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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I asked my bf if he is embarrassed by me this is his response . I don’t know what to make of it.

748 replies

Yorkshiregurl1 · 20/03/2022 14:16

So, I asked my bf if he’s embarrassed by me as we never venture out of town for food or on day trips etc . This is his response. No one’s ever said anything like this to me so I don’t know what to make of it ?

Being embarrassed about you.
Well I didn’t want to say this but it is the elephant in the room so it’s being noticed so I suppose I’ll be honest. Imagine every time I came to see you I wore odd mismatching shoes would you sit there quietly? You probably would but you would notice and somewhere deep inside you would think ahh FFS!! In the same way I struggle with your make up application and choices. The amount of times I’ve seen squiggly lines or poor application of make up it’s pretty obvious it’s not your skill. The last time I saw you in my head I was thinking what the hell have you done to your eyes that’s probably the worse make up choice and application I’ve seen. It’s at a point I been searching for make up lessons as a gift! So I don’t need to tell you but now that you asked. It shouldn’t bother me but it’s been getting under my skin to a point where I think you look better without it but no you choose bizarre lipstick colours which don’t match you complexion etc. i can categorically say that some of the artwork you done on your face especially around the eyes is the worst I’ve ever seen. I’m sorry if that’s not what you want to hear but I didn’t want to wake to read this crap aswell.

OP posts:
LittleBoPeepHasLostHerShit · 20/03/2022 19:46

Ha! After seeing your pic, I get what he's doing. You are beautiful and he's trying to undermine you

Yep, this is what I think too. "Makeup lessons" indeed... What bullshit. He wants to take you down a peg and is trying to hit you where it hurts. If you think back, OP, have you honestly never noticed him having any such nasty tendencies before?

WasntAllThat · 20/03/2022 19:46

He sounds like a hateful twat and a bit of a weirdo.

Find someone who loves the choices you make about YOUR appearance and is proud to be with you.

Meatshake · 20/03/2022 19:47

Your makeup is 11/10 and he's threatened and trying to fuck with your confidence.

Run a mile!

itssunnytoday · 20/03/2022 19:47

The last bit about him not wanting to wake up to this crap, makes what he said before seem like it was to be spiteful

HestersSamplerofCarrots · 20/03/2022 19:50

Bin for him.

He’s trying to make you less appealing to other men and make you doubt yourself and feel like crap.

Bought you clothes of the style he likes?!

BIN FOR HIM

Appliancedesparation · 20/03/2022 19:52

@LoisLane66, you may look great, who knows but if you were a bit brighter you'd be able to see that this isn't actually about the makeup.

coffeeschmoffee · 20/03/2022 19:55

You look beautiful but it is a lot for every day wear. I wouldn't be that keen on it either. However, he sounds rude and controlling. I'm not sure there's any coming back from what he said. You can find someone much kinder OP

Dutchesss · 20/03/2022 19:57

Yep, he needs to go.
This is a straight case of 'it's not you, it's him.'

Booboobagins · 20/03/2022 19:57

[quote Yorkshiregurl1]@Fritilleries unfortunately it’s not a wind up . I’m too embarrassed to speak to my friends hence I’m posting here[/quote]
Seriously ask you best friend. Thry will give yiu far better advice than MN peeps can cos thry know you.

Over tge years I've toned my maje down - my DH used to tell me to wear more, lol!!!

I now watch YouTube videos to find maje tgat suits me better as I've aged. Winged eyes are fab. They are difficult to do well, so consider senior perm makeup. That's what I had done so no liber for 2 years!!! Saved me loads of time. I need to go back for a top up now ;)

user1471442488 · 20/03/2022 20:02

@crispmidnightpeace

My husband is also very image conscious and has said similar to me over the years but it's always followed with ‘shall I take you shopping?’ or ‘what make-up do you need?’ I’m a slob in ways and I've never had much of a fashion sense. He wears designer stuff and always looks great and makes sure our child does too, and he makes sure I do too. I'm glad as I can't be bothered.
Ugh
Trippingslippingx1 · 20/03/2022 20:03

@Purplepinkred

Can I ask how old you are ?

I went out with a guy in my mid 20s.
He didn’t like my clothes .
Preferred me at my skinniest ( me not eating )
Liked me with a full face of make up
Suggested I got my teeth whitened

I wasted 4 years with this arse !!!! One day I broke . I’d lost all my confidence but the final straw came and I left him. It took me a year to put myself back together .

I was then single and it took me months to get my confidence back . Then , I dated for 18 months and anyone who made me feel insecure by mean was binned ! No second chance.

Then , I met a man . Who makes me feel like I’m a princess. He makes me feel utterly beautiful .
This man is my husband . He held my hand through child birth whilst telling me I was beautiful. Each day I was pregnant he told me I was glowing . He introduces me as ‘ his beautiful wife !’

I thank the Lord I had the strength to leave the person who saw me as abit embarrassing/ not good enough !

My brother once told me - You accept what you
Are willing to put up with !

Xxx

Hugs to you xxx

Im with you Sister - 4 years in my late twenties with a guy who would constantly mention my appearance

Youve gained weight (still always had a normal BMI)
Why dont you paint your nails a colour
Why dont you go to the gym
You dress so cheap
Look at the state of that dress / clothes
Why dont you take care of yourself

All the while I was working fulltime as a professional and he was a student - I was exhausted

The end comment came which seemed trivial and then I exploded - asked him to leave
Now if I get one hint of negging from a man about my appearance - they are out the door

Macaroni1924 · 20/03/2022 20:04

Your eyes are absolutely stunning and this sounds very much to me like someone who is trying to be in control. My mum had a friend from work when I was a young girl. She would let me help her cook and was one of the few cool friends my mum had 😂She was amazing and so much fun. Her and her partner were Indian and had run away due to the families disapproval. They were both young, attractive and so in love, I was mesmerised at that age about their love story true Disney style. But then they got married. He very cleverly and gradually pulled her away from her friends, she started changing how she dressed and eventually she gave up her job. I’m wondering with his age if he is wanting you to be more traditional? Please don’t let any man try to change you, even if he wasn’t happy with something he should have spoken to you with the respect and kindness you deserve.

mrsbitaly · 20/03/2022 20:05

Why are people saying bin him he was honest. It's your choice whether you change your makeup if you like it then don't. If you don't want to change your makeup then maybe you do need to evaluate whether you stay with him if he's uncomfortable being out and about with you.

MrsLighthouse · 20/03/2022 20:06

I honestly don’t think there’s any coming back from this ..why should you change ? And this conversation would always be between you ..you’d always be wondering what else he was thinking but not saying 🙄

PurpleFlower1983 · 20/03/2022 20:08

You look great! Bin him off!

aylis · 20/03/2022 20:09

He’s trying to exert control over you

tolerable · 20/03/2022 20:09

oh i know him....obviously not personally but the wee crappy guy that spouts such pish.
if you dont wanna dump him yet-play along-let him do you make up-then once youve discovered amazing personal enhancement.dump him.
1.you shouldnt EVER need to ask that.
2.same as 1

mrsbitaly · 20/03/2022 20:10

P.s your makeup looks lovely very pretty eyes

PoshWatchShitShoes · 20/03/2022 20:10

One of my old friends is bloody awful at applying liquid liner. She does a squiggly line on her top lid and you always see the pink bits of her eyelid either side of the liner. It's really weird.

And there's a very popular Insta influencer that is incredibly pretty, but is really rubbish at eyeliner too. She does a very heavy black liner under her eyes. It's weird. I wish she'd get make up lessons 😂

Obvs I'd never say anything to them directly. I'd dump your boyfriend. He isn't nice how he says what he thinks. Who wants to be with someone who is embarrassed by them!!!

gettingolderbutcooler · 20/03/2022 20:11

Unless this is you he's being rather a dick.

I asked my bf if he is embarrassed by me this is his response . I don’t know what to make of it.
StripeyDeckchair · 20/03/2022 20:13

Wow, he sounds like a real charmer NOT
I think your best move is to remove the issue from his worries by dumping him.

PoshWatchShitShoes · 20/03/2022 20:13

I just saw your photo. Your eyes are beautiful. And your eyebrows. Goodness, your make up is lovely.

He's an idiot. Is he dating someone else I wonder? Super dodge that he's using your make up as a reason not to be seen in public with you!!!

Niahm · 20/03/2022 20:14

Have you watched ‘I am Nicola’ on All 4? It’s a short about a coercive relationship. The bf has a problem with what she wears etc, might be worth a look

SamMil · 20/03/2022 20:14

I would block & move on after receiving this message. You deserve SO much more.

(As an aside, your makeup looks great! I end up looking like I have 2 black eyes if I try anything like that!)

bluesberry · 20/03/2022 20:16

@mrsbitaly

Why are people saying bin him he was honest. It's your choice whether you change your makeup if you like it then don't. If you don't want to change your makeup then maybe you do need to evaluate whether you stay with him if he's uncomfortable being out and about with you.
It's one thing if he just didn't like the make up, lots of people don't like certain things about how their partner dresses/does make up/ tan etc. but they just accept it.

But to be refused to be seen with them over it? and act like he's ashamed and that it's justified?

That's not normal at all!