Dating Thread 226: Springing into Spring

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Thisisworsethananticpated hi! No, definitely not the Italian. I've had an additional round of disappointing dating since meeting up with him. - a guy who spent the first half of our date talking about his ex

I'm with @ibelieveinmirrorballs re the feelings that you are getting about the Balkan. However, I also wonder how one gets the balance right with casual situations???

Relatedly, if that's what it is, why is this guy calling you his gf, even jokingly???

ibelieveinmirrorballs

Again , ! You make some very good points
It’s been nice to discuss a bit with a girlfriend tonight

gelatodipistacchio
A date talking about their ex the whole time
How long ? I’d just want to leave after a drink

Neither Balkan or I seem to know how to do casual very well it appears
As evidenced by us texting and chatting over the course of the day
That’s not casual
But his asking me if I want to pop over at 930pm
That’s casual

@MrsBerthaRochester

If a guy hasnt asked you out after two years....he is not interested. No matter how many coffees he buys at your shop.Men dont do subtle. I think some folk on here carry on like a mills & boon. By creating a total fantasy about this man you are potentially letting something real pass you by.

Not true. I find it extremely difficult to approach someone I fancy. That could well be me (it isn't, I can't stand coffee.

Heck, even on dating apps - where by definition everyone you match with must be interested in you - I really struggle to start the conversation rolling.

@Thisisworsethananticpated time of the month is the worst isn’t it! Makes us so in turmoil 😩 mine was 2 days ago and I felt all gutted that Turk wasn’t at the cafe. I feel back to my normal chilled self today! 🤣 it’s ok though… they don’t know about our craziness!! 🤣🤣 that’s why we post on here and chat about it! As it helps 😁

I’m glad I have some very good male friends and value their friendships as much as my female ones. I think a lot of women posting on mumsnet have been hurt by men so its not the best place to be hearing women speaking positively about men. I have lots of very happily married friends with lovely husbands.. they don’t post on mumsnet 😄

@Thisisworsethananticpated be really careful taking any notice of words that come out of his mouth. Talks cheap so just ignore it all, does he treat you like a girlfriend? What behaviour do you need to see for someone to be a boyfriend? Does he match up to any of that?

Welcome all newbies 🙂👋

@FloydPepper This thread doesn't see men as low value, we see men as equals.

Its unfortunate you returned to the thread as someone new joined it who sees men as low value.

Please stick with us, we're a great bunch.

Welcome to all newbies👋

@ButterflyOfShay Glad you're back to your chilled self and no longer a nut job😉😂

Got to love a bit of hormonal madness.....

My date 0 is tomorrow. How can nervous tension last for an entire week!!? I wish I was a lot cooler about this . What’s the thoughts on kissing on the first date? Too much?! In all honestly I’m desperate for that first kiss feeling so I’m not sure my perspective is good! . This thread has been good though for not feeling like the only over thinker in the world! Thanks everyone!

@Thisisworsethananticpated

gelatodipistacchio A date talking about their ex the whole time How long ? I’d just want to leave after a drink

Neither Balkan or I seem to know how to do casual very well it appears
As evidenced by us texting and chatting over the course of the day
That’s not casual
But his asking me if I want to pop over at 930pm
That’s casual

I think it helps to ask yourself if what they are doing just happens to be what suits them in that moment rather than any sign they view it as casual or otherwise. Texting during the day - well I imagine you’re pretty entertaining text company - why wouldn’t he be tempted by that distraction via his smart phone - as so many of us are rather then knuckle down to work or whatever?

MrM wanted the “girlfriend experience “ for about 60% of the time - long phone chats, days of idle chatting, weekends away, lots in common etc etc. But he didn’t have the capacity for an open ended, “open hearted” growing connection and that’s what caused my anxiety.

@Thisisworsethananticpated

gelatodipistacchio A date talking about their ex the whole time How long ? I’d just want to leave after a drink

Neither Balkan or I seem to know how to do casual very well it appears
As evidenced by us texting and chatting over the course of the day
That’s not casual
But his asking me if I want to pop over at 930pm
That’s casual

I suppose it depends on your definition of casual, when I was seeing ms W , she wanted lots of sex , but not much more, we didn’t text or call or anything like that , it’s was all a bit empty really.

ibelieveinmirrorballs
HowlongWillThisTakeNow

This has been a bit of a wake up call for me
Even my friend gently said ‘is this working’

ibelieveinmirrorballs
Yes I’m pretty entertaining ! So he’s getting the girlfriend text experience +++ whilst putting in … well there’s one things he’s putting in let’s leave it there

Good kick with horse 🐎 howlong !

@Thisisworsethananticpated I bet you're also offering support if he seems like he needs it, amusement when he seems like he needs it, sex when he... well both of you want it... but probably starting to feel anxious about ever putting any emotional needs on him because you're not sure he'd provide it back.

I'll stop projecting my own experience right about now...

I'm having my own mini nervous breakdown with builders here... just... not... turning... up... EVER. I can't remember the last time something caused me so much stress - 3.5 months now without a fully functioning kitchen/dining/utility. Absolutely sick of it.

Date 1 of 3 happened last night, let’s call him Mr I.

It was…. Refreshing, confidence boosting, and slightly disappointing.

He was a really nice guy, had interesting views of life and the world, and seemed to get more handsome as the night went on. He was very complimentary towards me and it was genuine so a nice little ego boost there.
However he was sooo incredibly nervous. And at the end he tried to kiss me with a pointy little lizard tongue.

I feel torn… If he relaxed he’d be someone to see again but the nerves and/or lack of confidence are quite off putting.

Has anyone been in a similar situation?

I’m seeing Mr O tonight for a drink at the pub, and Mr E on Sunday.

I’m new to online dating and have thrown myself in with aplomb!

ibelieveinmirrorballs
Your not projecting you are pretty spot on

I went sept to March sans kitchen
I feel your pain
What nationality are builders ? I ask as English always worst but you might prove
Me wrong 😑

Check in

@pavesi I would give him another chance, it can’t hurt can it?

@Pavesi

Date 1 of 3 happened last night, let’s call him Mr I.

It was…. Refreshing, confidence boosting, and slightly disappointing.

He was a really nice guy, had interesting views of life and the world, and seemed to get more handsome as the night went on. He was very complimentary towards me and it was genuine so a nice little ego boost there.
However he was sooo incredibly nervous. And at the end he tried to kiss me with a pointy little lizard tongue.

I feel torn… If he relaxed he’d be someone to see again but the nerves and/or lack of confidence are quite off putting.

Has anyone been in a similar situation?

I’m seeing Mr O tonight for a drink at the pub, and Mr E on Sunday.

I’m new to online dating and have thrown myself in with aplomb!

I’d maybe give him another chance but would not be hopeful. When you say he got more handsome as the night went on - was this because you were drinking? Lizard tongue + nervy = not great!

@Thisisworsethananticpated

ibelieveinmirrorballs Your not projecting you are pretty spot on

I went sept to March sans kitchen
I feel your pain
What nationality are builders ? I ask as English always worst but you might prove
Me wrong 😑

English… the pain is real. Feel like I’ve paid giant sums of money to basically have my house made worse.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs

Hahaha thankfully not! I was driving so had clear judgement. He was fairly easy on the eye but as his personality came through and the more I found out about him, the more attractive he became. Do you find that sometimes?

I’ll maybe give him another chance and just see if he relaxes a little!

@pavesi

Based on what you have said, I agree it's worth another shot - great sign that his appearance improved as you got to know him better. (But yes, lizardy tongue and nerves sound off-putting!)

In the chair at the tattoo studio reflecting on my dating life.

I'm clearing out, nothing is working for me. Yes I have high expectations but thats because I know the value I have at my table.

I'll be trying to read your updates whilst trying to distract myself from the stabby pain.

Question to the panel.
Ms H is coming over tonight, and so far I’m just not really feeling it during our F2F meets, but over chats, it’s all easy going, funny and good 👍🏼

Tonight there may or may not be some sex ( I would prefer not actually, I don’t want this to cloud things), but if tonight is another flat pancake rather then a lovely soufflé do I persevere or just call it quits?

It’s almost like she is 2 people and I’m actually chatting to one person then another person actually turns up, does this make sense?