Dating Thread 226: Springing into Spring

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I turned off last seen etc but haven't been able to turn off the blue ticks..!

@Thisisworsethananticpated how's it going with Balkan? Are you settling into a rhythm with it..? (So to speak )

Quiet on here at the moment...

@ownedbygreyhounds I'd agree that a snog is the way forward; if nowt's going on after that it would probably be a no from me.

Not much to report here other than that I've got a date zero next Thursday but with someone quite a lot younger which I'm slightly freaking out about. Met through Feeld so on the face of it more of a hook up thing and therefore not an issue, but actually I don't think either of us is looking for that so I'm suddenly now pondering whether it's worth meeting. For context he's 38 I'm 51. I've never dated anyone younger - we've had a couple of phone calls and got on well but wondering if it's too much of a gap.

@ownedbygreyhounds I would maybe give it another date or two and see if the chemistry builds.
I'm chatting with a guy who has made me smile all week and we talked about wanting to see each other yesterday. I just don't want to be overly keen as I can get abit carried away quite quickly!

ibelieveinmirrorballs

Oh go for it !! That’s not a major gap esp not for a fun hook up . Wouldn’t bother me at all

Balkan still on the scene , my kids are away so he’s coming to mine later . I’m a bit nervous as usually it’s drive to his , wham bam

The jurys still out but , I need to christen my new bedroom !

@Thisisworsethananticpated

ibelieveinmirrorballs

Oh go for it !! That’s not a major gap esp not for a fun hook up . Wouldn’t bother me at all

Balkan still on the scene , my kids are away so he’s coming to mine later . I’m a bit nervous as usually it’s drive to his , wham bam

The jurys still out but , I need to christen my new bedroom !

I definitely wouldn't care for a hook up but weirdly I now feel like it's not just a hook up and therefore feel a bit weird about it. I think partly it's because I don't drink any more and so random hook up things don't really happen for me (this is a good thing and means I never end up doing things I regret)... it does however mean I can overthink stuff a bit

ibelieveinmirrorballs

May I gently ask why you are in feeld ? Isn’t that more casual ?

What about this fellow has got you thinking so much ?

It IS more hook up like - or rather, I'd say people are just more open about what they're looking for. But there are people on there looking for relationships too. I think I'm somewhere between the two - my ideal would probably be a mutually respectful ongoing thing with someone which may or may not lead to something more committed. I'm definitely not looking for hook ups and make that clear on my profle.

I don't know - I think it's the fact he let slip he is looking for a girlfriend ideally and only went onto Feeld after friends encouraged him to; before that he tried Hinge or - gasp - meeting people in real life.

He's also curtailing a trip to Devon to come back whilst I'm in London next week so we can get a first meet out of the way. We may meet and not fancy each other...

@ownedbygreyhounds
I can honestly say I’ve never wanted to tear the clothes off any woman I’ve meet, let alone those I’ve dated.
Even with ms H, she is funny and witty and I like just spending time with her as her opinions and outlooks and experiences are different to mine, but rip her clothes off, no not really

Related to the blue ticks…
Having not had my message delivered sent several hours ago and wondering if I have been blocked. The only time this has happened before was when the person lost their phone on a river 😀.
Also a message I sent to a hobby group the he is a member of has not been delivered to him.
I presume if a person is blocked then any group message from them will also not be delivered?

@JangolinaPitt, can you still see his profile picture? If so you aren’t blocked and it’s more likely that his Wi-Fi or data is switched off or he’s out of range for a signal ?

@JangolinaPitt
What ticks have you got?

As per stepcount if your blocked the photo will disappear the the last seen will no longer work, and if you call, the call won’t connect

@ibelieveinmirrorballs oh, good luck! I've had a situation where I got on really well with a guy via text and then it was a hard no when we met. (Not saying this to be discouraging, just acknowledging it's a possibility)

It's great that you're getting this first meeting taken care of so you can establish whether there is chemistry!

That’s a shame you’ve never had that @HowlongWillThisTakeNow have you never had that instant thing?? It’s like magic sometimes.

@Thisisworsethananticpated

ibelieveinmirrorballs

Oh go for it !! That’s not a major gap esp not for a fun hook up . Wouldn’t bother me at all

Balkan still on the scene , my kids are away so he’s coming to mine later . I’m a bit nervous as usually it’s drive to his , wham bam

The jurys still out but , I need to christen my new bedroom !

I bloody luv you you’re so funny 😂😂😂

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow thanks!

@Thisisworsethananticpated hope that you are enjoying your child-free time!

re the boyfriend experience, yes! It is nice and also weird. And also potentially illusory, despite my weirdly firm belief that this is going somewhere!

MrS continues to be very keen to text. It's all very above board, just nice chat. He's been very interested in everything I have told him, from getting attacked by a monkey (!) To the boring details of my massages and stuff on my yoga retreat.

The raciest exchange was me sending a photo of my hair, which looks disgusting due to the oils they put in for a massage.

Conversation seems to flow (we texted for 45 minutes straight this evening), but I keep worrying that it all seems too easy. I'm afraid to be lulled into a feeling of comfort only for it to be snatched away.

[quote gelatodipistacchio]@ibelieveinmirrorballs oh, good luck! I've had a situation where I got on really well with a guy via text and then it was a hard no when we met. (Not saying this to be discouraging, just acknowledging it's a possibility)

It's great that you're getting this first meeting taken care of so you can establish whether there is chemistry![/quote]
Oh yes - I think we both want to get this bit out of the way for exactly that reason - it’s all irrelevant till you actually meet. I like to meet pretty quickly if there’s a connection, diaries permitting. My last date I had a great evening but there was no spark - we texted once afterwards and that was it. It’s a weird thing how you have these fleeting connections with people that then trail off just as quickly.. all part of OLD..

@ibelieveinmirrorballs it really is a weird phenomenon!

Ffs now I am panicking that I sent the worst photo of me with my disgusting hair. Why did I even send a photo at all? The photo I sent is so unflattering. Lovesick panic

Hi everyone

I've posted on here briefly before but not done much with it (dating). Posting to motivate myself as much as anything.

I'm 40. The last time I had good sex was with dad's dad, a decade ago. I slept with a friend a couple of times since and he expressed interest, but I felt he was selfish in bed so took it no further. Some friends tried to hook me up with a guy about 5 years ago but I wasn't interested. That's it, that's the sum total of my dating life in the past decade. I've been in a terrible place, had a lot of trauma to work through and actually think in a way it was best I was single. But now I feel like I've missed the boat a bit.

I typically get a babysitter on a Friday night. I could potentially get one for more but it's costly. Dd's father has never been in the picture so no shared custody or other time off. I work full time in a reasonably demanding role but sometimes might be able to flex for a coffee date on a Friday.

I'm wondering whether that would be enough to create and sustain a relationship. Id take fwb, but don't feel I've ever had a proper grown up relationship (weird to say that at 40) and for the first time feel like I'd be interested and able to give that a try.

Am reading your posts with interest. It sounds like a real minefield out there! I have no experience with old.

@gelatodipistacchio

Ffs now I am panicking that I sent the worst photo of me with my disgusting hair. Why did I even send a photo at all? The photo I sent is so unflattering. Lovesick panic

Don't be silly... sounds like a 'real' exchange between two people, far better than filters and pretence.

How many times have you met him? Hard as it is, I'd try to stay very grounded in these early days... it's easy to get to the 'oh I think this could be a boyfriend' mindset, but very often a heady start can make things very hard to deal with if/when they start to fall apart. My last iron and I had intense, full-on meetings which were mindblowingly amazing... it's taken me about 2 months to get over something that was only 3 months long... madness really! I am going to try very hard to take things slowly next time.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs thanks, i need to stop myself going into a panic.

We started with an hour+ video chat and have met in person there times, one of which ended with me staying at his (just making out).

Only the second date was super intense and amazing. The others were just nice/good! I felt a connection at the first video chat meeting and became more excited than I have been over any OLD date. Since then, I have felt this could really go somewhere.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs and I completely get what you mean. It's not like me to get like this over a man. I know it's dangerous.

@gelatodipistacchio

Ffs now I am panicking that I sent the worst photo of me with my disgusting hair. Why did I even send a photo at all? The photo I sent is so unflattering. Lovesick panic

It fine, one real picture is better than 10 filtered ones.

@ButterflyOfShay

That’s a shame you’ve never had that *@HowlongWillThisTakeNow* have you never had that instant thing?? It’s like magic sometimes.

Nope, lightning has never struck in that way for me, my relationships have all been slow starts, maybe that means I’ve never meet “the one”, Don’t get we wrong, I’ve had some great times, but never met a woman and thought “She’s the one for me, knickers off”. Even thing with Ms H, I really like her , but when we 1st we meet I didn’t have the urge to Chuck her over the table and do it there and then, but saying that our first “date”, was at a carvery, so might have put the other patrons of their Sunday dinners, so small mercies and all that. 🤷🏼‍♂️

Jumping back in after an OLD break, long story but last time this thread was so helpful!
Had a date 0 coffee today with erm Mr Brass shall we call him - (he’s in a band not loaded tbc.) Felt a safe option as I got on well on chat with him but thought prob didn’t massively fancy him. We had a laugh, easy to talk to but no idea if chemistry. Think probably not. But have agreed to see again. Have another iron really think I like, just messaging but need to make sure I meet him soon as am prone to building the text nonsense up then being gutted if they ghost or whatever. God it’s all hard work. Am widowed , that’s a lot to put on the table as well… Good luck with all irons people