DH no plans for mother's day

[Marley641]

Just wanted to get some opinions on best thing to do.

I am currently pregnant (and overdue!!) with our first child together who is due any day. I have 2 kids from previous marriage who are teen/pre-teen.

DH has been joking recently about finally getting a father's day! He gets a step fathers card but my 2 kids have a great relationship with their biological dad so not really warranted to get my DH something too. He also said he knew Mothers Day was 27th this month.

Today i asked him what the plan was for mother's day as was planning the weekend. He has responded he hasn't planned anything and is taking each day at a time.

He has said this to allude to him saying previously how stressed this pregnacy has made him and also slightly depressed apparently!! Due to worrying about money whilst I'm on maternity leave. Also, as I've suffered massively during pregnancy he has had to take over all house hold chores so feels overwhelmed. 🙄

I am sympathetic to a degree, but we are very well off tbf, he is a higher rate tax payer and i work full time with a decent salary too!!

And it has been me being so unwell in pregnancy that i am basically housebound, i have suffered with depression due to this but have soldiered on as knew it wasn't for ever. Every day i am in agonising pain, with little sympathy being given.

To have him keep trying to guilt trip me for being unwell is pissing me off!!! 😡 Yes he does the practical stuff like cleaning and cooking which i greatly appreciate but i am basically disabled currently so hardly like i can do it!

Anyway!! I didn't reply to the message and he has now said, why don't i invite our mums over and he'll cook a roast.

Previous years we have had a lovely takeaway afternoon tea or gone to a hotel for an afternoon tea.

No offence to dh, but our baby will be about 2 weeks old, i don't fancy trying to make conversation with our mums whilst he's in the kitchen cooking an "okay" roast dinner that i will just have like or lump and if i dain to ask for anything too particular have him sigh loudly. ontop of he has no idea how bad sleepless newborn nights are, so will no doubt be especially grumpy, which will mean even more so i can't 'request' what i want food wise!! He won't make much effort to hold a conversation with the parents so again all pressure on me, when I'll just want to be in pjs, maybe with my boobs hanging out if i decide to breastfeed 😄 watching mindless tv.

My exdh would basically do whatever i asked in terms of mother's day, would ensure kids had got me a decent present etc and i got 'my' day - a lie in, breakfast, nice lunch in or out etc.

So now I'm thinking - do i just tell him i don't want the parents round, i want an afternoon takeaway tea? or chat to my 2 DC and see what they suggest we do?
I was thinking maybe i leave him with the baby for a couple of hours and my elder 2 kids and i go to a restaurant together or something? Or should i just book myself something solo to do for a couple of hours like some spa treatments? (my only worry is my post partum bleeding is always so heavy and lasts for weeks and weeks!!)

I'm just so annoyed at him right now! I already have several items favourited on etsy for father's day for him and a plan on how to spoil him. Clearly I am not worth it, despite having such a terrible pregnancy, being overdue, and would have just given birth to his first child by the time mother's day rolls around!! He clearly hasn't even bothered to think of a present and will no doubt say I'm being materialistic asking for one - despite us having money to buy something!!

I will state - he CAN do amazing presents and special treats if he wants to - he has done for birthdays etc in the past, so not a case of he doesn't know how to.

So long post to basically ask - do i do something at home with him but tell him exactly what i want and hear all the moaning about money, do something with older kids only and pay for it myself, or do something by myself only, also which i will pay for myself.

Pregnantzilla

Yabvu

Sorry OP, but I think you are being slightly unreasonable. It sounds like it has been a rough time for both of you, and the baby isn't even here yet.

I'm getting induced In two days. I said to my DP, all I want for Mother's Day is my family around me and a lovely walk, just the three of us. When he asked about gifts I just said a card.

All that matters is about being together as a family. Don't lose sight of that!

Take a deep breath, move on and focus on your new arrival and taking care of yourself! Xx

Surely a card or bunch of daffs would be enough? Not sure why you're expecting a big song and dance

You're being a bit silly. He's shown you he cares all through your pregnancy. Mother's Day is commercialised crap. Focus on the baby & your children.

@DenholmElliot

Focus on your own mum, and your teenage kids will focus on you. To be honest, your DH has suggested cooking a dinner for his mum - it's his mother and it's mothers day so I think it's a bit churlish of you to object if I'm honest.

This. It’s up to your kids to “spoil” you if you insist on it. His job is to make Mothers’ Day special for his mum.

This isn't AIBU.

But Mother's Day isn't for a couple of weeks.

He's hardly going to say "I've got you a wonderful card and am planning on giving you some lovely flowers" !

But it doesn't mean that he is not doing these things does it? It's just that Mother's Day is not here yet.

If there are specific things that you want to do perhaps you should tell him so that he can book them for you.

It sounds like a mismatch of expectations. Let him know clearly what your expectations are - what you actually want so he can do it.

As you can tell from the responses on the thread, most peoples expectations here would be that DH would do something for his mother, and your teens would do something (small - e.g. tea and toast in bed, or card and a bunch of daffodils) for you, and that if DC is a baby either you don’t get anything from them, or maybe DH gets you a card from them. You also of course would do something for your mother.

Your expectations are more set at spa day / full day of pampering etc.

It doesn’t mean your expectations are necessarily wrong, but you need to clearly communicate them if you want them met.

A two week old and you’re stressing about Mother’s Day. I’d be happy having those first few weeks with my newborn and DH, not stressing over Mothers Day. You’ve described your current situation as near housebound…are you expecting to suddenly bounce back the minute baby is born? Your DH has stepped up and is offering to cook…ok so you don’t like the fact he hadn’t planned on it but seriously? The guy can’t win.

Honestly I genuinely don't get when Mother's Day. Became another valentines day. Surely it's about you treating your mom and your kids treating you ! It's nothing really to do with your dh. Honestly the drama lama.. I hope yours kids remember you in years to come instead of focussing on themselves on Mother's Day .

This isn't AIBU.

People can still be unreasonable even when they post on a different board.
The OP needs to get over herself

Wait a minute. You're praising your ex because he did what you asked him too. But with your current partner, you don't tell him what you want, you expect him to think of something when you'll either be on the point of delivery or have a newborn? Why don't you afford him the same consideration as your ex and just tell him what you want?

If you don't tell him what you want to do and tell him to choose, you can't complain when you don't like his choice.

@Tamworth123

And the bring mothers round for roast not terribly compatible with caring for a newborn .... and the poster who said she's sure his mother can help.out; yeah on mother's day, she should be helping cook by roast for 6 plus people.

Is that you OP?

YABU. He's obviously excited about his first Father's Day as it's his first one ever whereas you've had Mother's Day for years. Reckon it's down to your older kids really, with some input from your DH. I would always expect the day to be marked but your expectations of the day are a bit OTT given how soon it comes around after you giving birth IMHO.

All I've asked for Mother's Day is a lie in and a McDonald's breakfast.
I don't care for my husband planning anything special, my dd and dh show me I'm appreciated as a mum everyday. You don't need a fancy day to show that.
A home cooked roast sounds lovely.

Although he is a step dad he is about to become a first time dad, he has a housebound, disabled partner about to give birth to his first child, he is needing (quite rightly) to do all the household stuff but is also naturally worrying about being a dad and making sure his partner is safe and healthy and that his son is safe and healthy and all of the associated practicalities that come with a massive life change like this.

And he hadnt quite made any plans in his head for a fake, commercialised 'day' and he gets his partner sneering at his 'depression' and stress and going on about how she 'wont get anything' from her newborn on the day.

Have I been a terrible daughter all these years?

I usually get my mum flowers or a nice bottle of wine and a card!

Poor bloke.

Mother’s Day is two weeks away and he’s already hearing the brunt of not living up to expectations, and being compared to the ex.

"I do feel a bit sad that it seems the norm for a lot of you to cook your own dinners etc and be grateful for it"

He offered to cook you Sunday lunch and you've turned your nose up at it

You sound really hard work. I'm going to charitable and assume it's late baby rage and not who you usually are

Blimey he's damned if he does and damned if he doesn't.

You'll have a lovely two-week old baby to look after together. Do you really care about all the cards/flowers/chocolates bullshit too? If so, buy shares in Hallmark.

He has offered, you don't like his suggestion. So just leave it.

Dh has said he did look at presents but apparently he felt anything he got i wouldn't like so didn't get anything.

Going by your posts on this thread, OP, I suspect he has a point......

You know what OP, you sound like really hard work

Piglets Pantry afternoon tea was a lovely surprise for me from a friend at 2 weeks pp.

I dread to think what its like for your birthday and xmas.

I spent my first Mother’s Day in bed with Mastitis and a temperature of 40 degrees. I hope yours isn’t like that!
In reality how much are you really going to be up to with a brand new baby?
Your being a bit silly. (Sorry...)