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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The affair is destroying my family

289 replies

barclay20q · 11/03/2022 16:29

My wife’s affair has destroyed our family and is ripping through us like a cancer.

Since the affair was disclosed just under a year ago, the aftermath of the affair has destroyed my life, my family and is continuing to destroy the little that we do have left.

Since D-Day, my wife has done everything she possibly can to try and fix and help me heal. Cut contact with the affair partner, changed mobile numbers, come off social media, moved city, changed cars. But it’s been hard work and it’s getting harder. Time should be making things better, but things feel like are getting worse.

I have always had a problem with her version of events. I have never, really been given the full story from start to finish. I have always been given parts of what happened and filled in the blanks myself. She doesn’t rub my face in it but stick by the fact that he made her happy but she doesn’t want him. She wants us and only us. He was a massive mistake and she wants to get on with our lives.

But How ?

How do you really move on? When in the back of my mind is what they did, what they felt and the biggest one is how she could even do it when she had a loving family at home.

She is always showing me love, sending texts saying she loves me and we will get through this. Why isn’t this enough? I get triggered by texts that she sends to me and I think did she say that to him?

At this stage I understand I won’t be over it, but shouldn’t I at least be at a stage where we don’t argue, bicker or fight every day and discus the affair? She is giving answers and I’m not accepting them. It’s like unless the answer she gives, hurts me in some way, I don’t believe it.

I have a feeling I’m not getting the whole story. The story doesn’t add up. Should I leave it and try and move on, as I really want my wife and my family back, or do I continue to try and get what I believe may be the truth, but then there is always a possibility that she has given me the truth and I’m just pushing her away.

My biggest fear is that she still has feelings, no matter how small for her affair partner and there is always a chance this can start up all over again. You can’t have a 2 month physical and emotional affair and come away with no feelings. Like she is trying to get me to believe. It’s clear the affair partner meant something to her, but she denies this and says the affair was a mistake and he meant and means nothing.

Isn’t this what cheaters normally say

OP posts:
Tamworth123 · 11/03/2022 21:07

@Sofacouchboredom

‘As for the term "surviving infidelity" .. mKes me smh; you shouldn't have to "survive" anything someone who is supposed to care about you did to you.’

Surviving infidelity is a website dedicated to getting through the pain. It doesn’t refer to reconciliation OR separation and divorce.

In general terms, not the website, it is often used to refer to couples reconciling.
Sofacouchboredom · 11/03/2022 21:08

I’ve NEVER seen it used like that and I’m on several reconciliation boards and forums.

Tamworth123 · 11/03/2022 21:13

@Sofacouchboredom

I’ve NEVER seen it used like that and I’m on several reconciliation boards and forums.
It's cool that you're the infallible world authority on infidelity terms, meanwhile back to the thread ...
samyeagar · 11/03/2022 21:14

When my ex-wife cheated on me, there was no other course for me but to divorce. I know myself, and know that there was literally nothing she could say or do, no matter how repentant, that she could do to rebuild the trust. The only fair and kind thing to either one of us was to end things.

Plus moving on and establishing trust with a new partner with a clear slate would be easier and less painful than trying to rebuild things with my ex-wife. And frankly, she was not worth the effort.

Sofacouchboredom · 11/03/2022 21:14

As someone who HAS reconciled and is tired of the worn out tripe on here shaming women l who do, yep I’d consider myself as having more knowledge than you.

ErniesGhostlyGoldtops · 11/03/2022 21:17

How about setting a time limit of say nine months or a year. In that time change your approach to that of accepting she had the affair and that you may have been a tiny bit to blame (as you stated, just in different words) and decide to forgive. In the background your personal clock is ticking. Try hard to forgive her, believe her and try to get back to what you had before instead of asking questions and reacting to your inner turmoil. Fake it till you make it sort of thing.

When the clock goes 'ding' decide at that point if you want the marriage to continue or to separate but in the meantime take the pressure off yourself and her. You can't change what happened and you can't control her thoughts and feelings but you can change how you are reacting so do so just to see if the result is more palatable to you. You might find that if you aren't displaying the hurt so much, she might tell you more.

The fact that you are still there shows you want to forgive and move on. Only you can do that. She cannot or will not help you more than she has already it would appear so the ball is in your court.

ErniesGhostlyGoldtops · 11/03/2022 21:21

Sometimes people do things just to 'feel'. Sometimes the AP could be anyone. It's not personal. I have had superficial relationships like that. I just wanted something different in my life for a while. There was no feelings as such. Not all affairs and are 'love jobs'. Some are merely a distraction and these can genuinely be a mistake.

Sadlytrue1234 · 11/03/2022 21:26

@Sofacouchboredom how did you go through the process of forgiving him?

Im also in the same situation and cant look at him without thinking what he has done!

Unsure33 · 11/03/2022 21:29

@Aquamarine1029

What's your real motivation for badgering your wife with questions every day? Is it really for "answers" or is it a way to keep punishing her? I don't think you're being honest with yourself at all.
I agree with this . I do believe it is possible to feel for two people at once . And yes she could come away now with no feelings . And yes some people can make the marriages work .

But if she genuinely is telling you the truth and trying her best and you do want to heal you will have to try and meet her halfway some how.

I am not sure how having every singe detail of the affair will help you . Only you know if you want to carry on . We don’t know how you will feel in 2 or 3 years time . It could go either way and if you feel you can’t get over this then she is going to leave anyway .

Unsure33 · 11/03/2022 21:35

Every affair probably is different to some extent .

Sometimes it is a cry for help. A person may feel unloved and ignored craving for attention and someone to care . I am by no means saying it is an excuse . But if those problems are resolved then with a huge amount of pain the relationship could be reconciled.

In other cases it is pure selfish attraction and the thrill of the chase and ego boost . And probably quite rightly there is no coming back from that.

As with many problems there is no black and white solution.

Mydogmylife · 11/03/2022 21:49

@Aquamarine1029

What's your real motivation for badgering your wife with questions every day? Is it really for "answers" or is it a way to keep punishing her? I don't think you're being honest with yourself at all.
Agreed - this seems like punishment, not an attempt to move on
Tamworth123 · 11/03/2022 21:50

@Sofacouchboredom

I’ve NEVER seen it used like that and I’m on several reconciliation boards and forums.
Even if truly never is; you still shouldn't have to "survive" anything someone who's supposed to care about you, had done to you! With them.or not with them Get it??!!
Sofacouchboredom · 11/03/2022 21:58

@Tamworth123 I really don’t care what you believe about reconciliation. As I’ve said I’m tired of people being shamed on here for wanting to reconcile and hold their marriages and families together with cheats who want to do that too.

I don’t believe it’s for everyone BUT there is plenty of support and help out there for those that want to reduce their risks if choosing to reconcile. I’ll continue to direct them there, as I’m sure you’ll continue to believe it’s impossible and talk of sunken cost fallacy.

Sofacouchboredom · 11/03/2022 22:02

[quote Sadlytrue1234]@Sofacouchboredom how did you go through the process of forgiving him?

Im also in the same situation and cant look at him without thinking what he has done![/quote]
I’ll PM you. I’ve already derailed this thread enough Smile

Bjarnum · 11/03/2022 22:14

Can you really live with this? Can you really get past the betrayal? Be honest, and if the answer is ,"no" then leave.

AcrossthePond55 · 11/03/2022 22:38

Here's the way I see it. She broke your trust. And trust broken is never fully mended.

It's like a broken plate. You can glue it back together again, but there will still be a visible crack where it was mended. A mended plate is still a plate that was broken. It will never be 'whole' again. And every time you use that plate you will see that little crack and know that it is still 'technically' a broken plate.

What you have to do is decide if you want to live with that broken plate (stay in your marriage). If you do, you have to stop asking questions and stop voicing suspicions. That's like picking at the glue of that mended plate. Keep doing that and it will soon come apart, just like your marriage will come apart if you keep questioning and accusing. You'll have to learn to shove your doubts and emotions deep down inside, never speak them, and just get on with things. Helluva price to pay for someone else's mistake, isn't it? But that's the way with cheating. The cheater gets to carry on with their life as it was, and the cheated-on has to live with the misery of unanswered questions and unspoken emotions.

Not something I'd EVER do. EVER. That's why it's a deal breaker for me.

Tamworth123 · 11/03/2022 22:42

I really don’t care what you believe about reconciliation.

Ditto.

Obviously.

Tamworth123 · 11/03/2022 22:45

Agreed - this seems like punishment, not an attempt to move on

I'd disagree.

The betrayed party seeks to get the while picture, in order to know what they're forgiving, in order to try to forgive.

(But they're trickle truth-ed, lied to directly, lied to by omission etc and may never get it.)

Its not necessarily trying to punish the cheater.

Tamworth123 · 11/03/2022 22:47

*whole picture

They are also desperately trying to understand their partner's motivation and thinking while cheating, to try to forgive/get over it.

Again, not punishment.

Onthedunes · 12/03/2022 00:00

I agree all affairs are unique, that is why infedelity forums can be useful to some and useless to others, who want to overcome betrayal.

In your situation op I can see why this has been so hard for you.
You say the om was in your social circle, that's hard because you must feel humiliated, especially as it could become gossip.

For women when they have affairs it brings into the equasion a man's virility, your wife placed you in a possition whereby society thinks one man should defend his honour against another.
These are feelings of inadequasy, not just in your marriage but to the outside world.

Unfair, but we women also have our outside appearances to keep up when we have been betrayed, (think not pretty, slim, young enough etc.)

Anyway there is so much for you to overcome, it will take a long time and will depend very much for you how your wife can re build your confidence. This confidence is wrapped up in the fact you don't believe her, not just about the details of the affair but about how she truly feels about you, you don't believe she cares, loves or finds you attractive anymore, this is the hurdle.

Unfortunately many people who have been betrayed, never regain their confidence and that is scary, you just don't know the future and how you will heal. Like @AccrossthePond states the healing is all on the betrayed.
The broken plate analagy is right but I would liken it to being shot in the foot by your partner more, you are there living with the person who shot you, they watch your pain and then try to tell you they didn't mean it.

They watch you hobble arround in pain and either look on with anger if you complain, or pity you if they are the type to try to help you overcome it.
That pity can be as painful as the dismisal and minimising some cheaters dole out and no one wants to be pitied especially by the person who wounded them.

Some victims overcome the pain with retribution, some take the hit and masochistically hobble on and others leave, which one is up to you.

After a year, you are still not there with your decision, maybe you never will be, you are frightened that you will be in this limbo forever, your wife did this and there are no real answers, I'm just sorry for you as you sound quite a reflective man.

The irony of it is, when couples split when one partner cannot overcome the betrayal, it quite often is the cheater who moves on much more easily, emotionally anyway.

Leading me to think, were the betrayed ever really loved in the way they should have been from the start.

They say we all have our lobster, maybe your lobster was not right, maybe you need someone with more integrity, a better moral compass, more empathy a better connection, all things which many people value but many others don't.
It's not weak to expect to be united with someone with similar values, you just have to get to the point where you start valuing yourself again op.

Hopefully that decision will become easier when your confidence returns, I hope it does because you sound lovely.

twilightcustard · 12/03/2022 01:02

this is an impossible situation, you can’t understand a. why she risked so much if she didn’t really care more about him than you and you want her to admit she has feelings OR b. she risked so much for so little momentary gain. Both don’t work. I think @LollyLol post is quite precise .

She spurted it our in anger to you, she wanted to hurt you, that doesn’t just disappear, she’s on the backfoot now but where has that anger been dispersed? Someone else will not do that to you. You will miss the person who is kind and loves you if you hang on to this sham. It is the total lack of respect in all affairs that is the problem no matter the initiation point. You don’t need her anymore. You don’t get to move on from this, her loving texts are just checkins to make sure you are on the page she wants you to be on. If she really loved you, she could not have done it and love really doesn’t regrow in all honesty.

Butterfly44 · 12/03/2022 02:41

You need counselling both as an individual and as a couple.

If it was 2 months, and I read that right, that's no time for anything that deep, and it was likely an attention seeking fling. So she could absolutely mean that it meant nothing to her. Only you know her character. People don't stay the same or feel the same from day one of marriage to 10, 20, 30 years later. You should do the counselling and go from there to see if it's something you can move on from or not.

blairbach · 12/03/2022 02:56

To be honest without any exception every marriage I know of where there's been an affair ended at d-day regardless of whether they left then or they tried and tried and tried. It isn't something I think you can recover from and the marriage you thought you had ends that day. My sister promised the world to her ex husband after her affair, they tried therapy, they planned to renew their vows and focus on them again. She cheated again. Same guy. My mum stuck by my dad and he did it again too, many many times. One of my friends husbands cheated on her and on d-day he did nothing but apologise and try and win her back over for months. He managed to in the end, and once he'd gotten her back per se he lost all interest in her again and left her for the other woman within a year. Once a cheat always a cheat really, is my honest opinion. I've seen too many shitty situations that if it happened to me I'm off. I'm not wasting my life on someone who doesn't respect me.

Yellowshirt · 12/03/2022 03:04

I tried for four years to save my marriage after my now Ex wife's affair. It was a waste of time. Continuous lies and she didn't give a crap about the hurt she was causing to me and my daughter.

Switch on and start divorce proceedings .

PiperPosey · 12/03/2022 03:41

[quote barclay20q]@GeneLovesJezebel

I see what you mean, but this is my life and my family. We have been together many, many years. I always said I wouldn't stand for cheating, but now I'm here its not that easy to walk away.

Just because she didn't honour her vows, doesn't mean I wont.[/quote]
I am so sorry this has happened.
Tell her you need to know the facts ( not intimate ones..like did you give him a BJ) type thing..

But where did they meet...how many times. Why? etc.
I forgave my husband's affair ( my ex but not because he cheated) but only after he answered each question. And I was satisfied.

If she says, " God that happened a year ago.." Say you are the one that drove this fuckin marriage into the ditch. You are not making sense. What were you doing at the bowling alley with your car next to his!

Dr. Phil says that they answer questions UNTIL and only you can tell when the until is.

Mine lied of course, but did not make sense. He got a DUI in a state away from where we live. What was he doing in MIchigan?

" Uh I got lost..."" found out that is where his mistress lived.

I know you are hurting... If both of you can get through it..maybe with couples therapy ... you will make it. The triggers will come trust me. And when they do tell her why you are angry...upset...hurt.

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