Dating Thread 226: Springing into Spring

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@FloydPepper

So, I’ve been looking at the apps for a bit with few matches. I notice a lot of the profiles seem to be exactly the same

“Mum who’s kids are my life looking for a big spoon. I like going out, staying in and travel, but I won’t message first. There are too many liars on here so no fakes please”

Then a couple of selfies, one with kids, one with a dog.

I wouldn't ever write that on a profile!

Who TF would write that on a profile, instant swipe left, followed by burn phone.

I suppose at least they’ve bothered to write something.

I see so many guys who write sweet fa on their profile and just have a couple of photos, as if that’s enough. Or say ‘If you want to know anything, just ask’.

@Itsthejourney

I'm the same with messaging. I get twitchy too! But I'm attached to my phone and understand some people aren't. But you can't get a good flowing conversation if there is ages between each message. I just want to get the messaging over and done with and then meet!

I'm like this. I'm in a job where the odd 30 seconds of downtime to check for messages and reply comes quite frequently. I'm aware that many people in other jobs might not be able to reply outside of their lunch break, if at all during their working day. Even knowing that doesn't make it any easier when you're thinking "are they ignoring me or just busy?"

Hi all,

Just got back from the dinner.

Unfortunately, it seems that things between Mr H and I are not going to go any further.

Some of you that have known me for a while will
Know that when I'm excited about something, I put a gloss on it, and I want to admit that I did this with Mr History on this thread.

Things started really positively on the app and I felt excited when he asked me out.

On our first date last week we were both nervous. We both had been out of the dating arena for a while. Conversation was slow to start but we did seem to find our feet at the end. He's been the first man to pay me any attention for a while. I think I just felt grateful that a man wanted to go out with me and pay me some attention. I said I fancied him. On reflection, I don't think I did. I think I felt a bit swept away by his attention. There were some long periods of silence on our first date, but I just put that down to nerves. I remember talking to try and fill them.

Tonight, it was even harder to start a conversation with him. Admittedly, the restaurant was noisy and busy, so that made it harder. He said he was a bit tired and frazzled from work, he also said that his brain was foggy, so i sympathised with him. I told him that I go though the same and we talked about that for a while. Then dinner arrived. We didn't talk much during dinner, which made it awkward.

We talked mainly about what was happening at his work. It was really stilted. I admit I was getting anxious because I wanted the conversation to flow. We had periods where we didn't talk at all. I really wanted to impress him but things just weren't going anywhere and I didn't feel he was asking questions about me, he would start a discussion about something and then we'd start talking for a moment, and then after that things would just shut down. It was the same when I tried to do this as well.

I did get a bit upset at this point because I wanted things to be different. I wanted to impress him and not come across so guarded. Stupidly, I ended up apologising to him. I was just looking forward to showing him that I'm not always nervous and awkward.

To his credit, he was lovely about it and said that I should just be myself and not worry about what other people think, and I think we ended things on an okay note, but I ended up just feeling upset and frustrated on the drive home.

He also established that he wasn't sure if he wanted a relationship or to date somebody.

Sorry to hear your date did not go so well. Do you think it would be less pressure if you did something together, even a walk side by side rather than faced each other across a table?

@BearFacedCheekGrylls

Sorry to hear your date did not go so well. Do you think it would be less pressure if you did something together, even a walk side by side rather than faced each other across a table?

@BearFacedCheekGrylls it might have. I'm not sure.

I think we're both at different stages in our lives, tbh. He implied that he joined OLD just to meet some new people but then started to stray into being flirtatious in our initial conversations on the app.

He is not sure if he is wanring to date is him trying to let you down gently I think. He obviously isnt feeling it either.
Block,delete,move on..

I’m no expert. My only significant relationship since exh developed from a friendship, and then I dated someone for 2 weeks.

I’ve yet to meet anyone from apps yet. It always seems to stall somewhere along the line. So you’re doing better than I am.

@MrsBerthaRochester

He is not sure if he is wanring to date is him trying to let you down gently I think. He obviously isnt feeling it either. Block,delete,move on..

@MrsBerthaRochester thank you. I think if he just wants to make friends he has obviously joined the wrong kind of site. 😂

It doesn’t sound as though he would have been easy company, if he’d decided he didn’t want to date then you didn’t have a chance.

@BearFacedCheekGrylls

I’m no expert. My only significant relationship since exh developed from a friendship, and then I dated someone for 2 weeks.

I’ve yet to meet anyone from apps yet. It always seems to stall somewhere along the line. So you’re doing better than I am.

@BearFacedCheekGrylls I'm with you in the no expert camp. I've only ever seriously dated one person and that ended two years ago 😊

@BearFacedCheekGrylls

It doesn’t sound as though he would have been easy company, if he’d decided he didn’t want to date then you didn’t have a chance.

@BearFacedCheekGrylls you're so right. From the way he framed it to me, he joined OLD to have other things to do other than work.

Seems people use the apps for all different reasons. My profile says no hook ups but I’ve still been offered sex, one asked me if I was spontaneous? Next question, did I want to hook up? As though you can’t be spontaneous unless it’s about sex

@BearFacedCheekGrylls

Seems people use the apps for all different reasons. My profile says no hook ups but I’ve still been offered sex, one asked me if I was spontaneous? Next question, did I want to hook up? As though you can’t be spontaneous unless it’s about sex

@BearFacedCheekGrylls good point 👍🏻

ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers

How very disappointing
This date clearly did NOT make you smile
It’s really easy to tell other people to be tough when I’m rubbish at it !
But he doesn’t sound like great company or that he made you feel special

This for me would be a
Delete the chat
Delete the contact
Not block

But remove all temptation to contact him and move on mentally

@Thisisworsethananticpated

ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers

How very disappointing
This date clearly did NOT make you smile
It’s really easy to tell other people to be tough when I’m rubbish at it !
But he doesn’t sound like great company or that he made you feel special

This for me would be a
Delete the chat
Delete the contact
Not block

But remove all temptation to contact him and move on mentally

I agree with this. I don't block unless absolutely necessary. It's a shame it's worked out this way. On to the next!

Hope you didnt pay the bill for dinner @ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers?
Alarm bells would have ringing for me as soon as someone says they're really busy with work. If someone likes you its not a problem finding time to chat etc. Even Bill Clinton found the time. I would have taken that as an edge out. He didn’t sound very scintillating anyways so reckon you had a lucky escape there.

Even Bill Clinton found the time. 😅

Sorry, @ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers - I know how disappointing it can be when someone doesn't turn out to be as great as you had hoped. I'm not impressed that he didn't ask you questions about yourself

Even Bill Clinton found the time

You know this is a fab thing to have as a mantra - so true!!!!

And look at how Boris has found the time to do numerous jobs simultaneously and juggle nunneries women and kids.

Oh god don’t let Boris loose in a nunnery 😂

“Juggle nunneries” 😂 Wouldn’t put it past him.

Sorry this didn't go as you had hoped crunch. I do think dinner is one of the worst things to do as an early date unless everything has flowed easily and comfortably from the outset. It's all about sitting across from each other making conversation so can feel quite pressured. And you can't leave until you're done. And then there's the whole who pays the bill thing. I would opt for a stroll, a drink or a coffee until you know you can sustain a whole meal.

I also agree that pleading busy at work tends to be an excuse. A bit like being tired. If you're interested, you find time and energy. Love the Bill Clinton comparison, although she did come to his office!

I also think that unless you stop trying to impress someone, you will never impress anyone. Trying too hard is obvious and off putting. You have to see it as you testing them out, not you trying to be good enough for them. You have to be yourself and not worry what they think, because you cannot influence their thoughts. Nobody can be anybody but themselves - anything else is dishonest. Of course we try to show our best side to someone and not the part of us that we know can be a hard sell, but trying to be someone you're not never works out.

Maybe it will happen for you one day, maybe it won't. That applies to all of us. But you are who you are and while we can all benefit from working on ourselves and gaining insight into how we come across to others, at the end of the day you're still you. Embrace it, love and respect who you are and that will be attractive to others. Hope you're ok 💐