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Original poster

Husband just bought home by police. Furious

622 replies

yellowelli · 12/03/2022 03:40

Husband went on an admittedly very rare night out tonight, first in years. He pre booked a taxi for 1am. It got to 1.45 and I was expecting him home, so I was awake anxious. Tried to text him and he didn't open them but kept going online on WhatsApp so was obviously ignoring me. Got to 2 I tried to phone and didn't answer. Could see on find my friends he was in a night club. Find my friends stopped updating his location shortly after now I know his phone had died. Apparently at some point he decided to walk home, we live a 40 minute drive away, so obviously wasn't going to happen. Police found him staggering alongside a main road. With no phone, no coat, in terrible driving conditions, absolute pouring rain. They couldn't get any sense out of him about where he lived he just kept saying if I walk straight I'll end up home. He's the most drunk I've ever seen him. They got his address of his license and I've never felt more bloody embarrassed than answering the door to two police man and a soaking, crying husband while very obviously pregnant. I'm so angry. He doesn't go out ever, I don't resent him letting loose or whatever but for a man in his fourties, with a toddler and a baby on the way, with a wife and two bloody kids to be so irresponsible to attempt to walk in such dangerous conditions on a dangerous road?! It's staggering?! He could of died and I'm so angry about it. He's snoring next to me now and I'm seething

OP posts:
BenchBench · 12/03/2022 11:59

@Monzeitia

But you are checking where you other half is, don’t you trust your husband to text or call to say he is going to be late for whatever reason, mine does and I don’t have the need to go and check where he is
Nope, as his job means he can’t get his phone out sometimes, but has it on his person. So I can see he’s not at the office about to leave so I know he’ll be realistically 2/3 hours late. Had my DB before really not get that in one job I couldn’t carry a phone or look at it, so only checked it when I was on a break. Didn’t compute so some people.
goodnightgrumble · 12/03/2022 12:00

Personally I would make him a coffee. We all do some stupid stuff when drunk and he will feel shut enough!

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 12/03/2022 12:02

It is not ok to track each other’s whereabouts, if you want to in your relationship then that’s fine but please don’t normalise it.

Agree and the op said he 'caught' her at McDonald's several times. So implying she didn't plan on telling him. I can't imagine living a life where my dh was trying to catch me out

LuckySantangelo35 · 12/03/2022 12:03

@jessieminto
But surely as a previous poster commented it’s about teaching your little boy patience? Your partner can still have a “hero’s welcome” when he arrives with the good tracking or no tracking

WonderfulYou · 12/03/2022 12:04

No, it’s because it is none of your damned business and if you are finding it so hard to get your head around such a simple concept, it would explode when I explain how when you have a child with a disability, it’s not as simple as waiting for the school to call in an emergency or having the luxury of coming home, changing and freshening up to sit down for a leisurely late dinner.

😂😂

My own child has SEND and I’m a teacher of children with SEND and SEMH - it’s irrelevant and still is no excuse to track your partner’s whereabouts.

I simply asked for examples of genuine reasons why someone would need to track their partner that can’t be done with a simple text or phone call - I am yet to read one.

I also volunteer with mainly women who are fleeing controlling relationships.
Can you guess what’s the number 1 reason most of these women can’t physically leave?

Being able to turn something off or only checking it to know when to put dinner on or both of you having it with consent is irrelevant - a tracker is a tracker.

Frazzled2207 · 12/03/2022 12:04

As pp said the most important thing is that he is safe and didn’t get into any sort of trouble. He is very lucky to have been picked up.

I’d be embarrassed and furious too. However if it really was a one off, and he was genuinely apologetic, I’d make it known to him how angry I was and then try and get over it. I suspect he’ll be mortified when he comes round.

implantreplace · 12/03/2022 12:04

Oh just rad the post about the 3 orgasm this morning

Gross. Just gross.

TristesseDurera · 12/03/2022 12:05

Does anyone else think of this character every time someone posts another "your poor hubby i feel so sowwy for him!" or "poor bloke!" comment?

goodnightgrumble · 12/03/2022 12:05

OP.
You have done the right thing! Ignore the idiots. Enjoy your day!

implantreplace · 12/03/2022 12:06

Actually I’m more concerned and baffled

Especially having read the “three orgasms this morning” poster’s concern re her controlling dh and how is behaves with their children

Frazzled2207 · 12/03/2022 12:07

Ps. Dh and I always track each other’s whereabouts on the phone on our very rare nights out. I don’t think that’s controlling at all.

Bookworm20 · 12/03/2022 12:15

@implantreplace

Oh just rad the post about the 3 orgasm this morning

Gross. Just gross.

It really wasn’t gross Grin
ancientgran · 12/03/2022 12:16

I'm teetotal, always have been. I'm not at all surprised he'd do something irresponsible and dangerous when he is drunk, drunk people don't tend to make sensible decisions in my experience. I'm sure he wouldn't do it if sober but what I see is that once someone has a drink the chances of having another increases and so it goes on, if they don't stop while they are still in control anything can happen.

I think all you can do is hope this has shaken him up and made him realise he needs to stop before he gets to the making stupid decisions stage.

I'm not horrible to people suffering the morning after but I don't pander to them, if they complain my response is that it is self inflicted so their choice.

Felicity42 · 12/03/2022 12:16

There's double standards for men and women. If a man posted her saying his wife was in that situation found by police staggering blind drunk along a road having lost her coat, bag and phone....it wouldn't be 'oh let her have her night out'. It'd be 'she's got issues that need addressing'. He's probably learned his lesson hopefully and has frightened the wits out of himself, but because he forgot what happened it'd be no harm to talk about it again tomorrow.

Bookworm20 · 12/03/2022 12:21

I simply asked for examples of genuine reasons why someone would need to track their partner that can’t be done with a simple text or phone call - I am yet to read one.

The one in the Op? Where he hadn’t read the text or answered the phone and his wife was quite rightly getting worried? Hmm

Bookworm20 · 12/03/2022 12:23

@implantreplace

Actually I’m more concerned and baffled

Especially having read the “three orgasms this morning” poster’s concern re her controlling dh and how is behaves with their children

What now? Where have I put I have a controlling dh? And how does he behave with my children exactly? News to me.
Hellorhighwater · 12/03/2022 12:28

Oh my, what a twat! You are completely justified in being furious, and I hope he has a dreadful hangover.

However, not LTB furious. If he’s not doing it every week, and he’s suitably apologetic in the morning, I think you can chalk to up to experience and take the piss out of him a bit.

Two years ago I had a couple of nights out where I got ‘hold onto the floor in the toilet all day next day’ drunk. I just can’t take the booze like I used to, and although I drink, I can’t drink like that anymore, even though I’ve drunk at least as much post kids and pre-40, post 40 I couldn’t. I don’t know why, or why it was so sudden and unexpected, but I’ve learned my lesson and I won’t be pushing any booze boundaries until I’ve no kids at home. And probably not then. Those hangovers were the most awful I’ve ever felt in my life.

Girlonit · 12/03/2022 12:30

Well @WonderfulYouivd I have had a few occasions with my work where I’ve ended up at the police station or a hospital and my Dp has used it to see if I’ve set off for the children or if I’m still there. Yes I suppose he could phone, although phone signal isn’t always the best especially in hospitals and at the time I’m dealing with emergency situations so him looking on find my iPhone is much easier than me being interrupted.
I’ve also used it when my phone was stolen by a teenager I was working with and again when I accidentally left it in my desk at work and was thinking I’d lost it!

sm40 · 12/03/2022 12:31

For those criticisms of tracking what about ring doorbells??
I've 'caught' my husband return late from the pub, ordering a dominos when I wasn't there. He wasn't going to tell me because he didn't need to but my little shiny alert did!
Is that much different to tracking?

timestheyarechanging · 12/03/2022 12:34

He's home. He's safe. He doesn't go out much. I would get over it.
Take care of yourself and ignore him. My ex H (nothing to do with this) did this a few times a year. I then went out and stayed out the following weekend. We lasted 21 years.

CurbsideProphet · 12/03/2022 12:35

@WonderfulYou I don't know why you keep saying the OP is in an abusive relationship when they both willingly agreed to use the Find My Friend app. Clearly you have missed the point of the entire post which is she is very upset her husband was out much later than anticipated and was found by police staggering along a main road in the middle of the night.

My DH and I often use location tracker on WhatsApp when one of us is driving home. We drive on national speed limit rural roads and we use it as a safety protocol. There is nothing abusive about couples wanting their spouse to know they are safe.

bedheadedzombie · 12/03/2022 12:36

We don't track each other, never thought about it really since he works from home and I'm a SAHM so we tend to know where the other is anyway, buuuut I can see it's uses. It could really come in handy to check if someone is on their way home. Neither DH or me answer the phone while we travel/commute, so it would be easy to track someone to see when they'll be home.

I also wouldn't feel vulnerable if he would track me because I have enough self confidence to leave him if I would want to. I have my own money, wealthy enough family with rooms to spare that could help and am better at martial arts than him. He couldn't stop me. So I'd be okay with a tracker and wouldn't see it as controlling (because he can't control me and I can't control him). I think that the people who feel that a tracker is cobtrolling might be in an imbalanced relationship where one party actually can control the other one.

Grantanow · 12/03/2022 12:36

I agree with NashvilleQueen.

WonderfulYou · 12/03/2022 12:36

The one in the Op? Where he hadn’t read the text or answered the phone and his wife was quite rightly getting worried?

@Bookworm20 OP checked where he was and he was in a nightclub - it didn’t help being checked up on as his phone died and he ended up being brought home by police.

So what good did the tracker actually do?

RoastedFerret · 12/03/2022 12:37

@CurbsideProphet

Some of these responses are strange. OP was very upset her DH had been brought home by police after being seen drunkenly staggering along a main road with no pavement (she clearly mentions the grass verge which indicates no pavement), in the middle of the night, very rainy conditions. He could easily have been hit by a car. It happens frequently on certain roads - poor conditions, drunk pedestrians, someone driving carelessly. Of course she is upset he did this. I don't know how you could laugh it off.

Find My Friend is not a secret stalking device 🙄

Yeah I agree with this. Making out that OP is some kind of fun sponge and everyone does this kind of this is bizarre. They don't and often it doesn't work out so well for those that do. Every day I pass by a plaque on a wall nearby in memory of a young man who died doing just this.

It isn't normal or fun for grown adults to get so pissed that they put their lives in danger, it doesn't matter if it is a rare occasion this happens or if it happens regularly and I would hazard a guess if the OP said that her husband was so coked up that he did the same thing the answers would be very different.

And the FMF thing is just ridiculous, both her and her dh and fine with its use, it is a non-issue.

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