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Original poster

Husband just bought home by police. Furious

622 replies

yellowelli · 12/03/2022 03:40

Husband went on an admittedly very rare night out tonight, first in years. He pre booked a taxi for 1am. It got to 1.45 and I was expecting him home, so I was awake anxious. Tried to text him and he didn't open them but kept going online on WhatsApp so was obviously ignoring me. Got to 2 I tried to phone and didn't answer. Could see on find my friends he was in a night club. Find my friends stopped updating his location shortly after now I know his phone had died. Apparently at some point he decided to walk home, we live a 40 minute drive away, so obviously wasn't going to happen. Police found him staggering alongside a main road. With no phone, no coat, in terrible driving conditions, absolute pouring rain. They couldn't get any sense out of him about where he lived he just kept saying if I walk straight I'll end up home. He's the most drunk I've ever seen him. They got his address of his license and I've never felt more bloody embarrassed than answering the door to two police man and a soaking, crying husband while very obviously pregnant. I'm so angry. He doesn't go out ever, I don't resent him letting loose or whatever but for a man in his fourties, with a toddler and a baby on the way, with a wife and two bloody kids to be so irresponsible to attempt to walk in such dangerous conditions on a dangerous road?! It's staggering?! He could of died and I'm so angry about it. He's snoring next to me now and I'm seething

OP posts:
AhhhHereItGoes · 12/03/2022 09:46

I completely get why you're upset - what could have happened is hard to get out of your head.

Just remember he wasn't thinking straight and the affects of the alcohol could've hit him quickly, meaning he felt just a bit tipsy one minute then out of it the next.

He wasn't doing it to spite you and he wasn't not thinking about his kids or at least not consciously anyway.

If this happens again I could very well see why you'd need to have firmer words but as is I personally would show I was glad he was OZk.

First night out for me in 10 years tonight I'm not planning to do this myself, may I add!

LuckySantangelo35 · 12/03/2022 09:47

@Clymene And?? He wasn’t arrested or anything. The police just brought him back home as it was too far for him to walk.

TristesseDurera · 12/03/2022 09:50

[quote LuckySantangelo35]@TristesseDurera
“Old man” isn’t he in his forties?? Since when is that old?![/quote]
I'm in my forties. It's old to be going to a student nightclub and to be such a crap drinker that you can't even get yourself home. These things are all context.

LuckySantangelo35 · 12/03/2022 09:50

@Tiddlesthecat

It's a horrible and humiliating experience for you and will undoubtedly be for him too. He's lucky that the police were there to pick him up. He owes them an apology, a thank you letter and a tin of chocolates. He owes you a grovelling apology and a relaxing weekend off from childcare. Thankfully your toddler will be none the wiser.
@Tiddlesthecat erm not sure why he should be writing them a thank you letter and buying them chocolates, it’s literally their job! And will have been an easy one at that, as it doesn’t sound like he was abusive or anything like that. If everyone who the police helped like that bought them tins of choc they’d fill the station! Get a grip
TristesseDurera · 12/03/2022 09:51

[quote LuckySantangelo35]@Clymene And?? He wasn’t arrested or anything. The police just brought him back home as it was too far for him to walk.[/quote]
The police don't give lifts as a favour. You do understand that?

They brought him back because he was stumbling, incapacitated and out of his mind, in the middle of the road, on a main road, at 2am.

LuckySantangelo35 · 12/03/2022 09:51

@TristesseDurera people do become crap drinkers when they never go out though like OP’s husband

LuckySantangelo35 · 12/03/2022 09:52

@TristesseDurera he still wasn’t arrested! I really don’t get the big deal. Has he now got a criminal record for being drunk??!

Clymene · 12/03/2022 09:53

[quote LuckySantangelo35]@Clymene And?? He wasn’t arrested or anything. The police just brought him back home as it was too far for him to walk.[/quote]
No, that's not quite true is it? From the OP:

Police found him staggering alongside a main road. With no phone, no coat, in terrible driving conditions, absolute pouring rain. They couldn't get any sense out of him about where he lived he just kept saying if I walk straight I'll end up home. He's the most drunk I've ever seen him. They got his address of his license

They brought him home because he was a danger to himself and others and didn't know where he lived.

I have never been that drunk. Not ever. And especially not since I've had children and I have teenagers.

The minimising on this thread, the dismissal of the OP's absolutely justified feelings, is absolutely disgraceful.

No wonder so many men behave like absolute arseholes when women set the bar so low.

TristesseDurera · 12/03/2022 09:54

[quote Obviouspretzel]@TristesseDurera I did read it, cheers. It can all be distilled down to my comment.

Yes,the police brought him home but they didn't have to. He was walking home. They did him a favour and made sure he got home safe, fair play. That's it. That's all that happened.

This is a person who has been out for the first time in years, and has his wife at home checking his exact location on her phone. Mad in my opinion. But I guess we all live different lives.[/quote]
He was staggering around in the middle of the road. Not on the pavement, even. In the road. Having lost his phone and unable to speak coherently.

That's a weird idea of "walking home". I've had to walk home sometimes stopping to puke multiple times, but I've never failed quite so spectacularly as to be falling over in the middle of a main road.

Gonnagetgoing · 12/03/2022 09:55

I think as a one off it’s acceptable but you really do need to ram home to him he could’ve got knocked over therefore not to miss his taxi in future.

Would it be ok if he goes out a bit more than he does (providing he picks up slack with you and you both go out when you feel able to) in future? People do need downtime

TristesseDurera · 12/03/2022 09:56

[quote LuckySantangelo35]@TristesseDurera he still wasn’t arrested! I really don’t get the big deal. Has he now got a criminal record for being drunk??![/quote]
Not getting a criminal record isn't the bar, is it?!

AiryFairyLights · 12/03/2022 09:56

@roastednut

I'd be furious too however I do feel sorry for him. Clearly it's not something he does often (unlike many!) (going out I mean!) and sometimes drink affects us differently. He may have even been been spiked. He'll be feeling mortified when he wakes up. If he's not one for going out then he's not going to be doing it again in a hurry. I'd be annoyed but couldn't be mad for too long. If my dh goes out then pre-booking a taxi is out of the question there's no way he'd want to potentially limit his fun (admittedly I'm not pregnant or with toddlers etc).
I was going to post along the same lines x
BigOlDingleSlinger69 · 12/03/2022 09:56

Imagine this thread in reverse - mans wife comes home drunk from a night out with the girls and he is furious and after telling everyone that he tracks her with an app, commenters agree that she is like totally unattractive and a real turn off.
Should he leave her or get mad and read her the riot act?

MrFsAunt · 12/03/2022 09:57

[quote LuckySantangelo35]@Clymene And?? He wasn’t arrested or anything. The police just brought him back home as it was too far for him to walk.[/quote]
Er no Confused. it was far more likely to be because he could have been mown down by the oncoming traffic. A walking casualty in all senses.

Penguinevere · 12/03/2022 09:59

I think if you do things like this when you’re drunk then you just shouldn’t get drunk again.

I agree op I’d be shaken up too and I’d want a serious talk about it

nearlyspringyay · 12/03/2022 10:00

@grapewines

I would definitely be forging a letter with a police logo on as he slept to hand him in the morning advising him of his dangerous and risky behaviour and inviting him to attend a session on how to behave appropriately. As the letter went on I would end it with this session is not mandatory if a fine is paid to you his wife.

Talk about overkill.

🤦🏻‍♀️
Heartofglass12345 · 12/03/2022 10:02

Wow is he a husband or a child? I would have gone to bed and not noticed he wasn't home until I woke up if the police hadn't found him!

MissyB1 · 12/03/2022 10:04

@Hadjab

He took two police officers away from other work they could be doing. It was extremely kind of them but they shouldn’t have to go around picking up drunks

At 2am, that actually is their job…

You would rather they were going around collecting up the drunks than attending the scene of a crime? Have you got any fucking clue how stretched our Police service is at the moment? You think at 2 am they are so bored and picking their noses with nowt to do but look for drunks? Bloody hell!
Hashbr0wn · 12/03/2022 10:05

I'd be annoyed at the time but have a good laugh reminding him about it the next day. As PP said as a one off it can be let go, but if it happened again would be different.

Pinksmyfavoritecolour · 12/03/2022 10:06

Thank goodness the police found him, and got him home to safety.
Hopefully he will realise his own idiotic behaviour, luckily it’s not a regular thing.

Paperdolly · 12/03/2022 10:08

I think it’s an over reaction now if you’re still wound up about it. Give yourself and the bump a break and calm down.

Find out how it happened first. He may be mortified when he sobers up.

soulinablackberrypie · 12/03/2022 10:08

I totally don't blame you for being worried and angry.

Having said that, this sounds so out of character from what you've said, I'm inclined to agree with those who think his drinks might have been spiked. Not necessarily with a drug, it could have just been with stronger drink (I got very drunk when I was young on sangria that had had gin added to it without most of us knowing). Are his friends the sort of people who might do something like that as a prank, perhaps not realising that he hadn't drunk much for a long time and wouldn't have much of a tolerance any more?
I think all of us who have ever drunk too much would agree there comes a tipping point, when you are too drunk to make the rational decision not to get any more drunk. His may have come earlier than expected because he doesn't drink much any more.

However it happened, he probably didn't intend to get so drunk he didn't realise how much danger he was in. I think all of us who have ever drunk too much would agree there comes a tipping point, when you are too drunk to make the rational decision not to get any more drunk. His may have come earlier than expected because he doesn't drink much any more. I hope when he wakes up and it sinks in he learns the lesson, and doesn't ever try something like that again.

If he has learned the lesson, it doesn't sound like a deal breaker for me. When he wakes up, talk to him about how scared (not angry) you were, and about the effect on your family if anything had happened to him. He may well be scared to death himself when he realises what happened and what nearly happened. And he may feel so physically ill he won't ever want to do it again.

Original poster
yellowelli · 12/03/2022 10:08

Multiple people are latching on to the fact I track him on an app and saying what a red flag that would be and how bad it would be the other way round. Do you understand how find my friends works? It's a safety thing that we both consented to have each other on. We both use it to see if the other is nearly home, so we can have dinner sorted. It's an app. I haven't put a tracking device on his car. He's text me before making jokes about me being at McDonald's. Its not stalking being able to see where your partner is if it's something you both consented, decided and choose to share. Bonkers suggesting otherwise. Having your partner on find my friends isn't unusual?!

OP posts:
StrawberryPot · 12/03/2022 10:09

Other than getting rat arsed he hasn't actually done anything. If he'd got into a fight or something you'd have had a point...... But he didn't.

Erm ... he could have caused a traffic accident that got himself and others killed or seriously injured. That's quite something in my book.

WonderfulYou · 12/03/2022 10:11

Sorry NRTFT

I completely see why you’re so angry - he put himself in massive danger and the end result could have been a lot worse.

He could have been hit by a car, mugged, raped, beaten up, got lost and died of hypothermia etc.

However, none of these things happened. So you need to let it go and let him make his own mistakes.

We’ve all been in a situation where the alcohol hits us later on and we’re more drunk than we expected. He could have also been spiked.