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Original poster

If a man said 'she's no Scarlett Johansson' about you

359 replies

Onthetoadagain · 12/03/2022 08:55

Hi, just wanting a sense check on a new man. We have been getting on great but I can't shake a slight feeling about him he said something last night and I felt really upset.

He asked me what I had been telling my friends about him, and I told him the nice things I had said. He proceeded to say he had been saying to a friend that he was happy to be with me, some good points, but that 'she is no (say) Scarlett Johansson but I like her a lot'.

I'm not saying I have supermodel looks but I'm a young looking 30-something and get a lot of compliments so it feels like a bit of a knock! I just don't get why he had to compare me to a movie star, or anyone at all, and find me lacking! As in why would he be expecting to meet an A list star?! Would anyone else be deflated by this?

Am I right in thinking that saying 's/he is no Brad Pitt/ Cindy Crawford/ whoever' just means 's/he's not great looking'?

Again, not saying I am Marilyn Monroe but is this a bit weird. Surely if he was happy to be with me he would only say nice things? He's generally very complimentary about my looks so I just don't get why he had to be backhanded in this way.

I have self esteem and boundary issues hence asking.

OP posts:
Original poster
Onthetoadagain · 13/03/2022 19:53

Thanks xx

OP posts:
LadyPropane · 13/03/2022 20:24

@mrsrat

The fact you didn't dump him the second EVERY PERSON on here told you was a sick shit means that it's not worth replying to you
What was the need for this comment?

She's already explained that she's waiting until she gets home to break up with him. Give the woman a minute, ffs

GirlMum93 · 13/03/2022 20:26

That's horrible OP.

mathanxiety · 13/03/2022 20:54

I do think MN should have a strap line ‘vipers giving women a backbone since 2001’ or whenever it started.

YYY to this, though men can see everything discussed here too...

Seriously though, MN is a fantastic clearinghouse of information on what's really happening to women in this world, and that's why it is mocked by many bastions of the patriarchy.

Mewski · 13/03/2022 21:00

Get rid. Awful comment - and they will keep coming.

Pinkbonbon · 13/03/2022 21:08

Thought he was a 'new' man?

Why on earth is he telling yo he is in love with you?! That's so creepy.

Sounds like he is a love bomber as well as a negging wanker. Narcissist alarm!

UserLibra78 · 13/03/2022 21:26

Well done OP for having the courage to not making excuses for him and in turns, yourself!

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 13/03/2022 22:13

It's 100% fine for you to have a good opinion of your own looks especially if you have done modeling or similar. I don't have a problem with anyone liking the way Hollywood stars look either. "You remind me of Scarlett Johansson" is a very nice thing to say, it's not a negative judgment of either you or her. What he said instead was just insulting.

I feel like if I explain why I'm going, he will see how it's his idiotic behaviour that has caused it.

But he will not feel sorry after he knows you aren't going to change your mind, he will be angry and as a pp said, the worry is that he will say or do something spiteful in return. He has been testing you to see what he can get away with, and he has been crying and apologising to reel you back in. So if you tell him you are leaving and mean it, he may decide he has nothing to lose and then anything he can say to hurt you and bring you down will come out of his mouth.

he didn't mean it in a negative way,

But there is no way he could have meant it in a positive way, is there? So that is either nonsense or a straight lie.

how he's in love with me

If that was what he says to/about a woman he is in love with, then fuck only knows what will come out of his mouth to a woman who is dumping him. Don't give him the opportunity to say any of it.

whymewhyme · 13/03/2022 22:26

I'd be out at that point

EmeraldShamrock1 · 13/03/2022 22:43

I'd see him in a different light, he hasn't matured he is thoughtless and rude.
Keep an eye on the whole picture, don't waste unnecessary time on him.

Nouveaunew · 13/03/2022 23:00

That’s good you’ve made up your mind *@Onthetoadagain I’ve been down the road you’re on too many times to mention! My dating history is a long list of overlooking early warning signs. Most of the men didn’t turn out to be abusive - they just didn’t deserve the time and attention I gave them. I’m single now and I’m slowly building myself back up. I can relate to the low self-esteem and weak boundaries. I imagine you’re quite empathetic too. It can all get so muddled instead of just seeing the simplicity of it all. It sounds to me like you’re strong enough to do this and I don’t get the impression he will hurl horrible comments at you. At best you’ll get ‘I can’t believe I f*ked this up with that stupid comment. Please give me another chance. You’re so beautiful. Scarlett Johansen isn’t even my type. It’s just dumb lads talk. I’m so comfortable with you that I told you. I’m such an idiot. Please forgive me. I promise I’ll never say anything stupid like that again.’

At worst I think you’ll get ‘I can’t believe you’re ending this over one silly comment! FFS.’

But it doesn’t matter how he reacts. What matters is that you’re self-respecting, reflective and in need of kindness and thoughtfulness from a man. It’s also good to let him know he’s hurt you and why you’re ending it. This man has more to learn so he’s probably not the right one for you now given how you feel.

Best of luck @Onthetoadagain this will hurt but ultimately you’ll feel stronger for this, I promise x

Mrspepperpoi · 14/03/2022 01:02

I dealt with this kind of thing in a past relationship. I was a lot younger than the guy I was seeing and he would try to put me down all the time under the guise of it being a joke. This guy sounds like he is negging. He can probably see that you are attractive and is trying to put you down because he is insecure himself. I would walk away now before you get even more involved with him. You deserve so much better and someone who treats you with the respect that you deserve

Justbenice1 · 14/03/2022 02:23

Hmmm this is quite bad in my opinion. I've been with my husband for 10 years and even when I've had norovirus and I'm shitting through the eye of a needle and look like I've been dragged through a hedge backwards he still tells me I'm beautiful and sexy (I'm not). I have to say, I wouldn't accept anyone who said any different to me now....I think you need a better partner chick. Xxxx

SugarDatesandPistachios · 14/03/2022 02:53

What an arsewipe! Telling you he’s ‘in love with you’… after telling you he described you as ‘no Scarlett Joblabla’ to his friends. HA!

Take comfort in the fact you knew deep down, this wasn’t good enough for you and you deserve more. A lucky escape here for you, or not so lucky as he showed his dodgy hand and you called his bluff! So well done OP.

Try not to be too upset, the real deal will feel that you are more than 1000 times hotter than [random celebrity], they may want to tell others that or they may want to keep it to themselves, but the most important thing will be that they’ll definitely make you feel that way/and special.

Chocaholic9 · 14/03/2022 03:49

Oooh. I couldn't get past this. I'm sorry but either he doesn't think you're that attractive, or he thinks you're attractive (which I'm assuming is the case because he's with you) but he fancies taking you down a peg.

Either is not good and I think it's the latter. Get rid unless you want to be with someone who undermines you constantly.

GreenUp · 14/03/2022 04:04

Is he really fit - like Brand Pitt or George Clooney? If not move on.

bibop · 14/03/2022 04:11

This is very bad. I'd let him go and not tell him why so he can carry on exposing his awful personality to women early on in relationships.

PearPickingPorky · 14/03/2022 05:52

I think what you've said here is fair enough, OP, that you wouldn't unfavourably compare him to other men. Nor would you tell him this afterwards! A couple are meant to build each other up, not knock tiny chinks out of the other until they think very little of themselves.

I'd tell him that his comment just helped crystallise some discomfort you've had for a while that you've been unable to put your finger on, that there is an element of game playing going on here, and that you don't want that.

Original poster
Onthetoadagain · 14/03/2022 06:59

mathanxiety you're absolutely right, and the thing is in so many threads (including this one although I'm not comparing my experience to a lot of the seriously nasty shit that happens), the OP will post, expecting to be told 'now come on, he sounds alright really', only to have her gut feeling confirmed that no, whatever issue it is, small or large, is not ok. It's the opposite of old fashioned advice that 'you've made your bed, now lie in it'. It's so valuable for putting in place boundaries and recognising shitty behaviour.

OP posts:
Damnloginpopup · 14/03/2022 07:05

I'm guessing he's no Ryan Reynolds.

SilverMakeUpBag · 14/03/2022 08:00

If it were me first I’d be upset then I’d say something to him, throwing in a sarcastic comment. What’s good for the goose.

DaffodilsPlus · 14/03/2022 09:52

My DH is objectively far better looking than I am.
He's never let on, not once.

Magenta82 · 15/03/2022 16:56

I hope you're doing OK OP

Nouveaunew · 15/03/2022 18:36

Did you let him know @Onthetoadagain

I hope you did what was best for you

Hawkins001 · 15/03/2022 18:39

@Onthetoadagain

Hi, just wanting a sense check on a new man. We have been getting on great but I can't shake a slight feeling about him he said something last night and I felt really upset.

He asked me what I had been telling my friends about him, and I told him the nice things I had said. He proceeded to say he had been saying to a friend that he was happy to be with me, some good points, but that 'she is no (say) Scarlett Johansson but I like her a lot'.

I'm not saying I have supermodel looks but I'm a young looking 30-something and get a lot of compliments so it feels like a bit of a knock! I just don't get why he had to compare me to a movie star, or anyone at all, and find me lacking! As in why would he be expecting to meet an A list star?! Would anyone else be deflated by this?

Am I right in thinking that saying 's/he is no Brad Pitt/ Cindy Crawford/ whoever' just means 's/he's not great looking'?

Again, not saying I am Marilyn Monroe but is this a bit weird. Surely if he was happy to be with me he would only say nice things? He's generally very complimentary about my looks so I just don't get why he had to be backhanded in this way.

I have self esteem and boundary issues hence asking.

Usually from my experience, people use actors or actress, when comparing, as usually their friends then have an idea of the qualities being discussed.
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