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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I asked my bf if he is embarrassed by me this is his response . I don’t know what to make of it.

748 replies

Yorkshiregurl1 · 20/03/2022 14:16

So, I asked my bf if he’s embarrassed by me as we never venture out of town for food or on day trips etc . This is his response. No one’s ever said anything like this to me so I don’t know what to make of it ?

Being embarrassed about you.
Well I didn’t want to say this but it is the elephant in the room so it’s being noticed so I suppose I’ll be honest. Imagine every time I came to see you I wore odd mismatching shoes would you sit there quietly? You probably would but you would notice and somewhere deep inside you would think ahh FFS!! In the same way I struggle with your make up application and choices. The amount of times I’ve seen squiggly lines or poor application of make up it’s pretty obvious it’s not your skill. The last time I saw you in my head I was thinking what the hell have you done to your eyes that’s probably the worse make up choice and application I’ve seen. It’s at a point I been searching for make up lessons as a gift! So I don’t need to tell you but now that you asked. It shouldn’t bother me but it’s been getting under my skin to a point where I think you look better without it but no you choose bizarre lipstick colours which don’t match you complexion etc. i can categorically say that some of the artwork you done on your face especially around the eyes is the worst I’ve ever seen. I’m sorry if that’s not what you want to hear but I didn’t want to wake to read this crap aswell.

OP posts:
timeisnotaline · 20/03/2022 19:14

2 strong emotions- I can’t believe I got to the end of this long thread and you haven’t sent him a reply telling him to fuck off and not to bother calling or messaging you again. And, while I know about negging I’m still in shock at a guy who could claim that you have weird awful make up when you have beautiful eyes which look stunningly made up.

shssandhr · 20/03/2022 19:15

I think your make up is really good - no way do you need make up lessons.
The eyebrows are not to my taste but I see lots of women with that style of eyebrows where I live (in Central Europe). It's very much on-trend. And yours are well done even though I don't particularly like them.

I think you should ditch this horrible man. You can do way better than him.
If he doesn't want to be seen with you for whatever reason, get rid of him and find someone who loves you and is proud to be with you.

Ionlydomassiveones · 20/03/2022 19:16

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Glitterandunicorns · 20/03/2022 19:16

I am lost for words. You need to end this relationship, stat. He sounds beyond awful. He won't take you out anywhere and then is horrible to you about your make up style.

You saw there was obviously a problem and asked him about it, fair enough. That does absolutely not give him the right to be so horrible to you about your make up. If it was genuinely an issue, he could have spoken to you kindly about it, but the fact that no-one has ever indicated it's anything less than fine strongly suggests the issue is him.

Even if your make up looked awful, it doesn't give him the right to be so very unkind.

Please don't let this awful person change who you are, OP. First it'll be the make up, then the clothes you wear, then what you say. Get rid.

FridaynightCry · 20/03/2022 19:16

Most men are not fans of the sort of masks women wear nowadays. Why the need to plaster your face with layers of colour...unless of course you need to hide it.
YouTube has thousands/millions of makeup tutorials and many of the girls/women have imperfect skin and spots which they cover with umpteen layers of make-up. Not letting your skin breathe isn't a good idea.

But surely everyone has the right to look how they want?
And surely you telling OP to follow millions of YouTube videos is still telling her to look like a 'clone' also?
Would you tell someone who wears gothic makeup with white face-paint to also follow those videos?
Just because it's not YOUR preference doesn't give you the right to tell someone to change.
Hell, it's not my preference for everyday but so what? Everyone has their way of being individual.

AND STOP GIVING MEN EXCUSES

LittleWins · 20/03/2022 19:16

[quote Yorkshiregurl1]@FeckTheMagicDragon he prefers me to wear my hair back or up which I do . Clothes wise he has bought me the style he likes and I have bought some of that style too but I don't always wear that when we are together. He's not said I have to wear the clothes he prefers when I'm with him.[/quote]
He’s trying (& currently) succeeding to control you. I wonder if he’s trying to recreate an ex with all these specifics on your look.

You’re beautiful. He’s horrid. Please dump him.

Ilovesandwiches · 20/03/2022 19:19

Your makeup, your face! If you feel comfortable with how you do it then you keep doing that. He’s the issue .. not you xx

LittleWins · 20/03/2022 19:19

@LoisLane66

Most men are not fans of the sort of masks women wear nowadays. Why the need to plaster your face with layers of colour...unless of course you need to hide it. YouTube has thousands/millions of makeup tutorials and many of the girls/women have imperfect skin and spots which they cover with umpteen layers of make-up. Not letting your skin breathe isn't a good idea.
The makeup is not the problem… THE MAN IS THE PROBLEM.

Once more for the back row…

THE MAN IS THE PROBLEM

LoisLane66 · 20/03/2022 19:19

We all have preferences. I've always been über fussy about the kind of clothes and shoes men wear and we each have an inbuilt sense of what we find attractive in others.

chaosmaker · 20/03/2022 19:19

OP, it's a clear message to go and get someone who wants to do the same things you do. Save yourself from wasting any more time and get rid!

Londoncallingtothefarawaytowns · 20/03/2022 19:20

@KeepingAnOpenMind riiiiiiight?
(Altho my DH has a lot to say about makeup)

Either: -hes deflecting, and trying to hurt you
- One of his asshole mates has made a comment about your appearance
- hes trying ro control you, but i find that unlikely. Unless hes been doing it subtly ans now the penny is dropping

Given your ethicity, ( sorry, white but well meaning opinion coming) im surprised hes surprised by your eye makeup?
I have worked with a few indian woman and they often have beautiful, but strong eye looks?Confused
( they are often surprised i wear Huda Beauty products haha )
Naga Munchetty on BBC morning news every single day, has dark eyemakep and lips?
Thought your makeup looked lovely.
Its only a year in, maybe your closer to 30s fashion wise ( nothinh wrong with that, me too) and hes ready for his Dad Jeans ...

Tiredacheyandreadyforbed · 20/03/2022 19:21

OP your make up is beautiful. I too love the winged eye liner look and personally I think your technique is great.
I know you like this guy, but to be brutally honest if he really liked you back and respected you, he wouldn't have spoken to you like this.
The only reason I'd expect my partner to negatively comment my make up is if I'd done it in the dark with no mirror Grin otherwise shut up and put up, it's me and the me I've always been.

You deserve a partner who sees how beautiful you are and tells you.
It took me a while to find mine, but I did and yours is out there too.

Notmrsfitz · 20/03/2022 19:21

He’s clearly a twat.
You clearly are an over thinker but this has been bothering you - do not accept less than your worth and get rid of him!!!

My son was dating a girl who honestly was orange… so orange the palms of her hands were green with tan, and her makeup style was very heavy - but, he never said anything to her and even asked me to get her some makeup remover pads and water so she could clean her face off when she slept over ( she used to sleep with it on) .

LittleWins · 20/03/2022 19:22

@LoisLane66

We all have preferences. I've always been über fussy about the kind of clothes and shoes men wear and we each have an inbuilt sense of what we find attractive in others.
100% but would you date someone with a style you hate then demand they change their appearance?
summerlovin94 · 20/03/2022 19:24

The problem absolutely isn't your makeup.

I find it really odd that a 49 year old man is so fussy about the makeup his partner wears, the style of clothes she wears and how her hair is done. You're not his barbie doll - you accept your partner regardless of they're style, because it makes them an individual.

And also, it's humiliating for him to hide you away because of your makeup. How mean is that? He's not been taking you places because he thinks your makeup is so awful that he's embarrassed to be seen with you. Honestly you can do soo much better! The right man would want to show you off.

HailAdrian · 20/03/2022 19:27

You're much better at makeup application than I am, by a long shot. I'd be shocked if anyone, especially male, is scrutinising your make up so closely.

springtimeishereagain · 20/03/2022 19:33

Look. He never takes you out, you never go anywhere, he's criticised your hair and make up - at great length.

What is good about him?

You deserve better, lovely! 💐

pheonixrebirth · 20/03/2022 19:33

@BobbieMeserole

Ha! After seeing your pic, I get what he's doing. You are beautiful and he's trying to undermine you. He wants to keep you on the backfoot so you don't think you are better than him can do better than him Please dump him and move on. Your eyes are gorgeous, nothing wrong with your makeup!
This with bells on.

You are clearly stunning and this stunt he's pulled is like another negging tactic.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 20/03/2022 19:34

He's a twat and your makeup looks lovely

Bigboysmademedoit · 20/03/2022 19:34

You asked what he thought - he told you. Everyone is entitled to an opinion. My opinion is you look beautiful, as do most people on MN. Now you have to decide what value you give his opinion. Personally I’d tell him you’ve considered his (hurtful) remarks and you prefer you to him and cut him loose. Life’s too short to be kept indoors by a cruel man. Don’t change Flowers

tkwal · 20/03/2022 19:37

I've seen your pic now , do his friends tell him he's punching above his weight ? Or maybe he's jealous of others looking at you?

GoldenOmber · 20/03/2022 19:37

He’s a dick and he’s negging you about something he guessed you’ll feel sensitive about, so that you will stop asking him why he’s keeping you separate from all his friends.

SpiderVersed · 20/03/2022 19:39

[quote Yorkshiregurl1]@FeckTheMagicDragon he prefers me to wear my hair back or up which I do . Clothes wise he has bought me the style he likes and I have bought some of that style too but I don't always wear that when we are together. He's not said I have to wear the clothes he prefers when I'm with him.[/quote]
Dump his controlling, jealous self.

He criticised your makeup; he won’t go out with you; he tells you how to wear your hair; he tries to influence what you wear.

He can fuck off, and then duck off some more, and keep fucking off until he’s out of earshot.

You’re a grown woman with your sense of style. Embrace it, and value yourself.

GlitchStitch · 20/03/2022 19:39

You are beautiful and he knows he's punching so he's trying to destroy your confidence. Just get rid.

theveryhungrycatapillar · 20/03/2022 19:43

You have beautiful eyes and your makeup looks great! Wish I could do eyeliner like that! I certainly wouldn't think anything strange with that makeup. He could be gay and just seeing you for a cover story and that's why he doesn't actually want to take you out with his friends? Regardless he is a cock and you should dump him instantly and continue to do your makeup however the hell you like!! Smile