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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I asked my bf if he is embarrassed by me this is his response . I don’t know what to make of it.

748 replies

Yorkshiregurl1 · 20/03/2022 14:16

So, I asked my bf if he’s embarrassed by me as we never venture out of town for food or on day trips etc . This is his response. No one’s ever said anything like this to me so I don’t know what to make of it ?

Being embarrassed about you.
Well I didn’t want to say this but it is the elephant in the room so it’s being noticed so I suppose I’ll be honest. Imagine every time I came to see you I wore odd mismatching shoes would you sit there quietly? You probably would but you would notice and somewhere deep inside you would think ahh FFS!! In the same way I struggle with your make up application and choices. The amount of times I’ve seen squiggly lines or poor application of make up it’s pretty obvious it’s not your skill. The last time I saw you in my head I was thinking what the hell have you done to your eyes that’s probably the worse make up choice and application I’ve seen. It’s at a point I been searching for make up lessons as a gift! So I don’t need to tell you but now that you asked. It shouldn’t bother me but it’s been getting under my skin to a point where I think you look better without it but no you choose bizarre lipstick colours which don’t match you complexion etc. i can categorically say that some of the artwork you done on your face especially around the eyes is the worst I’ve ever seen. I’m sorry if that’s not what you want to hear but I didn’t want to wake to read this crap aswell.

OP posts:
Hertsgirl10 · 20/03/2022 17:54

Is he a make up artist 😂 what a weirdo.

IWentAwayIStayedAway · 20/03/2022 17:54

You are beautiful. Have you dumped him yet? Stop trying to figure him out. Its not your fault

poppym12 · 20/03/2022 17:55

Is he a makeup artist or drag queen or something?

Benjispruce5 · 20/03/2022 17:57

Very strange comments from a man. Talking about colour choices???? Why is he with you at all?? Run!

Yorkshiregurl1 · 20/03/2022 17:57

@poppym12
He's neither. Just a regular guy that works in an office.

OP posts:
bonfireheart · 20/03/2022 17:58

He doesn't sound as though he likes you. You are better off without him.

PinkFizz1 · 20/03/2022 17:59

@Yorkshiregurl1 you are absolutely stunning and your make up is flawless. That is all Smile

RachaelN · 20/03/2022 18:00

Do I get the feeling you have an alternative style and he doesn't like it. Cos if this is the case please dump his ass!

Benjispruce5 · 20/03/2022 18:02

Just seen your pic and your makeup looks professional. Please get rid of him!

FeckTheMagicDragon · 20/03/2022 18:02

How has he asked you to change your hair or clothes? And if you didn’t change, what was his reaction? For example, I have really long hair, my husband like me to wear it down, but it gets in my face so I usually wear it up. He has no problem if I wear it up, but often complements me if I wear it down.

Inthesameboatatmo · 20/03/2022 18:03

I posted before reading the full thread and the photo ,I was expecting something completely different. He's a prick you are a very beautiful woman op. He's jealous and wants to control you and doesn't want other men looking at you.

CookieMunch · 20/03/2022 18:04

I’d be really concerned about the tone of that message and the fact that he couldn’t just talk to you about something that was bothering him. It suggests there’s a lack of communication from his side and the way he talks to you in that message shows no love, kindness or concern for you and your feelings. It’s filled with disgust rather than love. Who wants to be in a relationship like that. Also there’s nothing wrong with your make up. He just likes something else but he’s not able to see that. He sees it as you doing something wrong and unacceptable - red flag for controlling behaviour for me

Sassbott · 20/03/2022 18:04

@Yorkshiregurl1 I am south Asian. This guy sounds a completely archetypal knuckle dragger of an Indian man (I’ve had the misfortune to hang out with some of them). It’s what you wear, the colours you wear, your makeup, how you do your hair. I’ve come to the conclusion that a vast array of them pretty much want ‘their’ women to not do/ wear/ style themselves in anyway that makes them attractive. It’s nothing to do with you.

Get away from him. Oh and I know a thing or two about cultural pressure. By the ages of 44 and 49 you should be living your lives fully and not be worried about family pressure.

I won’t even get started on the ‘I didn’t need to wake to this crap’. What. A. Dick.

Momijin · 20/03/2022 18:05

Firstly op, you look amazing. I'm not keen at all on the fake lashes, contouring etc look but your make up looks lovely.

But even if it didn't, he shouldn't be embarrassed by you.

My dp for example is terrible with clothes. He just doesn't care about them and being environmentally conscious will only buy what is necessary. But that's him and although I've bought him some clothes, it hasn't crossed my mind not to go somewhere because of the way he dresses. I'm proud of him as a person and if people judge him on his clothes then it is their loss.

But in my opinion, I think there is something else going on with your OH. Or he is weird or he is controlling you or something.

Momijin · 20/03/2022 18:07

@Inthesameboatatmo

I posted before reading the full thread and the photo ,I was expecting something completely different. He's a prick you are a very beautiful woman op. He's jealous and wants to control you and doesn't want other men looking at you.
Ah yes maybe that. Maybe he doesn't want his friends fancying you? Or other men?
Yorkshiregurl1 · 20/03/2022 18:07

@FeckTheMagicDragon he prefers me to wear my hair back or up which I do . Clothes wise he has bought me the style he likes and I have bought some of that style too but I don't always wear that when we are together. He's not said I have to wear the clothes he prefers when I'm with him.

OP posts:
Tamworth123 · 20/03/2022 18:07

You have beautiful eyes.

Your eye make up is fairly involved (but that's coming from someone who wears none) but it's very well done, very skilful.

Your eye brows are done on the big/slightly over defined side for me, but I understand that's the trend at the moment.

Onto his response; completely over the top ridiculous, pernickety etc. Hard to believe its true.

It sounds more like he's been caught on the hop/back foot and has come up with or rather exaggerated this small issue into an excuse. The real excuse/reason .....???? Cheating/playing the field/something like that.

There's a distinctive nastiness to both the excuse seized upon, and to his tone/attitude.

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 20/03/2022 18:09

He is a deeply controlling person and this behaviour will escalate in direct correlation to your loss of self esteem. Protect yourself and end it now.

WhatInFreshHell · 20/03/2022 18:10

OP, your make up is gorgeous. I agree with an above PP who said you've got Princess Jasmine vibes! He's a knob, trying to undermine your confidence! Get rid and find someone who appreciates you.

cansu · 20/03/2022 18:11

He sounds odd. You look lovely in that pic. It sounds like he wants you to be more mousey. I would tell him where to go.

Tamworth123 · 20/03/2022 18:12

[quote Yorkshiregurl1]@FeckTheMagicDragon he prefers me to wear my hair back or up which I do . Clothes wise he has bought me the style he likes and I have bought some of that style too but I don't always wear that when we are together. He's not said I have to wear the clothes he prefers when I'm with him.[/quote]
I have never ever had a partner cite preferred styles for my hair or clothes, or buy me clothes in a style they prefer.

They have only ever offered a compliment if they like a hair style or item of clothing. And they've only ever bought something of I was going to buy it and they offered to as a gift.

I find this quite weird behaviour.

I'd honestly think a guy was extremely pernickety and odd of he acted/spoke like this.

If he was in a design/creative field, I.might - might - give some leeway. Even then.

I'd probably think he was gay.

Or sees women as dress up dolls, or both
.

Magenta82 · 20/03/2022 18:14

He is playing head games with you, treating you badly and trying to undermine your confidence.

It isn't a nice position to be in and I'm sorry you're going through it but realistically I think you need to end it with him.

Hugs x

Ionlydomassiveones · 20/03/2022 18:17

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

FridaynightCry · 20/03/2022 18:17

OP, where do you stand now in this relationship?

Fuckityfucksake · 20/03/2022 18:17

Before I got to the photo I was thinking maybe he has a point (minus the cruelty) if the eye make up is crap.
Your eye make up absolutely IS NOT crap, it looks awesome OP you do not need a make up lesson.
You also do not need a condescending, cruel, insecure bastard of a boyfriend neither.

I'm with those that have said he's doing this to knock at your confidence and gain some control over you.
There was a 100 other ways he could have told you that he wasn't a fan of such heavy eyes/make up or whatever but he chose to be a cunt!

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