Dating Thread 226: Springing into Spring

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I agree with the above that everything since Covid/lockdown dating has been absolutely awful. I’ve never been ghosted/stood up as much in the past year. Similar amount of matches but definitely far less chats/dates too

@ihavetogoshoppingnow

I agree with the above that everything since Covid/lockdown dating has been absolutely awful. I’ve never been ghosted/stood up as much in the past year. Similar amount of matches but definitely far less chats/dates too

Its been horrific hasnt it. I dont know whats happened? Its worldwide as well As others have posted about it on Tiktok etc

Do you think its peoples mental health projecting outward or something?

I had an expierence a guy from Bumble end of last year -
Found out he had been lying about how seperated he was and felt like a total idiot for not picking up the signs. I never used to have anything like that.

There is a major and collective mental health malaise
Don’t think men are much happier either
I’ve managed to meet people but then realise they have issues galore

I don’t want to come across as simple but are men having the same sort of problems when it comes to old?

@HeDidWhattt

I don’t want to come across as simple but are men having the same sort of problems when it comes to old?

I think they are - I dont think its one sided tbh xx

@Thisisworsethananticpated

There is a major and collective mental health malaise Don’t think men are much happier either I’ve managed to meet people but then realise they have issues galore

I have had several tell me on the first date they are in therapy etc - which is fine but never had that before the pandemic

What kind of problems are men having do you think? I can’t imagine a woman randomly calling a bloke a shit head or telling him she dates model and is the best looking woman since sliced bread!
What problems are men coming across do you think?

I don’t think it’s helping dating which is a fairly mental health unfriendly situation as it is

I don’t necessarily buy into the ‘all men are ghosting twats’ as that hasn’t been my overriding experience

But I have found the ones I did get a connection with have ended up stressing me out
And they are lonely too , that I know for both overseas and Balkan

This whole texting people and messaging people , all evening - yes people are horny but they are also lonely

I don’t know
Its a fucking pickle

Last year when the restrictions started to lift in the summer I was expecting the dating pool to be massive with all the people who had gone through it single feeling abit alone and wanting to connect but got the complete opposite.

It definitely affected my mental health, I mean I had a complete breakdown in 2020 and took 9 months off work but it also forced me to deal with my issues, especially around men/dating/codependency because there was literally nothing else to do

@HeDidWhattt

What kind of problems are men having do you think? I can’t imagine a woman randomly calling a bloke a shit head or telling him she dates model and is the best looking woman since sliced bread! What problems are men coming across do you think?

I dont know.

I suppose I could have met the model / personalised number plate and phone number at any time really. But the guys just seem a bit weird.

It just doesnt seem fun anymore. Theres a dark and seedy undertone to dating apps there never was before - I feel I am constantly looking over my shoulder for red flags. It might be my own expierence though now as when I started dating 3:4 years ago I was all bright eyes and bushy tailed - went in fanny first and learned the hard way.

And I’ve had guys say the same, people ghosting there seems to be a lot of people only on apps for attention/an ego boost/someone to chat too when they’re bored but then have no intentions of actually meeting

@ihavetogoshoppingnow

And I’ve had guys say the same, people ghosting there seems to be a lot of people only on apps for attention/an ego boost/someone to chat too when they’re bored but then have no intentions of actually meeting

There was a thread on here last week by a woman who keeps meeting plonkers and one of the replies was a woman saying ‘perhaps look at what you are doing to attract so many of these guys’ - I actually wanted to burst into tears reading it with frustration as I have had similar things said to me.

It took four video call dates for that guy to start showing his red flags (Mr personalised # plate and model) - If I had been meeting up with him weekly for a month it would have been the same amount of dates and probably time spent but face to face. A couple of weeks to get my head sorted and over him and then move on. So six / eight weeks in total. This has been my cycle for the last 12-18 months during COVID.

Does anyone feel the same?
I feel exhausted and once my mental health improves I try to date again and I am right back to square one. But I suppose this time it only took a week and not 6/8 weeks so theres progress.

Last Wednesday I had a date with a dentist and he actually seemed offended by me - I cannot for the life of me think what I said or did. He just did not seem interested in the slightest. We ended the date with him saying ‘it was nice to meet you’ wiith a smirk. Nil message whatsoever when I got home or all through the day on Thursday. I message him to Thank him for the date on the app to be polite and he said ‘you too’. I have been searching my brain for what happened to be so offensive

At least before they used to say some sort of compliment but its not for me - and leave it at that. But these guys just make you feel like they are doing you a favour by even spending an hour in their company. As I said before I feel like I would have more intimacy being an escort or prostitute. I dont mean to sound negative and obviously I do - but seriously? Am I doing something wrong

Two weeks before that I was ghosted by a guy I was speaking to for 10 months - I had seen him in the Sunday and then no word at all until the next Tuesday when he sent me a music video.

And then this number plate guy asked if I wanted to do something this weekend - that he woild be in touch and I have heard nothing (although its probably a blessing)

I just cannot help but think I am cursed

@Trippingslippingx1 I feel like I’m stuck in a cycle too however mine doesn’t even last that long 😂 a week or so of chat maybe a date if I don’t get stood up and then ghost, rinse, repeat.

I’m so glad I came off those apps. Not saying men are going to behave better if I met someone off them… but just couldn't handle this rinse/repeat cycle over and over again at all. Its such a shame things haven’t got any better.

@ButterflyOfShay

I’m so glad I came off those apps. Not saying men are going to behave better if I met someone off them… but just couldn't handle this rinse/repeat cycle over and over again at all. Its such a shame things haven’t got any better.

Why is it like this? I am sorry to hear you have had similar situations but I guess it is universal. That guy who asked me last week ‘why can I not see you on Saturday’ - has not spoken to me all day today. I honestly think it is a game for them.

100% everyone is going through the same crap. That’s why this thread is so good… you start thinking it’s you otherwise. 🤬

Trippingslippingx1

Having read your posts , I’d prescribe a total break for the good of your soul
At least a few weeks
Do some thinking 🤔

What apps are you on?

I’m wincing at your posts and it’s very bad for the self esteem and morale
Did the dentist give any sign he was so horrible ahead of the date ?
I’m honestly not victim blaming you by the way , just curious if these awful men showed any clues

You definitely start thinking it’s you! In my head I think I’m a catch, now I’m not so sure at all!!

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Trippingslippingx1

Having read your posts , I’d prescribe a total break for the good of your soul
At least a few weeks
Do some thinking 🤔

What apps are you on?

I’m wincing at your posts and it’s very bad for the self esteem and morale
Did the dentist give any sign he was so horrible ahead of the date ?
I’m honestly not victim blaming you by the way , just curious if these awful men showed any clues

Well his profile was barely filled out - and he asked me out within first conversation? He also took was taking ages to reply?

I agree with you. I think I am just going to stop dating.

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Trippingslippingx1

Having read your posts , I’d prescribe a total break for the good of your soul
At least a few weeks
Do some thinking 🤔

What apps are you on?

I’m wincing at your posts and it’s very bad for the self esteem and morale
Did the dentist give any sign he was so horrible ahead of the date ?
I’m honestly not victim blaming you by the way , just curious if these awful men showed any clues

Just Bumble, sometimes try Hinge and Match. I use ‘incognito’ mode so I only show up to people who swipe on me.

I wince when I read back at my posts too. I agree though - there has to be red flags prior to engagement, there HAS to be.

I dont feel I can speak to any friends about it - as its all so trivial to them, so I tend to internalise alot of these issues as well. (And post on MN for advice as you lot are more sensible than them anyway)

I don’t want to come across as simple but are men having the same sort of problems when it comes to old?

I don’t things are better or worse for men, but they are different,
I’ve expressed this before on this forum and been shot down, but in my experience women don’t really message 1st, or respond to open messages ( and I understand there are reasons for this), and (in my experience), women will just stop responding in chats or just take ages to respond, So it feels like, you never really get much interest from the opposite sex.

If the above sounds familiar, then I would say, your getting / having a male style experience, that’s certainly how it was for me.

Trippingslippingx1

What leaps out at me is the sheer quantity
I think you do need a break
But maybe less
Less apps
Less connects
But maybe nicer ones
It’s bloody easy to say I know

But one match a week , with someone decent rather than loads with flakes

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Trippingslippingx1

What leaps out at me is the sheer quantity
I think you do need a break
But maybe less
Less apps
Less connects
But maybe nicer ones
It’s bloody easy to say I know

But one match a week , with someone decent rather than loads with flakes

Agree