Husband just bought home by police. Furious

[yellowelli]

Husband went on an admittedly very rare night out tonight, first in years. He pre booked a taxi for 1am. It got to 1.45 and I was expecting him home, so I was awake anxious. Tried to text him and he didn't open them but kept going online on WhatsApp so was obviously ignoring me. Got to 2 I tried to phone and didn't answer. Could see on find my friends he was in a night club. Find my friends stopped updating his location shortly after now I know his phone had died. Apparently at some point he decided to walk home, we live a 40 minute drive away, so obviously wasn't going to happen. Police found him staggering alongside a main road. With no phone, no coat, in terrible driving conditions, absolute pouring rain. They couldn't get any sense out of him about where he lived he just kept saying if I walk straight I'll end up home. He's the most drunk I've ever seen him. They got his address of his license and I've never felt more bloody embarrassed than answering the door to two police man and a soaking, crying husband while very obviously pregnant. I'm so angry. He doesn't go out ever, I don't resent him letting loose or whatever but for a man in his fourties, with a toddler and a baby on the way, with a wife and two bloody kids to be so irresponsible to attempt to walk in such dangerous conditions on a dangerous road?! It's staggering?! He could of died and I'm so angry about it. He's snoring next to me now and I'm seething

Well he has been a total nobhead. But others who have asked why this was a rare night out and why he hasn't been out for years are right. I'm not saying this is anything to do with you OP, but perhaps he has got stuck in a rut. Covid lockdowns mixed in with having a baby would do that. He probably needs to find a social life, a few pints in the pub and a chat, an afternoon outing with some mates to watch the rugby or a bike ride followed by a beer. That way he doesn't go bloody mental and the first whiff of a night out.

Get a blood test ASAP today in case his drink was spiked.

@bozzabollix

Oh dear! Sounds like he’s not used to a night out and couldn’t handle his booze! He will be mortified…

I agree - give him a break ffs.

You've had a bit of a fright OP, so however you're feeling is absolutely fine. I understand you're angry he put himself in a dangerous position.

It's a good thing it's out of character and might just have been too many drinks for too many hours, he lost his sense.

Hopefully a genuine one off not to be repeated. I don't think you should LTB or anything drastic, just because he was an eejit on a night out once. I also don't think you sound controlling either. I never get why people jump to that any time someone is annoyed.

@yellowelli

Is pouring a glass of water and popping an aspirin out the pack really such a massive effort to make for your husband? Plenty of husbands would do this (and more and same for wives to husbands) in the same situation.

Doesn’t seem like the biggest deal in the world to fix a hungover person who overestimated their limit and feels like crap a glass of water, a pill and some brekkie.

I’m honestly starting to feel sorry for him. One day you may want him to be understanding of a mistake of yours - hope he doesn’t take the same attitude.

He sounds foul, OP.

I don't think I could get past that. Drunks are very unattractive.

I see why you are annoyed it was a stupid thing to do. I would expect him to be a bit embarrassed and apologetic when he wakes up.

I would say how dangerous it was and how worried you were and leave it at that.

Only on mumsnet do you get people who claim to be so easy and breezy about life that it simply would never cross their minds to phone their OH if they were late back from a night out. Brought back by the police, who cares, he was just living his best life, stop holding him back and controlling him

In the real world people most people would try and phone their OHs if they are late back, and be hopping mad at the walk home/police situation.

I hope he wakes up and is suitably apologetic and mortified at his behaviour.

I genuinely don’t think I could get that worked up over this. There have been times when I’ve got way too pissed and put myself at risk. Doesn’t happen so much now but a few years ago yes. If my partner had berated me about it the way some posters are suggesting Op should I wouldn’t accept it all. When you get pissed like that, you know you’ve done wrong, you feel embarrassed, feel shit with hangover etc….you feel bad enough with your partner writing in on you. It’s hardly like such behaviour is a regular occurrence for him.

Give him a break regardless of age and if you have children, he is allowed to go out and have a mad night if he wants! He’s a grown man and by ur own admission he rarely goes out! Weird that u was also checking up on his location via his phone!

OP,

You have every reason to be furious at his recklessness with his life.

Standards on MN are notoriously low when it comes to mens behaviour.

Incidents like this may not end a marriage, but IMO it can REALLY change them.

It is so unattractive to realise that instead of being married to a partner who shares the load, you are infact married to a bit of a fxxkwit who really hasn't more cop on than a teenager.🙄

When you have children, you have a responsibility that means, NO you shouldn't be getting so pissed that you put your life in real danger.

The police brought him home because they saw he was in real danger.

He's a moron, and one that you realise, can't be trusted to keep himself safe when he goes out for a drink.

The issue isn't the going drinking or the club.

The issue is he is an idiot that the OP realises she can't trust to go out without possibly doing something really stupid.

That is what kills marriages.

I would no more be giving him water or pain killers.

I wouldn't be able to look at him.

This is deal breaker stuff in marriages.

Morons are ten a penny. Who really wants to be married to one.

I'd be telling him that.

I wouldn't be giving the next 20/30 years of my life to a man who has so little basic cop on, when he has children.

Mind yourself OP

@Usou

Adult man gets tanked up on incredibly rare night out.

What is this? The controlling wives club?

Old man who can't handle his drink any more falling around in a studenty nightclub and staggering down the road having lost his phone. How humiliating.

That's not a fun night out. That's absolutely degrading. I still drink a lot & go out quite often but by my 40s I have a sense of where the limits are (and I wouldn't be hanging around a venue full of teenagers).

@Coffeetree women who use the "cool wife" shit really need to get a grip (and a life)!

What an absolute non-event. Some people on here live in a parallel universe.

Man gets pissed and walks home.

I am 100% with you op.

@Obviouspretzel

What an absolute non-event. Some people on here live in a parallel universe.

Man gets pissed and walks home.

I'm sorry that you had time to type that, but not to read the op's first post.

Or indeed the thread title.

@AndAsIfByMagic

He sounds foul, OP.

I don't think I could get past that. Drunks are very unattractive.

He could have been spiked. He, as a one off had too much to drink. It happens. Bloody hell

@AndAsIfByMagic

He sounds foul, OP.

I don't think I could get past that. Drunks are very unattractive.

Where in this thread does it say he's a drunk?

This place is wild sometimes

I get that it’s mortifying having to open the door to the police, I vividly remember being woken at the age of 7 or 8 by raised voices when my dad was brought home by them in the middle of the night and my mum was seething. The difference with him was that he’d tried to drink drive and crashed.

In the grand scheme of things though that police have to deal with on an average night, helping your husband get home is probably way down their list of memorable ones. The biggest mistake he made was to get roaring drunk, but in fairness if this is a complete one-off he may have misjudged totally what he thought he could handle. We all make stupid decisions when drunk but at least his mindset was still to get home and he wasn’t coming in bloody or arrested or otherwise. I think a stern telling off, the fear and a hangover is probably more than enough punishment.

Stalking might be a step too far for checking find my friends. You both have to consent to have each other on it and I know that we both use it sometimes. He's caught me at McDonald's a few times on there and made a joke about it. Suppose that's controlling to.

Morning OP,

I agree with PPs that going out to dance and party doesn't and shouldn't have to end turning 35 for example, I'd be devastated if it did! However that's missing the point massively.

You were understandably concerned, waiting & worrying for him. Also being pregnant in itself with a toddler makes you feel so much more vulnerable- maybe some vipers have forgotten that feeling - I haven't.

Is he up yet? Maybe start that loud hoovering ;)

Poor lil Chappy-doo deserves a break and a nice brekky in bed.
I can see why he wanted to let off steam and have a drink if every minor mistake of his is held against him for the good of all womankind so at least one woman isn’t letting men get away with everything!

@billy1966

OP,

You have every reason to be furious at his recklessness with his life.

Standards on MN are notoriously low when it comes to mens behaviour.

Incidents like this may not end a marriage, but IMO it can REALLY change them.

It is so unattractive to realise that instead of being married to a partner who shares the load, you are infact married to a bit of a fxxkwit who really hasn't more cop on than a teenager.🙄

When you have children, you have a responsibility that means, NO you shouldn't be getting so pissed that you put your life in real danger.

The police brought him home because they saw he was in real danger.

He's a moron, and one that you realise, can't be trusted to keep himself safe when he goes out for a drink.

The issue isn't the going drinking or the club.

The issue is he is an idiot that the OP realises she can't trust to go out without possibly doing something really stupid.

That is what kills marriages.

I would no more be giving him water or pain killers.

I wouldn't be able to look at him.

This is deal breaker stuff in marriages.

Morons are ten a penny. Who really wants to be married to one.

I'd be telling him that.

I wouldn't be giving the next 20/30 years of my life to a man who has so little basic cop on, when he has children.

Mind yourself OP

@billy1966 But it’s not about the mans behaviour/low standards for men.

Doesn’t matter whether it’s a man or woman who goes and gets pissed beyond their limits, point is they are an adult and everyone makes mistakes and so what?! Everyone will get over it. It happens. Big deal.

I’ve got pissed and been reckless more than my DH. He didn’t berate me for it.

@BigOlDingleSlinger69

Poor lil Chappy-doo deserves a break and a nice brekky in bed. I can see why he wanted to let off steam and have a drink if every minor mistake of his is held against him for the good of all womankind so at least one woman isn’t letting men get away with everything!

Thank you for your insight Bigolddingleslinger69. Truly.