Dating Thread 226: Springing into Spring

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Have your pause first
And then breathe

Don’t get me wrong
I’m not in some perfect scenario
In fact I’m super stressed with who I’m seeing

But I have found that changing my profile to be super blunt and showing my character has actually meant nicer matches , less but better

Take care as your week sounds pretty brutall and have hope it won’t always be this bad

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Have your pause first And then breathe

Don’t get me wrong
I’m not in some perfect scenario
In fact I’m super stressed with who I’m seeing

But I have found that changing my profile to be super blunt and showing my character has actually meant nicer matches , less but better

Take care as your week sounds pretty brutall and have hope it won’t always be this bad

I did change my Bumble Bio to one very blunt and my matches have reduced significantly - also being on incognito means I only show up to them if I swipe right first. Might get rid of Match as it seems awful.

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Have your pause first And then breathe

Don’t get me wrong
I’m not in some perfect scenario
In fact I’m super stressed with who I’m seeing

But I have found that changing my profile to be super blunt and showing my character has actually meant nicer matches , less but better

Take care as your week sounds pretty brutall and have hope it won’t always be this bad

Having a very quiet weekend with no Alcohol and juice cleanse❤️

Week has been completely brutal - I am not over reacting to feel utter despair after the run of luck I have had in the past four months?

@HeDidWhattt

I don’t want to come across as simple but are men having the same sort of problems when it comes to old?

The type of issues men face in my experience

1. Not much interest
2. A fake name. So after you get chatting they tell you my real name isn't x it's y. Which is ok in some circumstances (like a teacher for example) but it happens often and these types aren't usually a good bet.
3. Messaging with no real intention of meeting or doing so once in a few months.
4. Conversation going well but breaking down every time it actually gets close to a date when we'd agreed to meet up.

Trippingslippingx1

Your not overreacting
You have to cleanse that soul a bit and reset
You won’t feel this shit forever

But you might want to think about some change when when you do go back to mitigate it being this brutal

Hmmm, well I’m definitely getting the male experience then! The same appears to be happening to me, maybe I come across as too keen to meet up? But I don’t see the point in wasting time, especially being as I’m not after kids or marriage or anything like that!

The lovely chef has unmatched with me. Oh well, plenty more 🐠 🐟 in the 🌊.

Mind you, I've just unmatched with someone myself. I was speaking with this one guy who sounded a bit full on, and I knew that I would have a hard time connecting With him, so I just unmatched. I know I'm too harsh, but I'm still learning after been off the dating grid for a while.

@Trippingslippingx1 you're not cursed. You just haven't found the right person yet.

I think you need to take some time to reaccess and reflect, and when you feel ready, find an app with a much slower pace, that way you won't be so overwhelmed. I'm liking Hinge at the moment, and Bumble is okay too ❤️

@Trippingslippingx1 It’s definitely not just you. I went on a date on Friday and the guy was exactly like that… So bizarre and haven’t heard anything since. Trying to just let it go and not let it affect me.

Agree with others who’ve said you probably need a little break to recharge and reset. Get your radar back in order to try and recognise the signs though some people are great at hiding them, and most importantly know your worth.

I should add that's just the bad experiences. I've dated on and off over three years and have met some great women too.

That's why I believe it is possible with old. Just a bit of a hard slog!

As others say, take a break

@Casper001 I changed my name to a nickname on the app after reading advice on here that it was safer.

I’m feeling very lucky with Mr Beard after reading through the experiences on here. We’ve been dating about five months now after meeting via OLD and so far it’s going well. I met a few arses in my initial attempts at dating and think had a few lucky escapes. Hoping I can make this new relationship work as there’s going to be a lot of stress ahead this year what with selling house, divorce and trying to work out how to live on my small income 😞

@ihavetogoshoppingnow ... did you say tattoo studio?

@Trippingslippingx1 it's not you. Just just need time out to recharge and then dip your toe in again. You need to be so thick skinned to deal with people's weirdness these days plus I think lots of people are grudgingly doing online dating so bring their negativity to the table.

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow

I don’t want to come across as simple but are men having the same sort of problems when it comes to old?

I don’t things are better or worse for men, but they are different,
I’ve expressed this before on this forum and been shot down, but in my experience women don’t really message 1st, or respond to open messages ( and I understand there are reasons for this), and (in my experience), women will just stop responding in chats or just take ages to respond, So it feels like, you never really get much interest from the opposite sex.

If the above sounds familiar, then I would say, your getting / having a male style experience, that’s certainly how it was for me.

I agree with this. I get the feeling for women the problem can be too many messages and filtering out the dickheads. For men it seems to be very few responses, if any. Always the expectation we message first eith something clever and thought out, then 90% of the time get silence back.

Then I think once we get chatting it’s similar. A fair few attention seekers, ghosters, people with no time.

I'm only on Bumble and finding it mind numbingly boring. Loads of faces that have been on there for ages. Loads writing nothing. Loads being bossy "be fit, have good teeth, don't have any crazy exes, don't be lazy, don't be a drama queen". And I know that so many profiles are not active - my friend's BF came up on my feed a couple of months after they'd met and I know he's 100% honest that he's no longer on the market; I've had that with another friend's BF too. Lots of people don't live where they are - I live in a holiday destination so that doesn't help. Also I don't do Tories or religion do that's them out.

So I rarely swipe right. My profile is deliberately not meh because I don't want to attract the wrong kind. I've had 2 matches - one politely bailed out after a promising chat because he had a lot going on in his life and probably wasn't ready for OLD, the other one never replied to my reply. What a bore it all is. I'm going to have to persevere though. I work with women, my friendship group are all couples and families, and at my age (50s) you're not likely to bump into a good 'un on a night out.

Ugh @WeWantTheFinestWines I have just joined Bumble and agree with you - it's so boring! I haven't had a single chat. Chats aplenty on Feeld, but that's because I have my location set to London - as soon as I change it to where I live it's back to potatoville.

[quote Stayingstrongish]@Casper001 I changed my name to a nickname on the app after reading advice on here that it was safer.[/quote]
Nickname makes sense. Or even using initials.

It's more like, my name isn't Molly it's Kate...

Not sure why but these ones seem to go nowhere. Perhaps because they're unsure of being on there in first place.

@WeWantTheFinestWines

I'm only on Bumble and finding it mind numbingly boring. Loads of faces that have been on there for ages. Loads writing nothing. Loads being bossy "be fit, have good teeth, don't have any crazy exes, don't be lazy, don't be a drama queen". And I know that so many profiles are not active - my friend's BF came up on my feed a couple of months after they'd met and I know he's 100% honest that he's no longer on the market; I've had that with another friend's BF too. Lots of people don't live where they are - I live in a holiday destination so that doesn't help. Also I don't do Tories or religion do that's them out.

So I rarely swipe right. My profile is deliberately not meh because I don't want to attract the wrong kind. I've had 2 matches - one politely bailed out after a promising chat because he had a lot going on in his life and probably wasn't ready for OLD, the other one never replied to my reply. What a bore it all is. I'm going to have to persevere though. I work with women, my friendship group are all couples and families, and at my age (50s) you're not likely to bump into a good 'un on a night out.

Same here. Exceptionally dull. A brief exchange followed by radio silence from them. Rarely do they ask me anything. The better looking they are the less chance that they bother with a conversation beyond 'how was your weekend?' It's like they feel that they don't need to be making the effort.

@Casper001 interesting. Tbh if I have to go back to the apps think I’ll use my real name next time, less explaining to do!

@Daydreamscometrue that’s why I favour personality over looks. Who wants someone who’s gorgeous but knows it and treats you like crap.

@Casper001 yeah i got 2 done that I'd been waiting on for ages due to covid backlog.

Well I managed to smash my phone to smitherines this morning at DCs BMX coaching so no swiping for me for a while.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs

Ugh *@WeWantTheFinestWines* I have just joined Bumble and agree with you - it's so boring! I haven't had a single chat. Chats aplenty on Feeld, but that's because I have my location set to London - as soon as I change it to where I live it's back to potatoville.

as soon as I change it to where I live it's back to potatoville.

Lol, I think I must live in horseville !