Dating Thread 226: Springing into Spring

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Nunneries... 🤣

Thanks @gelatodipistacchio and @WeWantTheFinestWines for your messages. I'm fine about it all now. 🙂

I hate it when people say they're busy with work too. It feels like they think they have an excuse to put zero effort in. Also if they are so busy with work, they obviously don't have the capacity to date, so it's a lame excuse in my book.

I don't think he actually wanted to have a relationship and just wanted to meet people to go out for dinner and drinks with. He said that he needed to rediscover himself.

It's still a shame because I was really chuffed when he asked me out the first time. 😘

@ButterflyOfShay

Hope you didnt pay the bill for dinner *@ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers*? Alarm bells would have ringing for me as soon as someone says they're really busy with work. If someone likes you its not a problem finding time to chat etc. Even Bill Clinton found the time. I would have taken that as an edge out. He didn’t sound very scintillating anyways so reckon you had a lucky escape there.

@ButterflyOfShay no, he paid the bill. I think it was the least he could have done 😂😂

I do hate people using work as an excuse- it's like them excusing themselves for not putting in any effort. I agree that if someone likes you they'll put the effort in. Tbh, I do think he needs to work on what he wants in other areas of his life before thinking about relationships. ❤️

I’m sure I read on here that if someone is interested they will find the time and it’s true. I spent most of the summer last year chasing after someone who couldn’t make time for me (they did at first, then stopped). It’s humiliating in retrospect.

It's great that I went on the date really, thinking about it. Bunk once said to me that I shouldn't worry and to meet with irons, even if they're is more of a friend vibe. So I think I've started to do what she said. It's good practice, if nothing else, so I'm looking at it as if I've achieved something. ❤️

I need to meet an iron, just to prove to myself I can. I’m chatting to several at the moment, I have a favourite but trying not to pin everything on him.

Well done x

@BearFacedCheekGrylls

I’m sure I read on here that if someone is interested they will find the time and it’s true. I spent most of the summer last year chasing after someone who couldn’t make time for me (they did at first, then stopped). It’s humiliating in retrospect.

@BearFacedCheekGrylls I totally agree with this. I spent so much time chasing my ex Iron Last year to go on a date, it was awful being continually messed around. I'm not going to let anyone do that again, for sure ❤️

@BearFacedCheekGrylls

I need to meet an iron, just to prove to myself I can. I’m chatting to several at the moment, I have a favourite but trying not to pin everything on him.

Well done x

@BearFacedCheekGrylls thank you 😊😘

@ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers

It's great that I went on the date really, thinking about it. Bunk once said to me that I shouldn't worry and to meet with irons, even if they're is more of a friend vibe. So I think I've started to do what she said. It's good practice, if nothing else, so I'm looking at it as if I've achieved something. ❤️

I absolutely agree with what you’ve written here. You’ve come through a dark time, you’ve put yourself out there, you’re meeting people, you’re making huge progress. And enjoying it too! All credit to you @ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers. And as an accountant, I love your new user name too 😊

Well done @ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers so glad to hear you didn't pay for him!! I think you've done amazing going out going for dinner as you have to be pretty confident to do that. I would struggle with it. You should be proud of yourself! 💛

@WeWantTheFinestWines

Sorry this didn't go as you had hoped crunch. I do think dinner is one of the worst things to do as an early date unless everything has flowed easily and comfortably from the outset. It's all about sitting across from each other making conversation so can feel quite pressured. And you can't leave until you're done. And then there's the whole who pays the bill thing. I would opt for a stroll, a drink or a coffee until you know you can sustain a whole meal.

I also agree that pleading busy at work tends to be an excuse. A bit like being tired. If you're interested, you find time and energy. Love the Bill Clinton comparison, although she did come to his office!

I also think that unless you stop trying to impress someone, you will never impress anyone. Trying too hard is obvious and off putting. You have to see it as you testing them out, not you trying to be good enough for them. You have to be yourself and not worry what they think, because you cannot influence their thoughts. Nobody can be anybody but themselves - anything else is dishonest. Of course we try to show our best side to someone and not the part of us that we know can be a hard sell, but trying to be someone you're not never works out.

Maybe it will happen for you one day, maybe it won't. That applies to all of us. But you are who you are and while we can all benefit from working on ourselves and gaining insight into how we come across to others, at the end of the day you're still you. Embrace it, love and respect who you are and that will be attractive to others. Hope you're ok 💐

Beautiful post @WeWantTheFinestWines 💓

You have to see it as you testing them out, not you trying to be good enough for them

I think this should be a rule if it’s not already!

@ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers you ‘sound’ in such a better place these days, well done on your realistic take on the date and seeing your worth.

Thank you so much @ButterflyOfShay! It may have not gone the way I hoped, but I'm so pleased I did it. 😀😀😀 I'm just looking to the future now and I'm looking forward to having more dates in the future. ❤️

@MayEye

You have to see it as you testing them out, not you trying to be good enough for them

I think this should be a rule if it’s not already!

@ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers you ‘sound’ in such a better place these days, well done on your realistic take on the date and seeing your worth.

@MayEye thank you. 😊 I've still got a way to go, but I feel much better now, and more positive about the future. ❤️

@Badbaddog ❤️❤️❤️

Thank you Shay 😊

@WeWantTheFinestWines @ButterflyOfShay I also agree that the post was beautiful ❤️

@ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers great job getting out there and meeting up, with someone, 👍🏼
So who will you be meeting next ?

@BearFacedCheekGrylls

I need to meet an iron, just to prove to myself I can. I’m chatting to several at the moment, I have a favourite but trying not to pin everything on him.

Well done x

Go for it, ask a few out

[quote HowlongWillThisTakeNow]@ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers great job getting out there and meeting up, with someone, 👍🏼
So who will you be meeting next ?[/quote]
@HowlongWillThisTakeNow who knows? 😊

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow and thank you! 🙂

Leaving for a week's holiday. Mr S will go on holiday the day I return (no overlap). Feeling very keen to see him again, so this is irritating. We have been texting a lot since our date on Tuesday, but both our holidays are active (and I am not spending my break texting in amy case) 😭😭😭

I will be transferring to an overground train to the airport near where he works and I have this fantasy that he will come and say goodbye 🙄

I am reminding myself that we don't really know each other and that my steady confidence that we will have a serious relationship is not grounded in reality.

[quote ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers]**@WeWantTheFinestWines* @ButterflyOfShay* I also agree that the post was beautiful ❤️[/quote]

😍

@WeWantTheFinestWines 😍

@gelatodipistacchio, have a wonderful week away. The hiatus in seeing Mr S might seem frustrating but in the grand scheme of things it’s not long. And you have a lovely holiday to enjoy, I’m sure that will prove a more than sufficient distraction.