Help. Dp just fought me

[Givemelemons]

Just posted a thread about breaking up with my partner. He agreed I could sleep in the bed whilst he slept downstairs until I move out with our baby. Came upstairs he refused to leave and told me to sleep downstairs. I have a bad back and this got my back up as why we broke up is because he says things then just doesnt follow through with it.

I said fine I will pack a small bag go to my parents for the night then come back in the morning. I went to turn the light on and he turned it off like some kid. After some back and forthing of this he grabbed my hand multiple times really hard so i went to turn our side light on. He then proceeded to grab my legs (switch is on the floor) and dug in really bad. It still hurts. He got the quilt and pillows and anything he could and whacked me with it and it burns. He took the light bulbs out of the socket so I cant use it. All the meanwhile his dad stood outside our door listening and done and said nothing other than keep it down.

Does this count as physical abuse? He has pushed me as well and his parents talked it down to be nothing and so has he. He was angry at the time and blamed me for it

Op, if I were you and you feel safe, I would get some some sleep and pack up tomorrow. Book a hotel for tomorrow night. Don’t tell him what you are doing until you’ve done it.

My sister in law worked in the police- trust me they will be very used to this kind of call and they will absolutely believe you and support you and help to ensure your calm departure from the house with whatever you need. They can help you find a safe place to stay tonight.

Freephone 24-Hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 2000 247. They will be able to advise you.

I think you need to leave tonight - you know that. You are not safe in that house and neither is baby.

@electricdreaming yes ive called every hotel near me. For some reason every recepitionist seems taken back when i ask for a room tonight.

I went on womand aid website but its chat closes at 6pm. How do i contact them now

Id be alot more comfortable talking to them then the police right now

Don't say you are leaving in the morning, say you're going to a baby group or something - drs appt, shopping, to see family - whatever.

No need to confront them, just make an excuse and go. You can ask someone to go round later and collect essentials.

Do you know any of your neighbours at all well? Other option is to drive to nearest hospital for warmth and safety while you work out next move...

You can then keep chatting on here for support until you have a situation set up - you could take cab/uber to hospital if you can't safely get keys...

As i cant get a booking and getting increasingly tired im going to go to bed and take others advice and leave in the morning . Thanks everyone for your help

Really bummed out the hotel didnt work all i want is to be out of this nightmarish situation and have some breathing space

In honesty i dont want to go to my mums/sisters because they always dont get the extremity of it and roll their eyes. We have aruged so many times im like the boy who cried wolf. Id love to be alone for a night with my dc to process it all and how im feeling. I could possibly book a hotel room and check in at 1 tomorrow and go there?

Im going to request for this to be deletef but as i said will update in the morning

I really hope i can do this

I really do

@sw33tchilli

Freephone 24-Hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 2000 247. They will be able to advise you.

I think you need to leave tonight - you know that. You are not safe in that house and neither is baby.

Please give them a ring OP - if you don’t feel safe enough to have a phone call, I think you can text 999 or 18000 (I know you said you didn’t want to call the police and would rather speak to woman’s aid but please consider it). I know it’s late and it’s scary and it’s much easier to go to bed and hope this won’t happen again, but in reality it will - violent people don’t change, and the best time to get out is now, when you’ve got the courage to go you need to seize it. I have been where you are and it just gets worse, you need to leave. Please get you and your baby to safety - call the police or the domestic abuse hotline for advice, drive to a police station or hospital if you need to, anywhere public and safe, they will help you.

Other option: a3-online.co.uk/hotels-and-b-and-bs

Before you admit defeat - please try the emergency hotel/b&b number via the link: a3-online.co.uk/hotels-and-b-and-bs - the tel number is open 24hrs a day.

@Christoncrutches thank you for the link. are they for domestic events as well?

If you can’t leave tonight, book a hotel for tomorrow night now. This will give you more of a reason to leave and you’re less likely to make excuses to yourself to stay and less likely to be talked around by him. Pack a bag and get everything in order before you go to sleep, that way in the morning you can get your baby and leave. I would still urge you to contact the police or the domestic abuse hotline tonight, but I know how exhausted you must be - the most important thing is you feel safe. Please get out tomorrow OP, you can do this and you will. Think how you would feel if it was your sister or daughter in this situation, what you would want for them, and do it for yourself. I know it’s hard but you must get out of this situation, for you and your baby’s sake. I know what it’s like to grow up exposed to violence and normalise it in future relationships - it’s NOT normal and you shouldn’t stand for it.

I hope you muster the strength to leave OP. This will only get worse over time. Think of your child.

You don't need anyone to rescue you. You can do it for yourself and your baby. Please don't leave her there. It will be stated that you abandoned her if you do. You can take her to a refuge. The police will help you get out with what you need. Your DD will be better off out of a situation like that. You don't want to repeat the cycle you grew up with.

Pack your is documents, car docs etc. pack clothes for you and DD. Pack a couple of small toys and personal items. You can start again if you are serious about getting out. You could sit tight until the morning and gather your things then. Will the parents and partner be going out to work? Leaving is the most dangerous time so doing is safely is the most important thing right now. There is lots of advice on Womens aid website. Take photos of your injuries. Good luck OP

Stay until the morning if you feel safe to do so. But try and make some sort of plan, as to where you can go to after leaving. But you really need to find your voice, and stand up to your inlaws, and tell them that you cannot stay in this kind of set up anymore.. Ignore what their version of things are. But do not ever leave your baby with them at all.

Book for the morning if that's all there is. In the morning just don't talk to them at all. Your baby needs her mum more than she needs an unbroken night of sleep or not to briefly be in the cold. You are the most important thing in her world. Look after yourself OP.

The flipping liberties! Just came back to bed after going in my car to call hotels and partner is back in bed gave me a half arsed im sorry and then said he couldnt sleep downstairs

[quote Givemelemons]@Christoncrutches thank you for the link. are they for domestic events as well?[/quote]
Yes, i think so…

@Givemelemons

The flipping liberties! Just came back to bed after going in my car to call hotels and partner is back in bed gave me a half arsed im sorry and then said he couldnt sleep downstairs

With him in bed, is it easier to get out?

[quote Givemelemons]@WhenPushComesToShove i really cant ring the police on him. All my family will even agree that its an over reaction[/quote]
That's because your mum was/is in an abusive relationship with your dad. That's why your sister is underplaying this - because domestic violence has become normalised in your family.
Don't let it become normalised in your child's family!

Actually @Givemelemons I’m not sure about the domestic angle of the emergency hotel link…. Might not be appropriate. There will be a womens shelter though. Or try just turning up to a hotel?

@Givemelemons

The flipping liberties! Just came back to bed after going in my car to call hotels and partner is back in bed gave me a half arsed im sorry and then said he couldnt sleep downstairs

He clearly doesn't view you as having any relevance. You need to go.

Even if it is further than you want to drive

I got him to get out. Again. Going to try and get some sleep. I've packed some baby bits , just need certificate and some calpol. What else will i need?

I will go to a hotel tomorrow but i cant really afford anything after that. I have no clue where im going after that and im dreading it. I just want my own space to greive and heal for me and dbaby.

I am so unbelievably heartbroken but i just cant even look at him let alone be in the same room.

His half arsed apology was

"Sorry i lost my temper" and he only said sorry because i told him to apologise! He just wanted to sleep in the bed so would of said anything at that point if it meant making me happy with us sharing it again