine every time I came to see you I wore odd mismatching shoes would you sit there quietly? You probably would but you would notice and somewhere deep inside you would think ahh FFS!! In the same way I struggle with your make up application and choices. The amount of times I’ve seen squiggly lines or poor application of make up it’s pretty obvious it’s not your skill. The last time I saw you in my head I was thinking what the hell have you done to your eyes that’s probably the worse make up choice and application I’ve seen. It’s at a point I been searching for make up lessons as a gift! So I don’t need to tell you but now that you asked. It shouldn’t bother me but it’s been getting under my skin to a point where I think you look better without it but no you choose bizarre lipstick colours which don’t match you complexion etc. i can categorically say that some of the artwork you done on your face especially around the eyes is the worst I’ve ever seen. I’m sorry if that’s not what you want to hear but I didn’t want to wake to read this crap aswell.

Does sound more like he’s just coming up with an excuse to keep you at a distance and also neg you though

Have you asked him, if you look so bizarre, why was he attracted to you?

[quote Longbin]@LoisLane66 did you look at the photo OP posted? Her makeup skills are amazing! I don’t think it’s a case of ‘truth hurts’ at all[/quote]
Don't worry - while us normal folk can see OP looks perfectly lovely, @LoisLane66 likes to pipe up on as many threads as possible with the apparent sole aim of making women feel shit, men feel superior and herself look like a bit of a tit! Mission accomplished again.

Now she just needs to remind us all she's ever so happy with her life choices and has no regrets (when people ask why she is so bizarrely and needlessly unkind and judgemental, qualities genuinely happy people tend not to exhibit at every possible opportunity) and the usual cycle is complete.

Until the next thread!

Oh op. Why are you letting him do this to you? You know it’s going no where, he doesn’t even want to be seen with you. Cmon now. Grab hood of your dignity and self respect. Changing yourself, dressing to please him, isn’t going to make him suddenly want to be with you properly. You know this.

He is an absolute cunt. I would never get over that. Please, PLEASE leave him.

@LoisLane66

Most men are not fans of the sort of masks women wear nowadays. Why the need to plaster your face with layers of colour...unless of course you need to hide it.

It's the relentless misogyny for me...

Still staggered every time you pop up that you're a woman rather than an MRA.

@Yorkshiregurl1

ibb.co/QNQLGvD

here we go

I'll be honest and say I think the winged look looks very heavy and silly and I don't find it attractive at all. I guess it's about taste, and your bf doesn't like that lined winged look, and he's entitled not to like it. If you add sparkly stuff sometimes maybe he thinks it's a bit immature and you're too old for that sparkly stuff? imo it would be ok if you're a teen/20s, but I wouldn't be wearing it at 44. I'd be embarrassed if I saw my friend with heavy lines on her face and glitter as if she were going to a teeny bopper party. The thing is this; He has the ick with your makeup and it embarrasses him. He can't help that. We all have our own tastes. Having said that, you need to ask yourself if your relationship is good in other ways to stay with him. If he is going places with female friends and you have no idea what he is getting up to with him, that would have me dumping him because going places with other women like that is not on, friends or not.

@mrsbitaly

Why are people saying bin him he was honest. It's your choice whether you change your makeup if you like it then don't. If you don't want to change your makeup then maybe you do need to evaluate whether you stay with him if he's uncomfortable being out and about with you.

Because there’s being honest and there’s being an arse. Because there’s finding something not to your taste but not giving a shit because you love the person and it’s superficial anyway, and there’s literally refusing to be seen in public with them because you’re ashamed of them but staying with them anyway.

Because there’s making someone have to bloody ask and feel like utter crap while they muster up the courage to ask, instead of being grown up enough to say something about it, or be decent enough to draw an end to things.

Because - fundamentally - a man who behaves like this is a complete and utter bastard.

@LoisLane66

We all have preferences. I've always been über fussy about the kind of clothes and shoes men wear and we each have an inbuilt sense of what we find attractive in others.

Yes, everyone has preferences. So you presumably wouldn't start a relationship with someone who exhibited the opposite of your preferences, refuse to be seen with them in public then list the reasons why in a casually cruel way? Maybe you would.

Please wave him goodbye.

He sounds plain nasty . You deserve better .

@Yorkshiregurl1

ibb.co/QNQLGvD

here we go

You're eyes are beautiful OP

What a dick. I love your make up and your eyes are beautiful. Does he have a massive ego and think he is gods gift?

I'd really need to see how you put your makeup on before commenting.
I saw someone in Tesco the other day who looked like she'd had an accident with a cosmetic grenade and I boggled a bit especially as she was wearing the most ludicrous false eyelashes I've ever seen.
I put my own makeup on in the dark once and when I got to work realised that I looked like Coco the Clown and had to take it all off.
You really need to post a pic.
If a guy went out wearing bright red trousers and braces I'm sure we'd all think WTF!

I too think this us about coercive control. Because you are beautiful OP. And worth more than this tosser.

I wish I could do my makeup like that OP, I think he's entitled to not like a style etc but it's not ok to punish you by refusing to take you out because of it.

I've gone out with off eyeliner, or in clothes my partner doesn't particularly love, and likewise for him, there are some items he has I hate. But I would never tell him he can't wear them or that I won't go out with him! It's not ok it's controlling and odd!

He's deflecting because he doesn't want to talk about the real reason he doesn't want to be seen with you.
He's insulted you and changed your train of thought so now you're worrying about your looks and no longer focused on him - mission complete.

First of all I looked at the picture and there is nothing wrong with your make up. Yes, it's an eye liner heavy look, but you've done it "right". It's not wonky and it does suit you. So please don't start worrying about this because I promise you, from a total stranger who has no reason to lie to you, your make up looks completely fine and normal.

Secondly, he's a piece of shit. A really horrible twat. He wants you to feel bad about yourself. I'm not sure why he wants you to feel bad, but it's probably for very unpleasant reasons. Most likely he is worried that you're out of his league and he wants to keep you down.

My DH shaved his beard off recently but he left a thick mustach. I never expected him to do this because he never has in the 10 years I've known him. I'm not keen on it if I'm honest and I think he'd suit clean shaven better. When he asked me about it I smiled and said "well, I didn't expect it. I think I might prefer you without the mustach, but you look good whatever". And I really meant it because I love him. The thought of him feeling bad about himself over something I've said to him makes me feel awful, because I want him to feel good about himself. That's the normal way. This man is quite happy for you to feel really bad about yourself to the point where he encourages it. Think on that.

I find this a bit bizarre. I live in an extremely multicultural area and know many
Indian / Asian women for whom this style of of liner is absolutely the norm, day or night. Often not as beautifully done, either. I'm the same age as you and have to be careful with liner sitting in the baggy bits 🙄. He must have seen lots of women doing the same. He is Indian too?

Anyway. The tone of his message was nasty. Whatever you look like, however you do your makeup, you don't talk to someone you love like that. He's negging you. At the least. You are clearly an attractive woman making them most of a beautiful face - keep making the most of it and kick his arse out. Rude, vicious little man.

Even if you leave him, stop wearing too much make-up. Why would he mention it if it were somewhat moderate?

Interesting that he thinks he knows so much about make up, isn't it?

Suspect he's jealous and can't get his own lippy to look as good as yours. Or, he realises that he's punching.

Don't waste your time on someone who makes you feel lesser.

I was a little sympathetic to him as I’ve seen some people make themselves look ridiculous with make up. However if that pic is genuinely you and a typical pic of how you look I don’t get what his issue is or why that’s be cause for embarrassment. I wonder if there are other issues. Not to be alarmist or anything but if he doesn’t want to be seen in public with you he couldn’t be married?

Think he’s clearly got another/other girlfriends hence not wanting to be seen out with you in case it gets back to them. Nothing to do with your make up x

Another one here who thinks it’s likely you’re a side piece OP, I’m sorry

You have beautiful eyes and amazing make up. Seems like it’s time to move on to bigger and better things lovely.

He's not a makeup fan and perhaps more of a au natural kind of beauty guy.
You asked, he answered honestly.

This is a really sinister way of bringing you down. Choosing something that’s positive, you’re clearly good at, that’s important to you and forms your identity, and bringing that thing down. It’s gaslighting, designed to mess with your head, question yourself, rock your certainty and confidence. He wants you to feel as though you’re not good enough, so that you make every move around pleasing him. It creates a power dynamic where he’s the one accepting your ‘flaws’ and you’re on the back foot trying to prove yourself worthy. Except you’re more than worthy, and these flaws aren’t real, he’s just tricking you into thinking they are.

I wish people hadn’t evaluated your makeup and looks, all these slightly snide comments masked as objectivity “well, it’s too heavy for me but it’s good in its own way” is not helpful or even relevant. Your partner should respect your choices and treat you with kindness and consideration, irrespective of whether you’re barefaced 24/7 or go to Tesco in full tiger face paint.

At 44 and 49 you shouldn’t be sneaking around, being secretive. He’s constructed this ‘secretive’ thing (and I know there’s shades of truth in the ‘modesty’ requirement, but you aren’t teenagers and this isn’t the case at your ages/life stages) to keep you right where he wants you.

Break free, plenty of men value a glamorous partner and will respect you and treat you with tenderness.