Husband just bought home by police. Furious

[yellowelli]

Husband went on an admittedly very rare night out tonight, first in years. He pre booked a taxi for 1am. It got to 1.45 and I was expecting him home, so I was awake anxious. Tried to text him and he didn't open them but kept going online on WhatsApp so was obviously ignoring me. Got to 2 I tried to phone and didn't answer. Could see on find my friends he was in a night club. Find my friends stopped updating his location shortly after now I know his phone had died. Apparently at some point he decided to walk home, we live a 40 minute drive away, so obviously wasn't going to happen. Police found him staggering alongside a main road. With no phone, no coat, in terrible driving conditions, absolute pouring rain. They couldn't get any sense out of him about where he lived he just kept saying if I walk straight I'll end up home. He's the most drunk I've ever seen him. They got his address of his license and I've never felt more bloody embarrassed than answering the door to two police man and a soaking, crying husband while very obviously pregnant. I'm so angry. He doesn't go out ever, I don't resent him letting loose or whatever but for a man in his fourties, with a toddler and a baby on the way, with a wife and two bloody kids to be so irresponsible to attempt to walk in such dangerous conditions on a dangerous road?! It's staggering?! He could of died and I'm so angry about it. He's snoring next to me now and I'm seething

Some of these responses are strange. OP was very upset her DH had been brought home by police after being seen drunkenly staggering along a main road with no pavement (she clearly mentions the grass verge which indicates no pavement), in the middle of the night, very rainy conditions. He could easily have been hit by a car. It happens frequently on certain roads - poor conditions, drunk pedestrians, someone driving carelessly. Of course she is upset he did this. I don't know how you could laugh it off.

Find My Friend is not a secret stalking device 🙄

I think every adult is entitled to their privacy and to retain the flexibility to go about their life without being tracked.

Of course they are. But some people - like me - want family members to be able to see where they are. We have nothing to hide 🤷‍♀️

Sorry but this is BS.

Not sorry, but it isn’t.

Either you finish around the same time every day - so they know when to put it on. Or worst comes to worst you get in earlier than expected and have to wait an extra 10mins for your veg.

I don’t.

Or you finish at completely different times - which means he’s got to constantly check it throughout the day incase you leave and he hasn’t realised which is absolutely ridiculous!

Wow, one extreme to the other. I don’t have to explain the vagaries of my work to anyone but it’s not just a 10 minute difference. Can be an hour’s difference. He isn’t going to have to check at 11am whether I’m at work.

Text when you leave work. If you forget have your dinner a few minutes later than normal. Most people like to get changed and wash up before dinner anyway so it’s a non issue.

Oh what a lovely leisurely life you have. But no, I don’t have an hour to spare when I get home, there’s things we need to do in the evening so being able to make sure meals are on time is important for us. I often forgot to text, and with this function available, I don’t have to. If that’s not your life and you don’t need to use it for that, then I’m happy for you.

If you want to keep track off each other - fine.

If this was the reason, I’d say so. He’s out today. He told me where he was going, he will be back in the afternoon some time. I have no need to check to see where he is.

But don’t act like it’s a safety thing or so you can have dinner served for the second they come in the door because that’s lies.

Except it isn’t lies. It is how things work for us. It’s easy for me to understand that isn’t how things work for you, I wonder why it’s so important for you to tell me why our way of doing things is wrong? And what’s wrong in your relationship that you think your partner would spend his day tracking where you are? I trust my husband not to do that.

Ignore all the posters here with nothing better to do than be complete bitches. I honestly wouldn't even give them the time of day.
I would be livid if my DH did that.
We also have find my friends as a safety thing and so I can see when he is on his way home and have dinner on the table. We in no way stalk each other.
My best friend adds onto it as well when she does on nights out as it makes her feel safer.

I'm glad your DH is sorry.

I think every adult is entitled to their privacy and to retain the flexibility to go about their life without being tracked

Which is why there is an off button if someone wants to use that.

Hahaha the good old 'need to see where he is to put his dinner on'

MN loves that old chestnut

But you are checking where you other half is, don’t you trust your husband to text or call to say he is going to be late for whatever reason, mine does and I don’t have the need to go and check where he is

I would feel so weird using an app to track my husband and he'd feel the same. I trust him and he's an adult who can go about his business himself. I think I'd find it quite funny if my husband was brought home by the police as long as it was a one off! No one died and everything doesn't have to be a drama.

@PineappleSundays well said. Tbf this is pretty much the line the OP is taking as she weaves her way bw the most extreme responses at either end of the spectrum.

I also don't get the dinner thing. Surely they can just microwave the plate if they're a bit late?

Your husband is a 40 year old man, so it’s very different to if it was a female who was out (we all unfortunately know why), which is why if the roles were reversed my partner would have got worried about me a bit earlier than that.

Really? . I'd be just as worried about an adult male as an adult female.

I'm not sure what your relationship/s are like, but believe me, it's perfectly possible to use Find My Friends in good, healthy relationships

@StrawberryPot

I’d love to hear of an example.

Tracking someone’s movements is the definition of an unhealthy relationship.

Trusting someone means not knowing what they’re doing or where they’re going all of the time.

If your trust is built on the fact you know exactly where they are every second of the day - then that’s not real trust.

I’d love to know how you/your partner would react if one of you said you didn’t want to be tracked anymore.

Why are so many posters ignoring the fact that both OP and her DH use the tracking apps, I.e. they both agreed to it, and make in-jokes about it?

Maybe develop a better argument? Or even , now this could be a stretch ...rtft?

. I think I'd find it quite funny if my husband was brought home by the police as long as it was a one off! No one died and everything doesn't have to be a drama.

No - the police brought him home to stop this happening....

But you are checking where you other half is, don’t you trust your husband to text or call to say he is going to be late for whatever reason, mine does and I don’t have the need to go and check where he is

Don’t you trust yours not to misuse FMF and stalk you all day?

Only read your posts, OP - just want to point out, if you didnt know, that the site is popular with teenagers who think it funny to pretend to be adults. Always read the comments with that in mind.

Tracking someone's whereabouts just to know where they are is different to sometimes using it to find they are safe when not where they said they would be.

Tracking someone’s movements is the definition of an unhealthy relationship.

Spending all day tracking what someone is doing - not good.

Using it occasionally to see where they are or when they will be home is not “tracking someone’s movements”

MN really does have a poor opinion of people that they can’t make that distinction.

[quote BigOlDingleSlinger69]@MissyB1

Actually this is a big part of what the police do. It’s not all murder cases and car chases all night long. Most police work is boring shit like this, pub fights and DV call outs which go nowhere. That’s a big part of police work at night. That and doing nothing. Especially depending where you live.[/quote]
Yes I get that but actually it’s very entitled behaviour by people isn’t it? “I can just indulge in stupid irresponsible behaviour and hopefully the Police can just come along and stop me from being hurt - or worse hurting someone else”
The NHS also have to deal with this behaviour.
Some people don’t think about taking personal responsibility, they don’t care about the people who have to pick up the pieces. You can see that on this thread.

it’s not just a 10 minute difference. Can be an hour’s difference.

So he’s got to keep checking to see when you finish because it varies everyday?

Surely if you forget to text and you don’t have time to cook vegetables then that’s your fault and you’ll have to have something else.
Maybe then you will remember to text when you leave.

OP it just sounds like people don't really understand what the app is, and it's with consent, ignore people being over the top.

Sounds like he's up and sorry and you'll probably not have to deal with a similar scenario again. Hope you have a lovely weekend and you get your husband to look after your child when he can so you can catch up on sleep!!

Then when the husbands turn the thing off because they get fed up as they can’t even stop in a petrol station to have a wee without being tracked, we get posts such as “is my partner cheating”

@Feelingoktoday

And piss off about the night club stuff. Any age can go to clubs. I love a dance every now and again. I love concerts and festivals. I’m 57 do I need to resign and just go have wine in the garden. How dull.

The problem with this country is that there are so few (any) places to go to dance once you're past 25

There is no question that the average clubber looks askance at older people in 'their' space

Plus, I'd like to find somewhere that played my music. I can't bear much of today's music (old fogey) but I danced my way through the 70s and a bit of the 80s and I'd love to find somewhere like that to go again. The only place we had like that, was a restaurant with a dancefloor and it closed pre-pandemic

OP there are some really bonkers replies on here, your relationship sounds fine and healthy, people are just either a bit thick or highly strung 😂

@Bambozled33

OP it just sounds like people don't really understand what the app is, and it's with consent, ignore people being over the top.

Sounds like he's up and sorry and you'll probably not have to deal with a similar scenario again. Hope you have a lovely weekend and you get your husband to look after your child when he can so you can catch up on sleep!!

👍🏻

@WonderfulYou

Just re-read that you both track each other’s whereabouts - this is absolutely not normal and sounds like the relationship is already dead.

Oh behave. RTFT.