Husband just bought home by police. Furious

[yellowelli]

Husband went on an admittedly very rare night out tonight, first in years. He pre booked a taxi for 1am. It got to 1.45 and I was expecting him home, so I was awake anxious. Tried to text him and he didn't open them but kept going online on WhatsApp so was obviously ignoring me. Got to 2 I tried to phone and didn't answer. Could see on find my friends he was in a night club. Find my friends stopped updating his location shortly after now I know his phone had died. Apparently at some point he decided to walk home, we live a 40 minute drive away, so obviously wasn't going to happen. Police found him staggering alongside a main road. With no phone, no coat, in terrible driving conditions, absolute pouring rain. They couldn't get any sense out of him about where he lived he just kept saying if I walk straight I'll end up home. He's the most drunk I've ever seen him. They got his address of his license and I've never felt more bloody embarrassed than answering the door to two police man and a soaking, crying husband while very obviously pregnant. I'm so angry. He doesn't go out ever, I don't resent him letting loose or whatever but for a man in his fourties, with a toddler and a baby on the way, with a wife and two bloody kids to be so irresponsible to attempt to walk in such dangerous conditions on a dangerous road?! It's staggering?! He could of died and I'm so angry about it. He's snoring next to me now and I'm seething

@Monzeitia

But you are checking where you other half is, don’t you trust your husband to text or call to say he is going to be late for whatever reason, mine does and I don’t have the need to go and check where he is

But the OP's husband didn't

I also feel sorry for the taxi driver who lost a lucrative job that night

If your trust is built on the fact you know exactly where they are every second of the day - then that’s not real trust.

If your trust is built on the fact they only don’t stalk you because you don’t have an app, that’s not real trust.

I’d love to know how you/your partner would react if one of you said you didn’t want to be tracked anymore.

My daughter once moaned she was unable to see me on the app when I had gone out for an afternoon. My phone had updated and the settings had switched to not sharing location. My husband told her I was entitled to go out without her knowing where I was. If I said I wanted it turned off, his response would be “ok, will you text me when you’re leaving work” Because he’s not a dick.

@StrawberryPot

. I think I'd find it quite funny if my husband was brought home by the police as long as it was a one off! No one died and everything doesn't have to be a drama.

No - the police brought him home to stop this happening....

And probably had better things to do...

@GiantHaystacks2021

“They're always snoring like stuck pigs, while the wife is kept awake and fuming.

I'd kill him.”

Blimey! Chill out. Have you never made a mistake. Think back to the last time you got pissed and acted like a twat would you have appreciated your partner being like that? Kill her?

We don’t need to track each other, I trust him he trust me and we have a very healthy relationship, he calls to say he is going to be late and that’s it, you treat your husbands like children

I’d love to hear of an example.

Okay - here's one. We have electric gates which we keep closed to stop our dog getting out onto a busy road. If dh is out and dog is asking to be let into the garden, I can quickly check that dh isn't about to open the gates and drive in. Quicker and easier than ringing/messaging dh - especially if he's driving.

Here's another. If I'm picking him up from the station and there are train problems I can see when/if he's on the move. Avoids long waits outside the station. Messages can get held up during rush hour, but FMF seems okay.

More?

@BoredZelda
You daughter moaning that she can’t see your whereabouts on the app sounds a bit stifling. I’m glad your partner reacted the way he did

My husband and I are both on Life 360, with our tween daughter. It's really handy, as his job involves a lot of driving to different locations so I can tell when he'll be home, or if he'll be in time to collect a child without him needing to text or call while he's driving. And vice versa. I have no interest on where he goes at other times of day.

I wouldn't be surprised if someone spiked his drink. I had it happen to me back in the day. JD and coke was where it was at for me and I knew my limits well (I was a near proffesional level drinker back then) and I was only on my 5th JD and then everything went sketchy and blurry and I couldn't even sit up properly. Thank god my mates realised and got me home safe as I don't know which direction was up anymore.

Very few of us are uncontrollable animals when we have had a beer or two and even when we know we are pushing our limits we still know when to stop in general.

In the case that he did it to himself willingly then by all means be pissed at him and kick his arse as he needs to grow up and stop being so lacksidasical about the booze but also be prepared for him not being completely at fault too.

@StrawberryPot

I’d love to hear of an example.

Okay - here's one. We have electric gates which we keep closed to stop our dog getting out onto a busy road. If dh is out and dog is asking to be let into the garden, I can quickly check that dh isn't about to open the gates and drive in. Quicker and easier than ringing/messaging dh - especially if he's driving.

Here's another. If I'm picking him up from the station and there are train problems I can see when/if he's on the move. Avoids long waits outside the station. Messages can get held up during rush hour, but FMF seems okay.

More?

I’m sorry but that’s BS, most cars have Bluetooth capability so if you rang him he would be talking to you hands free anyway. No need to check an app and a phone call gives you more detail, anyway, ie him saying “I’m nearly home but going to nip to the shop quickly” which you can’t predict from an app.

He can also easily text you the words “train is delayed”. If messages get “held up” during rush hour, then you can send an actual SMS rather than WhatsApp or iMessage? I highly doubt there’s no signal the entire journey.

Okay - here's one. We have electric gates which we keep closed to stop our dog getting out onto a busy road. If dh is out and dog is asking to be let into the garden, I can quickly check that dh isn't about to open the gates and drive in. Quicker and easier than ringing/messaging dh - especially if he's driving.

Here's another. If I'm picking him up from the station and there are train problems I can see when/if he's on the move. Avoids long waits outside the station. Messages can get held up during rush hour, but FMF seems okay.

😂😂

You could have at least made one up about one of you almost dying and needing it for safety reasons.

Your examples are pathetic.
You do not need a tracking app for either of those scenarios.

It is not ok to track each other’s whereabouts, if you want to in your relationship then that’s fine but please don’t normalise it.
And I hope you don’t tell your children that if they love and trust their partners they should allow themselves to be tracked too.

But the OP had the app on her phone so it has been used before
She knew he was in a nightclub and was not very impressed about it, what the hell? It was his night out, if he wanted to go to a nightclub and dance all night what’s the problem

So surprised at the animosity OP has got for sharing whereabouts and being able to 'track each other'.

DH and I share location on our iPhones. We both use it all the time. When I'm on my way home from work, he will text for me to pick stuff up from the shop. I changed jobs recently and do drive past a shop anymore, so he checks to see if I've left work or not. He doesn't want me to go out of my way.

DH will fetch our online weekly shop, and sometimes will stop to pick us all up McD or Starbucks. DS will get impatient and want to track Dad. He actually calls the app Find my Daddy. And then he'll watch and cheer and run round the house as DH gets closer to home. Just like the NORAD track Santa app at Christmas.

DH goes to football matches, home and away. I like to know he's safe. Sometimes it can take a very long time to leave the stadium, I just check in to see he got away ok and is on his way home. I plan tea for when he will be home.

And because we both have the feature turned on, it means I can ping his phone whenever he looses it. Which is all the fucking time. 2-3 times a day he asks for a ping.

This is all pretty normal use of technology that we both consent to. I don't get what the problem is.

I don’t find what happened funny. My dh many years ago got pissed and fell asleep in a taxi. The driver not being able to rouse him dropped him off at a police station with a business card so we could arrange payment. Brilliant safeguarding from the driver.

The police were kind enough to let dh sleep some of it off and called me at about 6.30 am. I collected him and asked them if they wouldn’t mind propping him up, still asleep, between them so I could photograph him. They duly did with great grins on their faces.

I showed that bloody photo to everyone imaginable. That in my book is funny, because dh was never not safe. Don’t get me wrong, I was far from impressed with him. However, my reaction under this circumstance was a lot more effective than getting angry.

In your situation op, I would also be furious, not because of what happened but because he didn’t look after himself and put himself in imminent danger.

Glad he is suitably embarrassed and apologetic this morning.

For what it’s worth op, we also have find a friend on our phones and if dp wasn’t home when he said he’d be, id look where he was. As he would me. And quite honestly that would reassure me because if anything had happened we’d know where the other was to go help. It’s not controlling and weird.

Id of most definitely texted and called way more than once if he hadn’t arrived home and was then in a night club and ignoring my texts! I must be mega controlling! Give not one shit if that makes me the uncool wife though
And he’d of done the same to me. It’s called being worried about your partner ( and yes, anger thrown in at the ignoring!)

Glad he’s safe.

Laughing at the poster who said your relation ship is already dead in the water because you use find a friend.
I’m pretty confident my relationship isn’t dead in the water judging by the 3 orgasms I had this morning. But of course using find a friend is a much more accurate way of judging that, so id best ltb.

Bookworm20 😂

DS will get impatient and want to track Dad.

Surely you would teach your son to be more patient and he’ll be home when he’s home. Surely if he’s getting McDonald’s it’s not going to be that far away anyway else it goes cold.

Stop using your son as an excuse and teaching him that’s it’s acceptable to track his partner.

Why is ok that we think nothing of women being controlling but when there’s a thread about an OPs DH tracking her, everyone tells her to LTB.

So he’s got to keep checking to see when you finish because it varies everyday?

Nope. Again, not going to explain the tedious ins and outs of how dinner works at our house but he doesn’t have to do that.

Surely if you forget to text and you don’t have time to cook vegetables then that’s your fault and you’ll have to have something else.

Or, because he isn’t a dick, and because he knows that if my dinner is late we’ll have to rearrange what happens in the evening, he does it for when I’m home.

Maybe then you will remember to text when you leave

Do you always treat adults as if they are children and have to have consequences to learn lessons?

If your daughter doesn’t get picked up from school the school would ring the emergency contacts.
I’m pretty sure you would have guessed something was up if they’d rang you to say he hadn’t turned up

Which would have made the situation way worse for everyone involved. Again, I don’t need to explain why, suffice to say, there are good reasons why yours is a ridiculous comment.

Seriously, why is it so difficult for you to accept others can use it in a non stalking way, have your relationships been that bad?

@SouperNoodle

Ignore all the posters here with nothing better to do than be complete bitches. I honestly wouldn't even give them the time of day. I would be livid if my DH did that. We also have find my friends as a safety thing and so I can see when he is on his way home and have dinner on the table. We in no way stalk each other. My best friend adds onto it as well when she does on nights out as it makes her feel safer.

I'm glad your DH is sorry.

This!

answering the door to two police man and a soaking, crying husband while very obviously pregnant

I'd be having harsh words OP. Very irresponsible to get in that state when heavily pregnant.

Sorry. I'd chew his ear off for being stupid, but I don't think I'd ltb.

I’m pretty confident my relationship isn’t dead in the water judging by the 3 orgasms I had this morning

Shit, is this a feature of the app I don’t know about?

😆

Glad he’s feeling bad about it op and I totally get your anger and embarrassment about it. In response to tracking each other, it’s not tracking the person it’s the phone and if you don’t want it tracking you can turn it off in settings. I use it to see if Dp is on his way home or not to know if I should start dinner and likewise he’s used it to see if I’m still at work or not for if he should collect the kids from nursery. We both have jobs where we might not be able to answer our phones easily and my job I can get caught up later than expected so it works us. It was also very useful once when I was collecting him and he was very drunk and not making any sense as to where he was for me to pick him up. I know he’s looked when I’ve been longer than I said if I’m out too, but only in a is everything ok kinda way.

@WonderfulYou

DS will get impatient and want to track Dad.

Surely you would teach your son to be more patient and he’ll be home when he’s home. Surely if he’s getting McDonald’s it’s not going to be that far away anyway else it goes cold.

Stop using your son as an excuse and teaching him that’s it’s acceptable to track his partner.

Why is ok that we think nothing of women being controlling but when there’s a thread about an OPs DH tracking her, everyone tells her to LTB.

Oh c'mon ! You're actually being ridiculous now because you know how weak your argument is.

How lovely for a child to be able to see when their parent will be home, that goes for mums and dads both.

My mum worked loads and I missed her, I would have loved it.

@jessieminto you poor husband getting tracked by you and your son who is getting impatient that his dad is not bringing him his treats home quick enough. I just couldn’t be arsed with my DH and kids doing this to me

Anyone can have three orgasms, nothing unusual about it but trusting your partner to know that you don’t need an app to track their whereabouts because he will let you know when is late so you can get on with your own business that’s priceless