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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating Thread 226: Springing into Spring

995 replies

Dancerinthemoonlight · 14/03/2022 12:19

The Rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. Know your worth.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Trippingslippingx1 · 20/03/2022 16:45

[quote Pavesi]@Trippingslippingx1 It’s definitely not just you. I went on a date on Friday and the guy was exactly like that… So bizarre and haven’t heard anything since. Trying to just let it go and not let it affect me.

Agree with others who’ve said you probably need a little break to recharge and reset. Get your radar back in order to try and recognise the signs though some people are great at hiding them, and most importantly know your worth.[/quote]
Excatly. Did you hear back?

Trippingslippingx1 · 20/03/2022 16:47

[quote ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers]@Trippingslippingx1 you're not cursed. You just haven't found the right person yet.

I think you need to take some time to reaccess and reflect, and when you feel ready, find an app with a much slower pace, that way you won't be so overwhelmed. I'm liking Hinge at the moment, and Bumble is okay too ❤️

[/quote]
I am sticking to Bumble on ‘incognito’ mode

Trippingslippingx1 · 20/03/2022 16:55

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Trippingslippingx1

Your not overreacting
You have to cleanse that soul a bit and reset
You won’t feel this shit forever

But you might want to think about some change when when you do go back to mitigate it being this brutal

I think the change needed it listening to my gut instinct. The way the dentist ended the date was so diresepectful on Wednesday - I should have just blocked and deleted at the end of the date - instead I held out hope for him to text. Maybe an ego thing?

Almost similar to the personalised number plate guy - more red flags than the soviets on the last call but it still took me until today to block and delete his number

The same with the guy who went ghost whilst on holiday - he went ghost for a weekend in the middle of a conversation a few weeks prior. So I did have my warning shot there and should have sacked him off at that point - instead of dragging it out

The guy at the end of last year who was seperated gave me a huge warning sign as well - he turned up to my house drunk basically wanting sex and stormed away when he couldnt get it - I guess I gave him benefit of the doubt as he was so drunk. But again met up with him and obviously he ended up being a knob.

So I always do get warning shots - If I was to have gone out on a chased after and gone out with a man who told me about his modelling, ex girlfriends, personalised number plate and phone number, nit picked at my skin and hair - ALL BEFORE THE FIRST DATE - without victim blaming, I really would have been asking for trouble. So thankfully i havent done that, as I recon hes the type of guy who would come in and out your life for months.

Honestly - I now might have the boundary that if I dont hear from someone in 24 hours - assume its over? I know that sounds harsh - and its not based on neediness persae, its just that any time I do not hear from a guy in 12-24 hours if I am dating them - it usually means they are not interested in a relationship - without fail.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 20/03/2022 17:04

Hmm
Sounds like you have been doing some thinking

Again I have crashed and burnt with old
But I have a friend who really has messed up boundaries (worse than me !) and sometimes I have to literally delete them for her

Trippingslippingx1 · 20/03/2022 17:18

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Hmm Sounds like you have been doing some thinking

Again I have crashed and burnt with old
But I have a friend who really has messed up boundaries (worse than me !) and sometimes I have to literally delete them for her

I think its important to give benefit of the doubt Which is really the most frustrating thing If a guy I was dating blocked and deleted me after 24 hours I would think in the past I had dodged a bullet - I just feel in the current dating online climate you have to have such high standards and strong boundaries or you could end up on a Netflix documentary 😂 its more for protection Any thoughts?
ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers · 20/03/2022 17:33

@Trippingslippingx1 👍🏻❤️

ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers · 20/03/2022 17:39

Hi everybody,

I have news 📰

I've got a date on Tuesday! I can't believe it.

I started chatting to this great guy last night. He wrote me a comment about how he couldn't move in his flat for books. It was in reply to a comment on my profile saying that men should date me if they like a good book.

We continued chatting today and he's asked me out for a drink!

He's a history teacher, so I think I'll name him Mr History ❤️

DdraigGoch · 20/03/2022 17:41

@HeDidWhattt

I don’t want to come across as simple but are men having the same sort of problems when it comes to old?
Some problems are the same, some problems are different.

I'm getting quite fed up of constant swiping, the occasional match and then dead-end conversations.

Many of you are from a different generation to me. What did you do before OLD? Clubbing isn't my scene.

Badbaddog · 20/03/2022 18:20

@DdraigGoch I’m as old as the hills so can easily remember pre-OLD (eg we didn’t even have a landline when I hit 16, I had to talk to my ‘suitors’ in a cold corridor at my grannie’s house).

Most people met at church, school, uni or work, or via people they knew from those places. My mum and dad met playing competitive tennis mind.

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 20/03/2022 18:57

He's a history teacher, so I think I'll name him Mr History

If he was a PE teacher would you have called him Mr Muscle? ( I’ll get my coat )

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 20/03/2022 19:08

@DdraigGoch,
Pubs, clubs, work, parties, via friends, Uni wherever ppl mixed really.

Meeting was certainly easier when I was younger,

If things go south with ms Horse not sure what I will do, don’t think I’ll go back to OLD ever again, maybe just turn into a grumpy old man.

ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers · 20/03/2022 19:32

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow

He's a history teacher, so I think I'll name him Mr History

If he was a PE teacher would you have called him Mr Muscle? ( I’ll get my coat )

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow I would have been more inventive than that 😂😂
Stepcount · 20/03/2022 20:02

@ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers, that’s a great update. I’m going to be looking out for the post meet news. 👍

Stepcount · 20/03/2022 20:04

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow, Miss Horse not able to make tonight’s jump off ? 😉

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 20/03/2022 20:23

@Stepcount
I’m expecting her shortly, she is bringing food, then we will under starter’s order ..

Lollysticks12 · 20/03/2022 21:14

So I did it, I signed up to Tinder, chatted with a few, arranged a date with one who seemed nice, looked good, then he rang out of the blue on Friday after he'd been drinking, told me I was lucky because he doesn't swipe right much , also he's the coolest person I will meet, blocked and deleted after that, oh well, onwards and upwards!

Thisisworsethananticpated · 20/03/2022 21:34

ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers
Ahh ! I’m sending good vibes for book man

Thisisworsethananticpated · 20/03/2022 21:36

HowlongWillThisTakeNow
A second (sex) date ! We will have to rename you stallion

Daydreamscometrue · 21/03/2022 06:49

@ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers

Hi everybody,

I have news 📰

I've got a date on Tuesday! I can't believe it.

I started chatting to this great guy last night. He wrote me a comment about how he couldn't move in his flat for books. It was in reply to a comment on my profile saying that men should date me if they like a good book.

We continued chatting today and he's asked me out for a drink!

He's a history teacher, so I think I'll name him Mr History ❤️

Sounds promising! Let us know how it goes!
Daydreamscometrue · 21/03/2022 06:50

@Lollysticks12

So I did it, I signed up to Tinder, chatted with a few, arranged a date with one who seemed nice, looked good, then he rang out of the blue on Friday after he'd been drinking, told me I was lucky because he doesn't swipe right much , also he's the coolest person I will meet, blocked and deleted after that, oh well, onwards and upwards!
Ugh what a complete dick head. Bullet dodged!
Daydreamscometrue · 21/03/2022 06:52

@Trippingslippingx1 I agree with listening to your gut instinct. I find that when my instincts are telling me something is off then it usually is.

Trippingslippingx1 · 21/03/2022 08:28

I just seen a friends fiance on Bumble with a verified profile and ‘new here’. Not broken up.

So this is what we are up against ladies.

ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers · 21/03/2022 09:24

Thanks everyone 😊

I'm feeling nervous, but excited as well. This is going to be my first date in two years 😬

We're going to a lovely pub in the high street, near where I live. I'll be sure to update you all on how it goes ❤️

anotherdisaster · 21/03/2022 10:13

Hi All, I've been out of dating now for over 2 years. I'm dreading going back into it as I've just had nothing but bad luck and bad relationships. If I do decide to dip my toe back in, what apps are people using now? I used to use Tinder and POF but both awful. What's Hinge like?

ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers · 21/03/2022 10:23

@anotherdisaster

Hi All, I've been out of dating now for over 2 years. I'm dreading going back into it as I've just had nothing but bad luck and bad relationships. If I do decide to dip my toe back in, what apps are people using now? I used to use Tinder and POF but both awful. What's Hinge like?
@anotherdisaster I'm using Hinge at the moment and I really like it. I find it more slowly paced and less stressful than other apps. It's free to use as well 👍🏻

Sending you lots of luck. 🍀❤️

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