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Original poster

Found my straight partner on Grindr??

119 replies

Snec · 16/03/2022 13:38

I need some advice

I have been with my partner coming up 4 years and we live together. Was sorting the washing yesterday and his phone was in the bedroom, a notification popped up and it was the app Grindr

This absolutely blindsided me and I then found myself unlocking his phone and on the app, what I found honestly made me feel sick, he has been sending pictures of himself and receiving pictures back from other men.

I brought up that I saw the notification pop up and he said he doesn’t know what it is and must of downloaded it years ago and just dismissed it, so now I know that he has lied about it because I have seen the messages.

What the f do I do 😩😩 clearly the trust is not there and now he has lied about it

OP posts:
FluffyFluffMonster · 16/03/2022 20:52

@tkwal grinder is purely a hook up site with lots of indecent photos. It tells you where men are to meet them to have sex. Think public toilets, supermarkets etc.

Crikeyalmighty · 16/03/2022 21:11

OP— If you wish to split- and I’m presuming you do then I would play quite cool, arrange where to stay and get your stuff moved out or into storage whilst he is at work— people can sometimes turn nasty when confronted with something like this and do stupid stuff in temper, especially if it’s something they have been hiding and don’t want as public knowledge. As well as protecting your health (avoid sex) protect your ‘stuff’ . There are times in life I feel when you need to be a bit devious to protect yourself .

Crikeyalmighty · 16/03/2022 21:13

CAn i say how sorry I am too- must be an awful shock — at the end of the day as others have said, bi is one thing— but bi and cheating is another altogether

AwayInMyMind · 16/03/2022 21:16

So sorry OP.

You sound like you have your head on your shoulders. Good luck and get an STI check ASAP.

Stupid bastard.

D0lphine · 16/03/2022 21:22

Personally I'd get evidence before I alerted him that I knew. Then there are no arguments are there?

What a fucking tosser. I mean Christ! It's 2022 and he is in the uk. Just be gay / bi no one gives a shit any more. Don't pretend to be straight and fuck innocent people over.

Fucking turd.

Kick him the fuck out.

D0lphine · 16/03/2022 21:24

[quote FluffyFluffMonster]@tkwal grinder is purely a hook up site with lots of indecent photos. It tells you where men are to meet them to have sex. Think public toilets, supermarkets etc.
[/quote]
Agree I've been on my friends Grindr and it is pure filth.

booplefloof · 16/03/2022 21:27

The deception is a big red flag

winterchills · 16/03/2022 21:30

Definitely get rid!! And I agree with the STI check too

easterdaffsx · 16/03/2022 21:35

So most on here are advising you to leave your long term partner because he was on this site.
Perhaps you should tell him how much you know ( not just that you saw it pop up )
Tell him you snooped on his phone ?
Give him an opportunity to talk with you ?
He may have just been exploring this in private with no intention of progressing this.

SophB15 · 16/03/2022 21:45

@easterdaffsx

So most on here are advising you to leave your long term partner because he was on this site. Perhaps you should tell him how much you know ( not just that you saw it pop up ) Tell him you snooped on his phone ? Give him an opportunity to talk with you ? He may have just been exploring this in private with no intention of progressing this.
He was sharing explicit photos and messages with other men…?
FluffyFluffMonster · 16/03/2022 22:01

@easterdaffsx he doesn't get to explore cheat when in a relationship!
The same could be said if he was on tinder chatting to women, he was just exploring. Bullshit!

greasyshoes · 16/03/2022 22:07

He's not straight if he's on grindr.

Not necessarily. There are a lot of straight men on Grindr seeking trans women or cross dressers.

greasyshoes · 16/03/2022 22:08

@D0lphine

Agree I've been on my friends Grindr and it is pure filth.

That's correct. It's an app that's far too extreme for women.

Crikeyalmighty · 16/03/2022 22:09

I’m gobsmacked at apologists on here— if people want to ‘explore’ that’s fair enough— but don’t do your ‘exploring’ when a nice caring person thinks they are in a loving committed relationship with you.

FluffyFluffMonster · 16/03/2022 22:16

@greasyshoes when I was on the app for a very short time there were men arranging to meet in lanes, parks at night, public toilets, they liked a glory hole, gay saunas! There's also a big market for twinks- older men looking for much younger men.
It's really seedy and I don't know many women who would be into that. It is not a dating app! It's seedy and grim.

RaoulDufysCat · 16/03/2022 23:26

Not necessarily. There are a lot of straight men on Grindr seeking trans women or cross dressers.

Surely a man who wants to sleep with trans women or cross dressers isn't straight? I mean they are likely to have male anatomy so...

Maze76 · 16/03/2022 23:38

@greasyshoes

He's not straight if he's on grindr.

Not necessarily. There are a lot of straight men on Grindr seeking trans women or cross dressers.

Eh??.. he’s more likely Pansexual/ Gay/ Bi.. but he’s definitely not straight!
Tamworth123 · 16/03/2022 23:49

@greasyshoes

He's not straight if he's on grindr.

Not necessarily. There are a lot of straight men on Grindr seeking trans women or cross dressers.

Still not straight.

Cross dressers have a dick and balls.

Many trans women still have a dick and balls.

They may identify as straight but .....

Tamworth123 · 16/03/2022 23:50

The general definition of straight is that you're attracted to and havevsex with the opposite sex, not the same sex.

Tamworth123 · 16/03/2022 23:57

Give him an opportunity to talk with you ?
He may have just been exploring this in private with no intention of progressing this.

Hmm
stevalnamechanger · 16/03/2022 23:59

@tkwal

Being on Grindr is no worse than being on any other dating App. If you're in a committed relationship you shouldn't be on any of them as ultimately most of them are used to hook you up for casual sex which may (very rarely)lead to a relationship. You have taken your partner unaware by seeing this random notification so try to talk to him about it calmly later on. Being Bi means that you can feel attracted to anyone, NOT that you can have a partner of each sex. You deserve the truth OP , then make your decision.
Grindr isn't really a dating app .. it's for very casual sex ! Often within short timeframes , meetup in 30 mins etc

My friends are all over it! Men on it are very full on from what I've seen 😅

greasyshoes · 17/03/2022 00:02

Still not straight. Cross dressers have a dick and balls. Many trans women still have a dick and balls. They may identify as straight but .....

People aren't attracted to other people on whether they have a penis or a vagina (we can't even see that in normal day to day life). People are attracted to other people on how they look.

They are straight men because aside from their attraction to trans women, they are only attracted to women and not men. There are loads of straight men on Grindr.

Tamworth123 · 17/03/2022 00:09

@greasyshoes

Still not straight. Cross dressers have a dick and balls. Many trans women still have a dick and balls. They may identify as straight but .....

People aren't attracted to other people on whether they have a penis or a vagina (we can't even see that in normal day to day life). People are attracted to other people on how they look.

They are straight men because aside from their attraction to trans women, they are only attracted to women and not men. There are loads of straight men on Grindr.

I'm not sure which part of that post is the most, almost comically, bizarre.

I think I'll go with with - people aren't attracted to males or females; sure you can't even see if they have a vagina or penis.

Pennox · 17/03/2022 00:10

Rubbish. If yiu are attracted to a male when youre male or a female when youre female you're gay or bi. There are no straight men on grindr.

Tamworth123 · 17/03/2022 00:12

They are straight men because aside from their attraction to trans women, they are only attracted to women and not men. There are loads of straight men on Grindr.

If they are attracted to travs women, esp pre op trans women, they are not straight men.

There are no straight men on grindr. There may be men who identify as straight on grindr, but that's their self delusion/deception (and of any partner of theirs).