Help. Dp just fought me

[Givemelemons]

Just posted a thread about breaking up with my partner. He agreed I could sleep in the bed whilst he slept downstairs until I move out with our baby. Came upstairs he refused to leave and told me to sleep downstairs. I have a bad back and this got my back up as why we broke up is because he says things then just doesnt follow through with it.

I said fine I will pack a small bag go to my parents for the night then come back in the morning. I went to turn the light on and he turned it off like some kid. After some back and forthing of this he grabbed my hand multiple times really hard so i went to turn our side light on. He then proceeded to grab my legs (switch is on the floor) and dug in really bad. It still hurts. He got the quilt and pillows and anything he could and whacked me with it and it burns. He took the light bulbs out of the socket so I cant use it. All the meanwhile his dad stood outside our door listening and done and said nothing other than keep it down.

Does this count as physical abuse? He has pushed me as well and his parents talked it down to be nothing and so has he. He was angry at the time and blamed me for it

can you present yourself at the council as homeless for help No. Not unless not on a tenancy or mortgage.

Again Women's Aid will help with this.

When I left exh we spent our first night in a Travelodge, ds even took his hamster in for the nigh t. The police who came after ds rang 999 as exh was trying to set fire to the kitchen helped me load the car & one carried ds Hamster & cage to the car. I can laugh about it 12 years later. Get yourself sorted, now he has come upstairs, go back down & make a drink, get your car keys somewhere safe, make sure you have cash, cards, driving licence, passports etc, baby's red book, any medication in a bag & then tomorrow leave, he won't change, any problems ring the police, don't forget phone chargers either. The police could force him to leave if you report the assault & as part of bail conditions ban him from coming home or contacting you. Monday, get a solicitor to get the ball rolling to get him out of your life for good.

Tomorrow, ring your mobile provider & change your number, that way he can't contact you, if you have used a laptop, clear the browsing data so he can't find the hotel you are going to.

www.nhs.uk/live-well/healthy-body/getting-help-for-domestic-violence/

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/gender-violence/domestic-violence-and-abuse-getting-help/

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/gender-violence/domestic-violence-and-abuse/

www.womensaid.org.uk/the-survivors-handbook/making-a-safety-plan/

england.shelter.org.uk/housing_advice/homelessness/help_if_youre_homeless_domestic_abuse

www.gov.uk/guidance/domestic-abuse-how-to-get-help

www.womensaid.org.uk/the-survivors-handbook/housing-advice/

You worry about the wrong things

You just simply take the baby and you leave. Whenever that is. If it is in the middle of the night or tomorrow morning. And id you parents in laws don't let you out you call the police and keep them on the line whilst you are leaving.

And your family sounds useless lets be honest
You need to rely on yourself now. And do it for yourself and for your baby
Protect her. Only you can.

Morning today you wake up strong and you walk out of that door.

When the parents try to stop you say on more than one occasion they have sat by whilst things have escalated and downplayed his behaviour. You need a break and if they do not let you leave you will call the police. The police will help you if you are being trapped in the house and not being allowed to leave no matter what the cause is.

@carefullycourageous

can you present yourself at the council as homeless for help No. Not unless not on a tenancy or mortgage.

Again Women's Aid will help with this.

A friend of mine was in a tenancy agreement and got help from the council with rehoming. This happens to hundreds of women.

What a nightmare op
I hope you're ok.

Please make sure you do leave today. Can you pack things in a bag with a zip on it and whisk it out the door claiming it's a bag with a playmat in it as the baby group said to bring your own due to covid.or try and which it in the car while they are asleep or say it's a drop off for the people of Ukraine. I know it's not good to lie, but to protect yourself I think you should say any old thing to get him and his parents to back off.

Leave , op and get the police to help you to get the rest of your belongings and also contact womens aid to get into a refuge, after that the council can help you get your own place.

Please make sure you leave today. The earlier the better.

@PickAChew

Yes, it's abuse. He assaulted you. Please call the police and ask for assistance.

Hope you phoned the police

I appreciate this happened yesterday m, but I hope the OP has left. He’s physically and psychologically abusing you. He said your a psycho for taking your daughter... he’s a classic abuser. He’s conditioning you.
If you need to call the police discreetly dial 999, then press 555 and hang up. The police will come.
This system is used for domestic abuse.
Fuck what his awful family say, and frankly I’m surprised that anyone in your family would say leave the baby with him m.

Good morning OP. Just to say good luck for getting yourself and your daughter out of that house today. One way or another. Women's aid sounds like the best destination. All the best.

I agree with calling the police to get you and your baby out of there.
I believe you can text them on 999.

OP I hope you had some rest overnight. Please don’t lose the momentum to leave if you haven’t done so already. I know it will be hard to start but you won’t regret it. Feeling safe in your home is a very basic right xxx

@carefullycourageous

can you present yourself at the council as homeless for help No. Not unless not on a tenancy or mortgage.

Again Women's Aid will help with this.

Yes, you can approach the local authority. If anyone cannot remain in a property for fear of violence then you are homeless. You might be given advice on how to have the tenancy in your sole name, advice re restraining orders, or getting the mortgage transferred, BUT that isn't the immediate issue. The issue is finding a place of safety. I worked in housing for over 30 years: I never refused to assist if there was violence.

I think you need to take a step back and stop and think. What he has done is unacceptable and you don't have to live like this, but it feels too overwhelming to do anything.
Can you go for a walk with your baby and ring womans aid? They won't push you to make any decisions, but can support you in maybe making a plan and give you options. What you need is support and options.
I echo what everyone else says though. Do not leave your baby, if you do, you will have a fight on your hands to get your baby back. They will use that to suggest your partner is not violent because you left your baby with him.
It is not hopeless, you can do it, lots of us have and I promise it gets better.

Hope you had some sleep and you can leave him this morning. Ignore his parents and all their nonsense.

Goodness me. I'm GLAD you went to sleep. Your sister was right. You weren't in any immediate danger, or the baby. It wasn't a moment to be reacting and packing the baby up in the night.

What you actually needed to do was take a deep breath, shut the door and go to sleep, so you can sort things out today.

It's a horrible situation in the house - you're moving out but still there, and his parents are there.

His frustration and upset is coming out. He's trying to get petty control (like refusing to let you sleep in the bed).

It's a powder keg and you should move out when you can. What's your plan for moving out?

Hope you’re feeling better this morn op and able to get out

I'm not a specialist but if you haven't left I think it would be safer to pretend nothing is wrong this morning, wait for him to go to work or out and then quietly pack a bag for you and baby to leave. Don't raise his suspicions. The most dangerous part of an abusive relationship is leaving. He could hurt you even more if he realises what you're planning.

Get to a place where no one knows where you are. Hotels often have travel cots. Then call Women's Aid.

Do not, under any circumstances, leave your baby with him abusers often use children against their partners and I reckon he will stop you from seeing her.

Leave this vile creature and his equally vile parents as soon as you can. Tell them you're going and call the police to help you leave uf needed. The advice to leave baby there is insane. At the very least that gives them leverage and at some point you'll just have to fight again to get her back. Women's aid WOULD help you. This is just something they're telling you to manipulate you and continue the abuse. I'm sorry you have nobody truly advocating for you OP. You have to be strong and be the advocate for you and your baby instead xx

Here’s another resource - although intended for people in certain counties, the site has lots of helpful information. reducingtherisk.org.uk/

You need to stop caring what shitheads think.

Us 'you really need to do this, to keep yourself and your baby safe'.

You 'but some arseholes told me not to'.

Get away from these people. Stop listening to them. Learn to listen to yourself. Learn to respect yourself. Then find some better friends (and family figures).

Thing is when he is "happy" in our relarionship he is is fine. Everyone thinks he is lovely. The only thing is when i bring up issues and we argue . Then its my fault for even taking it there when we was doing "good". Apparently to him Im just a miserable person that never wants to be happy.

When we do argue though his face contorts into someone else and he loses hos rag completely. He is uncontrollable and then blames me for losing his crap.

Maybe it is my fault. Maybe his parents are right and I provoke that ugly side out of him. Maybe because all I know is shouting and upset im causing it

I feel so tired and low today. Its hard to muster any will to do anything this morning.

If i go to a hotel tonight how do i get lunch and dinner for dc with no fridge or cooking utensils. It would be a basic hotel so wouldnt provide these amenities.

Also what will happen when partner and his parents realise im not coming back. Can they report me to the police? This isnt going to go down well they will freak and assume the worst

You can do this. You can get out.