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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Help. Dp just fought me

305 replies

Givemelemons · 10/03/2022 23:48

Just posted a thread about breaking up with my partner. He agreed I could sleep in the bed whilst he slept downstairs until I move out with our baby. Came upstairs he refused to leave and told me to sleep downstairs. I have a bad back and this got my back up as why we broke up is because he says things then just doesnt follow through with it.

I said fine I will pack a small bag go to my parents for the night then come back in the morning. I went to turn the light on and he turned it off like some kid. After some back and forthing of this he grabbed my hand multiple times really hard so i went to turn our side light on. He then proceeded to grab my legs (switch is on the floor) and dug in really bad. It still hurts. He got the quilt and pillows and anything he could and whacked me with it and it burns. He took the light bulbs out of the socket so I cant use it. All the meanwhile his dad stood outside our door listening and done and said nothing other than keep it down.

Does this count as physical abuse? He has pushed me as well and his parents talked it down to be nothing and so has he. He was angry at the time and blamed me for it

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 12/03/2022 00:43

@Givemelemons

My sister saids it too cold and late. I cant drag my child out. Maybe she is right. Should i just go to sleep and leave in the morning.
Everyone on here is telling you to phone the police and leave him

Listen to them, not your family. They are minimising and they're wrong

Nanny0gg · 12/03/2022 00:46

Sorry. Cross post

Well done. You're being very brave and you've done the right thing for you and your baby.

Good luck Flowers

Graphista · 12/03/2022 01:16

So glad you're out op!

Ive reached out to womans aid before I cant do it again and then nothing comes of it. They took my details so it wouldnt look good for me.

Do you mean you think womens aid would think less of you for going to them more than once?

They won't! That isn't how it works. There's a stat I can't find a link to just now but apparently it takes women an average of 8 attempts to leave a dv situation?

Mainly they end up going back for economic reasons

Womens aid are well aware of this! They WILL help you. Better to get their help and not go back than not seek their help due to a mistaken belief you have and end up pulled back in.

Billybagpuss · 12/03/2022 07:12

Hope you’re ok @Givemelemons and didn’t go back last night

BertieBotts · 12/03/2022 07:42

But if you did, you can still talk to us. Flowers

Redsquirrel5 · 12/03/2022 07:57

So pleased you have left. I agree don’t meet him. Go to the police and have it recorded for you and your child’s sake. They will also be present if you want to remove your belongings. I would get your cat soon in case he does something to it. Cat Protection and some other charities will find foster care for it until you can have it with you. I know this has happened as during the floods here they took the animals and fostered them. I know some who used to do it and also in cases like yours so contact them.
I agree about Women’s refuge you can return for help many times. You have this opportunity now for you and your child please take it. I have seen how it damages children to live in homes where there is domestic violence. They are taught to keep quiet but it eats away at them for years. I have worked with children like this don’t let your child become another. If you go to the police and have your bruises etc recorded they will help protect your child. Stay strong!

Original poster
Givemelemons · 12/03/2022 11:55

I went back..
It was the biggest mistake. He refuses to accept he was abusive and keeps calling my a physco for wanting to involve the police. He said I am being overly dramatic for nothing and because I hit him that I am just as absuive. I hit him because he was holding onto my leg and wouldnt let go. I told him if he tried to report it it would be abuse. He said of course if i told the police he "pinched" me they would classify it as abuse. Well yes because its not natural to lay your hands on anyone. He then said i scratched him. Utter lies. I told him thats the first you mentioned this very convinent show me the scratch marks if i made your arm "sting". He dropped it quickly. Pathetic. Yesterday he was so apologetic today he is being vindictive because i called him abusive.

I can see the mainpulation all over him clear as day. Im packing our bags properly this time.

OP posts:
Jannt86 · 12/03/2022 12:04

OP whether either or both of you are abusive or not do you really want this as a relationship? Do you really want your daughter having this as her main inspiration about what a romantic relationship is like and what it means to be a woman? People can be basically good people at the core but just suck as a couple. However you look at this is really doesn't sound like a functional relationship. Get out. No hard feelings. Advocate for your baby and show her how to be a strong, independent woman. You can do this! Xx

LIZS · 12/03/2022 12:18

Please report it this time and seek support. It will safeguard you and dc in future. Where is dc?

Original poster
Givemelemons · 12/03/2022 12:27

I just really wish someone could hold my hand out the door.

Im not strong enough to do this and I know unless he ends it I wont leave I cant.

Im so scared and weak

OP posts:
Original poster
Givemelemons · 12/03/2022 12:27

I will be truley and utterly alone

OP posts:
Billybagpuss · 12/03/2022 12:34

We are here holding your hand. How is the packing going? Whoever is at fault with what happened (him) you need out of this. You have your family, they may not be completely supportive but they are more supportive and safer than being where you are. When you are away from this environment you can also start to build up your own life. Start with some toddler groups to meet new people.

But first you have to leave. Yesterday was not the first time he was violent, but it was worse than the time before and each time it will get a bit worse. You also mentioned drink and drug problems which if they resurface will be a toxic mix. You can not have your dd around this

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/03/2022 12:45

You will get through this and yes, we are holding your hand. There will be people to help you get back on your feet. Good luck with the packing. If he or anyone in the family try to stop you, please call 999.

babysleephelp · 12/03/2022 12:47

We are here op. You can do it. The first day of the rest of your life

charmingthebirds · 12/03/2022 12:57

Givemelemons - I have injured my leg and for the first time in my life have to depend on others.

I can't believe the number of people who have said I can call on them for whatever I need.

Willing help is out there - like me, you just need to bring yourself to ask for it.

Sprucewillis · 12/03/2022 12:57

Keep going one step at a time OP. You are doing great. You are your own superhero. It is the hardest thing to do but it will be so worth it. The pain doesn't last and you have a bright future ahead of you Thanks

Lampface · 12/03/2022 13:27

We're right here OP. You can do this. Flowers

LIZS · 12/03/2022 13:35

When you are next out with the baby, take essential paperwork, go to your hv, gp or a chemist where you can Ask for Ani. It might help to report that you are in a dv situation and let others take over the practicalities. Iirc you have a car so could store essentials in there.

octoberfarm · 12/03/2022 16:33

I will hold your hand, OP. We're right there with you walking out the door. This will not get better if you stay. It can't. You need to do this for yourself and your little one. You both deserve a life, and a happy one. I believe in you. You can do this,

AcrossthePond55 · 12/03/2022 16:42

@Givemelemons

I will be truley and utterly alone
And in peace and an absence of fear. In an atmosphere where you can grow and flourish. Where you aren't being torn down, abused, and being made to think you are 'wrong'.

I'd much rather be 'alone' in peace than living with someone in turmoil and fear.

RobertsRadio · 12/03/2022 17:06

You won't be truly and utterly alone, you will have your lovely baby with you. You will have the support of WA when you contact them again. You will have the support of wise women on here, a lot of whom have been in your shoes. I also think if you reach out to friends you will find some of them will be supportive and maybe your sister?

And being alone, but being safe and relaxed and not worrying about your DP being abusive and gaslighting you is so, so much better than being a prisoner in someone else's home. Be brave, and take that first step to freedom and safety.

catfunk · 12/03/2022 17:12

@Givemelemons

I will be truley and utterly alone
You'll be alone and free to have a happy life with your child rather than lonely and trapped
BertieBotts · 12/03/2022 17:13

I am so glad you are better able to see it now lovely. It makes such a huge difference. You are stronger than you know and you will get through this.

IrishKatie1971 · 12/03/2022 17:27

Please call Womens Aid asap. They may be able to provide you with a place in a shelter immediately.

LovePoppy · 12/03/2022 20:58

You can leave. Please leave

Being alone is better than this. Honest