Help. Dp just fought me

[Givemelemons]

Just posted a thread about breaking up with my partner. He agreed I could sleep in the bed whilst he slept downstairs until I move out with our baby. Came upstairs he refused to leave and told me to sleep downstairs. I have a bad back and this got my back up as why we broke up is because he says things then just doesnt follow through with it.

I said fine I will pack a small bag go to my parents for the night then come back in the morning. I went to turn the light on and he turned it off like some kid. After some back and forthing of this he grabbed my hand multiple times really hard so i went to turn our side light on. He then proceeded to grab my legs (switch is on the floor) and dug in really bad. It still hurts. He got the quilt and pillows and anything he could and whacked me with it and it burns. He took the light bulbs out of the socket so I cant use it. All the meanwhile his dad stood outside our door listening and done and said nothing other than keep it down.

Does this count as physical abuse? He has pushed me as well and his parents talked it down to be nothing and so has he. He was angry at the time and blamed me for it

@onanotherday

OP💐 You need to leave and report to police. But if you feel you can't tonight and feel safe until the morning then go then. But please don't hesitate to.call police if he wakes up. Do you have much freedom? Can you take baby in the car "shopping" and leave in the morning? You need to contact womans aid and local council to help.

I agree totally with this. If you feel that you are not in danger tonight. I would leave in the morning.

@onanotherday is that a better option? Leaving in the morning? My sister suggested acting like i was going for shopping as well then never coming back. Im afraid i will get stuck though if i stay.

I would really like my own headspace right now and a hotel is nice as i wont impede on family and wont have anyone to judge my actions

You can indeed do it :)
It always takes courage to take that first step.

You can do this. Maybe you can't do it for yourself. But you can do it for your baby. There is no limit to what a mother can do to protect their baby. Do you want your child to grow up in a house where they see their mother assaulted? Witnessing domestic violence is traumatic for children. You can do this, you can get your child out of there, and into a healthier space.

You have the courage in you already, you know things are wrong and that you must get your baby out. That is already courage, you just need a little more to get you through the door. There are so many people here behind you with so much advice, you must just get out.

Should i leave now or in the morning im confused now.

Partner is asleep

I feel on edge but just tired

Well I would stay where you are for tonight if you feel safe. Go first thing.

I guess they wont kill me in my sleep but i definitely dont feel comfortable there. In the morning they will all try to talk me around but that is unavoidable either way i need to go back for my stuff and cat

[quote Givemelemons]@onanotherday is that a better option? Leaving in the morning? My sister suggested acting like i was going for shopping as well then never coming back. Im afraid i will get stuck though if i stay.

I would really like my own headspace right now and a hotel is nice as i wont impede on family and wont have anyone to judge my actions[/quote]
It's ultimately your call.

The risk with the morning is that he'll be all smarmy and apologetic ''I'll never hurt you or frighten you again''..
And for the sake of peace and ''Familiarity'' you'll choose to stay, as the unknown is scary as hell.

But..Being with an abusive man and his family sounds far scarier.

Also i dont know i feel like staying is saying yes its okay to be like this to me i'll accept it to both the parents and my partner

[quote Givemelemons]@TherapistInATabard yes he pushed me and i posted about it. His family down played it my partner would said he would get counselling it all got swept under the rug and that was that. They wouldnt let me leave not that they were physically stopping me but the mum started crying and following me around the house. I went to my car to leave and she stood in the door way and said womans aid would laugh at me and i can never take my daughter from my partner. She said it like a threat.[/quote]
I thought so. I’m so sorry things haven’t improved and that your family are still being unsupportive. I think you should contact Womens Aid or a family crisis centre local to you. Your family will convince you to go back to him and you and your child need to get away from him!

Im really worried how the morning will play out if i stay. I will be all alone. I dont know what to do now.

To stay or go

OP, I have been in a similar position with an abusive ex. I stayed when we argued at night and said I would leave in the morning/kick him out, but when morning came he’d talk me round and I’d forget about how bad things could be. My advice would be to leave whilst you have the courage to do so - agree with pp, this will escalate and you have a baby to think of too. If you feel you can leave now, please do.

How old are you op? If you feel safe tonight I would say your going shopping in the morning or something and just leave. I was in am subside relationship when I was younger it started off with little pushes and ended really badly. Please leave with your baby tomorrow xx

Ring the police and stay on the phone whilst you are leaving - it will help to give you courage and is so much better for your safety

If your family can't be supportive, you might be better going to a woman's shelter with your daughter where they can get you involved with the services you need to get out on your own. They can also help you not go back to him.

Will you be at home alone at all tomorrow? So you can pack up your and baby's things and leave without needing to get past the others.

@SpittinKitten

If you call the police they will help you leave safely.

100% this. Do not, I repeat do not, leave it til the morning. You are already making excuses not to leave this situation. Absolutely take your baby. Do you want to be leaving on a stretcher next time? You'll be no use to your baby when that happens!! This is an emergency, just leave!! The police will go with you to recover your belongings tomorrow. And stop listening to your dsis. She needs to shut the f up. Contact women's aid in the morning, the police will advise you to do this too. Good luck. DO IT.

No hotels have availability for tonight! What do i do

Perhaps you can share which general area you are in and someone may be able to suggest a local place to try. There’s no way everything is booked up on a random Thursday night.

Im in southeast surrey. I have tried all the ones im willing to drive to as im so tired and considering baby as well

I may have delete this thread as its very outing but will make one in the morning

I'm presuming you live with his parents, so I would think if you call the police and explain, they will take you and baby to a safe home.

Please don't put up with that shit from anyone.

Jesus - if you have time to post on Mumsnet, you have time to call the police.
Just call them and ask for someone to come and pick you up ASAP. They will be able to help with finding accommodation tonight and making sure that you have time to pack and take your stuff with you.

Sorry that you have experienced this tonight. Is there a Women’s refuge near you? There will be someone there as staff are there on night shifts too.
You must take your baby if you go as Social Services would take a dim view if you left the baby there. If someone is angry they don’t always have the patience with you or your baby. I have seen a child hurt before from a violent partner. Taking the light bulbs out is petty and unsafe. If you feel unsafe and worried then go tonight if you can.The Police are trained in domestic Violence now and he would be told to stand aside. They would also help you find somewhere safe to stay.

A few decades ago, I had an abusive partner. I left, with a couple of suitcases and my ds. (Not his DC). I left my house, furniture, clothing, stuff, left it all. That is the price I paid for freedom, and I do not regret it, ever.

All you need are your identification and birth certificates, any medications you need, and a bag of baby supplies. You can get more stuff. Stuff is not important. Good luck.

Is there no one you could stay with in the area? Family or friends? If not, have you tried actually ringing the hotels as they might not be bookable online but may be over the phone? Failing that, if you contact the police or womens aid I’m sure they could help in finding you somewhere to stay (I don’t know the logistics of this so could be wrong). If you must stay tonight, please remember this feeling, what he has done to you and your courage and willingness to leave, and get yourself and your baby out in the morning.