Husband just bought home by police. Furious

[yellowelli]

Husband went on an admittedly very rare night out tonight, first in years. He pre booked a taxi for 1am. It got to 1.45 and I was expecting him home, so I was awake anxious. Tried to text him and he didn't open them but kept going online on WhatsApp so was obviously ignoring me. Got to 2 I tried to phone and didn't answer. Could see on find my friends he was in a night club. Find my friends stopped updating his location shortly after now I know his phone had died. Apparently at some point he decided to walk home, we live a 40 minute drive away, so obviously wasn't going to happen. Police found him staggering alongside a main road. With no phone, no coat, in terrible driving conditions, absolute pouring rain. They couldn't get any sense out of him about where he lived he just kept saying if I walk straight I'll end up home. He's the most drunk I've ever seen him. They got his address of his license and I've never felt more bloody embarrassed than answering the door to two police man and a soaking, crying husband while very obviously pregnant. I'm so angry. He doesn't go out ever, I don't resent him letting loose or whatever but for a man in his fourties, with a toddler and a baby on the way, with a wife and two bloody kids to be so irresponsible to attempt to walk in such dangerous conditions on a dangerous road?! It's staggering?! He could of died and I'm so angry about it. He's snoring next to me now and I'm seething

@Siameasy

I’d actually find it funny

People have different humours but pregnant op with other young child is perfectly rational to think think he husband nearly getting himself killed isn't funny.

I wouldn't end my marriage like some posters but there is a middle ground

I had similar one night. I posted here.

I was and still am cross when I think about it and I'm on edge when he goes out now.

He thinks he's in control of himself but the reality is, he isn't.

There was 1 minor incident recently & when he got home I took a few videos of him. He was shocked the next day.

He just didn't believe me that he could be in such a state.

So I get you OP. Id be interested to know hos reaction today.

Oh dear! Sounds like he’s not used to a night out and couldn’t handle his booze! He will be mortified…

@Coffeetree

As soon as he wakes, tell him to go find another place to stay while you consider the relationship.

Predictably the pick-mes have arrived to minimise and normalise, but no this isn't remotely acceptable.

Predictably the immediately get divorced crowd have arrived.

Ffs the guy got stupidly drunk on a rare trip out. He'll learn his lesson and exercise better caution next time.

I know your pregnant and you’ve not slept and you might possibly be really bloody angry.

Honestly? Don’t get mad, get silent,

He’s not done it before, his drink could of been spiked (seen it shit loads of times in my job, and it happened to my best friend on her hen do)

If he’s massively Sorry, hasn’t done it before and is really unlikely to do it again, then perhaps make a note of it mentally but let it go.

You’ve got a baby coming, you honestly don’t need the stress. If there was a back story or he was abusive or this was the 5th time he’d done it, I’d say LTB, but from your posts it doesn’t seem that way at all.

Yes it was fucking stupid, yes he could of got hurt, but hopefully it’s a massive wake up call and he will just stay away from alcohol for a long time.

Good luck with everything x

This is one of those things where I'd be annoyed at the time (because anyone who wakes me up from sleep annoys me!) but providing he didn't make a habit of it, I'd probably laugh about it in time "remember that time..."

"Predictably the immediately get divorced crowd have arrived."

Yeah I am very happy to tell women to LTB but not over this. That's daft

I would put some time in before really thinking/discussing it.
It's a one off. You have never seen him in that state
So what happened? It could easily be that his drink was spiked.

And I must say, from an outsider looking in I did chuckle a little at the if I walk straight thing and him being escorted to his wife crying and soaking 🤦‍♀️ sorry OP.

@Coffeetree

The thing with pick-mes is that they get very triggered by women having standards. Including pathologising you!

OP you're entitled to find dangerously stupid behaviour unacceptable and take whatever action you feel necessary.

Yep! Too true

@TracyMosby

Seriously though, can more women please hold men accountable for their own actions and not find a way to make it a woman's fault Nobody has blamed you for his actions. People have said you are responsible what you did. He is responsible for what he did.

And how do you plan to make your husband accountable for his actions?

There were posts along the lines of why does he go out so little, you sound controlling, no wonder he took it too far. That is blaming a women for a mans actions.

I think far more women on mumsnet need to hold men accountable for their actions rather than finding a way to make their actions the fault of their controlling/anxious/hard work wives.

You say I am infantilising him rather than you, because I contacted him and checked where he was once he didn't arrive home. Yet in the same breath that I'm told how controlling that is because he is a grown man, I'm also blamed for him not going clubbing more often, because a forty year old man would never make that decision off his own back. It must be the nasty wife.

@toomanydogsandcats

Glastonbury is the epitome of controlled fun. People pay a fortune to think they are cool.for a day when actually it's just a muddy field and shitty arse

Actually looking back it reminds me of a time my husband got uncharacteristically shit faced on a night out with friends. It was mightly embarrassing at the time (he was sick all over and couldn't even get his coat on to leave their house, had to dress him like a toddler!) But he hand on heart had never before and has never since been like that, it genuinely was a one off where he just mistakenly went a bit too far. We do all laugh about it now!

I’d be furious too OP, totally agree with you. If you can bear to post again, let us know how he is when he’s finally awake and talking. It’s unacceptable behaviour.

This happened to me when I was pregnant with dd2 and my ex had gone out one night to town. He was never a huge drinker and always used to be home by a normal time. But he never came home once, phone turned off. I had a phone call from a and e to say he’d been found collapsed in the road outside a pub and he was comatose.
Turned out he’d been spiked at this pub which was notorious in our town and he was Ill for a day or two.

Not saying that this is what happened to your dh but at least he’s safe. It could have had a very different outcome for him. I don’t blame you for being angry though especially as your pregnant but it’s done now, let him sober up and then have a calm discussion with him.

@yellowelli

If you find Mumsnet to be too biased in favour of men the rest of the internet must be a real trip for you.

God what a total idiot. I'd be fuming. Suspect his hangover will be punishing but he really needs to check himself and not get in such a state. Stumbling drunkenly in a road in pouring rain at night could have been the end of him.

This isn’t in character so I would be more perplexed. It’s either an error, not unusual to find you are drunker than you thought, or a sign that he was deliberately extreme which might make me wonder about his mental health. The error could come from mixing prescription drugs and drink not realising the implications, dh did that once and was very ill.

I’d be annoyed for your exact reasons OP. He could easily have been knocked over by a car.

He hasn't woken up yet, I've not once said I'm planning on laying into him but I am angry about the risk he took and stand by that. He can have fun however he wants but anything as life threatening as walking down a main road in the rain and dark without so much as a torch, phone or coat is beyond irresponsible as a father and to be honest I expect him to be thinking that himself once he wakes up but I will highlight that that is what I'm unhappy about and what I feel crossed a line.

And in definite agreement with PP saying it's ridiculous posters expecting me to take care of him today and provide him with water and painkillers. I have an actual child to look after and another kicking my ribs so pandering to a grown mans hangover isn't quite on my to do list

And in definite agreement with PP saying it's ridiculous posters expecting me to take care of him today and provide him with water and painkillers. I have an actual child to look after and another kicking my ribs so pandering to a grown mans hangover isn't quite on my to do list smile

Oh god no, I definitely don't think you need to do this!

Hopefully he'll realise that when he gets that drunk, he does stupid and dangerous things. I agree with a pp who suggested you have a nice day out with the toddler.

I agree with that. His hangover is not your problem and if it were me he would be sorting the kids out all day Sunday while I had a day on bed. I certainly wouldn’t be pampering him after that. Other that that I would just probably leave it at that.

@GiantHaystacks2021

They're always snoring like stuck pigs, while the wife is kept awake and fuming.

I'd kill him.

Only on mumsnet!

A husband saying he would kill his wife because she dared to screwed up once in a blue moon.

How would that go hmmm.

You couldn't make this up!!

Sounds like he never gets out poor guy.

I think it's what he does next that matters most. He fucked up, that's obvious but we all fuck up in one way or another at times.
It's how he handles it now that is the biggest issue.