Dating Thread 226: Springing into Spring

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@gelatodipistacchio, I think I would let this one sit with you for a while and see how things continue to develop between you as people. Obviously long term everything contributes in some way to compatibility but at this stage if I was enjoying his company none of those things would be an issue for me. I’m not sure where you are with your own life, age, DC etc and ultimately what you are looking for in a partner.

@gelato he sounds a but like my ex - drives an old banger, doesn't make an effort with his environment, etc. He claims this is how he likes it, the car is indestructible, etc - but I know it's because he's completely skint and just trying to keep his head above water. Do you have a sense of his financial situation and are you compatible? Or is he just a bit eccentric and open to making changes, as my BIL was when my sister met him and he was a bit similar. He was loaded, and happy to make a nice life and environment with her once they got together.

I'd say give it time, suss him out and see if there's a connection.

Happy Mother's Day to the mums out there. Just saw a lovely FB message from a dad thanking his ex and giving her credit for their daughter being amazing "because honestly, I'm just winging it". What a guy!

@gelatodipistacchio I think Mr S and I are very similar in not caring about aesthetics.
I just don't have an eye for detail. My furniture all matches and my rooms are decorated and I love them. But then I go to my best friends house and she has trendy pieces everywhere and it looks lovely and like a show home. I know I'd get fed up of dusting all that stuff.
My kitchen needs redecorating but I can't even get my head round where to start so I haven't.
I'm also in the mindset of if something works why replace it?
I have a huge problem with decision making, I'd like a different car but getting in the headspace to be able to even think about what car I want and need feels insurmountable so I don't bother. Once the car breaks beyond repair I am then forced into a decision and can make a decision.

As long as my house is clean I'm not too worried about what people think.
Mr K is very minimalistic and did comment once that the declutter of my bedroom which I was doing was taking a long time but again decision making about what to keep and what to get rid of is so hard.

Luckily I don't plan to live with a man again so as long as his house is clean I'm not fussed how its decorated or whether he has nice stuff.

If you're planning to live with someone in the future then it is some thing to consider but I'd just enjoy his company for now - he sounds great, quirky and interesting.

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow I know! It's just ridiculous 😂😂🤣

I'm still swiping on Hinge, but no one is really jumping out at me at the moment. I get likes, but the majority of people who like me aren't my type.

I do fancy Mr History, but we're at a very early stage in our dating, and i know it could fizzle out at this stage.

Maybe I'm just trying too hard?

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow @FloydPepper to be fair to him, his house was damaged by a flood and he's got a renovation planned (though only the most basic type of renovation), so maybe his longer term plan is for something a bit nicer.

@WeWantTheFinestWines my sense is that he's probably on a high salary now after years of study, but that he's probably a bit cash poor as a result of his house purchase etc. I'm in a fairly comfortable position and I have a horrible fear of poverty (due to a childhood which was at times deprived), so maybe this is part of what makes me uncomfortable.

@Stepcount @SortingItOut I am not even sure what I want, so it's probably right that I should enjoy our time and see how it goes

As for him, he definitely wants a serious relationship and ideally kids, but he also wants a woman his own age (40+) and realises that this may not be an option. I was clear that I am not planning to have more children

@ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers trying too hard to find someone on Hinge? Trying too hard with dating in general?

Hi all!

Can I join? I am jumping into the dating game again after many years out of it for various reasons. Went on a first date yesterday. We just met for a quick coffee. We had a decent chat and I quite liked him - I sent him a message when I got home saying I had had a nice time and he replied that he had too, but no suggestion of meeting up again.

So onwards and upwards!

[quote gelatodipistacchio]@ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers trying too hard to find someone on Hinge? Trying too hard with dating in general?[/quote]
@gelatodipistacchio I think it's a bit of both really. I don't want to pin all my hopes on things happening with Mr History, so I do the liking and swiping, but nothing happens. Then I get some likes, but they aurnt my type, more often than not.

Apologies for the ramble

@gelatodipistacchio actually thinking about it, I think I'm trying too hard to find someone else to chat too so I don't pin all my hopes on Mr History, if that makes sense?

*to

My date last night went very well and we are already planning the next date which looks like it will be tomorrow. That will be 3 dates within 5 days. It's 2 weeks today since we started talking in Tinder.
He is localish and has come to my area for both dates. A lot of kissing last night. No dtd yet, I want to but got into a rut a few years ago where I couldn't get past a second date without dtd.

I'm going to need to think of a name for him

@ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers, at this early stage with Mr History I think it’s perfectly okay to still be using the apps, even as a means of distracting yourself or feeling like you haven’t thrown all of your hopes into something developing with Mr H. When you meet someone that you like it can be really difficult not to over invest in them. But those are natural feelings- for me anyway. Keep it light and positive and if things are meant to progress they will.

@Dancerinthemoonlight, another great update. No need to rush with DTD although I know some people prefer to get on with that early doors. I think there is a lot of truth in the adage that some people will just be hoping for sex and then disappear but if they want more than that and like you then whether you have sex on date 2 or 22 won’t change the course of things.

[quote Stepcount]@ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers, at this early stage with Mr History I think it’s perfectly okay to still be using the apps, even as a means of distracting yourself or feeling like you haven’t thrown all of your hopes into something developing with Mr H. When you meet someone that you like it can be really difficult not to over invest in them. But those are natural feelings- for me anyway. Keep it light and positive and if things are meant to progress they will.[/quote]
Thanks @Stepcount. I'm just enjoying it for now and planning to just see what happens. I think I'm just trying to distance myself and thinking that if I chat to other people, that will leave me more open, but nothings happening. 😬

@Dancerinthemoonlight

My date last night went very well and we are already planning the next date which looks like it will be tomorrow. That will be 3 dates within 5 days. It's 2 weeks today since we started talking in Tinder. He is localish and has come to my area for both dates. A lot of kissing last night. No dtd yet, I want to but got into a rut a few years ago where I couldn't get past a second date without dtd.

I'm going to need to think of a name for him

Great update, @Dancer!

[quote Stepcount]@Dancerinthemoonlight, another great update. No need to rush with DTD although I know some people prefer to get on with that early doors. I think there is a lot of truth in the adage that some people will just be hoping for sex and then disappear but if they want more than that and like you then whether you have sex on date 2 or 22 won’t change the course of things.[/quote]
Yeay!!! New job, new man wooohoo

Oops I meant to quote your original update @Dancerinthemoonlight

@gelatodipistacchio

I think the kids thing sounds like potentially a bigger issue than the state of his house/car. He needs to make his mind up and be clear whether he want kids or not. It’s not fair on you otherwise

Wooooooo @Dancerinthemoonlight!!! 🥳🥳 xx

@gelatodipistacchio what was the inside of the house like? Clean or filthy, tidy or messy? I think someone who doesn’t have an eye for nice interiors is fine but dirty plates or general lack of cleanliness would be a no go.

@Stepcount sorry, didn't reply yesterday. Yes it was good to finally be in Mr Ms company but we had quite a big chat yesterday and today about it all. I'm concerned he has way too much on his plate with his family stuff so I've asked whether we should take a break. I think I'm full of resentment for the last 5 weeks weighing on us and i feel like it's no longer fun, just one drama after another. He agrees that he doesn't want to make me unhappy either though he doesn't know what more he can do. He still says he wants us. Today he's seeing his friend and I think he's going to talk things through.

@ButterflyOfShay there was a lot of clutter around but he made a point of saying that he is clean but untidy. The bathroom was spotless

Stayingstrongish
Me and Balkan don’t discuss our problems
He can’t discuss his don’t ask me why and I like to have a break
We just have sex
We did have a bike ride today so that’s one more shared interest !!!

gelatodipistacchio
None of what you say appear as red flags 🚩 in the classic useage of it

However IF you want a relationship they could be issues down the line

I’m not saying that at my age I accept crap
But I do accept that in our late 40s people have a lot of scars and experience behind them

I’m quite moved by what you said about his 20s being taken up by his siblings severe mental health